Where Do We Go From Here? Chap.4
As the girls walked down the street they noticed the huge smoke and explosions coming from outside of town. Chevi turned to the others "I guess they found the akuma." Lenalee nodded as they began to run in that direction but Alana just stood there for a moment thinking 'I don't know if I can do this right now. I feel so weak' Just then Chevi stopped and turned around to yell "COME ON ALANA!" Alana looked up and slightly smiled as she gathered all the strength she could and began to run to catch up to them. When they reached the outskirts of the town they saw the guys were in a huge battle with the akuma. Taking an assessment of the situation they all split up to help the guys. Kanda had been chased into the forest by three akuma where he had activated first illusion and was fighting feverishly. As Alana entered the forest she spotted him and stopped for a moment to watch him. He was a skilled, graceful fighter. Graceful? That was a word she never thought she would use to describe Kanda but he was. Every step and move he took was like poetry in motion and she was a little taken in with him till she realized there was an akuma coming at her. Shaking her head back to the fight and off the mesmerizing samurai in front of her she ran for a tree and in three steps ran up the trunk to balance herself on a limb.
Pulling her whip from her side she began to lash at the akuma and took it out with one swipe of the leather tether that was like an extension of her arm. She could see everyone else fighting as she watched Allen getting closer to them with an akuma on his tail. Running into the forest Allen stopped and braced his akuma weapon in the air waiting for the unsuspecting akuma. When it flew through the two trees he took it out with a few shots then turned to see another coming from the other direction and began to battle that one. Behind her Alana could hear Kanda in a fierce fight with his akuma as two explosions happened and she turned to see if he was okay. She then saw the akuma flying straight for her as she braced herself to swipe her whip again but that's when it happened. Everything went blurry and she felt really lightheaded as she began to sway back and forth on the tree branch as the akuma shot at her. All she heard was her name being yelled from below in a familiar voice "ALLLLAAAANA" It was him the man she had grown to love but as she looked down at him everything went black and she felt herself free falling. Kanda looked up in time to see her start to fall and her name left his lips in a scream. He acted without hesitation as he yelled at Allen "MOOOOYAAASHI" Allen turned to see what was happening and went into action to protect Kanda and Alana. Kanda started running for the tree as an akuma flew right between him and where Alana was falling. Without any second thought he unsheathed Mugen and jumped onto the head of the akuma, taking his sword through it as he went before jumping for the tree and landing on the trunk, pushing off and flying through the air to wrap his arms around her. They both sailed through the air as Kanda turned his body to where he would land first, they hit the ground and Kanda held onto her tightly as he prayed over in his head 'Please, please tell me you weren't hit' He opened his eyes as he looked down at the top of her head lying on his chest and he closed them again feeling her against him. Then his eyes shot open as he raised her face up looking for any sign of the stars to appear which meant she had been shot by the akuma. Pushing her softly off him he knelt beside her. Her eyes fluttered as she looked at him then they slowly closed again "Alana talk to me!" He said frantically as his eyes searched her over and he shook her some but realizing she wasn't waking up he got worried as the rest of them walked up. Lavi smiled hugely " The akuma are gone." He said then he looked down at Alana "What happened?" Kanda shook his head slowly "I have no idea she just passed out" He said sliding his arm under her legs and the other around her shoulders as he stood up holding her. Allen looked around then back to the town "Come on I think there was an inn in the town. We'll take her there." Everyone began to walk towards town as Kanda stared down at her face. His heart was trying to beat normally after the scare she had given him when he saw her falling. Looking down at her he realized that he could have lost her and he didn't even know what had happened to her. This whole situation between them had gotten way out of hand and he felt it was his fault for not being able to talk to her. He had always dealt with things in his own way and that was usually not talking about it but that had made his heart hard. He figured that this was not that type of situation to do this with but he just couldn't figure out what to say to her without sounding like a complete asshole.
