Ah, you know, I was so excited to write this one that I finished it in two days. I wanted to wait to publish it until Wednesday-- give it a week, you know. But here I am, sitting in front of my computer screen, and I can't wait four more days. I don't think I ran this through the spell/grammar check (although it's not to be relied on), so feel free to point out any errors you think you might find. And I'd like to say that this story is probably going to have a good number of chapters... I prefer many shorter-ish chapters to a few (or even a lot) long-ish chapters. Enjoy! (Hmm, maybe that's not the right sentiment for this chapter...)

Mid-November brought a chill accompanying the clouds hanging low in the sky. Sakura was making an emergency shopping trip, but was stuck standing behind an old lady in line at the supermarket. Supremely bored, she waited as the woman bickered with the apathetic teen cashier. Sakura tapped her fingers impatiently on a magazine rack, her eyes lazily sweeping the various pretentious gossip mags.

"Hey, Sakura." A cheery greeting came behind her as she was met with a familiar smell. She turned around to see Kakashi, all but hidden behind a teetering pile of groceries and hand up in a lazy salute.

Sakura grinned; the supermarket had just gotten a lot more interesting.

"In public without porn?" she joked. "How—"

"Adult literature," he automatically corrected.

She shook her head and peeked into his shopping cart. There was the expected assortment of vegetables, fruits, dairy products, meat… She was, however, surprised to see a few flowers wrapped in clear plastic. She squinted and identified them as sweet peas.

She rose an eyebrow in surprise. "What— or who — are those flowers for, Kakashi?"

"Hm?" It took Kakashi a moment to register what she was talking about, but he followed her gaze into the shopping cart and made the connection. "Oh, those… it's just a special someone's special day."

This immediately ignited her interest. "Who, Kakashi?" she pressed. "Whose special day is it? Who's your special someone?"

Despite her prodding, his lips were sealed. He just silently pointed to the now open spot at the register in front of her. Sakura grudgingly retired her efforts and addressed the grumpy cashier. He registered her purchase, glaring moodily as her receipt printed. "Have a nice day," he said, sounding as if he wished her quite the opposite.

Ah, the joys of adolescence… After paying, she stepped out of the way, glancing back at Kakashi as she left the store; he had fixed the now seething teenager with an infuriating smile as he placed his ridiculous amount of groceries on the sleek black conveyer belt. "Oh, you know, it's my monthly shop," she heard him saying.

She waited for him outside, holding her single plastic bag loosely in her hand and swinging it against her thigh. When he walked out and saw her standing there, his shoulders slumped a little. Instead of offending her, this only made her curiosity burn further. She was struggling to fight it, reminding herself of her little pledge of disinterest, but she couldn't stop the questions popping up in her head. Who did he buy the flowers for? Does he have a girlfriend? Wouldn't he have told me? Is it someone he thinks I don't like? Is he just pulling my leg?

She forced herself to maintain her composure while her internal struggle raged on inside her.

"Hey," she said, hoping her cheer didn't sound too forced. "I thought you might want some company."

"Oh, of course," he said sarcastically, rolling his visible eye. "I'm in constant desire of your presence." As he fell into step beside her, she had to remind herself he was being sarcastic.

Sakura watched with mild amusement as he worked to balance his tower of paper bags. "You know, in case you can't handle those," she joked, "I could certainly carry some for you."

He straightened his back defiantly, eliciting a laugh from Sakura. Even behind the mask, she could see his grin. She nudged him with her elbow. "What about those flowers, huh? Who are they for?"

She watched the transformation that took place in his face by concentrating on his visible eye. His expression changed from a playful grin to a calm smile; she thought he looked a little sad.

"They're for a special someone on her special day," he repeated.

"Who's the special someone?" she asked, working against frustration. "Have you actually managed to land yourself a girl?"

Kakashi gave a little shake of the head. "It's no one you know," he assured her.

Her heart fell a little. He has a girlfriend? Externally, she appeared as upbeat as ever. "Aha!" she exclaimed. "You just as good as confirmed my suspicions, Kakashi."

He only shook his head again and said, "It's not what you're thinking."

Nudging him once more, Sakura asked, "Who's your sweet pea?"

He blinked. The surprise was fleeting, but Sakura noticed; she knew she hit a nerve.

"Don't act so surprised," she chided. Truthfully, she was a little confused. "You're the one with the sweet pea… The flowers, I mean." He nodded absently. There was silence as they continued to walk.

