Ian thought back to those days of confusion and emotional suppression with mixed emotions. High school hadn't exactly been a walk in the park, but he and Anthony had finally hit it big when one of their videos had gone viral like they had never expected, the results of which had, in turn, left him feeling exhilarated and accomplished for once in his life, despite their low budget and overly comical acting he and Anthony had shown in the video. His father saw it as a one-time fluke that would eventually fade away in the depths of the internet within weeks, but despite his prediction, their Pokémon lip sync video only continued to gather more and more views as time passed.

Maybe there's more to this YouTube thing than I thought Ian remembered thinking when he decided to keep making more videos with Anthony. He wanted to make this work. He wanted to prove his dad wrong and be somebody and if this whole Pokémon thing wasn't a fluke like people were saying, then maybe this could be his one and only chance to jump ahead of the game and with Anthony by his side, nothing could possibly go wrong.

Not even a tiny crush could stop him.

Chapter 3: Bargaining

"Did you see the numbers?"

"No, not yet. Hang on."

"Hurry up Anthony!"

"What? It's not like the website's going anywhere. Chill out, dude."

"Just get over here and look!"

"Alright, alright, Jesus!"

Anthony walked over to Ian's computer and loomed over at the screen in front of the two nineteen-year-old teenagers. His light brown eyes widened in surprise. "Holy shit, dude! That's way more views than yesterday!" he exclaimed.

Ian nodded excitedly. "I know, and look!" He refreshed the page and they had 30 more views within seconds. "If we keep this up who knows what'll happen! Dude, we could get rich or something!"

Anthony scoffed and shook his head with a dry laugh. "Ian, no one actually makes money off of YouTube. Come on."

"Maybe not off YouTube itself, but we could get pretty popular. You know, if we get our feet in the water we could strike up some deals, get a little more endorsement. Who knows? We can sell shirts and get our name out there."

"Maybe even land some hot girlfriends?" Anthony smirked.

Ian felt himself tense up, his smile fading for just a second before returning. "Yeah, totally." He turned back to the script he had typed out on the screen. Anthony continued talking but unbeknownst to him, Ian had completely tuned out everything around him as his mind focused on the feeling that was growing more and more common when Anthony mentioned anything involving women. That feeling that just wouldn't leave him alone, and he couldn't even identify what it was either. The closest thing he could even begin to describe it as was like the dip of a rollercoaster mixed with dread, the tiniest spurts of anger and most of all this strange hollow feeling of loneliness.

He was beginning to hate it. He tried to push it away, but lately the feeling… no, feelings have been getting stronger and he tried everything he could to stop them, but they always came back stronger and much more persistent than before. He didn't know how much more he could deal with.

"I didn't choose to feel this way," Ian had muttered to his pillow that night after Anthony had left. "Do I even want this…?"

Ian had spent almost the whole night tossing and turning; his mind brimming with questions he was too afraid to answer out loud. Nights like these were becoming much more frequent the more he and Anthony spent time together. It wasn't until finally, at 3:36 am after another restless night, he settled onto his back as his pale blue eyes stared up at the dark ceiling and he sighed when his weary mind, tired of retracing every last detail of his emotions, had reached its final decision. "I have to do something about this. Fast."

~

A firm knock at the door caught her attention. She crimped the top edge of the page and placed the book on the counter. "Just a minute." The knock came back a little more persistent just moments after she spoke. "I said, I'll be right there, hold o-" She trailed off as her eyes grew wide in surprise. "Ian? Ian, what are you doing here?" She looked him over. "You look terrible."

Ian half-heartedly smiled. "Hey Mel. Been a while, hasn't it?"

When the shock wore off she turned her head down to the floor and laughed. "Yeah… wow like, I don't know, six, seven months at least?"

Ian laughed a bit awkwardly and cleared his throat. "Yeah, about that and all the other stuff. Listen, I'm really really s-"

Melanie stopped him by putting her hand on his chest. "It's alright, Ian. You don't have to apologize. I think we're both past that point by now. You know, water under the bridge? I mean it was a silly argument to begin with."

Ian nodded. "I'm really glad you feel that way too. I just didn't wanna leave our friendship on such bad terms. I feel terrible about it." He sighed and looked away. "So, um… I was wondering… could we go back to the way it was before…?"

