Chapter Four

Piper was on edge, which wasn't out of the ordinary given the fact that she was in the SHU but this time her worry was attributed to the latest developments with Alex and not to being confined in a small space all by herself. She passed the time pacing the length of her cell. Sleep was a luxury she spurned because plotting couldn't happen if she was asleep. Her stomach reminded her with a painful growl every now and then that she hadn't fed it since being locked up there but it was easy for Piper to ignore. She hated the food anyway.

They had so little time to talk before Bennet sent her off; if you could even call it talking. Alex had been stand-offish and dismissive and despite replaying those few minutes over and over in her head, Piper couldn't figure out why. Then there was Lolly – what if she decided to go after Alex since she couldn't get to Piper? Not that Alex couldn't stand up for herself… and this was the one thing Piper kept coming back to.

She didn't know Alex to be a pushover; she didn't particularly like violence but could always handle herself in a fight. Why then did she look the way she did the last time Piper saw her? And that look of fear in her eyes… it was haunting. Lolly was no heavyweight and Piper proved that when she surprised her in the TV room. It didn't make sense that she could do so much damage to Alex who was clearly bigger and stronger and had gotten the upper hand on her before.

Unless Lolly wasn't the one who did it. It was the only logical conclusion Piper could come up with. She could've had one of her cronies do her dirty work for her. But after playing through Lolly's options in her head, Piper came up empty. There wasn't much muscle in her group. So that left the only other explanation – that Lolly wasn't involved at all and there was something else going on.

This is what got Piper pacing, her anxiety levels rising with each passing minute. If it wasn't Lolly, Piper realized the enormity of her mistake by getting thrown in to SHU. If it wasn't Lolly, the attack on Alex could only be chalked up to Kubra. But if that was the case, why didn't Alex want to talk to her about it? Piper first thought that she might've wanted to tell her in a more private place than the hallway outside Healy's office but the more she replayed their short interlude, the clearer it became that there had been no allusion to a later discussion by Alex. She was brushing her off, plain and simple. Which brought Piper back to the biggest question troubling her since she got to SHU – why?

Alex was in the library where she'd been spending most of her time lately. A book lay open on the table in front of her but it was nothing more than a prop. Her unseeing eyes were glued to the page while thoughts of Piper plagued her as they had done so much of late. A battle raged inside her – submit to Kubra to keep Piper safe or put up the fight of her life and risk losing her.

The former made her feel sick to her stomach; there was nothing timid about Alex Vause. She was a fighter. How else could she have made a life for herself out of the shitty cards she'd been dealt? Survival was in her bones; there was no denying it. Playing it safe went against everything she was. Nothing about it was easy. And yet… What were the odds of surviving Kubra? Not good, Alex knew that. So what good would it do to rub him up the wrong way if all it would accomplish was to add Piper to his hit list?

It was not too long ago that Alex made a choice that decided Piper's fate. That time she was driven by hurt and anger. And look where it got her – having to make the same choice again. Only this time the consequences were much worse. Alex smiled to herself then. At least one good thing came from her selfishness that first time – it gave them the chance to reconnect and work through their shit. Now that she was in the same position of deciding Piper's fate yet again, there was no more hurt and anger. It was her chance to finally make things right.

"Thought I'd find you here," Nicky said as she walked over to Alex. "Plotting or just hiding?"

"Little bit of both," Alex replied.

"Well, at least you know stupid people won't find you here."

Alex laughed, surprised to find that it wasn't fake or forced. She didn't think she still had that in her but there'd always been an easy connection with Nicky and although she came to the library looking for quiet and solitude, Alex was glad for her friend's imposing nature; it created the perfect distraction from the maddening thoughts swirling in her head. Nicky sat down and studied Alex without saying anything.

"It looks worse than it really is," Alex said.

"Yeah? Because it looks pretty awful."

"Shut up, and stop staring, you ass."

"Sorry, I'm just trying to imagine what you're going to look like when those little white strips come off. I mean, I've seen what a broken nose can do to a person. Seriously, hot girls end up looking like gargoyles."

"Fuck you," Alex said, laughing again and Nicky joined in this time. "I'll show you. I'll fucking rock this nose."

"I'm sure you will," Nicky said.

The laughter between them simmered down until it eventually faded completely, as if weighed down by reality as it struck them at the same time.

"We miss you," Nicky said then.

"We?" Alex asked with raised eyebrows. A serious moment from Nicky was rare and she wasn't about to let her off the hook.

"Okay, I miss you, you egotistical fuck," Nicky replied with a wry smile.

Silence found them again but there was nothing awkward about it. It was as if they were communicating just as much as when they were actually speaking. That was the kind of easiness Alex liked about being around Nicky.

"Look, I know that Piper's going to be all over you when she gets out of SHU and I already feel sorry for you so I won't ask," Nicky said. "But I will say this: you've got people in here who have your back. Going around acting like you don't not only makes you an asshole but it makes us feel like shit."

"Nicky…"

"No," Nicky said, holding up both her hands for added effect. "you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to get it out there."

"Okay."

"Okay. I'm going to go now," Nicky said and got up.

"Hey," Alex called after her and when she turned back, "thanks."

"Whatever, just do me a favor would you? Give the hiding out a rest and put that hot mess of a brain of yours to use on the plotting side of things."

She managed a small nod as Nicky made her way out of the library, her words lingering long after she'd disappeared.

Give the hiding out a rest.

Alex knew why it hit her so hard – it was what she wanted but was afraid to admit to herself. Somewhere very deep inside she was aware of that fight in her that still burned strong. That fight was what lifted her out of a life of poverty. That fight is what had gotten her through the past few months. Well, that fight and Piper…

Slowly but surely the feeling of apprehension that enveloped her started to recede and for the first time in a while, a sense of clarity descended on Alex. She drew so much of her strength from Piper; it didn't make sense to shut her out. Despite outward appearances, Piper had just as much fight in her and she'd seen it before. The girl was braver and stronger than she often gave herself credit for. And who was Alex to decide whether she could or couldn't handle something?

What if removing Piper from the equation was playing in to Kubra's hands? They were a formidable team; that much had been proven a few times over. Why then, at the time when it mattered most, should Alex break that? If anything, she'd learned that acting out of fear rarely wins the upper hand. Kubra ruled by fear and he'd be expecting that power to permeate the prison walls, making Alex do exactly what he wanted. Well she was nobody's puppet so fuck him. He was no god and more importantly, he wasn't there… just some bitch being paid to do his bidding. And by the time Alex left the library, that problem was already half the size it had been only an hour before.