Lexas point of view.

One year ago.

I stare at the contacts in my phone, or to specify it, I'm staring at Clarkes name in my phone. One part of me wants to call her, the other part of me wants to respect Clarke her wish, although it didn't make any sense to me. It was like a battle inside me, not knowing what to do. Honestly, life without Clarke didn't make any sense to me. I got so used to her presence that I think I took it for granted. I never thought about Clarke and me breaking up, her leaving me, her being sick.

I can use a distraction from all of this so I decide to call Lincoln, my old best friend. I haven't spoken to him since Costia died but I knew it was worth the try.

I dial his number, that I somehow remembered, even after all this time.

I hear the phone ring until someone answers ''Hello?'' I hear from the other end of the line.

I got so distracted that I forget to tell who I am ''Hi'' I say a bit too excited.

''Lexa?'' I hear Lincoln asking me through the phone.

I'm quiet for a second before answering ''Hey, Lincoln'' I say.

''It's been a long time'' Lincoln says calmly. ''How have you been?'' he adds.

''Yes, it's been forever. I've been better and what about you? Are you still dating that girl? What was her name again?'' I ask him.

''What's up, Lex?'' He asks me worried. ''And yes, we're engaged nowadays, it's Octavia'' he says gently.

''A lot'' I say. ''I know it may sound weird Linc, but do you want to hang out sometime?'' I ask Lincoln a bit embarrassed.

It's silent for a second before he answers ''Sure, that's sounds fun'' he says to me.

''Awesome'' I answer.

''How about now?'' he asks me.

''Sure. I'm free now. Come pick up me at my place in the next hour.''

''Alright, see you in a bit'' he says before hanging up the phone.

I stare at my phone for another second. Somehow I feel relieved that I called him. Lincoln had always been my best friend. I've known him since we were kids. We used to do everything together.

Somehow the hour goes fast, or Lincoln arrives to early. Honestly I don't know. I was to focused on Clarke anyway. Before I know it I hear a knock on the door. I make my way to the door and open it.

Lincoln is standing in front of me with the biggest smile on his face ''Lex'' he says with a smile.

''Linc, it's so good to see you'' I say with a hint of a smile.

Lincoln nods at me ''Yes, it is. So are you going to let me in?'' he asks me, obviously teasing me like he used to do.

''Of course, come right in'' I tell him.

Lincoln walks into my house and I notice him looking around. ''Someone is missing'' he says worried.

I face him for a second and nod at him. He looks worried at me ''Where's Clarke?'' he asks me.

''Clarke broke up with me'' I tell him before making my way to the kitchen.

Lincoln looks shocked, like he didn't see it coming. He follows me into the kitchen, stopping me in my tracks. He doesn't say anything, instead he just pulls me in for a hug.

I embrace the warmth of his hug and put my arms around him ''You've grown some muscles mister'' I say teasingly.

Lincoln chuckles before pulling away from the hug ''Still the tease you always were I see'' he says jokingly.

I nod at him before grabbing two beers out of my fridge. I throw one to Lincoln, who catches it just in time. ''Smooth'' I say winking at him.

''I know right'' he jokes around, trying to ease the situation.

''But enough joking around. What happened?'' he asks.

I look at Lincoln for a second. I notice the worry in his face ''It's kind of a long story. How about we go to the living room?'' I ask.

''Sure'' Lincoln says while following me to the couch.

I sit down next to him before opening my beer. ''So do tell'' he asks me.

I take a big sip of my beer before looking at him ''As you already knew, Clarke and I dated for a long time. Everything went fine until Clarke broke up with me one morning, without giving me any reason. Raven called me a few hours later, explaining to me that Clarke was sick..'' I blur out to Lincoln. I need to pull myself together not to cry because everything hurts so much.

''Sick?'' Lincoln asks shocked.

''Yes'' I nod at him. ''She has leukemia..''

''That's horrible. I'm so sorry'' he tells me.

I can't pull myself together any longer so I break down in front of my old best friend. I feel embarrassed because this wasn't what I had planned. But somehow Lincoln felt safe, like old times.

Five years ago.

''Lex. I came as soon as you called me! What happened?'' Lincoln asks me.

I'm trembling like a leaf staring at the wall. My heart is aching, my thoughts are killing me. I don't know what to do. Everything went to shit. This wasn't how I saw my relationship ending with Costia.

''Lex?'' Lincoln asks again.

I only notice Lincoln his presence the second time. I look to my left for a second when I see Lincoln standing next to me ''She..she's..she's gone..'' I mumble between my tears.

Lincoln is processing my words before he walks over to me and hugs me ''What happened?'' he asks.

I'm still shaking at the thought of losing Costia. ''We were in a fight..She..She told her parents..'' I try to tell Lincoln but my words aren't really flowing out of my mouth. I'm all choked up.

