(A/N: Ummmm, if you've never watched Kill la Kill, incoming spoilers).
((CA/N: HELLO, MINIONS! This is Greatkingrat88, co-author of this fun little piece, quality control and provider of insane comedy, which fits just right since this here fic is pretty crazy. We-ell, I haven't got much else to say… I do run a few fics of my own, I'm a friend of DC's, and I hope you enjoy this piece of weirdness.))
Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach. Cameo characters are also owned by their respective owners.
LOCATION UNKNOWN
Loly and Menoly, dressed like they were cosplaying for The Matrix, stood in a very expensive-looking room, the kind that might as well have worn a fifty-foot neon sign, ON FIRE, which screamed for all the world to hear: "I AM TECHNOLOGICAL! LOOK AT MY TECHNOLOGY-NESS!"
Said technology-ness consisted of a wall littered with computer and TV screens, some processing very complicated-looking data, others displaying binary code for no reason, some showing on camera the most dire events of the world, and one TV showing re-runs of Friends, because even geniuses get bored sometimes. What could be seen of the walls was stylistically grey and white, and on the tables and desks in the room were piles and piles of research notes, trinkets and gadgets- robot arms, automatic staplers, spy gear that would make James Bond green with envy, and a machine designed to make coffee out of recycled paper- and the most cutting edge books on theoretical physics, quantum physics, philosophy, alien life, and A Game of Thrones because you had to find out if Lord Stark would manage to make the kingdom a better place or not. In the corner stood a life-sized Dalek, which may or may not be functional. Such a nerdy, high-tech room could only belong to the most intelligent man of the modern world: Stephen Hawking.
"So," Loly said to Stephen Hawking, his back turned to her and Menoly. "What did you call us in for?"
Using his computer, Stephen spoke to them promptly, in his digitalized voice, "It seems that in Beverly Hills, the status quo is being changed. You need to fix it posthaste. You are my best agents of the SQRF, the Status Quo Reset Force. I would do it myself, but my rocket chair is low on fuel. I would buy more but according to my eccentric genius contract, I must not remember practical things myself."
"We'll get it done, sir," Menoly told him. "No need to worry."
"See that you do."
Loly affixed her sunglasses and grinned. "You can count on us. We've never let you down before and we're not gonna start now." With that Loly and Menoly promptly walked out of the automatic doors behind them, their asses shaking provocatively with every step.
"Oh yeah, shake dat a- oh crap, I really must learn to make this crappy machine not post everything I think…" Hawking said robotically. Still, dat ass…
At a remote location
On a deserted island
"Well, Yoruichi," Unagiya grinned like an axe murderer readying their kill as Yoruichi and Soifon were shuffled inside the main office by two large men in black outfits and sunglasses. "Welcome back. How was your vacation?"
"…fine," Yoruichi answered, preferring Unagiya would just punish her and get it over with.
"Oh really? My agents tell me they found you in Siberia, two weeks away from any other human being. How did you survive all this time?"
"W-well, you see, Soifon and I had to hunt for our food, and wrestle wild tigers for survival. We slept in the trees for fear of being eaten. Every day, we'd climb down and stalk an unsuspecting deer, which we had to choke with our bare hands, and then skin and eat raw, making nutritious drink out of its blood by combining it with yak milk. By the end of week one, we were able to make pelts out of what we killed, and eventually we were able to defeat the alpha male of a wolf pack. It made hunting… somewhat easier. We saw things we will never unsee, and did things we can never forget… of course, then everything changed when the fire nation attacked." There was a haunted look on Yoruichi's face.
As Yoruichi continued her explanation, Soifon glared angrily.
"You look troubled, Soifon," Unagiya said in a deceptively sweet tone. "Is there a problem?"
