Underfist headed for Colorado in a black helicopter.
"Oh, boy!" Jeff said. "I can't believe we're headed to Colorado Springs! Why, just think of all the culture that has come out of that place! All the intellectual luminaries! All the great writers, and philosophers, and athletes, and musicians–who could ever forget that favorite child of Colorado Springs, the one and only...uh...hold on, I'll think of someone in a moment..."
Maxwell Atoms looked up from his drawing board.
"Give up," he said. "Nobody of any importance whatsoever has ever been born in Colorado Springs."
"Enh, I'm sure I'll think of someone later," Jeff said. "But we're here!"
The helicopter landed in a large parking lot. Skarr was the first one out. He looked around.
"This isn't Cheyenne Mountain!" he said. "This isn't Cheyenne Mountain at all!"
Fred leaped out of the helicopter. "It's the zoo!" he said happily. "I love the zoo!"
Skarr noticed a sign over some gates. "Oh..." he muttered. "The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. How clever. And here I was, thinking we'd get to go someplace of real importance."
"C'mon!" Fred said happily. "Let's go to the zoo!"
Fred skipped happily into the zoo. Jeff's walkie-talkie crackled.
"Yes?" Jeff said into it.
"You're at the zoo, correct?" Mandy said.
"Um, yes," Jeff said. "Hey, why was I the one who got the walkie-talkie?"
"Because you're the least annoying of these idiots," Mandy said. "Now listen and listen good. The trouble is at the monkey house. Get over there and take care of it."
"Yes, ma'am!" Jeff said. He put the walkie-talkie down and turned to Hoss. "We need to get to the monkey house."
"Why would I know where it is?" Hoss asked.
Skarr smirked. "I'm going to refrain from giving the obvious answer."
"Uh, hey, I found this map," Irwin said. "It says the monkeys are just up the hill and a left past the tapirs. Unless Mandy actually meant the apes. They're a different genus altogether, yo."
"What's the difference?" Hoss asked.
"Monkeys have tails, yo. Apes are completely tailless," Irwin informed him.
"Okay, Hoss definitely knows where the monkeys are," Skarr said snarkily.
Hoss turned to him. "Are you implying something?" he asked threateningly.
"Oh, no, never," Skarr said. Hoss turned back around. "And I'm sure he doesn't owe child support."
Hoss swung around and buried a left hook in Skarr's nose. Skarr collapsed to the ground.
"Now let's find those monkeys," Hoss said.
When Underfist arrived at the monkey house, they found it cordoned off.
"Well, it looks like this is the place," Hoss said grimly. "We're going in."
Everyone in Underfist hopped the line except for Fred. He was fascinated by a strange animal. The animal stood about three feet tall, had a small trunk, and had bright intelligent eyes. The animal looked back at him, and Fred's eyes widened with wonder.
While Fred was otherwise absorbed, the rest of Underfist burst into the monkey house. There, they found absolute pandemonium.
"Alright, Underfist," Hoss said nervously. "Let's get ready to–"
A monkey leapt onto Skarr's face and began clawing at his flesh. Skarr shrieked from pain until Jeff shot a web at the monkey, knocking it away and trapping it against the wall.
"Thanks," Skarr said blearily. A hunk of skin peeled away from his cheek.
"Underfist, go!" Irwin yelled. The four fighters waded into the fray.
The tapir Fred was looking at wandered closer to the fence. Fred pushed his body against the fence to get a closer look.
In the monkey house, eight monkeys began playing tug-of-war with Jeff's legs.
"Could you stop that please?" Jeff inquired politely. The monkeys ignored him. "No, seriously, could you please stop that? It's quite painful."
Hoss proceeded to punch his way through the monkey melee. "Irwin!" he called. "Use your weird toilet paper powers!"
"They're mummy bandages, yo!" Irwin complained.
A Lar gibbon grabbed Irwin's waistband and yanked it up over his head.
Carlotta the mountain tapir lay down next to Fred. Fred's eyes grew as large as dinner plates as he looked at the tapir.
Irwin screeched in pain. "Why do they always go for the undies, yo?" he asked through his tears.
"Stop screaming!" Skarr yelled. "They can sense your pain!"
Two howler monkeys popped up besides Skarr and howled in his ears.
"My ears!" Skarr yelled, placing his hands over them. "I may never hear again!"
Tears came to Skarr's eyes. A two-toed sloth fell onto his head, claws extended, and Skarr dropped to the ground and rolled around, wailing miserably.
Fred reached toward Carlotta.
"Alright enough of this!" Hoss said. He punched a few monkeys out of his way and grabbed one of the animals clinging to Jeff.
"I'm sorry," Hoss said. "But I've had enough fooling around."
Hoss began to swing the monkey around in circles. Jeff screamed as he was extended away, and the other monkeys joined in. When Hoss's lemur finally let go, Jeff and the monkeys slammed into the bars of a cage heavily. Jeff was the first to recover, however, and he quickly webbed his attackers.
"Thanks, Hoss," Jeff said. "Now could you...make the world stop spinning?"
Fred began petting the tapir with one hand. With the other, he gave a thumbs-up to the camera, and topped it off with a gigantic grin.
"It's now or never, you creepy disgusting arachnid," Hoss said. "We're going to take these creeps down once and for all."
"Right!" Jeff said.
Hoss and Jeff crouched, ready to leap into action. Suddenly, a voice from the doorway stopped everything.
"Enough!" the voice declared.
Everybody turned to look at the mysterious newcomer.
It was a goat.