Melanie smiled and nodded. "Sure." Ian held out his hand to shake hers but she pulled him into a hug. "Do you wanna come in for a while?" she asked as they broke away.
"If you don't mind. I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

She shook her head and led him into the couch in the living room. Melanie pulled a couple of cherry cokes out of the fridge, handing one to Ian. "So tell me, what's going on in your life? Are you going to school?" she asked while opening her can and sitting on the adjacent couch. Strands of wavy blonde hair fell over her left eye and she brought the can up to her lips. They both chatted for a while about her part-time job, her art, and her parents in New Jersey. Ian couldn't really tell how she felt about his sudden appearance back in her life but he felt that he had no other choice left at this point. He needed Melanie's help and he didn't want to waste any more time, as much as reconnecting was important to him.

"Melanie, I've got a problem and I need your advice…" he began. She set the can down and looked up at him curiously. Ian continued. "…but first I don't wanna make it seem like that's the only reason I'm here." He sighed. "It actually has to do with us in a way…"

"Does this have to do with your dad again? Or that girl you wanted to date a while back?"

Ian shifted in his seat and laughed nervously. Better to come clean now than keep stringing her along. "Uh, actually…heh. There's something I need to clear up about that… girl."

"What? Did she dump you? Get a new boyfriend?"

I don't know if I can do this. Alright, no pressure, Ian. Just say it already. Ian nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "No, she, uh, as it turns out is actually a he…" Ian trailed off. Melanie's eyes widened then Ian realized what it sounded like. "No no no! I-I don't mean like a she-male! I mean… it was always a guy. I kind of have a thing for this guy. I have a crush on a guy." Ian struggled so hard to finally get it all out in the open. Melanie looked at him in a way he wished she wouldn't then quietly placed her hands on her lap and looked at her palm.

"You're coming out to me."

"No! I mean, I don't know… yes." Ian looked down defeated. "I think I'm just going through this weird phase thing, but I don't like it, Mel. I just want to be how I was before…"

Melanie smiled sympathetically and moved next to him, placing her hand on his lap. "Ian, I don't know if this is something you can just stop, but if you really want my help I can try to help you get over this crush of yours." She noticed a small twinge of remorse on his face when she mentioned getting over him. "Are you sure you want to get over him, or…?"

Ian sat up and trembled slightly. "I…yes. I need you to help me get over this. Please. You're the only one that can help me."

Melanie sighed and shook her head. "In all honesty I personally think it's okay to like both men or women. People should follow their hearts, not what society tells them through hundreds of years of oppression." She smiled sadly. "I hope you know I won't treat you any different than before because of it, but if you really want help I'll do what I can."

~

Her first piece advice was for him to see less of Anthony, which proved to be really challenging considering they were supposed to be video partners. Sure, he wanted to be rid of the mushy feelings, but he didn't want to throw away their whole friendship. His idea was to disassociate himself from the love portion and keep the solid male bond intact they've created over the years because Anthony himself is an amazing friend and those were pretty hard to come by nowadays. The first few weeks moved along rather well. They had enrolled in the local community college and Ian busied himself with homework and studying. Unfortunately that meant putting their videos on the backburner and seeing each other less and less, which he told himself was a good thing. They were getting noticed more and more and gaining viewership, but not as much as they had hoped because of how spaced apart their videos were.

Anthony began to notice a change in Ian's behavior over the coming weeks. "Ian," he asked one day after they shot an episode in the park with their friends.

"What's up?" Ian asked a little too cheerfully, making Anthony almost second guess his behavior.

"Uh, can I like, talk to you when you have a minute?" he asked with uncertainty and in a low enough voice that the others didn't hear. He noticed Ian tense up a bit, but the nonchalant smile came back.

"Sure, man. What's up?"

"I dunno, dude. It's like weird," Anthony laughed. "I feel like we're not really talking or hanging out as much as we used to."

"Oh yeah?" Ian asked. "I guess I didn't notice," he lied.

Anthony looked a little distraught. "Well, I mean I know we've both been busy with school and everything. I was just thinking maybe we could put a little more focus in our videos, you know? Maybe get together and talk about some ideas I had. Write some scripts like old times? What do you think?"

Ian couldn't stop his brain from forming images of Anthony sitting beside him in his room on the bed with a sly smirk on his face, then suddenly climbing on top of him and furiously grinding their bodies together as they growled into each other's mouths in the heat of a fiery passionate kiss.