"Well…" Soifon said, balling her fists, "I FINALLY get a romantic holiday with my beloved Yoruichi-sama, and you just HAD to cut it short! We were snuggling in a great, wonderful pelt, of a yak that we worked together to kill! We defended it against a rabid bear, who also became a pelt! It was so…" Soifon stopped, and sighed with a sweet look in her eyes, "romantic! And you ruined it, you slave driver!"
Yoruichi gave her a look that could be rivalled only by the thousand yard stare of a seasoned war veteran.
"We almost died." She said. "And we huddled together to not freeze to death."
"Details!" Soifon waved dismissively. "It was still the most amazing, precious moment, and the only thing more touching I can think of was Friday two months ago when you strapped a ball gag on me and rode me for four hours with that strap-on in my a-"
"ANYWAY," Unagiya interrupted, not wanting to hear another word of Soifon's warped sense of romance, "we have work to do, and I own you. I already punished Kisuke, so I'm prepared to let you back in."
"No way!" Yoruichi cried. "You're an evil, domineering dominatrix of a boss, and I know you have plans to build a death star!"
"Free will and democracy are overrated," Ikumi said, waving dismissively, "but, Yoruichi… can you really live without the doughnut machine in your life?" She smirked evilly, as Yoruichi bit her lip, pearls of sweat forming on her forehead.
"Y-yeees…" she said, her voice wavering.
"We've added tropical flavoured frosting," Ikumi whispered as she leaned in close, "and coffee flavoured chocolate filling. I'm even throwing in a bonus at Christmas- good employees might get their own doughnut machines…"
"…oh, curse you and your bribery with delicious treats!" Yoruichi cried agonizingly. "Fine! I'm coming back! And I'm eating all of the doughnuts!"
Ikumi put her fingers together, and cackled devilishly. This would be where she would say "just as planned", but there really was no need; her face and posture said it for her.
Then, as her cackle trailed off into an awkward giggle- there is a reason everybody always cuts away in the middle of an evil laugh- she pointed at Soifon, and a bolt of lightning flew out from her finger, shocking the girl.
"I knew it! Force lightning!" Yoruichi gasped.
"…obviously just a case of perfectly normal static electricity discharging," Ikumi said, although one wonders who she was trying to fool. "And that, by the way, was for calling me a slave driver."
"OoooohhhOOOOHHHOooooo…" Soifon moaned, spasming wildly on the floor in orgasmic throes. Well… fuck. Ikumi made a mental note: trying to punish Soifon was counterproductive at best.
Beverly Hills, California
Things were business as usual for our heroes this day. Liltotto was eating everything in sight, Bambietta was experimenting with explosive chemicals, Meninas was trying to be nice and failing and being oblivious to it, and Giselle was tormenting students. In other words: typical Tuesday.
As for Candice, she came up the road with a black eye, as she came to inspect Bambietta's endeavors to make a carnival.
"Oh my god! What happened to you?" Bambietta asked.
"…I fell down some stairs," Candice answered.
"Bullshit! He hit you, didn't he? I told you that guy was bad news for you!"
"Shut up!" Candice snapped. "And what, I should like some special snowflake tool like Ichigo Kurosaki?"
"Don't you insult my orange haired hunk you shitty blonde bimbo! He's like, deep and stuff! He reads Shakespeare, and he's totally ripped, and I know for a fact that he has a huge dick!"
"Yeah, he reads Shakespeare off screen," Candice sneered. "But whenever he shows up, he still does the most retarded-ass stunts that only works because he's the author's special little rent boy!"
"At least he's actually a nice guy who doesn't fuck anything with a skirt, like your manwhore boyfriend!" Bambietta shot back. "And that fucking blue hair, who does he think he is? He's like a shitty ripoff of Billy Idol, and he stopped being cool two decades ago!"
"DON'T YOU INSULT BILLY! I MEAN GRIMMJOW!" Candice shouted. "Everyone loves a bad boy! Your virgin idol couldn't get laid if you put yourself naked in front of him! His dick probably shrunk away from lack of use!"
