When Joker regained consciousness, he found himself in a dimly lit room, vast and cavernous, full of strange souvenirs of former battles and a mass of computer screens at one end of the room. He chuckled, his eyes alight. "I knew it!" he giggled. "I knew it! The Batcave! Aw, Bats, having me over to your house – I think our relationship is really maturing here!"

"Shut up," growled Batman, who was busy taking the blindfold off Harley. They were both chained to a railing at the far side of the cave, well away from the equipment. Batman washed and dressed Harley's wound, then stood up and said, "You won't want to escape – it's not safe for you out there. Stay here and don't touch anything. I'll be keeping my audio and video surveillance on. You shouldn't be able to get away, but I know you're always full of surprises."

"I like to keep things interesting, Bats," grinned Joker. "Spontaneity is the key to a lasting relationship, right, Harley girl?"

Harley didn't respond. Batman strode upstairs, leaving them alone in the Batcave. Joker looked around. "Geez, this place is huge. You think Batsy's compensating for something?" he laughed.

Harley still didn't respond. "Harley. Harley, baby," he purred, sliding closer to her. "You know I don't like being ignored. It's what got us into this mess in the first place, remember?"

"Got us into this mess?" she repeated, glaring at him. "You got yourself into this mess, Mr. J. You can get yourself out of it without my help."

"Aw, but baby, I want your help," he murmured. "I'm sorry for being mean to you earlier, but you know Daddy J gets cranky sometimes when things don't quite work out the way he wants them to. But it still worked out, didn't it, pooh? I got to see Batsy, and here we are in the Batcave! Nobody is ever allowed in here except the Dork Knight and the rest of his batty family! We're really lucky, pumpkin! It couldn't have turned out better if I'd planned it this way! Aren't you happy? C'mon, cupcake, give Daddy a little smile."

Harley looked at him for a moment, then turned away. "Aw, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin," he murmured. "My pretty little Harley baby. What can Daddy do to make things better? You want him to kiss your boo boo?" he murmured, bringing his mouth down to her wound. He began kissing it and licking it, and Harley shivered in delight.

"Oh, Mr. J," she whispered. "Oh, Mr. J!"

He pushed her back against the railing as he mauled her mouth and she returned it, reaching down to undo his belt. But her hands couldn't stretch that far. "We need to get out of these chains, baby," murmured Joker. "It's no fun with both of us tied up like this."

Harley grinned. "Rightaroonie, Mr. J," she said, slipping her hand underneath her hat and pulling out a hairpin. She bent it and slid it into the lock of her chains, twirling it around until she heard the click of the release mechanism. She stood up and unlocked his chains, then threw herself into his arms.

"Hey, don't rush it, baby," he said, pushing her gently off him. "I admit it's a real exciting thought, doing it in the Batcave, but we need to have a look around first and pick the perfect, most romantic spot. Y'know, someplace Bats uses a lot and will always remind him of us whenever he sees it. And I for one wanna take a look around. It's not every day you find yourself in Batman's inner sanctum."

"I want you in my inner sanctum right now, baby," whispered Harley, covering his face with kisses.

"In a second, pooh, I promise," he said, pushing her away again and patting her head. "Be a patient little girl and Daddy will make it worth the wait. Anyway, maybe there are some gadgets in here we can use."

Harley sighed in frustration and followed him as he strolled around the cave, whistling. "Aw, look, cupcake, he's got a giant Joker card!" he exclaimed, pointing. "Told you he cared!"

"What do you suppose is the story with the T-Rex?" asked Harley, looking at the giant model.

"A big muscly brute with a scary reputation and a tiny brain? Search me. Maybe he relates to it somehow!" laughed Joker. "Two of a kind, Batsy and Rexy! Both ancient dinosaurs, anyway. If only the former was extinct, as well as the latter!"

"The penny will be from Harvey," said Harley.

"Yeah. But I think my card's bigger," retorted Joker.

"Speaking of things that are big, we could do it on the card," murmured Harley, hopefully. "Could have a Joker at both ends. Could be kinda hot."

"Nah. He already thinks about me when he looks at that," said Joker. "It's gotta be something we can ruin for him. It's funnier my way, pumpkin, trust me. I'll let you know, don't worry."

"Ok," sighed Harley in disappointment.

Joker went over to the Batcomputer. "Hmm…username and password. Let's see…Im_Batman, password Jokerisawesome. Well, it was worth a shot. I wonder if it locks you out after three tries or something. Any guesses, pooh?"

Harley came over as he typed in The Dork Knight for his username and Robinsmells for the password. "It's gotta be something outdated and cliched," he continued. "You're good at those kinda jokes, kiddo. Whaddya think?"

"Try The Dark Knight and Justiceforall," she said.

"Harley, that's not even fun…" began Joker, typing it in.

