DISCLAIMER: I do not own Saint Seiya nor anything related to it. This story is just a spurt of my perverted and yaoi-ist imagination and I am, in no way, getting paid to do this!
WARNINGS: YAOI, this story contains homossexual relationships, if you don't like it, don't read it! I'm not making you. This is also Alternative Universe (A.U.)! This story contains lime/lemon and will contain more in the future!
ENJOY :D!
Previously on FBC:
When Dégel had lifted himself up, he saw Kardia abnormally still and their blond rival fell once again to the ground, vomiting a large quantity of blood after doing so.
– "K-kardia…?" – Kardia answered nothing, his knees wavered and he dropped to his knees, his torso tumbling onto the earth soon after. Dégel rushed as fast as he could to his beloved, sitting on the ground and, with difficulty, turned the blue haired man around. The fallen man's face was contorted with pain, his body was starting to react to the sudden attack and a strangled growl made its way out of his throat, his hands clutching hard at his chest. Radamanthys coughed out a laugh, still managing a heated glare towards Dégel
–"Only the absolute zero can maintain his life now. But I guess you're too weak and almost unconscious to try and save him." – His life continued to evaporate, his final moments approaching.
–"Guess we'll both meet in hell. I'll personally make his 'life' miserable…" – Radamanthys died with a satisfied look on his face, his eyes now empty.
Kardia continued to groan and move on Dégel's lap, his hands grabbing with inhuman force his chest. The wizard didn't know what to do; knowing that for Kardia to lowly growl in pain meant that what he felt was killing him.
-
Chapter 4: Haja o que houver
Kardia's face was redder by the minute, his insides scalding and his nails grasping his armour hard, carving a bit on the protective clothing. Dégel's mind raced with thoughts and ideas, all seemingly impossible; what was he to do? As his consciousness threatened to fail him at any moment, the wizard decided to take a course of action, any course of action, to rescue Kardia quickly. He embraced Kardia and lifted him a bit, his back screaming with pain as he did, holding him tightly and closely.
– "I have to confess I'm not very good with emotions… I have never been…" – The air started to cool down quickly, the fire set on the forest was in seconds reduced to nothing; the atmosphere surrounding both men turned a chilling light blue. Kardia didn't emit any more growls or groans, his throat was blocking his respiratory way and he put a lot of effort into breathing.
– "I never expected love and, in my ignorance, I never wanted it… I thought what we had before all this was enough, but…"
His lungs started to feel difficulty in breathing with the freezing air, his ragged breaths more and more inconstant. – "Now I know it wasn't. I won't take long, for… I do not have very much time left either…"
Hugging him even more firmly, his mouth not even one inch away from Kardia's ear, Dégel wanted to say what he needed to before he fainted, or worse, died. – "I need you to know that I deeply… care for you and that you… you are the only one… that completes… m-me."
Managing to regain some inexistent force, the wizard cooled down the other man's body, Kardia's temperature becoming a lot more bearable for him. The minutes passed excruciatingly slow and both Dégel's hope and consciousness were beginning to falter as time flew by, the wound on his back and the cold worsening it all. When Kardia's life was no longer in imminent danger, Dégel spared one last caring look towards the general before his vision blurred and darkened, his head dropping forward as he lost grasp of reality.
Asmita was gasping for breath as soon as Radamanthys's final and most dangerous attack hit Kardia, a small trickle of blood running down his face, staining the skin with a reddish tone. His eyes shut, darkness surrounding him as usual, and he got up with difficulty, wanting to hurry to his companions' sides. Staggering a bit, he left the lake, entering the almost burnt down forest and walking where his senses told him to. When he finally arrived at his destination, it smelled of burnt wood, the dryness palpable in the air. He was only able to hear one person's breathing and assumed it belonged to Dégel, approaching quickly both men. Kneeling next to them, he started to reach for the face of the man who breathed, but he did not feel Dégel's smooth skin; moving to the neck, he started caressing it and quickly understood something was wrong. His fingers left quick, feathery touches all over both men's body and, after realizing the stature difference between them, he soon realized the wizard was the one not breathing.
The wizard was half dead, barely breathing, clutching Kardia tightly as if fighting for dear life. The general had also passed out, lying within Dégel's arms calmly as if taking a nap between meals. Asmita almost unsuccessfully freed Kardia from the wizard's clutch and managed to save the green haired man, although his state didn't allow much.
Fortunately, the village people, seeing the fire, hurried to help and carried the unconscious men inside the house, a couple of women tending to Asmita. For now he and everyone there were relieved for one thing: Radamanthys was dead and there would likely be no more threat in the future.
