This chapter was a bit of a struggle for me. I didn't want it to be a huge blow out but enough to be said to gain some understanding of all that's happened. I hope I did okay by it. I also want to say thank you to those of you who have reviewed, followed and/or made it a favorite. This is my first time writing any kind of story since college many years ago. I appreciate your kind words and support.

Chapter 4

It had been an exhausting day at the diner. No matter how fast the food was being served, the crowd just never seemed to die down. Jackie was spent. She hung up her apron, grabbed her purse and a container of food then prepared to head out however her coworker Carol stopped her.

"I just want to say I'm sorry about the mix-up with your schedule but we really needed you tonight. We would have drowned without you."

"It's fine. It worked out in the end I suppose. I really needed the money and tips were pretty good on the day." Jackie sighed.

"Is everything okay with you? You seem to be a little down tonight."

"I'm just tired I guess. Today has been both physical and emotionally draining. I kinda ran into someone from my past that I wasn't expecting to see. Things between us weren't so great before I left home and now I found out he's living here." replied Jackie.

"Let me guess. Is this an ex?"

"Not just an ex. THE ex if you know what I mean."

Jackie hadn't really filled her coworkers in on much of her previous life. They all knew she was a single mom and she was from Wisconsin but other than that she never really said too much else however they could all tell she had been running from something in her past. When Jackie first started working at the diner, Carol thought she was one of the saddest young ladies she had ever seen. She was friendly and a decent worker however there was always such sorrow in here eyes. Carol figured some of it was due to her hormones from the pregnancy but she could tell there was a story behind it as well. However, after the birth of her son, Jackie's spirits seemed to be much better and she saw a much more determined young woman.

"Well Minneapolis is pretty big. Maybe you won't even run into him again." Carol said trying to console Jackie.

"That's going to be pretty hard to do when he's at my house babysitting Julian as we speak. I ran into him while I was out running errands downtown. He had given us a ride home and was at the house when you called. He volunteered to watch him and since I couldn't lose my job I had no other choice." Jackie answered still not fully able to comprehend the day's events.

"Wow. That was awfully nice of him."

"I know and that's the problem. I don't want him to be nice. I want him to go away but he literally has been a lifesaver all day and as much as I want to yell and scream for him to stay the hell out of my life he's making it impossible to do." Jackie said woefully.

"Is this guy your son's father?"

"No he's not. Long story short we dated for two years then things ended really badly between us. I stuck around for a while and tried to move on but it just wasn't working out the way I hoped and I ended up moving here. He didn't even know I had a child up until today. He's the guy who broke my heart and I don't think I ever fully recovered from our relationship as much as I tried. When I moved away, I did my best to put everything behind me. I finally felt like I was making progress and then he shows up out of nowhere. I can't let him back into my life again. I have to protect my son and I can't handle another round of war with Steven Hyde. The stakes are too high now." Jackie knew her heart wouldn't be able to withstand another beating like the one she was previously dealt.

"Well it sounds like you've made up your mind but honey maybe your looking at this the wrong way. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to clear the air with him so you heart can finally be free of the pain you've been carrying around. You might've just been given the opportunity to get some closure on your past and possibly even a fresh start. I think you need to sit down with this guy and finally tell him all the things you were holding inside and then after you finishing yelling and screaming or whatever, forgive him."

"But what if I don't want to forgive him? What if I just want to forget him?" questioned Jackie.

"Sweetie that's entirely up to you but I will tell you this. Forgiving someone is not for them. It's something you do for you so you can let go of all the hurtful things that have been weighing you down. I guarantee if you do it and mean it you will feel a whole lot better." and with that Carol patted Jackie on the shoulder, grabbed her keys and headed out the door leaving her to stand there and think about all that she had been told.

As Jackie headed back home she was still so unsure of what to do about Hyde. Everything in her gut told her to run like hell but everything Carol said seemed to make so much sense. She had been searching for some sense of peace over the last two years. Could this really be a chance for that to happen or was she just setting herself up for more disappointment? Jackie felt so confused. As much as she wanted to think it was possible she knew her life didn't seem to operate that way. Her life was set up in a way where most of the people who you let in seemed to find or invent new ways to let you down. She just couldn't take the chance. She made up her mind that once she got home she would thank Steven for his help on today then let him know that it would be best if they didn't see each other again and she'd appreciate if he didn't tell the others where she was as well. When she moved here she wanted to forget about everyone and until today that was the plan. Why should she stray from it just because she saw him and he had been so wonderful and generous to her and her son today? And so what if he still smelled amazing and looked incredible, especially since he shaved that horrible mustache. "Cut it out Jackie! You know better than that. " she said out loud chastising herself.