Once they had reached his building, Kakashi stopped. Sakura followed suit, and he regarded her for a long time. Finally, he said blankly, "You're right… But all parties are a little late."

Leaving her utterly confused, he eye-crinkled, saluted, and promptly disappeared into his building.

Sakura was stunned. On the inside, however, there was a torrent of emotion as her curiosity erupted. She walked calmly a few blocks before she was positive there was no way Kakashi could still see her, at which point she broke into a run.

Questions flew through her head as she headed for Kurenai's house, all self-pledges and sermons about willpower forgotten. All she could focus on was Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi— his name echoed like a mantra in her head. She could no longer let those opportunities go unexplored; she needed to see the rest of those tapes.

Skidding to a stop in front of Kurenai's building and panting, she experienced a flicker of doubt flitting across her mind. Am I being too rash? She pushed that thought aside— she needed to know, and she needed to know now. She ran up the stairs and knocked firmly on the door, holding her breath. The door was opened to reveal Akio, Kurenai's nine-year-old son. Sakura sighed with relief

"Hey," he said lazily, lollipop dangling from his mouth. "Mom's not home."

Sakura mentally cheered. "Could I just borrow a movie?" she asked. "There was something I wanted to watch, and I figured…"

She didn't need to finish. The kid waved her in, stepping out of her way and heading to his own room. Sakura slipped into Kurenai's room and headed straight for the closet, flipping on its light to aid her in her search. She sought the movie box with a passionate eye; she ignored her surroundings completely, not even flinching as the phone rang shrilly. She concentrated solely on her target, experiencing a rush of adrenaline as she found the box. She sifted through the tapes, looking for another labeled 'Kakashi'. She grabbed one at random before hearing approaching footsteps.

By the time Akio entered his mother's room, the closet door was closed and Sakura was on the other side of the room; she appeared to be engrossed in the movie shelf. Unbeknownst to the young boy, the VHS tape Sakura took from the closet was stowed safely in her shopping bag.

"Mom wanted to talk to you," he said; she looked up, and he handed her the phone.

"Oh, thanks." Sakura took the phone from him. "Hey, Kurenai," she said cheerfully.

"Hey!" Kurenai sounded pretty upbeat. "I'm calling from the supermarket— I just wanted to ask Akitchan what sort of cereal he wanted, he's so picky… Anyway, I wanted to thank you for helping me out with the apartment— it had been a complete disaster." She took a breath. "What movie did you want to borrow?"

Without even thinking, Sakura said the first thing that came to mind; the words just slipped out.

"Icha Icha Violence."

Silence.

Static erupted as Kurenai sighed heavily. "Kakashi is definitely starting to rub off on you." Sakura could only laugh shakily.

Kurenai sighed again. "My library, while admittedly extensive, does not carry that particular title."

"Sorry," Sakura said hurriedly. "Bye, Kurenai."

"Good-bye, Sakura," Kurenai said wearily before hanging up. Sakura handed the phone back to Akio, who was wearing a smirk Sakura didn't much care for.

"Sorry for bothering you," she said. He shook his head, and she left. On the way home, she kept up a brisk pace, eager to watch the tape.

Despite her intentions, she could not watch the tape right away. When she got home, Ino was waiting for her, harboring a burning desire to gossip. Sakura obliged, but she was distracted the entire time and pretty disengaged with the conversation. Unfortunately, this only made Ino keep her longer to try to squeeze some conversation out of her. Finally, she realized that Sakura was not going to budge and that it wasn't getting any earlier, so she left in a huff.

Content at last, Sakura curled up on her chair with popcorn. She thought she might as well enjoy something she thought she certainly deserved; how could she not be curious with Kakashi out buying flowers for a girl and keeping secrets? Her heart thumping, she pressed 'play'.

She was surprised when the tape did not seem to possess its usual home-movie feel. There was black right away before a date, real time, and a number appeared on the bottom right corner of the screen. The black was replaced by a fixed shot of a hospital room. Sakura recognized the number as a room number at Konoha's own hospital. The date was some twenty-one years earlier at about 3:50 in the afternoon.

A brown-haired girl was lying on the solitary bed, attached to a few machines. She appeared to be unconscious. The camera was at an angle; Sakura presumed it to be in a corner of the room as usual. She was more than a little confused; what sort of tape was this?