"YEAH? Well, your boyfriend is a drug dealing rapist!"
"Those charges were dropped for lack of evidence after all the witnesses mysteriously decided to retract their statements! That means he's innocent, and just a misunderstood punk who needs the touch of the right woman! Not like your 'never-had-sex' homo boyfriend who takes it in the ass from Kubo!"
Bambietta retorted with the wittiest, sharpest insult she could think of, namely…
"BITCHIKILLYOURRRRAAAAARRRGH!" she roared, as she flung herself at Candice, pettily flapping her palms at her while keeping her face at a good distance off. Candice, for her part, flapped back, the both of them growling and bitching at each other in the most pitiful catfight this fic could imagine.
And somehow, by the laws of fan fiction, the two of them fell over, and accidentally pressed their lips together. Ceasing their struggle, they started to kiss, their hands running all over each other's bodies, lustfully groping each other's sizeable curves.
"Hang on," said Meninas, looking on with curious amazement out the window as she and Giselle stood in the second floor hallway. "…how did they go from fighting to being all lesbian? What kind of writing is this? They never showed any interest in girls before. This doesn't make any sense."
"Oh Meninas, it's elementary," Giselle said, smiling happily, "the laws of fan fiction state that sexuality is a fluid thing that can be changed and reversed at any time. Besides, they're not even bisexual. They're just sooo attracted to each other. Because it's right because they are the right individual for a spontaneous, never-to-be-mentioned again lesbian connection."
"…well, that's convenient."
"It sure is!" Giselle said brightly. "Now I'm going to go see if it's possible to tunnel to the center of the Earth in twenty-four hours."
Meninas put a finger to her cheek, pondering Giselle's statement. "But isn't that, like, totally physically impossible even with really heavy digging equipment?"
"Oh, silly," Giselle said procuring a shovel from out of her jacket, "physics is my bitch. Reality sold it to me for fear of getting curbstomped again."
"Oh, okay!" Meninas said, taking Giselle's words at face value without questioning them at all. Not because life was easier that way, but because Meninas' grip on reality was about as flimsy as a log cabin in a tornado. She then went to go and try to pep up the chess club with her cheerleader skills, while Giselle headed for the school's backyard.
Meanwhile, with the questioning of the continually bizarre nature of this fic now over, just as Bambietta was undoing Candice's pants and spreading her legs, totally semeing the other girl, the two heard the ever familiar beat of SexyBack, as Grimmjow walked up the road. He too had black eye.
"Wait, why do you have a black eye?" Bambietta asked.
"…I fell down some stairs."
"Bull! Shit!"
"I did too, you freaking brunette bitch! And they were the sexiest, most big-tittied, and tightest and blowjob-prone, independent-yet-sexual-and-in-charge stairs I ever fell down."
"Awww, that's so sweet of you, baby," Candice said, hugging her boyfriend's arm.
"So…was I interrupting something, or is there more?"
"No!" Bambietta exclaimed, putting her clothes back on. "There's not more! Ugh, I need today like I need to be hit by a car."
As if on cue, a limousine showed up and barreled into Bambietta, Candice and Grimmjow, the last of which went flying through the air.
"Baby!" Candice shouted. "Alright, whoever's driving that thing, asses out from where I can see them so I can break my foot off in them."
Wordlessly, the driver, Loly, stepped out of the car, her pigtails flopping down as she stood up straight. She, along with her crew, was dressed in skin tight leather jackets and pants. Her companions included her best friend, Menoly, a spikey haired blonde, Mila Rose, a long, curly haired, curvy black woman, Apache, a blue haired heterochromatic with scar tissue over her left eye that made her look like a genderbent Zuko from Avatar, and Sun Sun, a long haired, refined woman with freckles and a hairpin on the right side of her hair.
"Who the hell are you bitches?" Bambietta asked as Loly and Menoly slammed the doors to the limousine.