Hours bled away, days passed and weeks flew by. Dégel and Kardia's life had been miraculously saved and the village had been finally rid of Radamanthys. Although this seems like the perfect ending, it was not. Dégel took his time to recover, all the while having to deal with Kardia's fits, which had become more and more dangerous as they took longer to wane. With time, Dégel's body adjusted to the tiring routine he had and convalesced with a bit more ease. After regaining his full health, Dégel spent a lot of time watching Kardia as he slept in order to save his life if anything should happen. He was concerned about his beloved's disease and so, to relax, he read a book as he guarded the general's sleep. But alas, he did not, could not read. His eyes saw the letters, the paragraphs... Yet he did not read. His green orbs would occasionally waver to the figure in front of him and, before he knew it, he forgot where he had stopped. Hell, he didn't know where he had begun in the first place! Or had he ever begun? Dégel had lost track of time within the endless routine he had been subject to, round and round and round, waiting for Kardia's recovery in diminishing hope.
His lack of concentration seemed to affect the overall aspects around him, except when it concerned Kardia. He was quite aware of this and tried to disguise it as much as he could, succeeding most of the time. But, during those times, those disguised or not moments, Dégel would think, think and think again. Mostly about the twist that fate had played on them. -'Kardia will suffer when he finds out most of the things he likes to do must be cut in half... He is going to be in a foul mood, of that I am sure.' - Looking back at the book, Dégel kept reflecting, turning page after page but gaining no information while doing so. - 'I am relieved and thankful that he is alive, but... Will he feel the same? After all, it was not exactly how he had planned to live and I am absolutely certain that he imagined how he would die at the hands of Radamnthys. Dying at the hands of a worthy foe was one of the closest things he had to a dream.' - He spared a brief look at Kardia, before meaningless letters surrounded his vision once again. - 'It is a radical change in his life. I know that he is strong, but I just hope the shock of all this new life won't kill him...'
Sighing, Dégel remained deep in musing. - 'What if he heard my... what can I call it? Confession?' – Not that he regretted what he said, but Dégel thought that he wouldn't live to see another day and he wanted to leave Kardia with the memory of an emotional Dégel, one that belonged solely to the stubborn Kardia and not Unity. His only worry was if Kardia was conscious enough to listen (to) what he said at the time. Burrowing his brows, he directed another glance at the general deep in slumber in front of him. Although he was truly happy that his beloved survived, a heavy feeling weighed on his chest whenever he saw the man he loved sleeping away, as if preparing for another crisis some time soon. - 'It bothers me every time I remember this damned spell... I swear, if I could, I would go fetch the mongrel wherever Hades put him and kill Radamanthys, slowly and painfully, just like he deserves.'
And like that, another week hurried away, Kardia slowly getting better. Although his fits were always very strong, he now had enough energy and muscle force to get up from bed and walk around the house, though most of his weight was usually supported by the nearest object or person, usually. Time passed slowly, but at the same time quickly, and the general steadily got better, his body learning how not to drain all the energy he had in every fit.
While he now had more energy and didn't need to support himself on anything, some crises were a tad bit strong for him and he would pass out and, consequently, be carried to bed. That afternoon was one of those times. Dégel just barely saved Kardia's life and the blue haired man now lay on his bed, a careful watcher beside him. The wizard let his heart slow its beating and calm his breathing, almost copying the fainted man in front of him. For a few moments, Dégel allowed himself a moment of peace, but it didn't last long.
He heard a couple of noises coming from the living room and at least three voices, one of them Asmita's. Moments after, two men entered the room, who turned out to be Jabu and Seiya, the messengers who usually carried the news of Kardia's state to the king. The exchange of information didn't last more than five minutes and soon Dégel was alone with Kardia again. Although Kardia's health seemed to be better, it didn't allow him much, so the news had been the same for some time now. - 'General Kardia's life is still in danger and risking a journey would most definitely be the death of him.'
Sitting at the chair near the bed and grabbing a book he had kept hidden, Dégel started yet another round of his watching ritual, pretending to read, thinking of what to say, theorizing about what to do and so on. But this watch was a bit different. The book that lay in his hands was the one he had recently been reading and possibly one of the few that Dégel actually managed to read a bit while keeping a close eye on the sick man. He was close to finish said book and the climax was reaching, where the lovers were recalling their childhoods whilst on the brink of death. Somehow, it made him a bit nostalgic as he read about the adventures related and a soft smile grew on his face without the wizard noticing so. His childhood memories assaulted his mind as he read: the reading sessions with Unity and Seraphina, Dégel's mother-like figure and Unity's older sister; his and Kardia's laughter; the scent of flowers on the field they liked to play in...
Turning page after page, Dégel was quickly reaching the end of the book when a certain paragraph left him lost in the flow of time. Those few lines called into his mind a song that Seraphina used to sing before he and Unity went to sleep. Dégel didn't quite understand how he felt or how he was supposed to feel about it when he was very young. -'I remember asking Seraphina about it, and she always answered me the same way.'
- "When you fall in love, you will understand." - He hoped so, he had never seen the point of love in folk songs, he heard and studied them, but couldn't find it in him to understand, nor even try to comprehend it. It was simply indifference. Although now… - 'Now I have…' – He spared a quick glance at the sleeping man before him and sighed, a few notes already making their way out of his mouth.
