Disclaimed.

Carlisle thinks: Emmett

Strength. That's the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Emmett. He's ridiculously strong, even for a vampire. Like, he's really strong, and vampires are really strong, so he's really, really strong. Which is great. Admittedly, it isn't much of a talent to be able to lift whole trucks or pick up a small house in both hands, but it's pretty damned cool. I can't do any of that. About the most I can do is lift a table one-handed. Not a dining room table either, more like a little coffee table you would put beside a couch or armchair. But those tables can be heavy: Esme insists on them being oak or some other fancy material, so I suppose it's all good. Emmett though, can lift two of those little tables and carry an armchair on his back, and still not feel any kind of pain or anything. (Well, of course not. We're vampires. We don't really feel much pain.)

Although I have to admit, it's weird that he's so strong. And so muscular! Any human would be forgiven for thinking he might be on steroids. Even I thought that when I first saw him, but then again, steroids weren't invented back in 1935.

But as far as physical strength goes, he's possibly one of the strongest people in the world. I have to admit, I'm jealous. Even after his newborn strength had waned, he was still strong. I remember the time he slapped the table with a little too much force and wound up splintering it in two, before it completely collapsed on the ground and smashed. The table was made of kauri wood too, so it wasn't one of your basic tables that would get weighed down easily.

Then there was the time he and Jasper were wrestling and he lost. He got annoyed, kicked a tree and it crashed down... on top of a car and crushing the little car. I thought it was awesome that he could do that. I've always wanted to be able to knock a tree down just by kicking it. But then I felt bad for the tree and decided it was probably better I couldn't.

It has to be said, I was kind of annoyed that he was so strong to begin with. Like, he had been really strong for a mortal: was it really necessary for him to be a super-strong vampire too? But it was kind of inavoidable that he'd be so strong as a vampire. Well, it's Rosalie's fault: she brought him to me and asked me to save him, and I didn't want to see him die, so I changed him. (Don't tell Esme this but I was momentarily sucked in by Rosalie's beauty)

The other day Emmett challenged Bella to an arm-wrestling match. Esme instantly got nervous and told them that if they had to arm-wrestle, they had to go outside.

(Considers briefly)

Well, Bella is still very young. She is therefore still the strongest vampire in the house. It's not surprising Esme got nervous about them arm-wrestling inside. They'd probably break her favourite antique table or something.

(Remembers watching them arm-wrestle)

It was clear that Bella would have won immediately, except that she relaxed her arm for a moment before slamming Emmett's arm down. I think a few trees got it, which I felt bad about. Those poor trees... It's bad enough we cut them down to use paper, but Emmett taking out his frustration on the nearest object isn't a great thing for the environment.

Edward: Carlisle, what on earth are you thinking about? You're starting to sound slightly like a crazy person. I was just listening to your thoughts because I was bored, and you're jealous of Emmett's strength?

Carlisle: Um, yeah. Pretty much. You were only listening to me because you were bored? How come you weren't listening earlier? I'm having a slight crisis here!

Emmett: Carl, you're not having a crisis. You're just being a daft old fool. Since when are you jealous of someone for being strong? I thought you were compassionate. Compassionate people don't usually get jealous.

Carlisle: OLD? Since when am I old? Take that back!

Emmett: Uh, nope. And try the past... y'know... hundred-and-fifty years or so.

Carlisle: (growling) NOW!

Emmett: (considers briefly)... Uhmmm... NO.

(He runs down the staircase. Carlisle throws a glass paperweight at him. It bounces off his shoulder and shatters in a million pieces)

Carlisle: (shrieking) AND DON'T CALL ME CARL! And look what you just did you moron! You broke my favourite paperweight!

Edward: You have a favourite paperweight? Man, you need a life. And you do realize that you threw it, therefore you are the one who broke it?

Carlisle: (screams) Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!

(Four windows break, the police beat down the door to see what's going on and everyone covers their ears as best they can. Carlisle almost flies back up the stairs to his study, slams into the wall, knocking a large chunk of wall off and sending it flying. He then bangs the door shut so hard the walls shake and smashes a window. Downstairs: everyone looks at each other, dumbfounded at Carlisle's rare display of temper and shrugs it off to go hunting.)

Carlisle: (muttering to himself) Stupid Emmett. Stupid strength. Stupid Rosalie. Stupid vampire. Why can't I be awesome and strong? Why not me? Why? WHY? (falls to his knees and shakes his fist at the ceiling) Screams 'Rosaliiieeeeeeee! This is all your fault you dumb blonde vampire!

(Carlisle then throws his chair out the window. It lands on Edward's Volvo and the Volvo's roof crumples. Carlisle watches this laughing hysterically and slightly manically. He runs to the garage and kicks in the lights of Alice's Porsche and then takes a baseball bat to Emmett's Jeep. He beats the Jeep until it's a pile of crumpled metal and broken glass, then rips out the seats and sets them alight. He covers it with a tarp and leaves a note in the kitchen for Emmett-the note reads 'Emmett: for your Jeep, look under the blue tarp'.)

Hehe... Carlisle's getting closer to cracking. Really, beating up a car is completely unlike him...

Please review. Also I need some suggestions for the next chapter how he can go mad. Right now I don't have anything so I'm kinda stuck. I'll update once I get a good way for him to go mad... Please send any suggestions in a review and I'll get the next chapter up that much sooner :)