Melissa blinked her eyes open. Although what she saw was the familiar ceiling of her bedroom, it felt wrong. She wondered why; then the events of the last evening came flooding back to her. The last thing she remembered was the stars seeming to fade as her eyes began to close. How then had she got here?
She sat bolt upright in bed and flung the covers off herself. The noise her feet made as they struck the carpet was unusually loud; so loud, the door opened and someone peered in. Melissa barely stopped herself from recoiling; the person was her mother who immediately entered the room.
"Melissa," she said gladly. "I was hoping you would wake up soon." Sonea's hair was tousled and she was still in her nightclothes. She looked like she had been up half the night. She took Melissa into her arms and hugged her tightly. "I was so worried when I got back and you weren't here. Takan said he didn't see you at all. I sent out a mental call. Why didn't you answer me?"
"I fell asleep," mumbled Melissa, disentangling herself from her mother's arms.
"Why by the stream?" asked Sonea. "Why did you go there, darling?"
Melissa turned sharply as she remembered something. "Who found me there?" she demanded.
"Regin," replied Sonea. "I asked all the magicians to help find you and Regin tracked you to the stream and carried you back here."
Melissa turned back to the window, her question having been answered.
"Are you all right, Melissa?" inquired Sonea when no further words came from her. "You seem white. Are you sick?"
"No, I'm not," Melissa said even as her mother pressed a hand to her forehead to check her temperature.
"It's high," Sonea confirmed. 'You're staying in bed today, understand? No moving about at all. And don't bother finishing these," she added, picking up the two history books from the nightstand.
The sight made Melissa panic. The diary was in one of those! But she just as soon relaxed as she remembered kicking it under the bed. Forcing herself to accept one last kiss from her mother, she climbed back into bed and huddled into a ball under the covers. Sonea checked her temperature again, frowned, then sent some Healing energy into Melissa's body. It did little for the raging fever that was starting to consume her. Her lack of food and the shock of the night before coincided with it and she fainted clean away right in front of Sonea's horrified eyes.
"How is she?" asked Rothen, taking a sip of sumi. It was a Freeday morning almost a week later and he was sharing a drink with Sonea in her rooms. Melissa was asleep in her bedroom. After her fainting spell she had had barely enough strength to move and kept throwing up everything she took in, including water. Sonea had been nearly crazed with fear and even Vinara had been worried. Dorrien, Rothen's son, had asked for constant updates on Melissa's condition. He cared for her deeply, as she was the daughter he might have had if Akkarin hadn't taken Sonea hostage. During her early years the two of them had been inseperable, playing, laughing and talking. When Dorrien had been asked to return to the village he had served before the Ichani Invasion, Melissa had been inconsolable. She had wept bitterly after he left, soon after she turned five, and nothing Sonea nor Rothen nor Osen did could comfort her.
"Much better," replied Sonea and Rothen came back to the present. "She just stopped vomiting and and the fever went down immediately. I said that she'd be able to go out this afternoon. You'd better tell Dorrien," Sonea added with a quick smile.
"I will," Rothen promised ruefully. "Tell Melissa not to make a habit of falling ill because I don't think I could take another set of interrogations like that."
"I'll pass it on," grinned Sonea.
Someone knocked on the door. Takan opened it. Standing outside was Harry.
"Sonea," he said, practically tumbling into the room, "can I please speak to Melissa? It's-"
He saw Rothen and stopped short. Rothen smiled and gestured with his free hand. "Don't let me stop you."
"Right," said Harry, looking slightly preoccupied. "Well, can I speak to Melissa, Sonea? I'll make it quick. It's urgent."
"She's still asleep, Harry," said Sonea. "If you wa-"
"I'm up," said a familiar voice behind them. Rothen turned and there was Melissa, still looking rather pale and very fragile, as if a puff of wind would blow her away like a feather. Her eyes seemed to have sunk deeper into their sockets but they were still bright. She walked over to stand behind Harry. "I'll be back soon," she said to Sonea and Rothen. Giving Rothen a nod and a smile, she walked out of the room followed by Harry.
Sonea sighed as the door closed behind them. She waited until Takan had collected the breakfast tray and gone before saying "I'm worried about Melissa, Rothen."
Rothen cast a questioning look at her. "Because of her illness? But she seems fine now."
"I'm not talking about that," said Sonea. "Though it might have been the cause, but I'm not so sure. Melissa just seems different."
"How so?" Rothen asked.
Sonea shrugged. "Tiny differences, really hard to notice. She always looks everyone in the eye when she talks but these past few days she's hardly looked at me at all. And she doesn't want to speak to anyone and especially not to me. I don't know what to make of it." Sonea rested her forehead on her hand. "I'm worried that there's something going on that's affecting her and I need to know what it is in case it's having a bad effect on her. But I can't without asking and she won't welcome that. I don't know what to do."
