We Need More Lambrini!
Shepard let out a yawn as she padded her way through the mess hall towards the little kitchen to look through the small containers Rupert had left for the crew if they got hungry through the night, scratching the back of her head to get rid of an irritating itch that had suddenly occurred.
Tomorrow they would be hitting Horizon, their destination, bright and early and despite how much her bones ached in excitement at maybe seeing Ash again Shepard just couldn't shake the feeling that tomorrow would be a disaster waiting to happen.
It was why she was up in the first place with her bunny slippers and her panda hat on to cover most of her hair apart from the few rebellious strands at the back of her neck, tickling her nape until Shepard growled and tugged at them to try and keep the spiky strands away.
She was so tired too. So tired of not being able to sleep well at night because of the reoccurring nightmares of Ash's body being ripped away from her fingertips and impaled on a spike; the image was too disturbing and Shepard half-thought that maybe the Reapers had a severe connection her and that they were taunting her for amusement.
Maybe they were, maybe they weren't and maybe she was thinking too hard on it, but it still didn't change the fact that she hadn't slept soundly for a good while now and it was affecting her performance in battle.
Garrus didn't mention it, neither did Kasumi but the others? They were always quick to remind her, damn typical of Cerberus (minus Jack of course) to rebuild her as good as new and then spit verbal abuse at her a moment later at her flaws. Damn typical.
Kasumi. She had been a good friend the past couple of weeks and the relief Shepard felt when she was with the master thief was calming, she'd never felt so free in all her life apart from when she was back on Earth with the Reds and even then had she ever truly been free?
Shepard couldn't complain though, whilst being the first human Spectre hadn't been on her list of to-do's she was certainly grateful at becoming one even now that she was stuck in a partnership with Cerberus - even if the Alliance had turned their back on her, she still wasn't entirely pleased to be grouped together with terrorists and whatnot.
With a sigh Shepard reached for the container that held her small pudding in and brought it to her nose, popping the container open before sniffing the pudding with a delightful sigh escaping her at the heavenly smell of caramel.
She got up from her position and made her way over to the cabinet to fetch a spoon, cradling it in her free hand whilst placing the pudding into the microwave with her other; sighing at the splitting headache that had managed to worm its way into her brain.
All she could think about was shooting something in the training rooms down below near the Normandy's engines (she was pretty sure that was a health and safety hazard but this was Cerberus right? They were allowed to break the rules) but of course that'd be a damn disaster considering how silent the Normandy ran - the silence even making it hard for people like Kasumi to remain notorious for long.
Grunt (the new baby Krogan that Shepard had released from his pod a week back) was awed at her need for battle and relinquished in the adrenaline she wished to feel every second she was away from the battlefield but deep inside Shepard was ashamed of such desire coming from her most primal nerves; how could she be like this? She wasn't some sort of animal for crying out loud! She was a living, breathing human!
And Christ, she needed a drink right now.
Instead of waiting for her pudding to heat up Shepard turned her attention onto the cupboard at the far-side wall of the kitchen, waltzing over towards the cupboard to open it with a fading smile at the realisation that not only was the cupboard (which had been full to the brim with alcohol last Friday, not that she had touched it thank you very much) was empty but there was also a little sticky note plastered to the cupboard door.
'Don't bother Commander, I've hidden them to a place where you can't find them. - Miranda'.
Shepard buried her face in the palms of her hands and groaned, allowing her fingers to drag her skin down until she looked like she was about to rip her own face off.
"Damn it Lawson!" She cursed loudly instead, slamming the cupboard door shut and pouting angrily at the loud impact it made due to her aggression.
A chuckle coming from behind her made Shepard glare over her shoulder to see that none other than Miss Lawson was laughing at her, arms crossed over her chest and her hair that was normally down was tied up into a tight ponytail.
"Ah so you've seen my little note?" Miranda said in that smug, superior tone that Shepard turned her nose up at with a snort. "I was wondering when you'd see that, it's been up there for days."
Shepard turned to face her XO with a frown, chin resting in her two hands with her brow pulled together in irritation. "All I wanted was a drink to calm my nerves Lawson, it ain't like I'm asking you for some damn red sand!"
Miranda's face suddenly turned serious and Shepard found herself immediately missing her unusually happy XO.
"This mission is too important for you to have a hangover tomorrow morning Commander, no alcohol full stop for this mission. It's been affecting your performance, you've become slow and sluggish and that is lowering the crew's morale."
Shepard's eyes bugged and the slow, coiling anger she had felt growing at Miranda's presence snapped and all at once she felt her fist collide with the sharp metal of the kitchen cabinet; a hiss of pain escaping her lips for a brief moment until she pushed such useless pain away to scowl angrily at Miranda - not really surprised to see her XO's expression to remain as vacant as it always was.
