Red Life

Chapter Four: The Help I Should Have Got

Xx Aug. 27 2001 xX

I didn't think they would take it this far. The door swung open and in walked the Barbie Bitches. They smirked at me while the last one in turned and locked the door. Seriously? What I'm I like a magnet for dangerous situations cause this is fucking ridiculous! "Oh? Look what we found, a little lying whore." The lead Barbie said with a sneer. "You got my boyfriend sent to jail you slut!" She said backhanding me. I straightened up and asked, "I'm sorry which one was your boyfriend?" while laughing. She called that a hit? "Joseph you bitch!" She came to hit me again. I let her. That was a good one it actually made me bleed. "You know something he actually had the smallest dick of them all. I guess he tried to overcompensate with that knife of his." I giggle at the look of out rage on her face. That was apparently all she needed to tip her over the edge, because her and Barbie two decided to grab me while she beat the shit out of me. Unfortunately for them they didn't anticipate exactly how much I hate being held down, cause as soon as she grabbed me I spun her around and repeatedly smashed her face into the mirror and sink. As I continued to bash Bitch two's face in, Bitch one chose to attack me. I didn't like it. I slammed my elbow into her throat and continued to kick her while she was down. No one is ever going to hurt me again! I will do anything to make sure of it. Kill them. Make an example of them. Use them to show the world that you're not this weak little girl anymore. Scar's encouragement renewed my vigor and I continued to pummel them.

I never even noticed that Bitch three had left. I didn't notice that my hands and shoes were covered in blood. As I came out of my haze and back to reality, I had realized what I had down and back into a corner, staring at my blood covered hands. I didn't notice when the administrators and the school police came in. What have I done? Why did you make me do? Friends don't make friends hurt people, Scar? You needed to do it. They were hurting you. We had to stop them. I didn't notice the odd looks the adults were giving me. I did notice when they started coming closer though. "GO AWAY! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" I screamed when they got to close. I stayed in that corner with my knees to my chest quietly sobbing. I watch as the paramedic came and took Bitches one and two to the ambulance and the real police came.

By this point I was defeated barely even struggled as they hand cuffed me behind my back and dragged me though the campus to their cruisers. At some point they read me my rights I didn't pay attention. I continued to cry on the way back to the station. "She was right...I couldn't handle it." I had whispered getting out of the car. The to officers walked me though booking and then had me fingerprinted and my photo taken. Which probably looked bad cause I still had blood one my face. I figured now they would take me to a holding cell or something but instead they took me to an interrogation room. They un-cuffed me only to re-cuff my hands in front of me now. Then they left. I don't know why but I felt the urge to yell something. So as the door was closing I yell out "Hey I had fun call me if you guys want to go at it again." I cracked up. I couldn't stop laughing for almost fifteen minutes. I didn't know if the room was sound proof but I imagined that if it wasn't then my room was getting some pretty weird looks. That set me off again.

It wasn't until an hour later that I broke down again. Why Scar? Why did you make me hurt them even after they were down? They and everyone else needed to be shown that we are not weak, that we are not going to let anyone walk all over us again. But beating them while they were down? THAT MAKES ME JUST LIKE THEM! No it doesn't. You may have hurt them but you didn't rape them, did you? No...but I thought about it. But you didn't do it so that makes you better than them. At some point of our argument I had moved to the one-way mirror and took a good look at myself. You know I kind like this look on you. She said as she licked and sucked at the blood on my neck and cheek. It's kind of hot you know, like you just fought and defeated you enemies so you could get to me, my little warrior. "Scar..." I moaned out, and stumbled back to the table. Just then the door opened and my Mother and two detectives, a man and a woman, walked in.

"Holly, what have you done?" My mother looked at me like I was her greatest failure. I removed her from my sight and looked at the two detectives when they started talking. "Holly... may I call you Holly?" The male asked me. Why is that the men always talk first? I nodded to him. "Great. I'm Det. Stabbler and this is my partner Det. Benson." I looked away from and turned to my Mother. "Did you bring Draco?" Asked her. "What? Of course not. Why hell would bring your mutt? This is serious Holly, you're in a lot of trouble!" I fumed at her. "If you didn't bring him then why the fuck are you here. Oh and another thing, he's a purebred, stupid bitch." I whispered under my breath. Det. Benson decided to interject that point. "Sweetie you're only fourteen, that's still a minor. so your Mom has to be here, besides it seems like she wants to be here." I gave her a speculative look. "Funny... She's only like this in public." My Mother sputtered at that, it made me smirk.