They had gotten some rooms at the inn and Kanda put her in a bed as he stood by the door of the room. Staring at her he tried to think of his life without her now and that was something he didn't want to think about as Lenalee opened the door with a bowl of soup to see him standing there, head down and eyes closed. When he heard the door shut his head came up and his eyes opened to see her smiling face "Don't worry Kanda I'm sure she'll be fine." She could tell by his tightened muscles and distant eyes that he was truly worried. His mind was racing with questions about what had happened. He watched as Lenalee walked over and took a rag from the bowl of water next to the bed and rung it out, folding it she placed it on Alana's forehead. She then turned to him and softly said "Kanda why don't you go get some rest I'll watch over her." Shaking his head slowly he sternly replied "No I'm not budging till she wakes up." Lenalee figured it was no use trying to get him to do anything right now so she went on with taking care of Alana.
He stood in that room like a statue for two hours till he finally saw her eyes began to flutter and then open. He went to move but the cold stare she gave him made him stop in his tracks. He was relieved she was awake but now came the hard part for him as he asked Lenalee "Could you leave us alone for a minute?" Lenalee looked at Alana and gave her a reassuring look that she was sure Kanda had something important to say then she got up and walked out the door.
Alana looked around then began to sit up but she was having some trouble so Kanda walked over and went to help her but she pushed his hand away "I don't need your help." She said coldly and he knew he deserved it as he reached back and pulled the chair up to sit in it. She finished sitting herself up as she looked around the room "Where are we?"
"In an inn. You passed out and wouldn't wake up so we decided to find a place for you to rest." He said as he stared at her waiting for her to tell him what had happened but she was very unresponsive to him and he figured she had the right to be. So he remembered what Allen had told him about speaking from his heart and he took a deep breath and began to speak "Alana look" He sighed and paused for a moment "I'm not very good with things like this." She gave him a strange look as she tried to decide if she wanted to hear what he had to say or not. So she sat there staring at him while he continued "Look I don't know what happened to us." She interrupted right then and snapped "I do you got pissed off at me for stopping you from killing someone over kissing me and truthfully Kanda you have never really had a relationship where you had to trust your partner." He knew what she said was right as he stared at her then nodded in agreement "Hai your right." Then she laid it out for him straight up and to the point "I can't do this whole hot and cold thing with you. I can't be hot and heavy one minute then you treat me coldly because you don't like that things didn't turn out your way." His eyes widened as he stared at her "I want more Kanda and if you can't give me that then we have nothing further to discuss." In all his life he had never had anyone say such things to him and he was actually speechless that she had just said those things to him. It frustrated him that he couldn't come up with the right words to say to her and when he did speak it was exactly as he had figured it would be it was cold and unfeeling "Fine then I guess we have nothing further to discuss then till I figure out what I want to do." She stared at him blankly not believing what he had just said and he realized what he had just said but before he could open his mouth to tell her that wasn't what he wanted to say he saw tears weld up in her eyes and she said "Get out! Just leave!" His heart sank and he felt he had just fucked that up too 'Why did I say till I figure out what I want to do?' He thought as he stood up to comply with her wishes of him leaving the room but now he knew he had just pushed her as far away from him as he had anyone else in his life. He stormed out the door and slammed it as Allen looked at Chevi and she got up and went into the room to see Alana crying "He's such a JERK!" She yelled through her tears "I don't even know what I ever saw in him." She then remembered their time together and how their chemistry merged into some of the most passionate moments two people could ever share.