"Slow? Sluggish? I'll have you know I feel as fit as I've ever been!" Shepard snapped with unbelievable restraint at not taking Miranda down to the training room to spar in hand-to-hand combat to show Miss Lawson who the true slow and sluggish one.
Miranda merely tapped her cheek in response, looking as confident and brazen as ever. "Perhaps you should act like that in battle then? We're worried about your state of mind and your physical capabilities at the moment Commander."
"Fuck you Lawson!" Shepard retorted with a growl, turning her back on the Cerberus operative to glare heatedly down at the now finished caramel pudding inside the microwave. "Why don't you say it how it really is? We're worried about your state of mind and physical capabilities because holy shit it means your precious project - me! - has failed!"
That had seemed to affect Miranda more than Shepard had thought possible, or so it looked when Shepard turned (with her caramel pudding) to see that Miranda was staring at her open-mouthed; obviously in shock at the venom that had spurted out of Shepard's mouth in quick quips of poison.
That quickly changed however because all Shepard had to do was blink and Miranda had transformed back into the same old ice queen.
"While you may think that Commander, that is not the case," Shepard revelled in the way Miranda's nose flared at her intended bitter laughter that she had thrown her XO's way. "If there's something bothering you then please tell me so I can make a note of it."
Shepard thought about this for a moment and held a hand up to signal this to her XO, spooning a piece of caramel pudding into her mouth for a moment before chewing on it thoroughly and then gulping it down so loudly that she saw Miranda twitch slightly at the loud gulping noise.
"There is one thing I'd like more than anything right now…" Shepard started with a sly wink in Miranda's direction, walking over to her XO with a cocky grin on her features and only stopping when she felt Miranda's breath on her cheek.
Either Miranda refused to back down or she was too immobilized to move back anyway (to be honest Shepard was secretly hoping it was the later) because the Cerberus operative's eyes absolutely rejected moving any place else but at Shepard.
Shepard cleared her throat. "We need more pudding. And some lambrini. We need it terribly Miss Lawson or I'll eat Grunt. But of course, don't want to disturb your night."
She pushed past her XO with a larger grin (resisting the urge to turn back round to see Miranda's expression) and made her way to the elevator, slipping inside and laughing immediately at seeing who already was there.
"Are you following me Kasumi?" God, what had she done in life to deserve such an awesome ninja of a friend?
Kasumi smirked and tossed a small bottle of lambrini at her before exiting the elevator with a laugh and a mock salute. "You know me Shep, always know your every need."
"Miranda's going to kill you…" Shepard murmured with a shake of her head, rubbing at the nape of her neck to try and loosen the muscle.
Kasumi's last quip of 'not if you don't tell her' made Shepard smile before the elevator doors closed, sending Shepard back up to her own cabin for another night of restlessness.
"What you're genuinely shocked that I'm with Cerberus now?" Shepard scoffed at the betrayal in Ash's eyes, feeling as though she was about to collapse any second now. Ash, her best friend Ash…
"They rebuilt me Ash but I'm not part of them!" She continued with growing distress, her panic rising as the betrayal in Ash's eyes got more noticeable. "Hell if I had any other option I'd be piggybacking onto the Alliance right now but they've got the intel I need to stop the Reapers, do you understand?"
Ash's eyes narrowed and the Alliance soldier took a step back with a shake of her head. "No Shepard this just isn't right. It doesn't add up, the reports about you and Cerberus and now this?"
Miranda clicked her tongue behind Shepard and shook her head. "Typical Alliance attitude, never willing to see the full picture."
Ash glared over at the Cerberus operative over Shepard's shoulder before returning her gaze to Shepard's stunned blue eyes. "You turned your back on everything we stood for! The Alliance! The Council! Just to be with Cerberus!"
"I'm not WITH Cerberus Ash!" Shepard growled out despite her better judgement, taking a step forward to try and grab her friend's wrist so she could at least try and get Ash to listen to her. "Does it actually matter who I'm with as long as I'm trying to stop the Collectors? You know me Ash! I wouldn't do this if I had a choice."
"You had a choice Shepard! Everyone has a choice!" Ashley retorted back with her forefinger jabbed into Shepard's chest, pushing the Commander back until she was in the middle of both Kasumi and Miranda. "You left the Alliance behind, you left Anderson behind and…You left me behind! Damn it Shepard, you were more than just my Commander!"
Shepard just about caught the edgy look in Kasumi's dark eyes before Ash's voice one more drew her attention back onto the soldier. "You were my friend Commander and now? What the hell am I supposed to do?"