"Welcome, Batman," said the computer, unlocking the screen. Joker stared at it and then laughed hysterically. "Oh, Batsy, you crack me up!" he chuckled, opening random files. "Oooh, some of this stuff could be useful for my next scheme, pooh bear. I'm sure Bats won't mind if we just borrow it," he murmured, pulling a thumb drive out of his pocket and plugging it in. As he transferred the files over, he began browsing over the personal files stored in the computer. "Ah, here we are, pooh!" he exclaimed. "Harley Quinn, aka Dr. Harleen Quinzel, eyes: blue, hair: blonde, blah, blah, blah…"

"I told him I wasn't a natural blonde," muttered Harley.

"An Arkham Asylum psychiatrist assigned to treat the Joker, Dr. Harleen Quinzel instead became obsessively fixated on her patient, believing herself to be in love with him. She helped him escape confinement and took on her own criminal identity as Harley Quinn," read Joker.

"Believing herself to be in love with him?" repeated Harley. "Gee, thanks a lot, Bat-jerk! He makes me sound like a total idiot! Change that to 'Harleen Quinzel fell madly in love with her precious puddin', who she'll always love forever and ever."

"Whom she'll always love forever and ever," corrected Joker, typing it in. "Quinn is a violent and unpredictable felon whose only motivation, beyond general mayhem, is achieving the Joker's approval," he continued reading. "Because of his cruel and mercurial nature, this in some ways makes her just another of his victims - albeit a very dangerous one."

"Jesus Christ, puddin', it's like he don't know us at all," muttered Harley.

"Now, now, pooh, you do like being victimized from time to time," replied Joker, grinning. "Let's just change that whole paragraph, though, to 'Quinn is a violent and unpredictable felon who enjoys mayhem, mutiliation, and being revved up by her Mr. J, preferably after a murderous rampage. She makes 'vrooming' noises in bed, and has a killer body, not that a repressed Bat-freak like myself would ever notice that. She is just the hottest little girl in Gotham, and I am really jealous of the Joker for his relationship with her. If only I were fun and intelligent and handsome like him, then maybe I too could get a hot girlfriend for a sidekick rather than an annoying little bird-boy."

"Aw, puddin'!" exclaimed Harley, embracing him tightly. "You're just the greatest!"

"Now let's see what he says about me," he said, opening the file labelled Joker. Hundreds of pages of information sprang up on the screen, along with thousands of pictures, videos, and documents. "Oh…wow," murmured Joker. "My God…he's obsessed with me."

"It's a bit creepy, Mr. J," said Harley, as the files kept loading, hundreds upon hundreds of them popping up. "Oh, liked your hair there, puddin'!"

"Early nineties, classic Joker," he replied. "Similar to now, except I had more hair back then so I kinda curled it over…" He paused. "Oh, this is disturbing," he whispered. "He's actually captioned it as early nineties, classic Joker. Jesus, Harl, he might be more obsessed than you."

He closed the file abruptly, shuddering. "Wow, that makes a guy feel a little dirty."

"Yeah?" whispered Harley, hopefully. "How dirty, puddin'? Y'know what would be really dirty? Doing it here, on the computer, the keys pressing into my back as you shove your ram into my hard drive…"

"No, no, Harley, that machine's creeped me out," he retorted, standing up, retrieving the drive, and heading down the stairs away from the computer. "I don't have like a Bat-book or anything with pictures of him. It's just kinda a disturbing thing to see. Didn't know Batsy was actually that sick in the head. Well, not in that creepy, stalkerish sorta way."

"He spends his nights spying on people from rooftops," retorted Harley. "Can't say I'm really that surprised, Mr. J."

"I mean, it can't be legal, all that, can it?" he asked. "I kinda feel as if my privacy's been invaded, somehow. And it's not a pleasant feeling, being violated, Harley."

"I don't know, Mr. J, I kinda enjoy being violated," murmured Harley. "You wanna invade my privacy, puddin'? Please?"

"Yeah, yeah, in a second," he said. "Just give me a moment to recover from the shock. I mean, there's a line, Harley. A line the nemesis doesn't cross. And Batsy not only crossed it, he ran so far the other side of it that he lost it in the distance. How would he feel if I spied on him? I'm telling you, after this, I don't know if I can look at him the same way. We might need some space for a little while."

"Guess it's good he'll be hunting down the others, huh, Mr. J?" asked Harley.

"Yeah. See, everything works out after all! Those losers are all doing exactly what I want them to, and they don't even know it!" laughed Joker. "What a great gag!" He turned to Harley, beaming. "Ok, sweets, where do you wanna…"

But their gaze both fell on the Batmobile at the same time. "Oh yeah, baby," whispered Harley, her eyes alight.

Joker rushed over to it. "Please tell me he didn't…lock it!" he exclaimed triumphantly, as the door opened. He turned to Harley and grinned, "After you, my dear."

"Oh God, Mr. J, this is gonna be hot!" gasped Harley, climbing eagerly into the car.

Joker chuckled, making sure the radio communication system was turned on. "Yeah, it is, baby. You ready for Daddy, kiddo? It's revving time."

"Vroom, vroom, Mr. J," she murmured, grinning, as he climbed in after her and shut the door.