"I don't think you should overly concern yourself, Sonea," said Rothen gently. "She's a teenager now and teenagers, girls especially, go through a lot of changes. It would be best to just keep an eye on her. But don't let her think you're spying or there will be trouble."
Sonea smiled at him. "Thank you, Rothen. I'll do that."
"So you're all better then?" Harry asked as they walked along in the direction of the gardens. They passed a lone novice going in the opposite direction. The novice waved at Melissa and she waved back, although somewhat distractedly. This made Harry feel more cheerful, therefore more patient and he repeated the question.
"Yeah," said Melissa. "It was just viral flu, I'm fine now. But why did you come here, Harry? We were going to meet this afternoon anyway."
"Da," replied Harry. "He wanted to hear only from you what happened to the book, and as soon as possible, so I came."
"The Higher Magicians held a meeting about it," said Melissa. "I just told them how I got it, Osen did a truth-read and I was told to Mama told me that they had stashed the book away with all the other black magic objects. Only she, Balkan, Osen and Vinara know where it is. Well," Melissa smiled mischievously, "that's what they think."
"What do you mean?" demanded Harry, stopping short. A few magicians turned up walking along the path. Harry and Melissa bowed as they passed, then she tugged him along on their way.
"I know the place," she whispered. "In one of the passages under the University. There's a little opening in a wall and they've buried the chest in that. I found it when I was exploring the passages. Fortunately, Balkan doesn't roam them like Akkarin used to."
"And your ma doesn't know you know?" said Harry incredulously. Melissa shook her head. "Wow. How many more things have you been keeping secret?"
"A lot," said Melissa. Her voice suddenly seemed dull. Harry turned to look at his friend. Although he was a full head taller than her, she suddenly seemed much older than him, something that normally wasn't noticeable. He remembered that she was only a few months away from turning fourteen, after which she would join the Guild. He wondered how that would change things between them. He would have to start calling her 'my lady' in company and bow once she became a fully fledged magician. That is, if he ever saw her again. His father, after all, didn't trust the Guild. Although he claimed that he and Sonea retained the friendship of their youth, they hadn't seen each other in years. Harry knew that Cery still considered Sonea a friend but that didn't seem much point when they never even contacted each other. Harry fervently hoped that would never happen to him and Melissa. The idea of losing his best friend caused him a pang in his chest.
They reached the stables where Harry's horse, Leeza, was brought out to him. Before mounting her he hugged Melissa goodbye. Normally she would have returned it but now she stood still in his embrace. He let go and gazed at her, puzzled; she gave him a quick grin and, reassured, he climbed up onto Leeza's back and rode out of the Guild gates.
Melissa waved to her friend until he was out of sight. Then she turned around and started back to the Magicians' Quarters. She opened the door to her apartments to find her mother alone; Rothen had left. Sonea looked up from the book she was reading, smiled and gestured to the table where a dish of savoury breads had been put, along with a mug of raka. Melissa wordlessly sat down and began to eat her breakfast. Sonea didn't go back to her book, just sat next to Melissa, waiting for her to finish. As Melissa drained her mug to the dregs, Sonea said, "I'm going to the dwells' hospital now. I'll be there till sundown. Afterward I need to meet Lord Larkin to discuss new plans for a new slum hospital so I probably won't be back until dinnertime. Will you be alright till then?"
"Yep," muttered Melissa.
"What are you going to do?" asked Sonea.
"I'm going to meet Harry," Melissa replied, eyes fixed on the crumbs on her plate.
Sonea leant forward and took Melissa's chin in her hand and raised it. She seemed about to say something; but she didn't, instead planting a kiss on Melissa's cheek before getting up from the table. She pulled on a cloak just as there was a knock on the door. Melissa opened it. A gaggle of magicians stood outside, waiting to escort Sonea to the slums. She stood aside as her mother went out, then shut the door. She went into her bedroom and flung herself onto the bed. Her little finger pressed down on the spot where Sonea had kissed her. Melissa remembered the surprised look on Harry's face when she hadn't hugged him. Because of her mother. If her own mother could lie to her, then someone who claimed to be a friend could too. Melissa knew for certain that she'd never trust anyone again. Was everybody lying to her then? Did no one care?
Melissa suddenly shook herself irritably. This is crazy, she thought. Just because-she-wrote that about me doesn't mean everybody just hates me. That diary seems more like a dream now. A nightmare, that was all. I must have fallen asleep over one of those books. Why, then, did she remember so vividly the way her heart had thumped at what she had just read, running away as fast as her legs could take her and crying herself to sleep by the stream?
She brushed some hair out of her eyes. Woah, she suddenly thought. If it was a dream then the diary isn't real. A feeling of fear crept over her as she remembered kicking it under the bed. She hadn't seen it since that night. All she needed to do was look under the bed… a cold foreboding took over her heart but she pushed it away. She craned her neck over the edge.