Shepard shrugged and waved her hand flippantly over her shoulder. "Well I was going to ask you to join my crew to stop the Reapers but hell, guess I should of known you'd react like this."
"React like what Shepard?" Ashley said with a bitter laugh, turning her back fully on the Commander. "Like you've betrayed the Alliance? Heck, you'll have to forgive me Commander because that's what it sure looks like."
Shepard could feel her anger start to cloud most of any reasonable thoughts she had kept stored in her mind and despite how hard she tried, she released it into pure snark. "Go report that to the Council then why don't you? See if they believe your cock-and-bull story. But why wouldn't they? They were obviously the ones who made such shit up!"
"Hey Shep, calm down hey?" Kasumi's voice seemed to be the only thing that was neutralising her lately because as soon as Shepard heard the exotic lilt of the master thief's voice she felt herself breathe in deeply, calmly…
Ashley didn't look behind her shoulder once and of course that was another reason for her anger to thrash against her chest like a wild beast but Shepard coiled such anger into her being and breathed in deeply once more, attempting to stop herself from losing control and punching someone flat out.
Instead she forced her shaking hand to press down onto her com with her voice gruffer than it had ever been before. "Joker bring the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this damn colony to last a lifetime."
"Or two, in your case." Kasumi quipped and without fully realizing it until a few moments later, Shepard found herself feeling charmed.
"Or two." She repeated with a brief smile, eyes rooted to the ground where Ash had stood before Shepard turned her back on the patch of ground; head held high in the air.
Miranda's eyes was on her but Shepard chose to ignore them, only fully comprehending her XO when the shuttle arrived to take them back to the Normandy and even then it was hard to try and unblock her throat enough to speak properly.
"Once we get to the Normandy I'd like to be alone for a few hours."
"The Illusive Man…" Miranda started but Shepard cut her off with fierce, angry and not to mention, betrayed eyes.
"Fuck the Illusive Man."
And that was that.
Kasumi tapped her fingers together casually, finding herself staring down at none other than Miss Miranda Lawson who had been sighing at the image the cameras were showing her for about fifteen minutes now.
"She hasn't moved from engineering has she?" Kasumi asked again before throwing up a spare chit in the air and catching it in her palm.
Miranda shook her head in response, sighing once more. "No she hasn't. She's just sitting near Jack's hidey hole playing Snap with herself. Good god, that woman has a bizarre way of handling things."
Kasumi snorted and patted the pocket near her hip with a grin. "Shep's a good person and all but she doesn't mean half the stuff that comes out of her mouth. She wants someone to talk to."
Miranda arched a brow and typed something into her terminal, brow creased in what Kasumi recognized to be obvious concentration - it almost looked like Miranda was trying to push away the subject of Shepard completely because she was uncomfortable and maybe she was? It would certainly amuse Kasumi to no end.
"And what would you have me do? You're the one who she talks to the most." Miranda said with a wave of her hand towards her terminal where she was still keeping a close eye on her Commander.
Kasumi shrugged and gave Miranda her the best serious look she could muster without cracking up. "It wouldn't hurt for you two to have a talk considering what happened last night."
Miranda's eyes flashed in recognition. "So you were listening into what was happening last night."
"Now now," Kasumi said with a nervous chuckle, departing from Miranda's office with her hands held up high. "It was sort of hard not to listen in with all the noise you two were making!"
"Kasumi, leave." Miranda pointed in the direction of the elevator with an arched brow, lower lip trapped in between her teeth.
"Think about what I said!" Kasumi said with a grin before cloaking herself completely, away from Miranda's sight.
She waited a few minutes before the XO got up with a sigh. Kasumi smirked. Garrus owed her 50 credits.
Shepard stared silently through engineering's windows, deep in thought at the whole thing that had happened hours ago at Horizon.
The cards she had been playing with was a gift off Ash as well, but instead of bringing the strange warmth they had before. Shepard felt bitterness swell inside her stomach.
She collected them all up in the palm of her hand, stared down at them for a moment before rolling them up until they were twisted into a roll that resembled a cigar; with that thought Shepard reached into her pocket and brought out a lighter she had kept with her when she was with the Reds and flicked the switch.
Fire sprouted from the piece of plastic and before Shepard could let her emotions corrupt her any longer, she placed the roll over the flames and watched it light up with fascination making her reddish blue hues shine.
Shepard flicked it away from her a moment later, stamping on it to put the flame out and staring up at the metallic ceiling of the Normandy with a growl of frustration; stupid Alliance, stupid Ash, stupid Ceberus, stupid Illusive Man, stupid Lawson…
Footsteps clicked against the metal surface of the engineering floor and still Shepard didn't move, she couldn't find it in herself to care who saw her like this even though she could already hear rumours of her health flickering through the Normandy like scale-itch. She just didn't care.