No no no no no no no bad. Very bad!

Ian quickly turned away from Anthony with such force that Anthony stepped back in shock.

"Ian?! What's wrong?" Anthony was startled by his reaction. Ian couldn't allow him to see his face reddening, but Anthony had grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around. The look on Anthony's face was heartbreaking. God, it must have looked as though Ian was disgusted with the idea of even being around Anthony with the way he had reacted when that wasn't even the case, but he couldn't tell him the truth!

"Sorry, I didn't mean to freak out like that. I just don't feel too great right now. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Do you wanna talk about it? I don't have anything else planned tonight," Anthony suggested. His hand was now gently resting over Ian's shoulder instead of grasping it firmly. He knew he should've listened to Melanie's advice, but the words just came tumbling past his lips before he could stop them.

"Yeah, okay."

"Alright, man." Anthony patted his shoulder and dropped his arm. "You just look really stressed, Ian. I'm starting to get kind of worried about you." Anthony smiled sadly. "Just come over when you can. I can get us some dinner too."

Ian knew this definitely wasn't part of the plan, but sure enough that evening he found himself standing right outside Anthony's parent's house, cursing his week will power. It hadn't been a problem before because he'd found excuses to avoid Anthony outside of making videos with him, but he found out himself with a sort of deeper inner longing that only grew as time went on. It was alright when he wasn't reminded of Anthony and he did his own thing, but when he did manage to see a something that sprung a memory involving him, it hit him harder than ever no matter how much he tried to push those feelings down. Maybe just one night wouldn't hurt. Anthony was his best friend and he didn't want to ruin their friendship over his stupid crush.

After Ian rang the doorbell he steadied his breaths when he realized how much his heart began to race, which wasn't unusual when Anthony was close by, but now he was just standing outside his house and he felt this way already. Ian had worn a pair of jeans and one of the nice shirts his mom got him that he rarely wore. He didn't really care about what he wore in general, but he felt the need to look nicer than he usually did tonight. His palms were a bit sweaty as he clenched them then wiped them on his sides. Moments later Anthony opened the door finally with a pan and spatula in hand while wearing an apron.

"What are you doing, dude?" Ian laughed, his nervousness easing up a little into amusement.

"What does it look like? I'm making us dinner," Anthony answered pushing some caramelizing onions around with his spatula.

Ian chuckled again. "Isn't that supposed to be over a fire or something? I mean, I don't know anything about cooking, but…"

Anthony rolled his eyes. "I was sautéing them and I heard the doorbell ring and I didn't want them to burn, okay?"

"You could've just turned off the stove, dude," Ian snickered.

"Fuck off," Anthony shot back, walking back to the kitchen. Ian allowed himself in and closed the door behind him, looking around the living room and noticing some things here and there had changed since he'd last been there. Anthony was back in the kitchen trying his best at following a recipe card on the counter, presumably from his mother's collection and Ian smiled as he watched him from the living room. "Do you want something to drink?" Anthony called out as he looked in the oven at the dinner rolls he was baking.

"Uh, sure," Ian answered back as he examined a framed picture of Anthony surrounded by his brothers. "I'll just have whatever soda you have."

"Mountain Dew it is," Anthony replied, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a can. He set it on the counter and went back to stir the mashed potatoes.

Ian walked up and took the drink. "Thanks, man. Hey, where's your family anyway?"

"Uh…" Anthony replied while he added spices to the steaks he was about to cook. "My mom and dad are over at my aunt's house and they took Matthew and the other kids with them so I think we pretty much have the house to ourselves for a while," he laughed then continued. "…which is kind of awesome because that hardly ever happens." Anthony seemed pleased with this news and to be going to all the trouble of making dinner, even going so far as to refuse any help Ian had to offer. Ian wandered back into the living room, drinking his soda, looking at the family photos on the wall. Ian sighed thoughtfully as he studied the photos of Anthony and his brothers and sisters, looking carefree and happy. "This one was taken the day we met," Ian suddenly heard behind him. Ian turned around and saw Anthony gazing at a specific photo right above the one of him holding his little sister. "I remember coming home from school that day and my mom took random pictures of us and all I could think about was that dump we drew with all the gasmasks," Anthony laughed to himself then sighed nostalgically. "You know Ian? I don't think I say it often enough, but I'm really glad we met that day." Anthony turned his face as a small blush crept onto his cheeks and Ian couldn't quite see his face as he turned and said "I'm really lucky to have a friend like you."