The questioning went on for hours. Who said what? Who hit who, and such and such. Then when they finished they showed me a video of the whole thing. Apparently Bitch three had caught it all with her phone. That pissed me off. I've been here for over three hours answering questions and come to find out they have a video of the whole damn thing! After the video I clammed up. My Mother looked disgusted. I was about to say something when the door opened again and in walked the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She was tall, probably about six feet, had long black hair that looked to reach the center of her back, and what looked to be a beautiful butterscotch gold eyes. Plus she probably had as pale if not paler skin than I did. All and all I was lucky not to be drooling. It didn't help that Scar had her hard nipples pressed into my back and was whispering all the things she'd like to do to this goddess. When she smiled at me it was all I could do to squeak out a "hi".

"Hello I'm Dr. Greene. I would like to talk to Mrs. Fields and Holly about what's going to happen to her. But before that I would like to have a little chat with Holly to make sure what we have planned is going to help her or not." My mother and the detectives left. The Dr. Goddess..er I mean Greene took the seat my Mom vacated and turned it to face me. "Would you like those handcuffs of?" She asked. I was too tongue tied to say anything so I just nodded. She pulled out a key from somewhere and freed me, it seemed to loosen my tongue as well. "I bet you have this problem all the time." I smirked at her. She looked confused. "What problem?" I leaned closer. "The fact that you dazzle people and it leaves them enthralled by you." She seemed to catch on. "Do I dazzle you?" She asked also leaning into so that her breath washed across my senses. Oh fuck me, she smells good. I nodded. She seemed to smile.

"So you're attracted to women?" She asked. "For the most part." She wrote something down. "So you're still attracted to men as well?" That sobered me up. "No I'm not attracted to men. Most of them cause me to vomit." I hissed at her. She seemed rumpled at my tone. "Then what do you mean for the most part?" She asked smiling at me. I studied her for a moment before smiling back. "Well I find some women appealing some even enough to have sex with but currently I am have sex with Draco... my dog." Holy shit! Why the fuck did I just tell her that? I sure as hell didn't plan that! She almost looked shocked for a minute and seemed to glare at the mirror before she wrote something down. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why the hell did I tell you that? That something was going to keep a secret." She almost looked guilty. "I'm not sure why you told me but it's good that you trust me, it'll help in the long run." I nodded speculating at what she meant. "I have a few more questions before we let your Mother back in." Her tone made me think she dislike my mother as much as I did.

I waited for her to start her questioning. "Holly? When Officer Barraet went to cuff you he said it sounded like you were asking some why they made you do this, I want to know if someone tells you to do thing a lot?" I shifted. "Kind of." "Who tells you do things?" I don't know why but I want to tell about Scar. "Scarlet does." She waited for me to continue. "She my friend. My only friend. I met her when I was four." "Does she go to school with you?" I nodded. "Where does she live?" I giggled. "She lives with me of course." Dr. Greene wrote some more. "Holly, is Scarlet in the room?" Maybe she wants to play? I giggled and nodded. I know a lot of games we could play with her. I moaned as she nibbled on my ear. "Holly? What is she doing right now?" I whimpered as Scar pulled away from me. Wow she does smell good I wonder how she taste. Me too. "Holly?" I snapped back to attention. "Um... I'm not sure I want to answer." At her expectant look I gave in. "She was... um.. smelling you and she was wondering how you uh...um taste." I looked down, blushing fiercely. "Hey it's okay Holly. I just have one more question. Did Scarlet tell you to hurt those girls?" Becoming nervous I nodded. "S-s-she said we had to make an e-example out of them. S-so that n-no one would-d hurt us ag-gain." I started crying thinking about what I had done again. "Hey it's alright Holly those to girls are going to be fine, you didn't kill them." At that I visibly relaxed. "Alright I'm going to go get your mother then we can finish talking." I nodded. Glad that I hadn't killed anyone.

I was confused and a little upset. I mean I've only known Dr. Greene for not even an hour and yet I trust her. I don't know why but I feel that she won't judge me by what I tell her. I even almost feel compelled to tell her my secretes. It's really odd. I waited for her to come back. Even though I was prepared for when she came back, my breath still hitched when she walked in. Hot damn. If I'm going to practical swoon every time she walks in we're going to have an issue. That or she could let me fuck her brains out. Then again I wouldn't be opposed if she wanted to tie me up and have her wicked way with me. Now that I think about it that actually sounds kind off hot. Dr. Greene walked in followed by my Mother. Speaking of my Mother, instead of sitting next to me she sat on the other side as far as she could from me. Dr. Greene was moving to sit there but when Mother took it she gave an exasperated sigh and sat next to me.