Allen decided to take his life in his hands and follow Kanda and as he walked through the streets he found him leaning up against a tree. Upon walking closer Allen saw something he never thought he'd ever see, a single tear rolled down Kanda's cheek as he said softly "K-Kanda?" Kanda startled to hear Allen's voice reached up and wiped the tear from his cheek then turned to Allen "What! Moyashi!" Allen felt his heart go out to Kanda as he walked forward towards him and sat on the ground by Kanda's feet "I see now Kanda. I see your pain." He looked up at the samurai who was staring straight ahead trying to compose himself after someone seeing a weakness and Allen smiled slightly "You do love her." Kanda's eyes shifted downward to look at Allen and then he slide his back down the tree to a sitting position as he exhaled "Yes but I screwed that one up to just now. I pushed her further away than I have ever pushed anyone with just a few words." Allen always looked at things optimistically as he turned and gave Kanda one of his huge smiles "I'm sure everything will work out Kanda." Kanda shook his head looking at Allen's smiling face 'How can he always be so positive?' He thought as he sighed "Hai moyashi I hope your right." But this was something Kanda knew he wouldn't be able to fix with just a few words. He had saw the look in her eyes when he said what he did and he knew she was deeply crushed. Leaning his head against the tree 'Why do I always say the wrong things? Why can't I just tell her how I feel?' Thinking those thoughts he looked over at Allen who was watching the birds in the trees and slightly smiling. He realized that Allen had a free spirit and he had grown somewhat attached to that free spirit in Allen the past year. He also realized that as cold as he was to everyone they were always there for him because they considered him a friend even though he made them feel alienated from him. He sat there and went into deep thought about everything. He wasn't mad at her it was his pride that had been hurt. That was something he would have to get over. It wasn't that someone else kissed her that didn't mean anything to her, well okay it did upset him alot he admitted to himself. As he sat there he realized that Allen was right was he was in love with her? Is that why he couldn't imagine her not being in his life but he had just now singlehandedly with only a few words completely destroyed anything he could ever imagine to have with her. How could he ever take back what he had just said? How could he let her know she was the most important thing in his life right now and it was killing him inside for them to be like this to each other?
The next day Alana felt better to travel so the caught the train back to the Black Order with the innocence that Kanda and Lavi had found after they checked into the inn that night. Alana slept most of the way back and as they reached the Order she found her way to the infirmary. Where the nurses did some tests on her and then about two hours later Komui came to see her. He sat next to the bed and he sighed "Alana we found out what the problem is." She sat up ready to hear the worst when he turned to her "Your pregnant." She wasn't expecting that as she got a blank stare and repeated softly "Pregnant?" Komui shook his head slowly yes as he leaned closer to her "Alana who's the father? Is he an exorcist here?" She didn't want to bring Kanda into this so she just sighed as her gaze went to the floor "No." Now Komui was confused, he had heard about the harassment that Lazard was giving her from Lavi and he began to think the worst as he thought back on how Kanda was acting. 'Did Lazard do something to her that Kanda had found out about? Is that why Kanda was so protective of her?' These were the questions that flowed through his mind when she wouldn't tell him who the father was. He sat back and placed his hand to his chin "Alright then if you're not going to tell me how this happened I can't force it out of you." She then looked up and softly replied "Please don't tell anyone and I'd like to be transferred to the Asian branch please in the next few days." Komui's eyes softened as he leaned forward towards her "You don't have to do that we can make other arrangements for you Alana." His number one thought right now was to find out what happened to her and how she ended up this way. "NO! I want to be transferred" she protested than begged him "Pleeease Komui I can't stay here." He could tell she was getting upset so he finally agreed "Alright I'll write out the paperwork this afternoon and you can leave in the morning." Standing up he turned to exit the room and she gave one last plea to him "Komui please, please don't tell anyone about this." He turned and slightly smiled at her thinking she was afraid of something or someone and he reassured her "I promise Alana I won't tell anyone." But he was going to try to get to the bottom of this, this was the first time anything like this had happened while he was in charge and when the higher up's found out about it they would want answers.
