The Minor Series

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I am not making any money from this.

Ethnicity

Omgwtf I actually update this? D:

James Potter was sitting in the common room, as James Potter often is, because in all honesty, nothing much interesting happens anywhere else, and, as we all know, nothing interesting happens at all unless James Potter is around to give it a little shove in the right direction. Because James Potter is God. But James Potter believes he should probably stop talking about himself in third person and get on with the matter of hand. James Potter will only get one of these wished granted.

The matter as hand resolved around James' two best friends. The Son of Black (Bitch) and Lupin the prostitute. No wait, don't freak out, these were loving and caring nicknames James had slaved over to come up with, and he had every reason to call his friends these names.

Sirius Orion Black. SOB. Son of Bitch. It made sense, James was happy with this acronym. The second, Remus' nickname, was slightly more complicated. Everyone knew Lupus meant wolf in Latin; it was all very ironic considering his Lycanthropy, but what less people knew was it also meant Prostitute. So, Remus was officially the Wolf Prostitute. James felt happy in his superior knowledge of Latin. But He digressed.

James watched them sit opposite each other, playing an intricate game of chess above the table, and a slightly less intricate game of footsie bellow it. Remus was winning, on both accounts. It was rather obvious the two were fantastically and stupendously in love with each other, heck, the two had already confessed their feelings in the most adorable and sickeningly sweet way, but 'footsie' was about as steamy as their relationship got. And James would know, they did share a dorm after all.

It wasn't as if James was wanting to hear the two of them go at it at night… But he did worry about his friends stamina. Really, could anyone go near on a year now without sex? It wasn't possible right?

A quick glance at Lily and slight raise in the temperature in the room (or maybe his head) confirmed his suspicions. There was no way the two of them could be so in love with each other and be so… chaste. Yes, chaste was a good word.

Somehow, it was up to James Potter, God of Hogwarts, to get their relationship to the next step. And James knew of only one way to do this, and it might very well cost him his friendship. Was their sex life that important? Another glance at Lily, and another glance at his friends who were still struggling over the chess (and their feet), and he decided that yes. No man could be happy not having sex with the person he loved.

James stood, taking the small mirror from out side of his pocket as he made his way up to the dormitory. Sirius always had his on, it was just a case of beckoning the boy upstairs. In the end it didn't take long to convince the boy come upstairs without Remus, and after that, it would be even easier for Remus to follow a few minutes later in curiosity.

"What's up Jamie?" Sirius asked as he entered the room, confusion written all over his face. After all, what would be so important that James would have to use the mirror and beckon him to the room, alone. James took a deep breath to not lose his resolve, and grabbed the boy, pulling him forward and kissing him. Eyes open, he saw Sirius' eyes widen and felt the boy's body begin to struggle, but James held him fast, flush against his body. He broke the kiss, which wasn't exactly delicate or nice, since James had no experience in kissing men.

"What are you doing!" Sirius shouted as soon as he was free, his hand raising up in an attempt to push James away from him. Yet, James was having none of it.

"Why are you with Remus?"

Sirius' jaw went slack, so James took advantage of it, pushing his tongue in this time, trying not to grimace at what he was doing. Please Remus, get up here soon.

Sirius managed to break free.

"What the fuck James? I love Remus!"

James rose an eyebrow in what he believed to be a very good act. He still hadn't let his best friend go and was holding him round the waist tightly. He hadn't realised precisely how slim Sirius was. He'd always assumed that when those two finally got around to it, Sirius, with his cocky personality would top. Body wise though, Remus was probably the stronger and more… masculine of the two.

So in the end he had chosen the right boy to 'seduce'. Remus was a wolf after all, mating for life and all that, he was probably quite protective of his bitch. And of course, James meant that as a completely scientific term. Sirius, the Canine, and submissive. So he wasn't really a female, but for all purposes, Remus might see him that way.