After an introspective walk, she finally made it home and opened the door quietly. As she walked into the living room, the site before her took her breath away. Hyde was lying on his back on the couch while Julian lay on his chest with his bottle in his mouth as they both slept. The scene before her was one she always imagined during her relationship with Steven. She would come home from a long day to find her baby sleeping peacefully with Daddy. This would have been a dream come true except for the fact that Steven wasn't Julian's father and his real one would probably never hold him while he slept. Instead of being a heartwarming moment, it was suddenly just too much for Jackie to handle as the tears began to flow. She put down her belongings and retreated to the bathroom where she quietly sobbed.

Fifteen minutes later Jackie finally pulled herself together and rinsed off her face. Her eyes were still slightly red and puffy but there was nothing she could do about that. She made her way back to the living room and carefully bent down to pick Julian up from Hyde's arms so as not to awake him.

Hyde began to stir from his sleep once he felt the baby move. He opened his eyes and saw that it was just Jackie lifting up Julian. "I didn't realize I fell asleep. He seemed a bit restless at bedtime so I figured I'd keep him out here with me till he fell asleep and then put him in his crib but I guess we both dozed off. Sorry about that."

"Oh no it's fine. I'm just going to go put him down in his crib. I'll be back." Jackie said as she carried the sleeping infant down the hall.

Hyde sat up fully and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He guessed he was more tired than he realized. His evening spent with Julian had gone fairly uneventful. The baby was not much trouble at all. Hyde found him to be kind of cool actually. He didn't fuss much and was fairly happy little guy. He could tell Jackie had done a great job with him so far. That didn't surprise him though. He knew that once Jackie had a child she would do a much better job than both of her parents. She had always been great at taking care of the people she loved including him.

As she lay her son down in his crib, Jackie was still unsure of what to do about the situation waiting for her back in her living room. She was so sure of her plan on the way home but seeing Steven with her little boy asleep on his chest was causing major doubts. It seemed to provide the slight glimmer of hope that perhaps this was the time to set things straight between them. She didn't have to let him all the way back in her life but they could start small and work on at least being amicable. Jackie headed back to the living room where she saw a groggy Steven sitting on the couch.

Hyde noticed her standing there and stood up and walked over to her "Hey. Did he stay asleep?"

"Yeah he did. How did you make out tonight? Did he give you any trouble?"

"No he wasn't any trouble at all. We hung out. I drank soda and him formula, we watched some TV, you know regular guy stuff." Hyde answered.

"I brought home a plate for you from work. It's meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn. It's not Mrs. Forman's but it's pretty good."

"Oh uh thanks." Hyde was pretty hungry. He hadn't eaten since lunch and he didn't feel right eating Jackie's food in the fridge.

Jackie nodded and took a deep breath "Listen Steven, I know didn't say it earlier but thank you for everything you did for Julian and I today. I honestly don't know what I would've done without you tonight."

"It's cool Jackie. It's not a big deal."

"Yes it is a big deal. I know I was being short with you earlier and I want to apologize for that. I was thinking that if you have a little time right now maybe we can sort out a few things." Hyde nodded and Jackie led the way back over to the couch and the both sat down. "Steven I'm really hoping that we can both come to a mutual understanding but one thing I won't do is get into a knock down drag out fight with you. The moment it starts to get nasty I'm shutting this down because I won't have it around my son. Are you alright with that?"

"Yeah that's cool." Hyde answered with his statement sounding more Zen than he intended and he noticed Jackie starting to get a look of disappointment on her face. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that I'm fine with it. I was hoping that we got a chance to talk. I don't want to fight with you either." he said with complete sincerity.