"Okay now that we are all settled we can began discussing are options. The first is that Holly spends up to three years in prison, note that if you go that route she will be tried as an adult and will not be sent to juvie. The other option that I personally recommend would be that Holly spends a mandatory four years at St. Jonas Psychiatric Hospital and then an additional voluntary year to round her out to a full five years of therapy. I'm recommending this because I feel that you truly need help and medication. Because even though I can't be certain I believe that your daughter has been experiencing symptoms of Early On-set Schizophrenia, and I believe that she has had to live with these symptoms for a better part of ten years and done un-medicated which most likely caused todays incident and also the one seven years ago with the teachers aid." Mother looked upset. "And what exactly are the symptoms?" She asked. Dr. Greene straightened. "The most common would be the hallucination and delusion that Scarlet is real." At that point I broke in. "She is real. We go to class together." Dr. Greene smiled at me but continued. "Also her inability to make friends is another indicator. As is her inappropriate verbal responses at certain situations. Her last symptom would be her childlike state at time. During our short interview her maturity level rose and fell to such points that one minute she was bluntly flirting with me to the next she acting like a child at an amusement park. I also feel that your daughter has developed and anxiety disorder, which is common, but with a violent response instead of a panic response. This was most likely caused by her past trauma."

My Mother looked pensive for a moment. "So you can cure her then? She would be a normal girl then right?" Ouch that hurts. Dr. Greene almost looked enraged. I don't know about you but I just creamed myself. Focus! "Schizophrenia is not like some common cold. You can't just pop a few pills and say all better now. There is no cure and she will have to take medication for the rest of her life. What I want to know is what do you mean by 'normal'?" She asked. With a huff she answered. "You know normal. Like wearing dresses, talking about boys, not have sex with a dog." I blanched. How does she know that? Did Dr. Greene... no she wouldn't betray us like that. How then? The mirror! She was listing in on the other side of the mirror! Snooping bitch! Dr. Greene literally growled at my Mom. Yeah... I'm going to need new panties too. With a brief glance at me she asked. "And how pray tell did you know about that?" My mother looked nervous. "I was on the other side of the mirror." Dr. Greene settled herself. "I take the confidentiality of my patients and what they tell me very seriously and by you doing that is a mark against my perfect record, because I should have made sure no one was in there. And for that Holly I am truly sorry." I mumbled an "it's okay". She opened her briefcase and pulled out a number of papers. "This is the terms and agreement for Holly too enter St Jonas. Basically it says either she follows the rules and stays on the property or she goes to prison for a minimum of three years. To ensure that she doesn't leave the grounds, unless with proper authorization, she will be giving an ankle bracelet." "I get bling? Sweet!" I said signing my name on the dotted line. She smiled at me. "Mrs. Fields if you could sigh here and here we can go retrieve Holly's things and then we'll be able to head to St. Jonas."

After retrieving my book bag and things Dr. Greene walked us out to the parking lot. "Mrs. Fields are you going to follow me to St. Jonas or are you going to come by in the morning?" Mother started walking towards her car. "I'll be by sometime tomorrow. I have to take care of my son." She opened her door. "And what about your daughter?" Mother looked over to me. "I will see you tomorrow, Hollianda." I flinched at my whole name, and looked down at the pavement as she drove away. "Come on Holly." She said with a sigh. She led me to a shiny red BMW. "Holly is that how she usually treats you?" I looked out of the window so she couldn't see my tears. "Sometimes. When I first told her about what my Uncle did to me she slapped me and called me a liar. Then she sent me to my room and the next morning when I came down the next morning she made me a-apologize for making up such a horrible lie about my w-wonderful Uncle." I hiccupped. "Holly that's horrible. The one person that was supposed to be there for you wasn't. She. Failed. You. Holly, you didn't fail her." I thought on that as she drove.

Forty minutes later we up to what looked like a huge mansion. "One of our benefactors donated one of her homes, and we converted it into the hospital after our old one burned down." She commented when she noticed my stare. "Cool." I started walking up the stairs, when I froze. Oh no! What am I going to do? "Are you all right? Holly what's wrong?" She asked when she noticed my expression. "I-I can't stay here! He won't be here! No one's going to keep Them away!" I gasped out with my fist clenched. "Who's not here? Who are they?" She asked. "Draco! He's not here! He's the only one that can keep them out when I'm sleeping!" I said grasping and twisting the sleeves of my shirt. "Holly I need you to calm down and tell me what you mean!" She said grasping my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. She has cold hands. Shit! Why the hell are you worrying about her hands when we've got like a perfect shot at her cleavage here? Oh. Those are nice. I calmed down. "I always use to get nightmares every night but ever since Draco started to sleep in my bed I haven't had one. This will be the first night that I would be without him for almost four years. I don't want them to come back!" I said starting to panic again. "Okay this is good we can use this as a status marker. Since I am not starting your medication until after our first official session tomorrow I can't give you anything tonight. This way we can see if I'm going to need to prescribe anything to help you sleep. Okay?" I nodded. "Alright lets get you set up with an anklet. Then I can give you a tour of your new home and your room." I smiled and let her lead me.