He continued reading but the words had long stopped registering and it wasn't until he was in the middle of the song, did he realise he was actually singing it in a velvety tone, the peaceful and harmonic sounds barely audible.
"No mater what, I'm here
No matter what, I'll wait for you
Come with the wind, my love
In the wings of haste, I beg
How long have I forgotten
Why I was away from you
It's worse in each passing moment
Come back with the wind, I beg you
I know
Who you are to me
No matter what
I'll wait for you
As he sang, Seraphina's serene tone, filled with love and compassion, came to him and he felt as if he was transported into another dimension, feeling the woman's loving embrace and smile. Feeling like a child once again... He kept on reading, the song repeating itself as time flew by.
How long have I forgotten
Why I was away from you
It's worse in each passing moment
Come back with the wind, I beg you
I know
Who you are to me
No matter what
I'll wait for you
I know, I know
Who you are to me
No matter what
I'll wait for you
Dégel felt a tingling sensation in his heart, bothering him to such an extent that he actually closed the book and looked at Kardia, as if the man had the answers to his problems. Thinking hard about how and what he felt, he tried to recall his master's words when, back in his young days, he was learning about music and poetry, especially when the lesson revolved about 'love'.
Seeing that his pupil had difficulties when it came to love, his teacher advised him to 'put himself in the bard's shoes'. The poor man thought that by doing that, the aspirant to wizard-hood would see beyond the material world, but how wrong he had been. Dégel would always answer 'I wouldn't write it like this' and change the lyrics altogether so that it didn't talk of love anymore.
As his voice carried on with the lullaby, he thought about Kardia and how he would feel if he left, which wasn't very difficult, as he let the pent up emotions continue to fill his voice: passion, ache, need... - "Well, that wasn't half bad." – The wizard's voice suddenly stopped dead on its tracks and Dégel looked quickly at the supposed-to-be-asleep man, his cheeks burning ever so slightly.
-"Y-you listened?"
-"Why, no! I was just waiting for the temperature to peak for another fit and I was bored and decided to joke around a bit!" - Dégel rolled his eyes at Kardia's sarcasm and, when said man tried to sit up, the wizard promptly stopped him, worried about his health. – "What? I can't sit now?"
-"You had a very strong fit; I do not want you making any unnecessary efforts."
-"Tch… If I had wanted a babysitter, I'd have asked. And I'd bribe her so that she wouldn't bother me." - The wizard tried to be as stubborn as Kardia, but, as that was virtually and literally impossible, he gave up and helped the other man sit up.
– "As I was saying, it wasn't half bad. But who taught you that song? And, how the hell did you sing it so well? I may not understand much of it, but you never were one to fancy love songs or poems." - Dégel felt a bit insulted, but it was partially true. Straightening his back, Dégel closed his eyes and answered.
- "Seraphina used to sing it to me before I fell asleep."
The general was half relieved that the bastard Unity didn't have a direct part to it, but it was still a bit unbelievable Dégel knew a, a… love song. -"So what you are trying to say is that you just remembered that song and decided to sing it just for the heck of it?" - Dégel nodded his head in agreement, not really seeing the amazement at him trotting a song or two. And he did sing well, although he didn't know very well how. But, he told himself, he was usually perfect at everything he did, so why wonder.
Kardia let out an acidic laugh and almost flinched at the pain it caused him. This last attack had been very violent and, even if he didn't show it, his body ached all over. His eyes were heavy and bloodshot, his arms and legs burnt with an inner fire and his vision was so blurry that a part of his soul felt amazed at how he was able to sit up and talk. The other part of course just said – 'Of course I can do it, I'm Kardia!' -, his thoughts filled with pride.
The general laughed louder and was stopped by Dégel soon after. -"What is so funny about it? Do I have 'idiot' written on my face by any chance?"
Kardia gave a few more chuckles before he flashed Dégel one of his sadistic smirks. -"Well, it's just that you, the wise man, never understood love! And every time you tried to read a love poem or whatever it was to me, you'd end up modifying the poem! Or saying it in such a way even I felt sorry for what you were reading! And now you're telling me that you simply like singing love songs just because? Hell would freeze over first."
Dégel felt hurt with his words. Okay, he had never been a connoisseur when it came to the subject of 'love', but he wasn't really that ignorant of it. He knew he was in love with Kardia, although it was true that he had found out a bit too late, he knew he loved the King, the princess, his companions, his friends. He knew he would always be there for them and he was sure the feeling was reciprocated. Or was it? He never told them he 'had their back'; he never expressed any emotion to their well-being, nothing! So was he really not ignorant about it?
Putting his theories aside, his eyes twitched and he almost slammed the big book against Kardia's head. -"People change."
