Chapter IV

As much as Napoleon hated to admit it, he really was hungry and the food, though plain, was good. She had made three sandwiches; two for him and one for her and two large mugs of tomato soup. They were eating on snack tables while they sat on the bed.

"So, Jessica, may I ask you a couple of questions? I mean, since we're together now, I want to know more about you."

She wiped her mouth and placed her crumpled up napkin next to her plate. "I guess," she replied, "What do you want to know, Sweetheart?"

He shifted his weight on the bed to look at her. "You're a very pretty girl, Jessica. Really. How is it that I got to be so lucky? I'm surprised that no one has put a ring on your finger. Or, is there some broken – hearted man around here that I'll have to fight later?"

The smile she gave him was brittle and fake – looking. "Well, there was one guy. In fact, there was only one guy. His name was Robert. Everybody called him Bobby except me; I called him Rob after the character Rob Petrie on the Dick van Dyke show. You know who I mean?" When he nodded, she continued, "We met in junior high school and liked each other from the start. We dated all the way through high school. We were going to get married; everyone knew it. Then, Rob got drafted into the Army. He wanted to get married before he went to Vietnam but, I said no. I wanted a big wedding with all our friends and family; he wanted to elope. He loved me and always tried to give me what I wanted and, I wanted that wedding. So, he agreed to wait until he came home. Only when he came home, it was in a coffin. We were nineteen"

Napoleon was truly touched and pulled the young woman into his arms. "I am so, so sorry for your loss, Jessica." He rubbed her back then leaned her away from him. "It must have been a terrible time for you."

She wiped her eyes and stood up. "Yes, it was. After awhile, other guys asked me out but, I turned them all down. I couldn't get past the feeling that I was cheating on Rob. As time passed, they stopped asking. I don't think I even really noticed. When I saw you the other day, there was just something about you. You even look a little like how I imagine Rob might look if he, if he were still alive. When you asked me out, I was hoping that you were my second chance for happiness. But then, you just seemed not to put as much importance on having sex with me as I did. I guess I made myself believe that if I got you back here, you would fall for me. But, I know you're just saying whatever you think I want to hear." She got up and handed Napoleon his clothing. She reached down and unshackled his other leg. "Get dressed, Napoleon," she said sadly, "I'll be downstairs and I'll take you wherever you want."

She was sitting at her kitchen table when Illya walked through her back door weapon drawn. "Jessica, I believe you have something that belongs to me," he said calmly.

"He certainly never belonged to me. He's fine, he's upstairs getting dressed. Napoleon! Illya's here." She never got up; she just sat there drinking cold coffee.

Illya heard footfalls coming down the stairs and kept his weapon trained on them until his partner came into sight. "How are you, my friend?"

"Getting better, Illya, much better. Sit down, we three need to talk."

Jessica looked from one man to the other. "How much trouble am I in, exactly?"

"If I were inclined to press charges, Jessica, you would be in a lot of trouble. Kidnapping, false imprisonment, and assault to name a few but, I don't think putting you in jail would benefit either one of us. Excuse me one moment, I'll be right back." He left Illya and Jessica in the kitchen while he went into the backyard and used his communicator to call UNCLE's Buffalo field office. He came back in and said, "This is what we're going to do. A coworker of mine should be here in about forty-five minutes. Can you call whoever you gave my gun to and get them over here with it?"

"I, I think so."

"Good, do it. Don't worry about anything, Jessica."

Hank and Jenks accepted Jessica's invitation for drinks and brought the gun because she said she hadn't really gotten a chance to take a look at it. Two karate chops later, they were perched on the living room couch unconscious. Fifteen minutes later, Dr. Elliot of UNCLE Buffalo arrived and injected all three Innocents with a brainwashing drug and then replaced all their memories of Napoleon and Illya with pleasant memories of their hanging out together. Per Napoleon's suggestion, he also implanted in Hank and Jessica the idea that they were attracted to each other. They would wake up in a couple of hours thinking they had all dozed off while watching a movie.

They thanked Dr. Elliot for his help after he dropped them back at the chopper and continued on to Buffalo.

MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU

Agents Solo and Kuryakin had just briefed Mr. Waverly about The Upstate Affair and what they referred to as The "After the Affair" Affair.

Mr. Waverly had listened intently without interruption all the while puffing on his pipe. When his agents had finished reporting, he said, "Mr. Solo, I would like to know why you decided to have those people's memories erased instead of having them arrested and charged with the crimes they committed against you."

Napoleon sighed, "Sir, I ah can't help but feel a little responsible for what happened. Something in the back of my mind kept trying to tell me there was a problem but, I refused to read the signs or trust my feelings. I chalked up my unease to being uncomfortable with a woman taking the lead sexually. The fact that the young lady also had emotional problems that were exacerbated by my actions made me feel even guiltier. The two men who kidnapped me would not have done it if not for her so, I felt that giving all three a 'do – over' was the best way to go. In future, I have to be more ah, discriminating about the women I ah…relax with after an affair."

UNCLE New York's Number One harrumphed, "Well, it sounds like you've learned a lesson but, only time will tell. Mr. Kuryakin, one can only hope you do not have to be called upon again to rescue your partner from his romantic entanglements. Dismissed, Gentlemen."

As they walked toward their office, Illya looked at his partner and shook his head. "You owe me so much for this; I do not even know where to start. Oh, yes I do. Dinner at a place of my choosing and then I'll figure out what I want from there."

Exasperated, Napoleon looked at Illya and exclaimed, "And, just how long do you intend to milk this?"

"For as long as I can, Partner, for as long as I can."