"We're from the SQRF," Loly answered, pulling a badge out of her jacket pocket and flashing it at Candice and Bambietta.
"The what?" Candice asked.
"The Status Quo Reset Force," Menoly explained. "We're agents of Stephen Hawking's Science Hero Initiative Tactical organization, to keep the status quo afloat."
Loly spoke "You two—"
"—and your friends—" Menoly continued her sentence.
Both held up their hands fingers together, palms front, "Are in direct violation of the RRRRRRRURUUUS!"
"Submit to us verbally," Loly said by herself.
"And we'll set the school back in order up to and including fixing your grades and reviving the principal."
"Fuck off!" Bambietta exclaimed, complete with extended middle finger.
"Yeah, nobody launches my boyfriend through the air Team Rocket style and gets away with it!" Candice exclaimed.
"Well, if that's how it's going to be…" Loly said.
"Then we have to do things the hard way," Menoly responded. Each member of the SQRF removed their leather outfits, revealing more color coordinated attire underneath.
Mila Rose, Loly and Menoly had a halter top on combined with a pleated skirt, and buckled shoes in a variety of colors. Loly's uniform was as brown, and she was holding two hand cannons plated in black and gold. She aimed them right at Candice and Bambietta. Mila Rose's hands flared up with flame. Her outfit was gray. Menoly's hands generated bright pink energy, and her outfit was purple.
Sun Sun's outfit was identical to Giselle's, but it was orange. A small army of snakes appeared around her. Apache took a taekwondo stance. She was dressed in a white t-shirt and shorts and sneakers.
"Ha, you think you can scare us?" Bambietta asked. "That's adorable."
"We were the cool, sexy evil bitches before you five cunts showed up!" Apache shouted. "It's payback time."
"Oh, really?" Bambietta asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Ya, really!" Apache shot back.
"Well, then I have one thing to say to that," Bambietta said and extended her arm into the air. "Honey Badgers! Assemble! Red Wyvern!"
"Yellow Roc!" Candice shouted.
Liltotto appeared by chomping down the wall behind Bambietta and Candice. She burped. "Blue Bear!"
Meninas bound forward, bursting through the wall boobs first. "Pink Tiger!"
Giselle dug her way up from underground with a shovel and stood with a dirt covered uniform. "Black Cobra."
"You named yourselves the Honey Badgers?" Loly asked, her sunglasses tilting.
"Yeah, cause we don't give a fuck," Candice said with a smirk. "What's your name? I bet it's something stupid."
"We don't have a dumb team name," Sun Sun said. "That would go against the Status Quo. We're agents of the SQRF. That's all you need to know."
"Exactly," Loly said as she prepared to fire her gun. However, before she could, flashing white lights sparked from behind Bambietta's group as two girls appeared on the rooftop. One was a blonde with blue eyes, wearing a fancy, red ballroom dress and high heels. The other was a pink and black haired gothic chick complete with long stockings, an appropriate dress and a blue bow in her hair.
"Oi, oi, oi," the blonde said. "This is déjà vu wouldn't you say, Stocking?"
"Yeah definitely déjà vu, Panty."
"Panty and Stocking?!" Meninas exclaimed, joyfully. She was a huge fan.
Panty and Stocking jumped down from the roof and landed in front of Bambietta's group. "You five bitches think you can just waltz in and spoil these girls' fun? Sorry, but shit don't work like that around here," Panty said to them, arms folded in the most badass way possible as well as having the cockiest of grins on her face.
"You really don't want to mess with the SQRF," Menoly said, unfazed. "You're likely to regret it."
"Ha, can you believe this broad?" Stocking asked, jabbing a thumb at her. "She actually thinks she can tell us what to do."
"No, but I know two people who can," Menoly said and whistled with her thumb and her forefinger in her mouth. In the next instant another limousine pulled up as its front bumper tapped the front bumper of the SQRF's limo. From it stepped two demons, one with green hair cascading down around her and the other with blue hair in a ponytail with glasses.