If I thought this place was huge before, I was sure of it now. This place has over four hundred room for patients, almost another two hundred for staff, most of the workers actually live here, at least fifteen rec. rooms, ten isolation rooms, two cafeterias, a kitchen, a pool out back, and even a stable with a few horses. After the tour she led me to what is to become my room for the duration of my stay. "Now Holly all patients are required to wear this arm band, and you have to have it to get your meds and if we leave the premises you will need it to log out. Now you might have noticed that some of the patients have different colored ones, the colors basically denote how much of a threat you are to either yourself or others. White means your either a low or nonexistent threat; usually they are only here for a therapy session and are not a permanent resident. Yellow means the same only they are a permanent resident. Green means that there is a potential for harm but is not likely. Blue is given to all suicide patients and as you can guess it means that they are likely to harm themselves and need to be kept under observation. Finally we come to the last one, red. Red means that there is a high risk for harm to others and they need to be under constant observation when around others. Now Holly I'm sure you understand that due to the nature of our meeting and your past history you now why you're being given a red band, right?"

The truth is that I did understand. I for one am happy that we were given red, cause now everyone's going to know not to fuck with us. She said with a skip, which caused me to bite back a smile. Dr. Greene gave me a questioning look. "Scarlet says she happy that we have red so that everyone know not to mess with us." She nodded in understanding. "How many other patients have a red band?" I questioned. "Including you? I would say that there are twelve. Why?" "I was just curious. I'm guessing that most patients have a yellow?" She nodded. "Mostly yellows and greens, with about forty blues, and whites come and go." By then we had reached my room. It was small, just enough room for a twin bed and a desk with just enough room to walk around. The good thing is that every patient has his or her own bathroom. They're small, just a sink, toilet, a small cupboard, and a skinny shower, but is was more than enough for me. " There are some sweats in the closet there for you to sleep in tonight. It's lights out in ten. I'll see you in the morning, good night." I turn to her. "Good night Dr. Greene." I quickly wrapped my arms around her in a hug. She stiffened but soon returned it. Smiling I turned and gathered my cloths to change in the bathroom. That stupid window in the door going to drive me nuts. I mean any body could sneak up and watch me when I'm not looking. I quickly changed, turned off the light, crawled under the covers. I thought that I was going to have a much harder time falling asleep but I guess that I was more tired than I thought because a soon as my head hit the pillow I was dead to the world.

Xx Aug. 28 2001 xX

I awoke to being gently shaken awake by a portly older woman. "Come on dear time to wake up." I squinted up at her until I slipped on my glasses. She smiled at me and pulled out a clean set of cloths for me. "I'm Nurse Khaust, but you can call me Sarah, I'm one of the three primaries on this ward. Now shower and change then I'll take you down to breakfast." She smiled but warily looked at my wristband. I nodded and got into the shower. When I came out my room was empty. What are we suppose to do now? Explore? I shrugged not having anything better to do.

I left my room and wondered toward the staircase. "All ready dear?" Whirled to face Sarah who had come up behind me. "I don't like it when people sneak up on me." I glared at her. "Sorry. Come with me I'll show you the easiest way to get to your cafeteria." I cocked my head to the head. "Can't I go to either cafeteria?" She turned to me with an incredulous look. "Good heavens no! All patients with either a blue or red band must eat in the upper cafeteria. The others can eat in either cafeteria. The upper cafeteria is more heavily guarded." She explained. She didn't have to treat me like an idiot. How the hell was I suppose to know? I'm not sure I like her. This is going to have to go for further observation. I openly laughed at scar cause she was dressed as a doctor and making notes on a clipboard. What? Nothing babe. She smirked at me. You know I have always fantasized about being a naughty doctor. Maybe we could explore this later? I shivered and pushed open the doors to the cafeteria. It was set up basically the same as a school cafeteria. A lunch line on one side and round tables spread out through out the rest. I quickly moved through the line, grabbing a plate of pancakes and a glass of orange juice, and found an empty table off to the side. I sat with my back to the wall and watch the other inmates eat. You know for a mass production pancakes, these are pretty good. I was about halfway through with my breakfast when I saw Dr. Greene come in and talk to a few of the orderlies. At some point while I was distracted a blond haired girl with a blue wristband sat at my table. I spared her a glance as I continued to eat. When she began to rock back and forth I set my spork down. She was about to slash her wrist with a hidden razor blade when I caught her hand. As I began to squeeze her wrist, I removed the blade from her grasp and tossed it onto the table. I moved to look into her eyes. "If you ever do that around me again I'll break your wrist." I pushed the rest of my pancakes to her. "Eat" I commanded. She did while sneaking glances at me. I didn't even bother to hide that I was watching her. How old would you say, fifteen? Sixteen? I'd say thirteen. What no way she has bigger breast than me! Not everyone can be as underdeveloped as you, love. You know if I cared I would be offended at that, or call you a pedophile. Only for you. She said sticking her tongue out at me. I snapped at it causing Dr. Greene to raise an eyebrow as she walked over.