Before she had a chance to assess the on-screen situation, someone tore into the hospital room. Sakura could hear the door bang against the wall and crash shut as a teenage Kakashi ran into the room. He stopped abruptly at the edge of the bed, swaying at the sudden interference with inertia. He was panting, clad in full ANBU uniform sans porcelain mask, which had clattered to the floor at his feet. He stood frozen for a few seconds before collapsing into a chair beside the girl's bed and putting his head in his hands.

There was silence except for the beeping of the machines. Kakashi was shaking.

The girl's hand moved, and her eyelids fluttered. Kakashi snapped his head up. His voice hoarse, he croaked, "Rin?"

Rin did not respond for a moment before weakly trying to smile. "Kakashi," she rasped.

Kakashi inched closer to her, scraping the chair legs on the floor. "Rin—" His voice faltered as she began to cough. He hovered beside her in silence until the coughs subsided. He seemed to twitch as she moaned; she was in obvious pain. "Kashi…" she whispered. "So much… I'm hurting…"

When Kakashi spoke, his voice was much higher than usual. Sakura wasn't sure if it was just because he was younger, but regardless, he sounded very frightened. "What… what happened?" he asked tentatively.

Rin only whimpered. There was a pause before, sounding very scared, she said, "He…" She shuddered, but she did not continue. Impulsively, it seemed, Kakashi reached out a hand to take hers. More whimpers escaped Rin, followed by some inconclusive attempts at speech. After a few long moments, she began to cry. This must have made her whole body ache with pain; regardless, it sent the monitor beeping more incessantly.

Kakashi pressed himself against the side of the bed, pushing himself as close as possible while still sitting on the chair. He started rubbing her hand soothingly. "Everything will be all right," he whispered shakily; Sakura was surprised the camera could pick it up. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you anymore."

Rin had already quieted, her eyes closed again. Sakura could tell she was on the brink of death. Kakashi's talking had stopped, but he kept rubbing her hand.

Rin started to mumble; most was incoherent, but Sakura could make out the word "winter". Kakashi laughed, sounding a little hysterical. He squeezed her hand. "You're talking nonsense, Rin." He tried to push some hair lovingly from her face, but his hands were shaking too hard. "It's spring, Rin," he whispered. "It's your favorite season." His words were met only with the beeping of the machine. It was slowing down, but it seemed that Kakashi was oblivious. He kept talking, whispering sweet nothings to the dying girl in front of him.

"Almost all the s-snow has melted, R-Rin," he said, nodding at the window across from him. "Puddles… there'll be lots of them… remember how Obito used to splash in them? He would get us all wet, and Sensei would just laugh… Just look outside the window, Rin, j-just open your eyes and l-look out the window… Look, Rin…"

He squeezed her hand so hard Sakura thought it might break. He failed to register that the heart monitor had gone blank.

"Can't you see the birds?"

The tape cut to black, and then to static.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Sakura was completely still, her mouth frozen open in shock. Her bowl of popcorn remained untouched. Her mind was reeling— she could not believe what she had just seen. For several long moments, she could not even move, staring numbly at the crackling static on the screen.

Oh my God… I just watched Rin die.

After her initial shock subsided, she was staggeringly overwhelmed by a wave of guilt. She felt sickened with herself for actually being excited to see this; she almost threw up over the popcorn she had so naively taken out. She hated herself for giving into the temptation to watch the movie in the first place. I should have seen this coming, she berated herself. I heard him say that they ended badly; I should have known something bad was going to happen. She felt her lip trembling as she thought about how she had pressed Kakashi for information on Rin; no wonder he had been so reluctant. She fought the image of Kakashi the teenager babbling to a corpse and shakily stood up. She made her way to the bathroom, where she splashed her face with cold water.

The water seemed to shock something out of her. Hey, she reminded herself, I shouldn't be feeling half this guilty. She had no way of knowing that after the first two harmless home movies, this one would be a depressing hospital tape. It certainly didn't fit the pattern; how the hell did this get mixed in with Asuma's good-natured amateur videos? Additionally, she had, if not every right, at least some right to be curious about Rin. It was perfectly normal to ask about a friend's old friends or lovers; lack of curiosity would have been strange. Besides, it wasn't as if she was aware of the situation. Aside from a vague comment from Kakashi, she hadn't even the faintest inkling that the nature of this tape would be anything but benign. Looking at herself in the mirror, she nodded at her determined reflection.

