It's been about two weeks on this ship. Two weeks and I'm still here.

I looked down at the railing I was gripping, absentmindedly running a thumb over the peeling red paint and weather worn wood. I was still enthralled by how real everything felt.

I could feel the breeze like a warm caress, feel each tendril of hair it gathered and blew across my cheek and neck. I could hear a flag flapping higher above, the gentle thumping the waves made against the hull, and the strain and creak of the ship. There were a few seagulls that soared above, their shadows casting patterns over the water below. The water was a ever changing, sometimes dark green and foreboding, othertimes playful as it caught the light of the sun and reflected it back.

I sighed heavily, ignoring the garbled conversations around me.

We had been on this ship for a while now and time above deck was precious. The ship was crowded with refugees fleeing Ferelden and for safety we were usually kept below deck, crowded together in the cargo space. The smell of unwashed bodies and waste was near unbearable at this point and so to avoid a riot the crew had recently allotted us an hour in the sunlight every day.

We had been on the ship for about two weeks now and by the crew's estimations we would be arriving in Kirkwall tomorrow morning. The excitement on that news had drastically improved everyone's morale.

Including mine.

The loss of Bethany and Wesley were still fresh in my mind. We had buried them quickly atop the mountain with only a few stones to mark their graves before we departed with Flemeth. Her promised aid had come in the form of a protection rune that rendered us invisible to Darkspawn. She had also provided us with detailed instructions on how to reach Gwarn and the safe places within the wilds we could stop to camp, gather food, or find water.

Our path was long and not easy as we traveled through the Brecillian forest and even with no danger of Darkspawn there were bears and wolves to trouble us there.

Reaching Gwarn was only partly a relief for me. The city was overcrowded with refugees and it was a hard fight to purchase the tickets we needed. I was terrified they would leave me behind at first as I had no money with which to buy my own passage and Leandra was still angry with me over Bethany, but when Aldrin returned he had a ticket for me as well. However, only Carver seemed truly pleased that I would be continuing to travel with them.

I didn't blame them.

I should have been able to save Bethany and I felt it right that Leandra held me accountable for her death.

That made it no less difficult to endure the consistent comments the woman made regarding it though, and by the second week in I snapped. "Stop acting like I wanted her to die! I'm not the damn maker, Leandra. I can't foresee every possibility, but I did prevent her death the way I saw it. She was going to die protecting you. That's why I was there beside you so if things went south, it would be me and not your daughter that took that blow. I'm as sorry as you are that it didn't work out that way."

Leandra looked taken aback by my outburst and though I could see her throat working to reply she turned her head aside instead.

In the following silence, Aveline moved to sit next to me. "...That was not well said."

"I know," I sighed, releasing the pent up frustration. "I don't blame her for hating me. I should have spoken up earlier, warned everyone about the dangers we were about to face."

"You have to stop taking Leandra so personally, she's mad at herself. She lost a daughter and it is not unexpected that she wishes for one of us to have died instead. But those kinds of thoughts are hard to think and they trouble her, so she is searching for a reason to feel that way. She tries to blame you even though she knows you did everything you could. We all do." Aveline retaliated as she leaned back. "You're a kind soul, Marian. Continue to show her that and she'll come around."

"Thank you Aveline," I replied, unable to come up with anything better. What she said made sense, but it certainly promised the trip to be no easier.

I followed her advice though and by this point Leandra had stopped making comments, even accepted food from me with a thanks and a smile. It was a drastic improvement and boded well for Kirkwall.

Kirkwall. What the flying fuck was I supposed to do when I got to Kirkwall.

I had gone over it a thousand times in my head already. No matter what angle I looked at it from, my only hope was to rely on Hawke and his family. No matter what contract they accepted it required being able to fight and I just didn't have the skillset for that. I would need them to get me in.

It had worried me so consistently that I already told Aldrin what to expect on his arrival there, hoping that small reminder of my powers would urge him to vouch for me. Once I was inside the city I could do a bit better on fending for myself. I had server skills or I could eke out a living as a street performer. There were options.

What really mattered past getting inside was remaining close to Aldrin Hawke in some capacity.

I was entirely convinced that he was the reason I was here: to right the wrongs that he would commit. He was in no uncertain terms a psychopath. Think Hanibal Lector or BBC's Sherlock for inspiration. I had always been fascinated with that type of mindset; those who were highly intelligent, yet apathetic to the feelings of others and so I had roleplayed Aldrin as one. He was smart, cold, able to be your best friend one moment and indifferently manipulate you the next with no capability in his design to see why that was wrong. Aldrin wasn't a serial killer but he was curious; and he would do anything to satisfy his curiosities, even sacrifice those he called friend and family.

There would be many manipulative and evil acts Aldrin would commit that I would not expect, but I knew the major ones and those I planned to avoid.

Fenris was one of them; handed back to Danarius in return for the secrets to the lyrium markings. Merrill was another; manipulated into a relationship in order to gain access to the Eluvian. Isabela too, handed back to the Qunari as a reward for her loyalty. Aveline even, to an extent; her relationship with Donnic sabotaged in order to keep her tied to him. Varric would not suffer directly, but Aldrin would push for research on the shard and Bartrand with no concern for his well-being on those matters.

Carver and Leandra were different. They both suffered, but not because of any direct actions on Aldrin's part. However, trying to avoid their fates by telling Aldrin the truth would ensure they were at risk. Carver because Aldrin would want to study the effects of blight sickness and would also see the advantages of having a contact in the Grey Wardens. His own mother he may not sacrifice, but he would definitely aid the necromancer's efforts in reanimating a mismatched body.

Again, who knew how many other lives he would ruin in those gaps not shown in the game, but these at least I meant to prevent. I just needed to earn the trust of everyone myself and hope by the time I needed to manipulate them, they were already wary of trusting Aldrin.

The one thing I was completely certain about was that Aldrin Hawke would come after me one day. The more I demonstrated a reliable ability to predict the future the more curious he would become until eventually he would want to see what made me tick. Since I mysteriously appeared one day, it would be nothing for me to mysteriously disappear another.

I would need to do my best to avoid being alone with him. I had already decided to approach Isabela regarding lessons in self-defense, but even then that would only help me so far. It would be an easy matter if my powers of foresight developed rapidly and allowed me to see the future as it was altered. As it stood now, I only knew events as they would happen in the game and not, as it was proved during the ogre battle, as they would actually happen.

Which meant for all the time that I spent thinking about it, I still had no certain plans on what to do.

The bell tolled, calling for an end to my group's time above deck. I took one last lingering look at the watery depths before I pinched my nose and headed back down into the dank recesses of the ship. Despite all my anxiety about it, I could not wait to disembark.