The other man shrugged his shoulders, for he didn't have much more strength, and would have prepared to lie down again, as to avoid another fit, if it hadn't been for the simple fact that Dégel was there. Watching him. Closely. And it was bothering him quite a bit. He didn't like to look weak in front of anyone especially to the teal haired beauty he lo-liked. Also, his latest dreams had taken a toll on him and, even if he didn't admit it, they hurt deeply. - 'HAH, Dégel confessing to me so whole heartedly... Ha, ha, ha, nice work head, nice work. I'm fucked up for good. Complete him? Oh, if it didn't affect my ego, I would laugh.'
The idea that Dégel might actually like him back passed several times by the general's head and the sick man tried to convince himself that it was just a dream from his 'beyond salvation' mind; at the same time, he looked for any proof that it wasn't just a dream, that it was true and Dégel's constant 'observations' weren't helping him corroborate the delusion theory. Although the words he had sung could be dedicated to Unity, that was perfectly possible. Or he could just be singing them because he liked to, as he said. – 'Argh! Stop thinking mind! You work much better when you don't think that much! Geez, I'm starting to act like Dégel, thinking about everything and scrutinizing every fucking thing!'
Sensing that the other man was bothered by something, Dégel asked what it was. Feeling a burning fire start to light inside him, Kardia answered, not giving away signs that his body was starting to burn.
- "Nothing is wrong. What makes you think that?" - Dégel turned to face the book, adjusting his glasses.
- "You seem bothered by something." – 'Or someone…' The wizard left the last part of his sentence inside his head, trying to give attention to the book he had in his hands.
Kardia's vision started to blur and his hands shook, but he grabbed the blankets tightly, as if it stopped his blood from travelling with much more speed as the moments passed. - "Uhm, Dégel..." - The wizard faced the man, his glasses falling a bit down his nose bridge. - "Yes, Kardia?"
-"Could you bring me uh..." - Trying hard to maintain a clear voice and the most pristine appearance he had, Kardia's pain was doubled.
- "A glass of water?" - Suspecting the request, Dégel stared at Kardia, looking for any sign of what he might be hiding, but found none. So, he got up, left the book on the chair and disappeared from the general's almost darkened vision to fetch the crystalline liquid. Feeling he could lie down in peace, Kardia did so, but his attack did not stop. His groans of pain were low, his body still, as if nothing was happening. The one action that gave him away was his hands gripping his chest tightly, his heart aching and beating faster, faster...
He did not want to show signs of weakness, which obviously he wasn't and never would be, he reminded himself, but his worries weren't directed only that way. Deep, deep, deep, and really deep down, he didn't want to be a burden to his green eyed beloved and, above all, he refused to be a fret to Dégel. He wanted to step further away and, if he wanted to succeed, he'd have to make a few sacrifices, such as almost dying from a fit, while hiding he was having one in the first place. – 'Che… You say you're no trouble at all, but you're one hell of a handful, eh penguin?' – A few sarcastic thoughts passed through his mind before his vision blurred substantially and he fell hard onto the mattress.
Dégel returned to the room and, when he got in, stopped, shocked at what he was seeing. The glass immediately fell to the floor as he ran to his beloved's side and touched his skin, but snatched his hand back on contact, feeling burnt. The sick man's grunts were a bit more constant than before and the control over his own body was quickly slipping away. Before he could fall unconscious, he felt arms surround him and a very welcome cold encircle him.
The general coughed up a bit of blood, a small drop of the red liquid running down his chin, tainting Dégel's clothes. The wizard hugged him tightly and summoned his cold, calming down Kardia's heart and body. Inwardly praying that Kardia didn't push him away and this attack would pass briefly, he felt a pair of arms around his waist, holding him with much more force than his own. - "Dé-gel.."
- "I'm here, Kardia. I'm here." - The minutes passed excruciatingly slow, Kardia's body leisurely cooling down, as if taunting both men. When it was all over, Dégel remained like that for a good couple of minutes before he realized Kardia had fallen into yet another slumber. But it felt good to be hugged by his loved one and he seemed to not want to let go. Alas he had to, the general needed to rest. Unwilling to set Kardia free, Dégel fell onto the mattress hugging him. Relieved that the beloved's heart was still beating, Dégel let a small smile crawl onto his face and he laid there, watching his general sleep.
-"Ugh, where am I?" - Kardia wondered out loud, a chaotic scene spread before him. A huge forest on fire, fallen trees all over the place, the fire burning brightly and the smoke rising high upon the sky. What surprised him the most was that the smoke didn't bother him at all and the fire failed to serve its purpose. He heard swords clashing a few yards ahead and, feeling excited, he walked forward, following the sounds he heard. Reaching said place, Kardia was momentarily blinded by smoke and, as soon as the thick fog dissipated, he was baffled by what he saw. He had returned to that night, that fateful night when he was meant to die.