"Really, doesn't seem to me that way…" James went in for another kiss, despite himself, but was forcefully yanked away by the hair. Ow. Yes, he was right. Protective Alpha-male.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Oh, Remus really knew how to growl some. James would appreciate if the boy would let go of his hair. Sirius yanked on the Wolf's arm.

"Remus, wait."

"Why the fuck should I. I don't care if he's our best friend, he isn't allowed to touch you."

In any other situation James would have teased Sirius like crazy for the blush that sprung up on his cheeks.

"I know that… But I'm sure he had a reason."

Remus looked like he was about to say something really mean, so James beat him to the punch.

"I have no interest in Sirius in that way." His head was really beginning to ache.

Both boys turned to him with identical looks of incredulity.

"Bull James, your tongue was just in my mouth."

"His tongue was where?"

Oh Gods, James was gunna get beaten up.

"I'm serious! I mean, oh let's not go there. I'm just trying to make you jealous enough to have your way with him already, preferably without beating me up."

Remus gaped at him, Sirius blushed at him. It was a kind of funny sight.

"James…" That was Remus. "What the fuck?"

James pouted.

"Well, I'm sorry but I don't know any other way. And besides, it's not my fault if I get worried about your penis shrivelling up!"

Silence. Whoops, did he say that so bluntly? Was this not the situation he'd been trying to avoid with this whole elaborate plan?

Sirius started to snigger.

"You think we're not having sex?"

James turned to stare at him.

"I know your not having sex, don't try to pull one over on me. I've been worried! You two are so hopelessly in love and the height of your relationship is a bit of Footsie under the chess table!"

Both boys gaped at him.

"You saw that?" Asked Remus. James sighed.

"That's not the point…" He turned from this, slightly embarrassed. "Just, it's not like I care or anything, but… I don't like to see my best friends unhappy, and you can't be completely happy if your not having sex."

Sirius giggled again.

"Gods James…" He took three steps and roughly hugged the boy, even though they both felt the atmosphere tense because Remus was not happy with their close proximity after what he'd just walked in on. He really was protective. "We are happy…"

"But-"

"We are having sex James."

That was Remus, surprisingly.

"But… I would hear if you were."

At this, Sirius actually burst out laughing.

"Gods, I am happy you're worried for us, but don't you think we know how to cast a silencing charm?"

James gaped.

- X -

Three days later found a pouty James Potter in the common room, because nothing much happens everywhere else, but certainly not because James Potter felt any need to push anyone's relationship in the right direction. Never Again.

Prostitute Lupin and the Son of a Bitch were playing chess again, accompanied by a toe equivalent of a thumb war. They kept sparing him glances like they were worried about his love life or something. Eventually, Sirius snapped.

"What's wrong Jamie?"

James continued to pout. Still angry that he'd been fooled so easily and worried so much over a couple of silencing charms.

"I still don't see why…"

Sirius and Remus gave him identical looks of confusion.

"Why what?"

James pouted more.

"I don't see why you'd chose Remus over me."

Okay, so he was just messing with them after all, but it was fun to see the colour drain out of Sirius face.

"Um… Because…"

"Is it because he's a werewolf."

No one else was around, it was okay to talk about it.

"What?" Remus gasped.

"You like em rough and ready?" James aimed at Sirius.

"Who say's I'm rough and ready?" Remus replied.

"You're a wolf."

"That's a sweeping generalisation. I could be very sweet and gentle."

"Are you?"

"No."

James rose an eyebrow.

"Wolves." He sighed.

Sirius frowned.

"You're just messing with him, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Remus frowned.

"Don't mess with Remus." Sirius admonished. James was such a prankster. "He's an ethnic minority."

Aha, good point for 'me' ? thanks for pointing that out. D: You can tell I wrote this when slighlty tipsy and very tired. All fixed now, me hopes.

I like writing these every so often because I don't take them seriously so I don't feel bad if they're not very long, or not very good. XD