Lying in the gloom was the distinct shape of a book. Reaching out a trembling hand, Melissa picked it up. The book automatically opened at the end of the fateful entry. She went to the beginning and started reading it again. When she finished, she put a piece of paper at the beginning and closed the book. She felt no great wave of shock this time, or horror, disbelief or misery that had completely consumed her last time. There was only a feeling of resignation. So it's true then.
Getting up, she opened the wardrobe door and placed the diary between two shirts she wore for special occasions. Closing and locking the door behind her, she went out of the apartment and walked down through the gardens to the University. Since it was a Freeday, she knew there wasn't much fear of anyone seeing her. Director Jerrik was sure to be in his office and she could easily avoid any servants who might be cleaning the building. Using a few shortcuts she reached a corridor which had one life-size painting of an Alchemist hanging on one wall. She swung it aside to reveal one of the secret passages that led under the University.
Stepping into the gloom, she let the painting swing back into place behind her, plunging her into complete darkness. This didn't worry her for she had explored the tunnels so thoroughly she could make her way through them anywhere, even without a light. Her sense of direction had always been good; she now let it guide her through the rocky tunnels for what seemed like hours until she reached a point where they widened out into a sort of clearing. When she wanted to be certain of not being found this was where she came. She sat down on a rock and brooded on the diary's words. Certain phrases drifted into her thoughts: I definitely don't want this baby… This baby will always only remind me of Akkarin… I need him more than I need this baby…I'd rather lose it…The child will be proof of our time together…If only he were here, then we could get married and I could accept our child and actually be proud to call it mine.
She jumped to her feet and paced about agitatedly. "How could she have written that?" she suddenly screamed, and punched the rock wall. All it gave her was a burning pain in her fingers, but Melissa was too incensed to care. Roaring inside her was the rage she had been suppressing all week. It was so unfair! Her mother hadn't even given Melissa a chance. She had simply stated, boldly, I don't want this baby. She hadn't waited to see how Melissa would turn out, she had just coldly rejected her before she was even born. She didn't care for Melissa at all. Her love all these years had been a charade, an act. None of it had been genuine.
And I loved her! Melissa shrieked mentally. All this time I thought I was only returning it but actually I was the only one giving it. All wasted on her. She's never loved me. She loves only Akkarin. She wants only him. Well, I wish that he hadn't died, and I had never been born, then all of us would be happy. I definitely do not want the two of them for parents. Even if Akkarin had lived, Sonea still wouldn't love me because all she cares about is HIM!
Then a new thought came to her. Its notion first chilled her; then she brooded on it. Why don't I just run away? She walked up and down as she thought about it. Yeah, why not? It'll be a blessing on both of us. She won't even miss me. Though Rothen probably will. Her heart panged. So will Dorrien. Wait, I could go live with Dorrien! He loves me. A doubt crept into her thoughts. Or does he? She thrust it away. Even if he does, he'll just make me go back to Sonea. With relish, Melissa realized that she was already thinking of her mother not as Mama but Sonea. They were already growing apart, the bonds between them breaking, even if Sonea didn't realize it yet. Or maybe she did. After all, she was smart. It didn't make any difference though. No, I can't go to Dorrien. He'll never let me stay with him. He'll ask questions. I'm not going to tell anyone about the diary. That's my secret. It'll be best to just go. I'll leave Kyralia. They'll find me if I stay here. I'll disguise myself and go to Elyne or Vin and make a living there somehow.
The prospect was daunting, but doable. Melissa came to a stop and rested her hand against the wall. It wasn't there and her hand went through thin air, making her stumble. She caught herself and looked around; unknowingly, immersed in her thoughts, she had come to the place where the chest containing the books on black magic was hidden.
A savage smile lit up her features. What do I care what Sonea thinks about black magic? she thought. I'll do whatever she doesn't like. After all, I'm not going to become a magician now. It won't matter me knowing black magic. It's not like I'll use it. Or be able to. She remembered being told how Lord Sarrin, the former Head of Alchemy, had failed to learn black magic from the ancient books, necessitating Sonea and Akkarin's return to become Kyralia's saviours.
A brainwave came to her. But maybe I can learn. I could go to Sachaka and become one of their black magicians. That's perfect! I've already got my powers awakened. Like Sonea, Melissa's powers had been strong enough to develop on their own. Sonea had lost no time teaching her Control. Yet another ruse to show the world she cared, of course. But first I'd better prove my worth. They'll be impressed if I already know black magic. Which means I'd better start reading.
Without further ado, she dug up the chest using her fingers and flung open the lid. Her eyes alighted on the topmost book, a familiar leather bound volume. That first, she thought, reaching for it. Tucking it into her jacket pocket, she closed the chest's lid and went off to find some light. She'd come back for the other books later.