He saw himself and Rhadamanthys fight, the swords clashing violently, cutting the smoke and carving patterns into the scorching air around them. A few feet ahead, Dégel was appearing, tiredly supporting his body against a tree, staggering against other wood branches, finally falling to the ground and leaning against the wood, hissing in pain because of some kind of wound. He continued to watch the movie in front of him and, as the moments passed and neared the fight's climax, the atmosphere sometimes blurred, the images unclear to Kardia. Before he and Radamanthys gave the final attack, everything stopped and the general saw everything clear once again. - "You can't recall what happened next, can you Kardia?"
The blue haired general turned quickly at Dégel's direction, and was almost thrown off his feet when he saw Asmita standing next to his loved one, his cerulean blue eyes facing him directly.
- "Wh-what the hell are you doing here? And weren't you blind?" - Asmita's lips briefly moved upwards into a smirk, but it was barely perceptible. Moving forward to Kardia, he explained what was happening.
- "I may not be able to see in the real world, but where we stand is not it. This is my realm, or dimension if you like, and you have been unwillingly invited to recall that night's events. I have been trying to make you remember with those dreams, but I have not been successful, therefore I decided to put you through a 'shock treatment'. Up until now, what you saw was based on your memories, but, as you still don't know what exactly happened after you defeated the blond demon, the images blurred and turned black."
Trying to interiorise the information he had received, the general was a bit stunned and forcefully grabbed the blond by his brown tunic.
- "What do you mean by my memories? I know very well what happened! I killed that bastard with my own hands. I remember it clearly. And what do you mean by 'those dreams' that I've been having? Those fucking illusions were you?" - Asmita nodded calmly.
- "I can't fucking believe this... You think I'm really gonna believe you? Well, you were wrong! Because since I'm still alive and breathing, you don't convince me with this crap of 'worlds' and 'memories' and... and 'dreams'."
-"My Kardia, ignorance truly is bliss, is it not?" - Asmita's hand closed in on his and removed it with ease, all the while facing the general's deep blue eyes.
- "Very well, you may remember you killed Radamanthys, but what happened after Kardia? Let us watch if YOUR memories give you the answer." - The blond turned once again to the other Kardia and Radamtnhys, waving a hand and time moved forward, the images blurry. After Kardia hit Radamanthys, the world around them turned black and the general had no idea where he stood, for everything around him was pure and sheer black.
- "I think I proved myself right, did I not, Scorpio General?" - Growling in frustration, Kardia shot Asmita a deadly glare and, if looks could kill, the blond would have been dead and torn to shreds. Instead, he merely shot one of his eyebrows upward.
- "Do you know how your life, against the flow of destiny, was saved? Who saved you?" - The general had no word to answer with, he didn't know. No one had ever bothered to tell him, only to ask him what he could still recall and thank whatever God or Gods watched over them that he, Kardia, was saved.
- "I see... Perhaps, you would like to see it, then?" - The blue haired man was about to answer, when the blond intercepted him. - "But... I must warn you: after you have watched what happened, I assure that you will no longer be indifferent to whatever you see."
-"Yes, yes, the usual drill! And yes, I want to see it!" - Kardia's impatience was transparent in his voice, but, to his dismay and frustration, Asmita his head in refusal and one of his hands shot upwards, signalizing for him to calm down.
- "And... I will enter Dégel's memories. That means, force his barriers and forcefully open his memory. Do you still wish to see the roads of fate being diverted by the human will?"
-"Tch... You weren't too worried about MY head when you had the chance." - Asmita let out a sigh. - 'Kardia can truly be exhausting sometimes...'
- "I have been slowly entering your head, but you didn't offer me any kind of resistance. If you had... It would have been another story." - Kardia was mute, once again, surprise and shock written in his face. Hurriedly passing his fingers through his hair, the general changed the topic.
- "Well, whatever about that!" - Facing those confident cerulean orbs, the general reluctantly gave his answer.
- "Just show me whatever you want to show me and be done with it already!" - Asmita nodded and the grounds around them transformed and they now looked out from a different point of view, standing next to a sitting Dégel. Kardia looked down at his side and then back to the two fighters, Radamanthys was on the ground just like his 'memory' showed him and his self from the past was facing the defeated man, his back to the real general. But time wasn't running.
-"May I continue?" - Kardia turned to Asmita, his face etched with an annoyed look.
- "You want permission for what?" - Asmita sighed, ignoring the mumbled 'Idiot' that followed the general's words, and waved his hands, the actions returning to its normal speed.
The general continued to watch as Dégel gave a small smile and then arched forward, coughing blood, which made Kardia's heart ache. His self then turned and went to Dégel, but, before he could reach the loved one, Radamanthys was summoning an orb on his hand. Kardia's eyes widened and before the blond demon shot his last attack, Asmita stopped the time once again. Kardia turned, mad at Asmita. - "Why did you stop? You think I can't watch?"