She listened to the static in the background as she analyzed her own appearance. She scowled at the red and puffy eyes; they brought her mind back to the hysterical Kakashi. Her eyes started to water again as she contemplated what he must have gone through. Watching his girlfriend and last remaining teammate die while he was utterly helpless must have taken an immense toll on him. She felt a rush of sympathy for him, and was overcome by the urge to give him a warm squeeze. She stared at the mirror awhile longer without actually seeing it. Poor Kakashi… She heaved an almighty sniffle before rubbing her eyes and brushing her teeth. She slipped into her bed, about as subdued as possible. She lay awake for a long time before finally falling into restless sleep.

(…)

Sakura listened to the soothing sound of waves crashing gently against the shore as she walked along a moonlit beach. It was midnight, and the stars flashed friendly twinkles her way. She turned to see a person walking next to her; Kakashi gave her a cheerful smile. "Hello, Sakura." His deep voice rumbled pleasantly from within his chest.

"Hey." She smiled happily at him, and they fell into a comfortable silence as they continued their stroll down the beach. Warmth radiated from his tall figure, and his silver hair sparkled in the starlight.

The flapping of birds' wings came from overhead. Both of them looked up, watching them fly across the sky. Suddenly, the deep indigo of the sky congealed into an ugly red. She heard Kakashi start to laugh beside her. Frightened, she turned to him, but he was no longer the calm adult she knew. He had shed twenty years and was now a teenager, wearing an ANBU uniform splattered with blood. The contrast was sickening; the sky, she now noticed, was the same color as the fresh blood decorating his white vest. He was still staring at the sky, his entire body shaking as he laughed. He turned to face her, and she saw that he was crying.

She reached out a hand to comfort him, but she could not muster the energy to lift it. As she struggled to move, she found her entire body too weak and was suddenly trapped, immobile, in a hospital bed.

The bright white of the room's walls was a painful change from the red of the sky. Her eyes had a hard time adjusting, adding to the frustration she was experiencing with her own body. She realized after a few seconds that Kakashi was at her side; they were staring straight at each other. He was shaking violently— far more than a human is normally capable of— so hard that his entire image was shimmering. Flickers of the Kakashi she knew broke through the hysterical teenager standing before her; he would occasionally be taller, or wearing his forehead protector over his Sharingan. For the most part, though, the younger Kakashi was stronger and blocked out any visual leaks of his future self.

Kakashi reached out a hand to grab hers, which dragged his indecisive form into painful clarity. Sakura's eyes rolled back into her head, and she saw those black birds juxtaposed against the blood red sky. She could hear Kakashi asking her if she could see the birds, again and again, repeating the question at increasingly higher pitches. The words grew indistinguishable from each other as they became the shrill screeching of the birds. This shrieking twisted into a familiar chirping, accompanied by crackling blue lightning. It plunged straight into her chest, but she could not feel it. She could only feel her body racking with gut-wrenching sobs, driving the blood out of her as the Raikiri pierced her heart.

Sakura awoke, thrashing and sobbing. She was completely entangled in her blankets and drenched in a cold sweat. Shaking, she tried to calm her ragged breathing. She sat up, freezing cold and hugging her knees to her chest. After she had relaxed a little, she went to the bathroom and rinsed off in the shower. The water felt like ice against her skin, but she barely registered it. She was too focused on trying to shake the images from her head.

When she finished, she walked back to her room and crawled back into bed, lying down and watching the sky start to lighten outside her window. It was dawn, and she was caught in the frustrating limbo between being too tired to move but not tired enough to sleep. After a while, she accepted that she was not going to get any more sleep. Truthfully, she was a little afraid of going back to sleep; she did not want to have another dream like that. She decided that the best think to do would be to satisfy her sudden urge for fresh air— anything to get away from her bedroom, which felt like a dungeon. She pulled on some clothes and wrapped her coat around her before leaving.

She started walking outside, hugging herself in the early-morning chill. Although she made a few attempts to avoid it, her mind inevitably came to settle on Rin. She began running over everything she knew about the girl, as if bare facts could somehow disguise the cold gripping at her heart.

Kurumi Rin, a medic and shinobi of Konoha, she thought mechanically. Brown hair, brown eyes, distinguishing purple markings on either cheek. Date of birth, November fifteenth… November fifteenth. Wait…

Isn't that today?

A jolt of understanding pierced her forced monotony.

"What — or who — are those flowers for, Kakashi?"