"Karan? Did you try to slash your wrist again?" So her name's Karan. It's pretty I guess. She nodded. Dr. Greene took one of the empty seats. "Why?" She inquired. "It's cause I'm a failure, nothing I ever do is right, my Father is right I should just die!" I flicked her on the nose. "Stop with the pity party. Who cares if you do something wrong? I can hardly count past ten because I run out of fingers. You're not a failure cause you do something wrong. You're only a failure when you give up." I said stealing the last bite. She had stopped crying and glared at me for flicking her nose and then looked pensive as she thought over my words. Dr. Greene smiled at me again. I like it when she smiles at me. I like it when she returns our flirting. "Nicely said Holly, but if you could have done it without physical contact it would have been perfect." I shrugged. "I had to get her attention before she would listen." I replied with a smirk. She smirked back before she reached over and flicked my own nose, which caused Karan to giggle. "You paying attention now?" I glared at her. "Take care of your plate and come with me were going to get your introductory session out of the way. Karan I'll see you for our therapy session after lunch." I wave bye to Karan and followed Dr. Greene to her office.

It turns out her office is just down the hall from my own room. Her is about twice the size of mine, with a leather couch and chair, a large mahogany desk, wall to wall book cases, and she had French doors which led out onto a balcony with a pair of deck chairs out there. All in all it's exactly how I would picture a doctors office. She reached over her desk to grab her note pad, and gestured for me to sit on the couch while she took the chair. "You know it's actually interesting that you met Karan today, because she's going to be in your group as well." "My group?" She flipped a few pages. "Yes every patient is assigned to a group for group therapy sessions. Besides Karan there's only one other girl Marie." "What's wrong with her." My doctor smirked at me. "Curious? You'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out. We meet for group three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and we individually meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays." I nodded not bothered by that. "I didn't mention it last night but visitor hours are nine to five on Saturdays and Sundays, but since your a new patient you can't have visitors for three months but you are aloud to use the phone or send and receive mail." I lowered my eyes and muttered, "I probably wouldn't have any visitor anyway." Dr. Greene frowned. "So how did you sleep last night?" I raised my head. "It was alright. I think I was to tired to dream." "We'll keep an eye on it and hopefully you won't need anything."

The session went on for a hour and half basically her asking if I hear or see anything besides Scarlet. I mentioned that sometimes I get really bad I see Him or Them, but mostly I only hear their voices but only when Scar can't keep them out. Afterwards Dr. Greene led me to a room near my cafeteria. We entered and it reminded me of a pharmacy, which is a good thing because that is what it was. "Okay Holly for your Schizophrenia I am going to prescribe Zyprexa which should help for some of your more violent hallucinations." I stopped her. "It's not going to affect Scar is it?" I asked worried. She looked at me. "I'm not sure. I mean it's obvious that Scarlet is nowhere near an ordinary hallucination. In fact I almost think that she is almost more of a mental defense than anything. Now you'll take this once a day with breakfast. Also you'll be given Prozac, for your anxiety, twice a day, one with breakfast and one with lunch. All you have to do is before breakfast and lunch is to come in here, they'll scan your wristband and give you your pills, easy right. If you forget or realize that you have missed a dose it's okay just come in as soon as you realize it and we'll see if it's okay for you to take a late dose. Now should you have any adverse reactions to these medications it's important that you tell us because we may have to change the dose or even change the whole prescription. All right that's about it; we'll get this set up now so that tomorrow you can start. Also I talked to your mother and she said that she'll be here around lunch so you two can eat together than we can take another tour around the grounds." I nodded and went off to find one of those rec. rooms.