-"On the contrary," - Asmita answered calmly, a huge contrast against Kardia's angered reaction. - "I think you ought to see it. But you understand what hit you, do you not? It was the commonly called 'Burning Death'. The subject will 'burn' inside out, his organs overload and his blood will crush the veins, spilling out of its containers. So you now understand why we are always watching you closely. Dégel mostly because..." - Kardia's face still showed anger, but his eyes wanted to know the truth. Asmita, knowing it shouldn't be this way, chose to hide the truth for a little bit more.
- "I have no doubt that he will tell you in due time. Let us continue now. Oh, and Kardia... IF you try to do that, you will never know the truth about your miraculous survival. And I must tell you it does interest you. Greatly."
Kardia pried his hands with difficulty from the other one's neck and, with a frown, he asked, no, Kardia did not ask, he told Asmita to continue. Asmita smirked for a bit, before his impassive expression took over once again and he signalled for the time to continue.
In a moment the deathly orb was in Rhadamnthys' moribund hand, the other it was hitting past Kardia's body and, although it did not stop, for the general, time seemed to slow down until it had stopped completely. Dégel got up and called out the now still man's name before rushing forward when the general's past self threw up blood and fell forward as a lifeless doll. Kardia felt an ominous tingling inside his chest, but ignored it and moved forward, following Asmita as he did so.
The wise blond looked at the dreaming Kardia to see how he reacted, and though his face failed to show any emotion, his eyes betrayed him and shock was plastered all over the beautiful orbs.
Watching himself contort in pain and look weak to his loved one was too much to bear. He had always been a man filled with pride and arrogance, he did not have weaknesses, or so he insisted to others and since they, or most of them for that matter, agreed that Kardia did not show his limitations, he must not have them. Or that was what he wanted to show. And maybe, if he had been more successful at pretending, just maybe, he wouldn't have felt so hurt when he saw Dégel feel his nearly palpable Achilles' heel. If no one knew him, then he would have an excuse to step away and leave Dégel alone; if he didn't know who he truly was, then Kardia was safe. But safe from what? Emotions? Weaknesses? He himself was not certain about it, but it did not matter anymore, for the deed was done and there was no turning back. - "See Kardia, he worries about you."
The general had been deep in thought and failed to take note of Rhadamnthys' death, the only thing that was actually being pondered in his mind was how his weak side was... pathetic.
Kardia was taken out of his musings when Dégel had him in his lap, with that particular expression he would make when he was thinking about what to do. Kardia could very well have heard millions of ideas passing through the wizard's mind at the moment and he seemed more and more desperate. The general wanted to do something, but knew he couldn't. When finally it all seemed as if Dégel would do nothing, the wizard did just the contrary and grabbed a hold of Kardia's torso, as if hugging him tightly, supporting their weight and hissing in pain.
The blue haired man felt the forest's atmosphere cool down, the fires burn out and small snowflakes falling all around them. The stillness of the forest was frightening and a strange, cold, blue light surrounded both Kardia and Dégel. As the loved one held his past self tightly, Kardia felt a bit jealous, although he knew it was himself being held so carefully by the wounded man. –'It's official, my mind is now utterly and completely fucked up… For a while now I suppose.' – He continued to watch the loving scene, trying hard not to believe in what he saw. – 'Asmita said it himself, this is his world. He can do whatever here! But hell…' – His eyes didn't blink; the movie before him too good to be true, and he allowed himself a moment of sincerity. –'I wish I could have died like this… I wouldn't regret a thing; having Dégel hug me like that is more than enough.' - Dégel's tired and desperate voice broke through the silence around them, though it was but a whisper.
- "I have to confess I'm not very good with emotions… I have never been…" – On a completely different line of thoughts, Kardia felt pathetic seeing himself almost begging for breath, but a warm feeling took over his chest and a strange sensation flooded his stomach, as if a thousand butterflies were there.
- "I never expected love and, in my ignorance, I never wanted it… I thought what we had before all this was enough, but…"
Saying that Kardia was shocked was a euphemism, since he was almost thrown back by surprise. - 'Dégel saying he was ignorant? Talking about love? Holding me tightly? It seems like those dreams where... Wait.' - The general turned abruptly to Asmita. - "Get me out of here Asmita! I've seen enough!"
-"I refuse." - He also didn't stop the time, which made Kardia look back and forth from Dégel and himself to Asmita, furious and, probably for the first time in his life, hopeless. He didn't want to hear those words, they weren't real. Kardia was already too embedded his own lies to be able to face an inevitable truth. If he were to be alone, then he wouldn't need to hear those things! Grabbing Asmita's tunic once again, he lifted the blond from the ground, shaking him while yelling; threatening the other man to take him out of there, but the other was resolute. - "You're missing the most important part."
Kardia followed Asmita's stare and his shocked eyes saw his dear Dégel hug him tighter and whisper in his ear sweet words. - "I need you to know that I deeply… care for you and that you… you are the only one… that completes…" - 'No, please don't say it Dégel...'
-"...m-me." - It seemed so real in his heart... As if it really happened! He even felt a shiver run down his spine and his ears suddenly became very warm. But it couldn't be true and when he knew something wasn't true, then it wasn't true because it really wasn't!