"Oh great, it's those whores from canon," Stocking grumbled.
"Who are you calling a whore?" the green haired demon raged.
"Sister, calm down. We must behave ourselves in this other universe," the other demon said.
"You know these bitches?" Candice asked Panty.
"Yeah they're a couple of stiffs with poles up their asses about having fun."
"Fun nothing," Scanty said. "No matter the universe, we must always preserve the RRRRRUUUUURRUUUUS!"
"So awesome!" Menoly exclaimed. She'd never heard such amazing gratuitous English.
"Well shit looks like we got our work cut out for us," Panty said, unamused, arms folded.
"You wanna take care of these bimbos, and we'll take care of our own?" Candice asked her.
"Sounds like a plan," Panty said as she and Candice slapped five. Panty, Stocking, Scanty and Kneesocks then ran off to fight each other.
"Well that was a pointless cameo," Liltotto stated.
"But it'll help the ratings go up for sure," Meninas said.
"Or confuse the hell out of everyone and make people think we're wasting their time. Can we get on with it? I have my own status quo to fill and it's called getting my fill of violence and explosions per day. So let's go a round!" Bambietta shouted.
"Sure, first move is ours!" Loly exclaimed and shot Bambietta in the shoulder.
"AH! WHAT THE FUCK, IT HURTS SO BAD! FUCK! FUCK! SHIT!"
"These are special status quo bullets," Loly said with a straight face. "They bypass all forms of plot armor and defense and act on people how real bullets do. Of course, since my guns are specifically designed to restore the status quo, I can't aim for vital organs or kill you unless I have a method to revive so I guess you're lucky in that regard."
"Are you going to be all right, Bambietta?" Meninas asked her.
"Just fucking peachy," Bambietta snapped, holding her shoulder.
Suddenly all ten girls could feel the earth shaking. It was then that they noticed it was being caused by Giselle.
"You…hurt…Bambi-chan… I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" Suddenly, a large horde of zombies and skeletons riding demonic wolves with chainsaws for arms appeared around all ten girls. However, before they could attack, Apache zipped past everyone and karate chopped Giselle hard enough in the neck to knock her unconscious. All of the horror genre creatures disappeared instantaneously.
"That takes care of that bitch," Apache said only to get punched in the face hard by Meninas.
"You leave Gigi alone!" Apache crashed through several trees and then fainted with swirly eyes.
"You have such a loud mouth," Sun-Sun said, as she sent her snakes after Meninas. However, Liltotto opened her mouth and sucked them all in, only to turn purple. "Not your brightest move. My snakes are highly poisonous." Liltotto fainted from poison. "Anyone who's watched Inuyasha knows that any sort of inhale power will always have a counter to prevent it from being omnipotent."
"Yeah, well poison doesn't fare so well against lightning! Yellow Roc Thunderball!" Candice's attack zapped Sun Sun thoroughly and knocked her out.
"Well then, I say that just leaves the fanservice, yeah?" Bambietta asked, tipping her peaked cap.
"Seems so," Loly said.
And then, an epic fight ensued.
It was so epic that it would be spoken of for centuries, school students reciting the grand day of battle. When two forces of unimaginable power clashed, veritable titans of pure power, skill and determination, battling for hours upon hours, ideals clashing as hard as the weapons against one another. It was an epic so mighty that it would rival that of Siegfried, Hercules, Odysseus, Achilles, Gilgamesh, King Arthur, Horus, Beowulf, and many more. Mighty rulers like Ramses the great, Genghis Khan, Alexander the great, William the conqueror, Charles Martel, Tokugawa Ieyasu and more would be looked upon as "sure, they were powerful and all, but they weren't no Bambietta and crew". It was a battle so utterly epic, that nothing could truly describe its utter wonder and epic badassery.
Which is why the narrator, in a fit of trolling, decided not to even try.