"Hm? Oh, those… It's just a special someone's special day."

She contained a groan of frustration. HOW could I not have noticed that?

As she mulled over this newfound connection, her feet were unconsciously leading her to the Memorial Stone. Caught up in her contemplation, she did not register her location until she was standing behind a familiar patch of trees. Kakashi sat in front of the monument, clearly visible to her, and she realized where she was.

She felt a tug at her heart and a swoop of the stomach that ended in a lurch. She watched him curiously; she had no idea what he was doing. Doesn't he normally stand? Maybe he just got tired.

Without really thinking, she approached him. He looked over his shoulder in surprise. Rather than his usual jounin uniform, he was wearing his funeral clothing. Sakura stopped next to him, and she saw that he had been eating. She realized with a start that his mask was down.

In spite of the circumstances and her present state of mind, she couldn't help but observe him. He was handsome, lacking any disfigurements except for the scar across his closed left eye. His nose was straight, and his cheekbones high. She had always wondered if perhaps his droopy eye would be a turn-off, but he somehow managed to pull it off beautifully. A piece of her was ecstatic at finally being exposed to his entire face, but she did not feel as triumphant or enthusiastic as she had always expected. Instead, she felt a pang in her heart; her chest ached as he smiled at her. For the first time, she could see more than just a crinkling eye, but his mouth was a much poorer mask than the one he usually wore. Evident behind the forced cheer was a subtle but deep level of hurt.

"Don't worry," he assured her. "Staring and blushing is a common first reaction to seeing my face, although I'm a little concerned about the frown."

In spite of herself, Sakura gave him a wry smile. "What are you doing?"

"Eating breakfast," he said matter-of-factly, as if it were a completely normal thing to be doing at this time and place. She shook her head and sat down beside him. She turned to face the Stone, noticing the flowers from the day before.

"Happy birthday," she murmured. She felt Kakashi's gaze move to her, but she stared hard at the flower. She noticed that there was a little card attached.

Happy, birthday, Rin-chan!

-Kakashi

Possessed by a sudden flood of emotion, Sakura gave no warning as she turned to kiss him.

Kakashi showed minimal hesitation before responding passionately. It lasted for what felt to Sakura for forever, and when they stopped, he gave her another, more tender kiss. His lips lingered on hers; she could taste his breakfast on his breath. When they pulled apart, he still had his hand cupped around her chin, and one of her hands was entwined in the hair on the back of his neck. His eyes were swimming with emotion. Sakura tried her best to decipher his expression, although it wasn't too hard to figure out what he was thinking. She could tell by the way he was looking at her that this wasn't the first time he had thought romantically of her; she thought he might have been grappling with feelings for her for a little while now, but no more than a few months. It would explain why he had reciprocated; otherwise, he would have tried to stop her. There was conflict in his eyes, though, and she understood that she was fourteen years his junior… She, however, was pretty much beyond caring about that, and she hoped that the indecision playing across both his half-lidded eyes would lean her way. Something eventually clicked in his eyes, and she thought that, for now, at least, he was convinced that his affections were not misplaced. (It was an awful lot of conjecture on Sakura's part, of course, but she felt more connected to him than she ever had, and a face was much easier to read than one black eye.)

Looking at him and seeing the tenderness of his gaze, Sakura was once again overwhelmed by sympathy and what she finally admitted to be attraction. Her lip trembled, and she pulled him into a hug.

He returned it, rubbing her back soothingly. She all but melted in the warmth of his arms; for the first time since she woke up, she felt the cold dissipate. She gave him a final squeeze before pulling back and wiping her eyes. She gave a nervous laugh. "I probably look like a wreck."

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't particularly care."

She smiled to herself before hungrily eyeing his breakfast.

"Oh, gosh, I'm so hungry," she groaned. As if on cue, her stomach grumbled in agreement. She let out an exaggerated sigh. "If only there was a nice big breakfast sitting just within my reach, and a kind gentleman willing to offer some to me…"

She threw Kakashi a mischievous sideways glance, catching his half-smile. "You don't want this stuff," he said, gesturing at his food. "It's all half-eaten. Perhaps you'd be interested in dinner instead?"

Sakura's heart swelled at this smooth invitation. Trying to hide her grin, she scooped up some of his food anyway. Stuffing it into her mouth, she said, "I'm hungry now." However, her chews were thoughtful, and she considered his offer before swallowing.

"But dinner sounds good, too."