He saw how Dégel cooled him down and long minutes passed in silence before a stumbling Asmita rushed to them and tried to deprive Dégel of Kardia. It wasn't long before it all turned black around them, returning to that space where gravity and matter apparently did not exist. - "That wasn't true."
-"It was." - Asmita calmly answered, closing his eyes once again. The pain in his chest he had been feeling before was stronger now, Kardia's breath almost ragged. - "No it wasn't."
-"What you saw belonged to both mine and Dégel's memory! I will not permit you to doubt them too! After all, you can't even believe in what your heart feels anymore."
-"Now, wait just a minute! Ugh!" - Kardia's chest seemed as if it had been pierced by an arrow as he took a few steps backwards, holding a scream of pain in his throat. - "And to prove it to you, you will wake up now. I am truly sorry that you must do so with one of those strange fits that fatal orb gave you, but there is no other way for you to see how it is all true."
-"B-bas...t-ard!"
Kardia's body began to shake, sending jolts of pain throughout his skin. Trying his best to remain standing, Kardia suddenly felt a blessed cold wash through him and he woke up.
Dégel had dozed off holding Kardia and woke up when he began tossing and whispering incoherent words such as 'No' and 'lies'. He stayed there, watching him sleep, a frown adorning his lovely face and thinking about what might have been disturbing the blue haired man's sleep. Watching the loved one toss and turn slightly made him want to hug his scorpion and freeze his cares away, but he knew he couldn't. –'I wish I could though… How can I prove to you I do not want anyone else but you?' – How he wished he hadn't been so blind! Kardia, to him, had always been different; the general had been before Unity in so many situations… Then why did he fail to see? Why did he build barrier after barrier around his already frozen heart, closing himself off behind those wretched books? The wizard blamed himself deeply, some days not being able to even look at his reflection.
He saw the small path of red down Kardia's chin and instinctively licked his thumb, glistening saliva covering the finger. He rubbed the blood trail clean and, as he did so, he allowed himself to caress the other's cheek slowly and gently. Suddenly, the wizard felt the other's body start to slowly heat up and, without taking further notice, Dégel hurriedly sat up, still holding him close and cooled the other down, feeling his heart beating fast and praying that he was able to save him.
As soon as Kardia's body cooled down, his lids lazily opened, and the first thought that entered his brain was: - 'Why is there green pasta in front of me?'. But, as reality slowly took over him, he realized it was not pasta, but beautiful, smooth, teal coloured locks as he found his arms mysteriously around the waist of a smaller man and that his body was being pressed against a solid warmth. He didn't want to think about who it was because he already knew and he inwardly wished that Dégel wouldn't realize he had woken up.
- "Kardia?" - So much for wishes... The other male parted and faced Kardia with worried eyes.
- "Are you alright?" - The general was also slowly realizing the position they were in and he was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable, a certain area in particular being extremely bothersome.
- "Yeah! Uhm..." - It felt most pleasant to be like this with the teal haired beauty, both sitting in bed, embracing each other, almost as if they had just... - 'Stop thinking along those lines and let go already! You don't feel nothing for him and he doesn't return those feelings! So let GO!' - His heart ached when he saw the brief pained expression that crossed Dégel face, but if he didn't let go, his body would do something he would like, but the wizard certainly wouldn't. And that was bad. Very bad.
Dégel copied his movement and got out of bed, walking to the shards of broken glass strewn all over the floor and started picking them up, occasionally cut by the transparent knives. What hurt him the most was that Kardia didn't seem so keen on his 'love' feelings. Had it been just a way to get him into bed? Had it been only a crush, a stupid infatuation caused by whatever came to Kardia's mind? –'It does make some sense, I cannot ignore that…' – He just wanted to dig a hole after that and escape from the entire world! Had he really been that stupid to believe Kardia's words? Had he been wrong by going after the damned general? Dégel continued to let depressing theories form in his mind, letting the sharp shards cut him so as to replace the ache in his chest by the one in his hands. Although his heart couldn't bleed, his hands did an excellent job at replacing it. The blood pool that was beginning to form in his hand made him forget about the heavy feeling that didn't allow him to breathe properly.
- "Oi! You'll get hurt, idiot!"
Kardia watched as the wizard was cut, again and again, but he couldn't do anything about it. - 'Damn this stupid and pathetic body! Damn this stupid and pathetic spell! DAMN YOU RHADAMTNHYS! I'd kill you all over again you bastard!' - His body wouldn't budge, for it burned him every time he moved and parting from Dégel's embrace had not only weighed on his chest but had also sent a jolt of unwanted pain through his arms. Worried about Dégel, he repeated himself when he saw the blood dropping onto the floor. - "Hey! Are you listening? You're getting hurt!"