And that's how Bambietta lay there, on the ground, wholly broken down, her clothes damaged to appropriately show off as much of her body as possible. Some things never changed.
"Fuckin' piece of shit narrator, refusing to show how awesome I am, or how close it was, or how epic my fight was…" She grumbled.
U mad?
"FUCK YOU!"
Sorry- I can't hear you over how you got owned like a little bitch by the Status Quo agents.
"It's all over." Loly said coolly, aiming a hand cannon at Bambietta. She too had suffered clothing damage, although not nearly as much. "Surrender peacefully, and this will all go away, and you will go back to your normal life."
"Fuck you…" Bambietta managed, panting from the huge and epic fight that we didn't show you.
U mad?
"All right then." Said Loly, and shot Bambietta once, twice, right in the kneecaps.
"FUCKING OW! GOD DAMN IT SON OF A BITCH! AAAARGH!" Bambietta shouted. "The fuck kind of heroes are you anyway?"
"The kind that can shoot people in the kneecaps and then undo it," Loly said, smirking confidently.
"Well what now?" Candice asked.
"I dunno! Shouldn't Uryu be saving us right about now?" Bambietta asked, biting back the pain from having been shot.
"He can't," Loly said. "You exposed his identity."
"What? Why is that a thing?"
"Didn't you read the manual? You can't go exposing the masked hero like that. It's against the rules! Oh excuse me, against the RRRRRRUUUURRRRRUS"
"Do you really need to roll your tongue like that?" Bambietta asked dryly.
"Screw the rules, we're honey badgers!" Candice shouted only to get shot in the leg. "Ah! Fuck you, bitch!"
"Wait! Meninas! You're Uryu's love interest, right? He has to show up then!"
"Oh, I got over him a week ago," Meninas said. "I'm much more interested in that dreamy uptown boy, Byakuya Kuchiki!"
"…well then, we're fucked," Bambietta said.
"Damn straight!" Menoly said as she began charging a giant ball of energy.
Loly gasped. "Menoly, no!"
"Too much pink energy is dangerous!" Mila Rose shouted at her.
"Who cares? That's exactly what we want! We're gonna reset the status quo anyway so let's kick some ass while we're at it!"
"She's gone mad with power!" Loly shouted.
"Well you know what they say," Bambietta said. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely."
"Oh shut up!" Loly chastised.
However, before Menoly could throw the giant death ball, a figure stood atop what little undamaged rooftop there was left of the school. She was coated in a blinding white light that made it nigh impossible to see who she was.
"WAIT!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.
"Huh?" Bambietta turned her head up to look at her.
"…oh shit, it's her," Loly winced.
Menoly immediately began powering down her death ball until it extinguished with a "boop" sound effect. She then put her hands behind her back and floated down to the ground, giving her best kid-friendly smile, chuckling nervously. "Oh-oh, my lady!" She said, with a painfully forced smile. "I had- I had no idea you would be coming here, somebody as powerful and talented as yourself intervening in these lowly matters…"
"Oooh, sparkly," Meninas said, looking up at the newcomer.
"What have you done to my sister's school?" the newcomer shouted.
"We haven't done shit! It's those bitches that did everything!" Mila Rose shouted at her.
"If you would fight and damage the property of others it is a sin to call yourselves human, you pigs in human clothing!" The blinding lights around the woman ceased, revealing her long black hair, prim and proper white coat and long, sheathed katana, of which both her hands were placed on the pommel. She radiated power and female empowerment. Nothing said "feminist and loving it" like a fascist, rule-of-the-strong, Social Darwinist ideologue.
"What kind of Orwellian matriarch is this bitch?" Bambietta asked, unamused.
The woman jumped down and stood in between the SQRF and the Honey Badgers. She faced them both. "I am Satsuki Kiryuin! And you will all repair Ryuko Matoi High School THIS! INSTANT!"
"But this isn't even supposed to be a crossover…" Loly mumbled.