Ian felt his heart begin to beat furiously and his tongue turn to sandpaper. His mind began to form ideas- crazy- ideas. Ideas about Anthony he refused to believe, yet some small part of him told him it was true. Maybe it was false hope. Maybe was searching for something that wasn't there. Or maybe it was buried in there and he had just caught a small glimpse of it. Something that made him question everything.

Ian couldn't speak. He watched as Anthony stepped into the kitchen and pulled two bright green plates out of the cupboard and began to fill them with his home-cooked meal. Why did Anthony have to be such a caring, wonderful, amazing person? He felt horrible for neglecting him and he hoped Anthony didn't feel any resentment toward him because of it. Ian sat down at the table and Anthony set the plate in front of him and another plate on the adjacent seat where he sat down. Ian was about to say something, but Anthony broke the silence. "Look, man. I don't know what's going on with you lately, but I'm really worried." He looked up and Ian and could see a pained expression in his eyes and it felt like a punch to the gut. "I noticed you were… I don't know, acting different. Like, distant." Anthony's gaze fell back to the mashed potatoes on his plate and he began stirring them with his fork, then mumbled, "Did I do something to make you mad?"

"No, of course not, Anthony!" Ian immediately answered back. "I just… I don't know, dude. I've been going through a lot of things the past few months. I never wanted to worry you. If anything, I want you to be happy." Ian sighed softly.

"Is it something you can talk to me about?" Anthony asked, "…or is it something you wanted to keep to yourself?"

Ian felt so nervous. Should he tell him? The reason he's been neglecting him was to try to get over his feelings for him. He didn't know if he was ready to come out to him yet, let alone admit he had some sort of deep hidden crush on him. Ian looked down at his plate then back at Anthony, who was awaiting a reply. "Anthony…" Ian swallowed nervously and rested his hand on his napkin. "Please don't judge me for what I'm about to say. I never asked for this…"

Anthony gazed at Ian wordlessly, light brown eyes full of curiosity and a small hint of worry. "Dude. Ian, whatever you have to say, I won't judge you or get mad or anything. If anything I'll support you because you're my best friend and nothing could ever change that. Whatever happens, we can work it out." Anthony finished and in him Ian saw he was genuinely sincere, yet doubt continued to cross his mind. Was this the route he really wanted to take? What if this would ruin their friendship? Ian had never had a friendship this strong with someone in all his life. He could potentially throw it all out the window if he was wrong. Losing Anthony. It would hurt so much, but if he was right and Anthony returned his feelings…

"Anthony," he began, "I've been putting myself through a lot of stress this year and… it's over something I've been wanting to ask you…"

"Over me…?" Anthony asked innocently with widening eyes. "Was it something I did?"

Ian shook his head abruptly. "No, it isn't anything you've done. It's…" Ian gripped his napkin tightly. Now or never, Ian.

"…Anthony I have a-"

There was a buzz in the kitchen and Anthony turned to it and saw the timer. "Oh, I uh, was baking a pie for dessert. I better go check on it. Hold that thought for a sec."

Ian exhaled as he saw Anthony leave his peripheral, his eyes staring down at his untouched plate. He heard Anthony open the oven and set the pie down on the stove. Anthony set down the oven mitts and hurried back. "Sorry about that, Ian. What were you saying? You have something…?"

Ian broke out of his trance and his eyes darted around him. "I, um…" He swallowed. "I think we should be-move in together." Ian could feel his heart ready to jump out of his throat. This isn't what he wanted to ask, but he panicked. There was no going back now.

"Move in? Like, be roommates? In our own house?" Anthony asked.

Ian nodded and a raspy "yes" barely escaped his throat.

"Is this what you've been wanting to ask me all this time?" Anthony's face turned to a wide grin. "Dude! Of course I will! That would be awesome! Oh man, you had me worried there, man!" Anthony sighed in relief and chuckled, mixing his potatoes with his fork. "For a second there I thought you were gonna end our friendship, or ask me out on a date. Dude, I'd love to live with you. Maybe we can even get Corey or someone to move in too so the rent'll be cheaper."

Ian felt all the color drain from his face. "Y-yeah…" his voice fell lower. "That's totally… what I wanted to ask you…"

A date. That's just silly. Dating another guy…