The footsteps stopped in front of her and when Shepard opened her eyes she was greeted with Miranda Lawson staring down at her, one hand on her hip and the other hand wrapped around a red bottle of Cherry Lambrini.
Shepard felt her eyes widen in shock. "I was expecting Kasumi, what a surprise to see you here Ms Lawson and with alcohol! My, my!"
Miranda snorted and sat herself down next to Shepard with a roll of her eyes. "I must look preposterous right now and god help me if Jack hears me down here…"
Shepard looked at Miranda with an almost inscrutable, if somewhat amused expression. "So you're not here just to taunt me with a drink? You're actually here to talk to me Lawson? Miracles never cease."
Miranda smirked and of course that triggered off several warning bells that the Cerberus operative was up to something that Shepard would most likely not approve of.
"I just thought that maybe you deserved a break," Miranda said whilst casually sliding the red labrini bottle into Shepard's lap, turning her face away so that she was staring down at the Port Cargo area of the ship. "Don't think too much of it Commander."
Shepard unscrewed the top of the bottle with a light-hearted grin, her usual cheeriness throttling her anger out of her system the moment Miranda's cold eyes locked onto hers. "Eh, so you've managed to get that stick out of your arse? Good for you Lawson!"
Miranda glared at her from beneath her dark lashes and flicked her raven-coloured hair over her shoulder with another snort. "I think sometimes that you talk to me like this to try and get a rise out of me."
Shepard let her mouth explore the rim of the bottle with a dirty grin, mumbling her words into the glass. "Is it working?"
Miranda sniffed and didn't bother looking at Shepard this time. "No, it most certainly isn't."
Shepard tipped the bottle back and let the liquid cascade down her throat, laughter bubbling out of her mouth once her taste buds adjusted to the unfamiliar liquid that had made her tongue tingle.
She shook her head fondly at her XO, not caring that Miranda was refusing to look at her. "Coffee, nice one Ms Lawson. You fooled me!"
Shepard couldn't see Miranda's face but she knew that the Ceberus operative was smiling smugly.
"It truly isn't that hard." And Shepard felt in over her head because five words like that aren't supposed to make her feel all better, especially coming from Miranda Lawson. "And its not your fault Ashley Williams reacted like that on Horizon."
Shepard sighed and put the lambrini bottle down with dark, narrowed eyes. "I know that! Do you really think what Ash said meant I believed it? This is no where near my fault!"
Miranda nodded slowly, taking in what Shepard said with a small smile. "Exactly, it's not your fault that some people are too ignorant and close-minded to understand the real threat. It's why you need to stop wallowing in this god-forsaken hole and report to the Illusive Man."
Shepard scoffed at that and brought her lambrini bottle up to her lips once more. "He'll get that report when I'm damn well ready, his already let off a few rumours that's backfired in my face. If anything he'll get a gun jammed up his arse."
Miranda sighed and shook her head. "Well I can't expect anything else off you I suppose, it's good enough that I actually got you speaking."
Shepard smirked and nudged her operative slightly with her elbow. "I was speaking anyway, just wanted some time alone."
Miranda cleared her throat and got up from where she was sitting next to Shepard, facing away from her Commander with her lower lip puffed out.
"Let me just make this very clear," Miranda started callously, turning round to look Shepard in the eye. "I am not your personal councillor Shepard, this won't be happening again and it only happened today because frankly watching you play Snap by yourself is ridiculously boring."
Shepard could feel herself bristle angrily at the intent in Miranda's icy eyes but managed to swallow it down, instead tilting her head up higher so that the Ceberus operative could see her face fully. "And you're not down here solely because you were just a tiny bit worried about me?"
Miranda stiffened visibly and that alone was enough to make Shepard smirk despite herself. "Commander I expect you to be ready for the Illusive Man in an hour, clean yourself up and meet me in the briefing room or so help me…"
Shepard brought up the bottle of lambrini to her lips with a grin. "We need more lambrini first Lawson! Get to it! More lambrini! Less coffee!"
Miranda gave Shepard one last glance (of complete scorn) before heading back towards the elevator with her hips swaying and sashaying until they left Shepard's sight and all Shepard could see was Miranda's eyes glaring into her own. And maybe that was enough. It sure felt like it was.
Shepard brought the bottle up to her lips again, smirking once more around the rim before allowing the coffee to wash down her throat.
Just another day as Commander Shepard.
Clearing things up if anyone else is wondering: I don't hate Jack :)