Chapter 4

Following the apple pie incident, Elsie and Charles had spent another day keeping out of each other's way. Thankfully, the staff seemed to have settled back into a routine and there had been very few mentions of the beach or their elders holding hands. Therefore, Elsie hoped that things were starting to return to normal. She was both relieved by that thought and a little disappointed. Elsie had acknowledged long ago that she cared very much for Charles and she had hoped that perhaps their time at the beach might signal the start of a more affectionate relationship. However, as the two of them seemed unable to be anyway near each other without one or both of them causing near mortal embarrassment, she feared this was not to be. Certainly, Charles was determined to forget their closeness on the beach and therefore, Elsie thought rationally, he obviously wanted to continue as friends and nothing more.

As they sat at the dinner table that evening, the awkwardness of the last day or so had dissipated between the pair but they certainly were not back to their normal banter just yet. As they contentedly ate their stew, sitting side by side as always, James asked Mr Carson a question about the service the next day; they had several extra guests staying for Lady Grantham's birthday dinner, and so the organisation of the day was to be altered somewhat. Elsie was concentrating on her stew and so at first she did not realise that Mr Carson had not answered James, she only realised when she heard him repeat his question. She looked up to find all eyes on her and Mr Carson, and as she turned to look at her friend, wondering why on earth he had not replied, she realised that he was gazing at her with a soppy smile. At first she stumbled, unsure of what to say. He looked so happy as he smiled at her, a dreamy look on his face. However, she could feel the smirks around the room and she knew she needed to act quickly,

"Mr Carson … James asked you a question …" she said softly, breaking him from his day dream.

"Oh I am sorry … I didn't hear … apologies … you need to speak up James … I was in a world of my own ... I didn't hear you …" he said, flustered and disorientated, knowing that he had been caught staring at his friend with a mushy grin on his face. He had not heard the question at all.

He was discomfited that Elsie had noticed this but, when he looked across at James, he was even more ashamed to realise that the entire staff seemed to be looking at him; some with knowing smirks, others like Anna and Daisy with huge, sentimental smiles.

Elsie smiled gently as she watched Charles restore order by answering James's question very formally and then returning to his stew. After a few minutes of silence, he whispered to Elsie,

"I am very sorry about earlier Mrs Hughes … I drifted off for a moment … what must you think … me gawping like that …" He tried to laugh gently as he spoke, hoping not to make this situation anymore strained.

"Don't give it another thought Mr Carson … it could have been worse … you could have thrown apple pie at me …" she joked, referring to her earlier misdemeanour.

Charles looked up at Elsie and broke out into the most relieved and happy laughter. Elsie giggled too as they both continued to eat their stew. Finally, she thought, we can laugh together again. However, she remained secretly thrilled and hopeful following dinner. He had been admiring her, she was sure of it, and that thought was simply delightful. Perhaps Mr Carson did want to take a new path, even if he had not quite admitted this to himself yet.

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Charles could not believe he had gazed at Elsie the way he did. Something had changed since their time at the beach; it seemed he was seeing Elsie in a different light for the first time. She had always been his most trusted colleague and had become a dear friend to him over the years. He knew that he cared for her very much; he only had to think back to her terrifying cancer scare to know that his world would turn upside down without Elsie in his life. However, when he had held her hand something had changed. She may have been simply steadying him in the water but, as he held her small hand in his, he had felt like a man not a Butler, and for the first time, he had seen her as a woman rather than a Housekeeper. It was a wonderful feeling and at the same time, quite startling. Did she want more? He kept asking himself this question. She had offered her hand to him and had offered her care, her support for him, quite openly. He felt a tingle deep inside him; the thought of what they could have together. Yet, as Butler and Housekeeper, what they could have together was forbidden. Charles sighed despairingly at that fact.

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"May I come in Mr Carson?" Elsie asked from the doorway to his pantry. She beamed at him with the most heart-warming smile.

"Yes … yes of course …" Charles replied, allowing himself to think how beautiful Elsie looked.

It was very late and all of the other staff had long ago gone to bed.

"Would you like a sherry or a glass or wine Mrs Hughes?" Charles asked.

"Oh no … no thank you … I am about to go to bed … I just wanted to make sure you would not be staying up too much longer … we have a busy day tomorrow … you should get some sleep …" Elsie smiled.

Charles stood up and walked to where she was standing. He realised that Elsie always looked after him; and yet he had rarely fully appreciated her care.

"I promise I will go to bed soon … one more page of the wine ledger to update and then I am done …" he said warmly, as he stood opposite her.

The light in the room was dimmed, with only Mr Carson's desk light casting a glow across the room. The corridor was in darkness too. He really is handsome, quite divine, Elsie thought happily. For a moment, neither spoke and yet the silence was not uncomfortable.

"Good night Mr Carson …" she smiled eventually, her Scottish tones sounding so lovely.

"Good night Mrs Hughes …" he replied.

He was not sure what overtook him in that instant; he knew sensibly that they could not be more than friends but he so wanted to, he so wanted to kiss Elsie Hughes. He lowered his face to hers, marvelling at the flickers of light dancing across her cheeks and her lips. He raised one hand to gently touch her face. He felt her sigh against his hand. He brought his mouth closer to her lips. He could feel his heart racing. She had not stepped away and she certainly did not seem perturbed. She smiled lovingly at him. One more step Charles, you can do this, he told himself. Elsie could hardly breathe; he is actually going to kiss me, she thought excitedly.

His lips were so close to hers she could almost taste him. However, just in that moment, Charles lost his nerve. Still touching her face, he quickly tilted his mouth to the side and kissed her sweetly on the cheek. It was a chaste kiss, a kiss between friends. He felt Elsie shiver against his fingertips. He paused, his head almost resting on hers, for what seemed like an eternity. His breath had shortened. He had almost kissed her, almost, but now he had missed his chance.

He leant backwards, standing up straight once again, as he smiled at her, trying to be positive. Elsie could not hide the disappointment she felt. The sadness in her eyes almost broke him; particularly as she was trying so hard to hide this regret.

"Sweet dreams Mr Carson …" she whispered, a crack in her voice.

"Sweet dreams Mrs Hughes …" Charles replied, as she walked out of the room. Tears filled his eyes as he raised his arm and punched the wall beside him, allowing his frustration and hurt to rise to the surface. He lay back against the wall, allowing himself to slide to the floor. He sat in a crumpled mess, tears rolling down his face.

'I love her' he whispered to himself. It was the first time he had ever said that out loud.

A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews- they are a joy to read x