Later that afternoon Kanda and Lavi were sent out on a mission unaware of what was to come when he got back Kanda was in okay spirits. He and Lavi had found the innocence and taken down the akuma in less than three days and they were on their way back to the Order. When they arrived Kanda went straight to his room unaware that Alana had left three days before. He showered and went to the cafeteria, ordering his soba noodles he got them and sat down to eat. Watching ever so patiently to see her walk through the doors to get dinner but as he sat there for an hour she never showed. He wondered where she could be and why she hadn't come in for dinner. Was she out on a mission he hadn't heard about? Or was she still not feeling well or was she just avoiding him altogether? He finished his dinner and walked out of the cafeteria to see Allen standing at the end of the hall talking to Komui. When they were finished Allen turned to see Kanda and the look on his face told Kanda something wasn't right as he walked up. Just then Chevi came walking down the hall with her suitcase and Kanda looked at her "Where are you off too?" She slightly smiled "I'm joining Alana in her new branch." Kanda's eyes widened "New branch?" Allen slowly looked at the floor "Yes Kanda it seems while you were gone she asked for a transfer." His heart completely stopped for a moment as he processed what Allen had just told him. Shaking his head slowly he repeated "Transfer?" Looking up his eyes narrowed and they could see he was furious "WHERE!" Allen and Chevi both flinched at his reaction "W-We don't know. K-Komui wouldn't tell us." Chevi sighed as she walked next to him "I won't find out till I'm on my way. That's the way she wanted it, she didn't want anyone to know where she was." Kanda's blood started to boil as he stormed off down the hall "KOMUUUIIII!" he yelled as he punched the wall in the hallway. Clinching his fist together he felt like he couldn't breathe, His heart was beating so fast from just the fear of losing her he wasn't thinking correctly as he slammed through Komui's office door and demanded "WHERE IS SHE?!" Komui looked up at the now pissed off samurai standing in front of him, eyes narrowed, and breathing erratic as his chest rose up and down.
"Ah Kanda just the person I wanted to talk to." Komui figured that Lazard had attacked Alana and did unspeakable things to her so he transferred Lazard to the North American branch without hesitation to get him away from her. He also figured Kanda had grown attached to her by protecting her and that's why he was so pissed so he held his hands out in front of him "Don't worry Kanda she's safe I have taken every precaution to make sure that asshole doesn't touch her again." Now Kanda was confused did something happen while he was gone? Did someone attack her? "What the hell are you talking about baka kuso yarou?" Komui sighed as he waved his hand "Kanda do you honestly have to call me an idiot shithead?" Kanda huffed as his eyes narrowed and he glanced sideways "Che" away from Komui then he said softly "You better tell me what the hell happened Komui! Did someone do something to her?" It was then he turned and slammed his hands down against Komui's desk "TELL ME!" Komui saw Kanda was more upset about this then he thought he should be "I can't tell you anymore than she's safe." Kanda stood up and turned his head to the side again "Che" he felt the urge to want to walk around and slam Komui's face into his desk but he fought that urge as he turned and stormed out of his office leaving Komui puzzled over the situation "Well now that was peculiar. I've never seen him act that way before." Then he shrugged his shoulders "What am I talking about he always acts that way."
Kanda was on a pure rampage at this point as he slammed into people in the halls trying to get to his room. Holding back all the feelings that were surging through his body at this point he reached his room and shut the door. Leaning against it he felt his heart had been ripped out of his chest as he slid down it letting his head fall into his hands 'Your gone? Why? Why would you leave?' Then his face came up quickly as he remembered the last words he said to her and a tear began to flow down his cheek 'I…I…love….you' he finally admitted it to himself. The burning he felt flowing through his heart at that point was something he never thought he'd feel again, loss and pure heart stopping pain. He felt numb and empty again only this time it was like slipping into a black abyss he couldn't escape from as his hands began to shake and he stood up and grabbed the table and flipped it into the air "AHHHHHHH" he then turned and stared at the lotus flower in the glass case "What good are you to me anymore if I don't have her?" He picked it up and reared his arm back to throw it but stopped and standing there holding it he came to the conclusion that he would never feel the same again as he did when she was there. Bringing his arm down and walking over to his bed and sat down dropping his head and staring at the flower in his hand. His face was emotionless and a distant look crossed it like he was searching his memories for something to hold onto. He sat the Glass case on the floor and slammed back on his bed only to have a familiar scent fill his nose 'Her perfume' He thought as he grabbed the pillow and raised it to his nose slowly inhaling the scent of her perfume. Everyone had heard him yell inside his room moments before but as all his friends stood outside his door feeling helpless they felt his pain in his scream and the huge crash of something being broken moments before. They were all there to support him when he needed it so they made themselves comfortable and just waited because right now he had to come to terms with everything and his true feelings.