"Good. Let me just say that I didn't plan to have this discussion tonight. My plan was to come home tonight, say thank you and then tell you that it was probably best that we don't see each other again but I got to thinking and realized that I don't want to keep running from my past anymore. I need to confront it head on so that's what I want to do. I could tell that you wanted to talk earlier but I wasn't ready however after you did so much for me I feel like you've earned a few answers. So before I start I just want to let you know that what I'm about say is extremely difficult for me to talk about so it would be helpful if you could just let me get it all out before you ask me any questions." Jackie knew this was going to be difficult for them both.

Deciding to accept her terms, Hyde nodded his head again.

They had so much bad history and missing gaps that Jackie didn't know where to begin. She sighed and figured it was best to maybe not rehash the whole Chicago incident just yet. That would definitely make things heated. "Alright so I guess I'll start with after the New Year came in and the gang was all together for the last time. It was so great being back with everyone and for the first time in a long time, that night I was happy. The New Year seemed to be off to a great start. Well Fez decided that since we had our first kiss that day that maybe we could try a few other things. We snuck back down to the basement. He started to kiss me and all of a sudden I froze. I tried to shake it off and tell him to continue but I couldn't get past it. As much as I wanted to blame it on the champagne I knew it was something else. Being down there with him didn't feel right. All these memories started to flood my mind and it felt like I was tainting them by being there with him as his girlfriend. Fez finally asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was sorry but I think we made a mistake. I told him that we were better off as friends. He asked me if it had anything to do with you and I told him no that we were just too great of friends to be together but I knew he saw past my lie. The truth was that it did have everything to do with you. I realized that I never fully got past our relationship and being with Fez felt like a betrayal. I knew that I wasn't doing anything wrong but it felt that way and that made me so angry. I didn't owe you anything especially after the way you were treating me at the time. Well we went back to the party and announced that we were no longer seeing each other. I looked over to you to see if you at least felt some type of relief and you just sat there with your arms crossed and 'I told you so' look on your face. I felt like such an idiot."

Hyde bowed his head a little as he started to feel a little guilty because the truth was that he was extremely relieved at the time but he wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of seeing it. What he planned to offer her was a whole list of new burns instead. He looked back up at her and nodded his head for her to continue.

"So the next day, I decided I was done with the whole situation. I was determined to get you out of my system. Initially I thought that I could do that with Fez but I realized that I was using him and I cared way too much about him to do that. He didn't deserve it. Later that night, somehow I ended up at the bar where Bud used to work. I just wanted to drink everything away till I felt numb. Well about three drinks later this guy sat down next to me and started talking to me. I could tell he was a few years older than me and I had never seen him around town so I figure what the heck, I'll chat it up with him. Turns out he was just passing thru town on his way to New Mexico. He had stopped in Point Place to rest for the night and decided to have a drink. Well a few more drinks later and I ended up dancing with him. As the night grew on and we got to drinking more all I could think of is how this could be the perfect opportunity to finally move past everything. There wouldn't be any feelings involved and could finally get any remaining traces of last year out of my system. We ended up back at his hotel and everything went as I'd hoped. When I finally woke up in the morning, he was already gone. It really didn't bother me at the time because if I had woken up first I was planning to do the same thing. Everything would've been fine and dandy except when a few weeks later I realized my period was late. You can't even imagine how much of a panic I was in at that moment. I waited about another week before finally going to the doctor to confirm my suspicions. I was pregnant. And to make matters worse, I was pregnant by a man whose last name I still don't even know. I literally cried for a whole week straight before deciding that the only option for me was to leave town. There was no way I could face you or anyone else. I was so embarrassed. I felt like such a tramp. Don't get me wrong, at first I thought about not keeping my baby but I realized that would make me no better than my own mother who tossed her own child aside when she didn't want to be bothered. I packed my bags and drove until I got tired and ended up here. I worked at a TV station for a while but they let me go because I was pregnant. After being dead broke I found my current job. I had my son a few months later and basically here I am."

Jackie had tears streaming own her face at this point. She had never told anyone the full story of how she became pregnant. It wasn't her finest moment and being a single mom already cast a shadow over her. She didn't feel the need to add to the stigma.