You really should know your stories better, you know. This is MADNESS, and not the Spartan kind. It is proper, pink-pony-on-cocaine madness.
"And what if we don't feel like it, huh?" Bambietta asked.
"Then you can all file a complaint with customer service," Satsuki said as Gamagori, Uzu, Nonon and Inumuta appeared behind her.
"Pssht, like we're afraid of a little hired muscle," Candice jeered.
"You say that now," Nonon said with a trickster smile, "but what will you say when I pull out THIS!" Each member of the Satsuki's Elite Four then pulled out the only weapon more torturous than School Days: the Master of Martial Hearts DVD. Even the members of the SQRF were blank with shock, the color draining from their bodies and clothing.
"NO! It's so horrible!" Candice shouted, looking away.
"How could you be so cruel?" Bambietta shouted. "That's against the Geneva convention! And I'm pretty sure it violates all of the human rights!"
"Because I'm god, bitch!" Satsuki shouted. "Now put this school back in order!"
"HAI, SATSUKI-SAMA!" Everyone in the SQRF and the Honey Badgers, including the previously unconscious and defeated members, stood up and saluted, Bambietta somehow managing this on broken kneecaps out of pure fear.
At a remote location
On a Deserted Island
Elsewhere, in a black tower that totally wasn't evil or anything, Ikumi Unagiya watched the reconstruction of the school, wearing a dark hood over her face, flanked by Urahara and Yoruichi.
"It's so beautiful," she said, tears in her eye, "who knew that just a bit of intimidation and threat of bodily harm and severe psychological trauma would trigger these youngsters into behaving like semi-decent human beings no matter how brief?"
Meanwhile…
With her business concluded, Satsuki and the Elite Four charted a helicopter to take them back to their new HQ. Satsuki had found a new perk, working Illusion Incorporated. As she arrived at the office, she was greeted by her boss, Sosuke Aizen.
"Good work, Satsuki Kiryuin."
"I did what you asked- now return my sister to me," Satsuki demanded.
He smirked his most condescending smirk, and said, "Sorry, Satsuki, but it appears your little sister is at another castle."
"Oh hell no!" Satsuki sneered. "You did NOT just use that overused video game reference! We had a deal, Aizen! I never expected that a sneaky, untrustworthy and manipulative villain like yourself would go back on his word!"
Aizen giggled evilly. "I think you'll find I have much, much more use for you like this. Also… this entire skyscraper is an illusion."
As the illusion dissolved, and Satsuki started to plummet towards her certain-but-not-really-because-of-plot-shields death, she shouted, "CURSE YOU, AIZEN SOUSUKE! DAMN YOU TO HELL!"
Elsewhere, in a non-illusory tower of Evil, Aizen sat at his desk, practicing his most evil snicker. Everything was going just as planned…
"That sounds great, Aizen-sama!" Said the blond, one-eyed Harume Nui, her voice coming from under his desk.
"Quiet, you, and get back to work," Aizen said, readjusting his opened pants.
"Yes, Aizen-sama!" She said cheerily, and there were soon slurping noises to be heard.
Being evil came with a lot of perks…Ohhhhhh yeeeeeeeesssssssssss.
(A/N: My apologies to everyone who now hates me because we're having Nui suck Aizen's dick, but quite frankly I fucking hate Nui. My apologies also to everyone who hasn't watched Kill la Kill and now knows that Ryuko and Satsuki are sisters. Ummm, we MAY revisit this plot point in a later episode if you guys review to the effect that we should, but not for several chapters. This isn't a crossover, but hey sky's the limit when the Rule of Funny is our bitch. No estimate one when another chapter will be released. I'm purchasing Xenoblade Chronicles for 3DS on Friday so that'll take me at least 10 days to finish and I haven't even started on chapter 5, least I don't think I have. It has been a while. But I hope you enjoyed this. I'm off to do more work on Fairy Without Wings. Ja ne!)