Dégel turned to Kardia, his apathetic look disguising his true emotions. - "Thank you Kardia, yes I heard you perfectly well. Now, if you'll excuse me..." - The wizard left the room, droplets of blood following him and Kardia growled in frustration. - 'Great, now he's treating me like some sort of stranger...' - Falling against the mattress, he tried to sleep, but his thoughts kept him up. – 'What the hell was that reaction anyway? He got all heartbroken just because I pushed away first? And what about all those times I was able to give him a hug and three seconds later he'd be all like 'I got to attend to my duties' and shit? I wasn't heartbroken or anything!' – He knew it wasn't true, but his pride didn't allow him any more thoughts concerning the matter 'Kardia hurt like every other human too, damn you'.
-'God damnit! Why do I care? Why does HE care? Argh, I don't understand this and I don't like not understanding… Why did he come anyway? He wasn't needed! I'm sure it was just an order from the king because Asmita kept complaining about me! He wagged his tail over here and voila! He's just doing his job!' – He painfully lifted his arms to his face, hiding it and pinched the bridge of his nose because of a headache that was developing in place of a heartache that he was not supposed to have. Giving a low growl, he started to muse out loud, so as to be able to fully convince himself, his heart shattering at every single word proffered.
-"Me. I'm the duty, the obligation. Yeah, that's right; I'm just a… a job. Keep that in mind you idiot, instead of making up silly thoughts about Dégel liking you back. That will never, ever, ever happen." – His voice was low and bitter, his lies taking the best of him and he felt very tired. Long minutes passed and his eyes started to feel very heavy and he slowly fell asleep, his last thought before he ran to the land of dreams being – 'Job? Don't you dare let it be true…'
Dégel crossed the living room, and went to the kitchen, dropping the glasses somewhere safe and dipped his hands in the barrel of water, red staining the crystalline liquid. His head started to hurt and he reached for any kind of clean cloth they had and bandaged his hands. Sighing deeply, he returned to the living room and sat on one of the chairs, staring at the void. Since he had nothing more to do and he did not want to be near Kardia at the moment, he decided to start thinking about what he would write on the report about their mission.
-'Why am I reacting this way? It is not as if he pledged his undying love for me and I was the one who abandoned him in the first place, so why should I feel hurt by his actions? I am being too irrational for my own good. I am sure he forgot about me already, is moving on and found it weird that we were cuddling...' - He crossed his arms, leaning them on the table and, in a moment of weakness, he let his head rest on his upper arms, trying to think hard about nothing. But it was difficult and the simple thought 'I ruined everything' kept coming to his mind. –'How can a single thought, a simple action make it so hard to breathe?' – He wondered.
His hands burnt beneath the cloth that was slowly turning slightly red, but it wasn't a pain big enough to make him forget. Maybe if he had let the shards cut him deeper, harder… If they had carved themselves into his flesh, as if wanting to drink his blood, the pain tugging at his chest would cease. However, deep down, he knew it wouldn't help at all and probably only make things worse.
Asmita entered the room and sat opposite Dégel, his closed eyelids appearing to read the wizard, who started to feel watched and disturbed. Lifting his head, he faced the blind man. - "Yes, Asmita? Do you need anything?"
-"You two may be good at fighting, proposing strategies and whatnot, but when it comes to within," - The blond placed one of his hands on Dégel's chest, making the other one a bit surprised at the direct action. - "you both, how should I say it, are horrible. Children would be ashamed if they knew." - The wizard felt insulted, but the part on his brain that was rational and impartial agreed with the harsh words. He had to admit, he had never been good with things related to the heart.
- "You have everything you need, nevertheless you act as if you were born in a prison! And, to make things worse, you both are doing a good job at building it around you." - Dégel looked down, like a child that is being scolded. Asmita's voice was calm, like usual, but confident and unwavering. - "Stop resisting and be true to yourself, just for once."
TBC…
Crazy Corner
SiningStar: AND HERE IS CHAPTER 4 :D! TA NA NA NAN! What did you think :3? I hope you liked it because this chapter gave me a lot of work and headaches XDDD (well, not literally a lot of headaches, but you know the drill xD). I hope you like this new chapter and be eager for the last and fifth chapter because it will bring a very pleasant surprise XD. Although I'm still not sure as to how I'm gonna do that XDDD. Oh, and please, do hear the music Dégel sung. Its name is 'Haja o que Houver' and the translation you read was done by yours truly, moi XD. So, if you want to post it somewhere or use, do ask permission and give credit :).
Thank you Itifal-san for reviewing ^^. I think your question was answered on the first few paragraphs, no xD? We thank you also, for your constructive review, we really mean it. We're very happy that you concern yourself with the story and we promise we'll work harder from now on, so that other mistakes won't be there next time ^^. We would also like to say that we disagree on a few things, but please continue to send your opinion ^^. We'll work harder for you, Itifal-san, and for the rest of our beloved readers ^^.
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Meow-Chan: I very much look forward to chapter 5 because it is promised to be a great one from my experience of reading and beta-ing chapter 4. Yes, I think that will do...