After listening to her story, Hyde had never felt so ashamed of himself. He knew that Jackie did the right thing by leaving town. The guy who he was before she left would've definitely had quite a few harsh words for her situation. All the anger and bitterness would've reared its ugly head again because he selfishly would've felt hurt by her actions. He was feeling hurt now but not for himself, for Jackie. He only felt guilt and shame for himself. He was breathing slowly and deeply and he could barely look Jackie in the eye.

Jackie saw a look of regret on his face and continued speaking. "Listen, Steven I didn't tell you all this to make you feel guilty or blame you for anything. I just wanted you to know what happened. I don't regret any of it because that would mean I regret my son and I have to tell you that he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I thank God every day for him. He's so amazing and I feel so lucky that he's mine. I just hope that when he's old enough to understand that he forgives me for what I did. That because of my carelessness he'll never have the chance to know his father."

Hyde finally lifted his head. "Jackie there's nothing to forgive. You were young had a lapse in judgment. He's lucky to have you as a mom. And you're right, he is an amazing kid."

"Thank you Steven that means a lot coming from you. So…I'm sure you have a few questions."

"Yeah I suppose I do." Hyde paused trying think of where to begin. "Did you ever try to find his father before leaving?" Hyde asked.

"I went back to the bar to see if one of the bartenders remembered anything but that turned out to be a wash. I only knew his first name, Kyle, and that he was from Indiana but other than that I don't know or remember much else."

"I see…Now I get why you left town the way you did having heard your side of things. Do your parents at least know where you are?" Hyde was curious to know.

"I visited my dad before I left and told him I was leaving but not why. I sent both him and my mom a postcard when I arrived here but I haven't heard from either of them since. Just as well I guess." Jackie wiped the few remaining tears from her eyes.

"I didn't mean to make you bring all this up. It's just that when I saw you today I wanted…I wanted to make sure you were doing okay I guess."

Jackie understood and was grateful that he still cared enough to check on her. When they were on good terms that's the one thing she could count on from him. "I'm doing fine. It's not perfect but I make due for now. I'll be honest with you. I had no clue about what to expect from pregnancy or having and raising a baby when I moved here. After about living here for a month I met the sweetest old lady, Mrs. Henderson. I think she kinda reminded me of Mrs. Forman and I sort of got attached to her. She's been so helpful with Julian. She taught me how to cook and what to do when I came home with the baby and now she even watches him while I work. I probably wouldn't have survived without her."

"I'm glad you had someone there for you Jackie." he said genuinely. There were so many questions he wanted to ask but he didn't want to overwhelm her plus it was getting late. "I'm sure there's a lot more for us to talk about but it's getting late and I should probably be going now. I'm sure you've had a long day." He stood to his feet and headed to the kitchen to grab his plate from the table.

Jackie got up from the couch and headed over to walk him out. "Again I appreciate all that you've done today and thank you for listening and not judging me as well. It means a lot to me."

"Hey Jackie do you think that maybe we could do this again sometime? You know the whole being civil to each other and not ripping one another to shreds." Hyde said playfully.

"I'd like that but if we're going to be friends I need to go slow with it. I still have a long way to go with being able to trust again."

"I understand and I'm cool with that. I wrote my number and address down in the kitchen. If you need anything or feel chatty give me call." Hyde said thoughtfully.

"Steven Hyde actually is making an offer for me to call and chat. I never thought I'd see the day." Jackie laughed.

"Well don't get too used to it. It's only good for one phone call." He joked. "Well uh goodnight. I'll see you around I guess." He turned and headed out the door.

"Oh and Steven, please don't mention to the others that I'm here just yet. I'm not really ready to see or talk to anyone right now. Possibly at some point but I can't handle it at the moment.

He nodded and turned back down the hall. When he got to his car he sat there for a moment finally taking in the day's events. He replayed her story in his mind and his stomach started to churn and he started to sweat. The guilt he was feeling was too much and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He got out the car and leaned against the door. He knew that he had been terrible to Jackie while he was with Sam and the months that followed. When she left, no one had really ever blamed him for her leaving but he knew deep down that he was a contributing factor. He didn't fully understand the effect of his cruelty towards her until now. He had finally broken her resolve. He pulled himself together and got back in the car finally. He looked at her building once again and decided at that moment he would do whatever it took to make it up to her and her son.

Thank you for reading and as always feedback is appreciated and welcome. =)