Chapter 4: Forgive and Forget.
Note- as i promised, here is the long awaited chapter that you've wanted (: enjoy!
Making my way around a big tree, I saw him on his hind legs with his ears lowered and tail between his legs. Then he shot a glance at me and I felt like my heart stopped. I had to ponder over this or several moments. I wasn't exactly sure why he looked so sad and frightened. It was as if all his emotions were all built up into one catastrophe. I couldn't stand nor bare the sight of seeing him look like this, in such a way that made my heart feel like it was stopping when really the beats of my heart were off, completely uneven. If only he would change back into his normal form just so that I could know what was really bothering him. Now that i purposely blocked things out of my mind, i was probably missing the obvious. With hesitant steps, i forced myself forward to be by his side but Jacob slowly started cowaring away with all of my movements. I began to wonder if there was something seriously wrong with me, as if my face was deformed. The sadness that was all built up inside of me was turning into confusion and anger. Jacob used to be so good with opening up to me and being straight foward with how he felt, and now he was being the complete opposite. I was beginning to wonder if this really was my Jacob. After stopping in my tracts for a short while to think of all of this, i went forward again, his big furry body pressed all the way to a tree. He had nowhere to turn now and he was going to be forced to tell me what was going on. Very carefully i sat down on the dirty ground in front of him. I looked for any type of sign, even looked into his eyes for an answer but I saw nothing, absolutely nothing. His tail came out from under his legs and he layed himself with his paws out in front of him and his head laying on top. The ears never came back up, they still were lowered.
That's it, I can't take it anymore. I'm not playing these guessing games with him. With my eyes narrowed i have him a desperate and pleading look, "Jacob, what is wrong with you? Did i do something, is there something hideously wrong with me? Just give me something here, you're driving me insane." I barely was getting this out because my body was jolting, getting ready to sob. I hated the helpless feeling. Here I was, my best friend depressed as can be and I couldn't do a damn thing about it to help him in anyway possible. Jacob's head rised as if to answer me and he moved his face closer, lightly nudging the spot on my cheek. That feeling was coming back. The feeling when he hit me, the filling of the thousands of knives shoving through my body at every end. This was what I wanted though. I wanted him to be sorry for what he did, I wanted him to realize it, even if it meant him beating himself down over it. I knew that he never set out to purposely hurt me, he would never do that. I guess being a wolf has more flaws then I thought. Regardless, vampires weren't exactly safe to be around either. Then another thought popped up in my head. Edward would never hurt me, even if he was furious with me. So then why would Jacob do it? Is it because he still had a beating heart? Because of all the human emotions that were lived inside of him? I could probably point out the differences all day, maybe even for an enternity and I still wouldn't get an answer to all these questions that I was asking myself.
"I knew from the moment you struck my face that you didn't mean it." I brought up my hand that lay in my lap and put it on his head, rubbing behind his ears. Hearing the soft purr of contentment was like music to my ears. That meant that there was progress, very little progess, but it still meant something. We stayed like this in silence for what seemed like a few hours. I was almost positive that we were here for atleast an hour, just enjoying each others company, and not with tension. I knew this wouldn't last, because who's to say Jacob won't snap if I said one thing out of context? That's probably why I kept my mouth shut this entire time, i was on egg shells around him already and I didn't want to fan the flames. I was always good at messing around with a perfect moment. No matter how many times I've screwed up with that, I don't think that i've truly learned my lesson. I guess it would take a billion more times to be stepped all over on. As expected, this perfect moment was gone as he stood up, sniffing the air. Maybe he has picked up Edwards scent because his nose wiggled around as if to get the scent away. "I'll see you soon Jacob?" He nudged my leg, which was my answer. I would have alot more time coming up to be able to work things out with him. Theres a first step for everything, and we just took one. "Take care of yourself and try to stay out of trouble." I leaned over, wrapping my arms around his warm body, letting my fingers get tangled in his fur then I stood up, heading on the journey to finding my way out of the danty forest.
The forest always gave me the creeps. After all I've been through I was prime bait for any vampires. Even though the werewolves would protect me, I still didn't feel protected enough. Not even Edward made me feel entirely protected sometimes because no matter what, I would be having this on going fight for life. Would things be different if I were to become a vampire? Or would that make the vampires want to challenge me, one up me and tear me to shreds without a second thought. I wouldn't doubt that I would still be a little weakling as a vampire. I can't even walk without tripping over my feet so how the hell am i going to manage to be a vampire? Snapping myself out of the thought, I found my truck still parked on the side of the road, Edward leaning himself on the door. His head snapped up at the sound of my footsteps and he ran over, pulling me so close that it felt suffocating. "Woops sorry." He loosened the grip around me, holding me loosely. "We don't have to talk about this, I'm just glad that you are safe bella." His hand came up to lightly brush the matted hair out of my face and he kissed me over and over again.
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"You need to stop betting on me." Alice rolled her eyes in her head, but also had a smug look on her face. She must have felt very proud of herself. "I wouldn't think Bella would do something on her own like that without giving warning, i thought you were bluffing." Edward said in frustration but Alice let out a deafining laugh, "We're talking about Bella here." Her eye contact shifted to me, and I glared at her, "You're just oh so funny. You all both need to stop betting on me. I'm very unpredictable." I said cheerfully with an annoying smile and Edward held back a laugh, "You, unpredictable?" I suddenly felt stupid, and I rested my case, "Nuff' said."
I was spending the night at the Cullens house. I already had informed my dad, leaving a message on his answering machine. I'm sure he wouldn't be too thrilled with that but I wasn't his little girl anymore. I had forced myself to stay awake all night with what I considered my real family and Edward nagged me all night that I should be going to sleep. I finally gave up after a few more hours, and everything after that was completely blank. I was out of it, and with so much in my mind it made me exsausted inside and out. Edward had me upstairs and in his bed in no time. I felt like a child again when he tucked me in, kissing my forehead. It reminded me of dad, and it brought tears to my eyes and i did my damnest to hold those tears back. I didn't have anything left in me to talk about this stuff. Tomorrow was a new day. That final thought was inclosed with darkness, i had drifted off into a peaceful sleep. I had better enjoy this peaceful sleep and perfect dream because there were plenty of nightmares to come.