''She..told her parents about her being gay..They didn't accept it.. they blamed me for her sexuality..'' I try to finish my sentence but the tears don't seem to stop. They keep flowing out of my eyes.

''She came over..she accused me of using her. I told her that she wasn't being far to me..She left after that..I tried to stop her but she didn't want to listen..''

''Lexa..'' Lincoln tries to calm me down, but it isn't helping.

''Don't. I know what you're going to say. But it is my fault..'' I tell him.

''She got in her car.. she made her way downtown when she was hit by a truck..''

''Is she in the hospital?'' Lincoln asks me. I notice that he tries to have hope.

''No'' I admit. ''She..she died instantly…''

''Oh my god'' Lincoln blurs out.

I notice his reaction and this shocks me somehow. I feel like he's blaming me. I know Lincoln cares for Costia as well. They had been friends too. ''See it is my fault'' I tell him.

Lincoln doesn't answer me. I notice the hurt in his eyes. He's clearly in pain because of this.

I guess I'm taking his reaction the wrong way but it's too much right now. ''See'' I repeat before running of into the distance, leaving Lincoln behind.

Clarkes point of view.

8 months ago.

I'm looking around the room that doesn't look the same anymore. With Lexa gone, everything changed somehow. The memories were still in the back of my head, but I realized that's all they could be. I needed to let her go in order to spare her the suffering in the future. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

''Clarke? Are you listening?'' I suddenly hear Raven asking me, which brings me back to reality.

''Yes. Sorry. I was just daydreaming I guess'' I admit to her.

''Was it Lexa again?'' she asks me.

''Yes, I miss her. Everything seems different now.''

''Because it is, Clarke. You're not okay. You're dying. You know I don't agree with what you did. You should've told her the truth about only having a few months left. She would never have left you'' Raven tells me.

I know Raven her words are true. Lexa would've stayed with me. But it felt to selfish for me, to spend my last months with her, to just leave her behind with all the pain she already went through when she lost Costia.

''I know'' I just answer, not wanting to get into it.

''I do have to tell you something, Clarke'' Raven admits.

''Sure'' I tell her. Trying to hide my curiosity.

''I ran into Lexa a few days ago'' Raven tells me.

''Really?'' I ask, trying to keep it cool. ''How was she doing?'' I ask Raven.

''She seemed okay. I don't know though, she was a bit distant. Like she didn't really want to talk to me, which I can understand. I never talked to her after you left her. I promised you that. I guess she knew that as well'' Raven says.

''I'm happy for her'' I say, even though I don't mean a word of it. I've missed Lexa too much the last few months but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her behind.

''I know when you're lying, Clarke'' Raven says a bit to judgmental to my liking but I don't get mad at her because she had been there for me all the way until now.

''She didn't seem happy though. Lexa looked awful, like a ghost had been chasing her'' Raven admits.

''I have a surprise for you though..'' Raven tries to finish her sentence but is interrupted by a knock on the door.

''Am I interrupting?'' A voice asks from the other side of the door.

''No, come right in'' I say softly, while staring at the door. I fall quiet when I realize who's standing in the doorway. It's Lexa, looking as beautiful as I remember. Her brown hair is braided all the way down to her neck. I notice her green eyes meeting my eyes.

She just stands there, staring at me. I can't believe that this happening.

''Clarke'' she says shyly, obviously awaiting my response. I notice the worry in her eyes.

''Lexa..'' is the only word I can say before I break down in tears.

My wall breaks down this second and I let it all out. My whole body is shaking, my eyes are turning red, the tears are dripping down my cheeks, forming stains on my bedsheets. My heartbeat is racing faster and faster until Lexa is standing next to me. In this second I feel like time has come to a pause.

Lexa doesn't say a word, instead she pulls me in for a hug. Embracing me for what seems like forever. I put my head on her shoulder, letting my tears flow, letting my emotions come to the surface. I'm done with hiding, I'm throwing it all out before it's too late.

''I'm here'' she whispers in my ear. ''Raven told me everything, Clarke'' she whispers softly. ''It's okay'' she repeats, trying to calm me down.

It seems like forever before I manage to control my emotions. ''I did not expect to see you again, like ever'' I admit to Lexa.

Lexa sits down beside me on the edge of the bed, still looking at me before answering ''You were wrong'' she says with a smile.

''I know'' I admit to her.

''Clarke, listen to what I have to say, okay? I know you think that you were helping me by pushing away, but that made everything worse. I felt terrible because I didn't understand what was happening until Raven told me everything a few days ago. I know you think you're trying to spare me because of what happened to Costia. But you're not doing that. The reason why what happened to Costia is still hunting me, is because I never got to say goodbye to her. I don't want to same thing happening with you, I want to spent every moment with you. I don't care how long that is. So that's why I'm asking you this, Clarke Griffin, will you do me the honor of being my wife?'' Lexa asks me.

I look at Lexa, trying to process what she's saying to me. I didn't expect this, but it was everything I ever wanted. Even though I know my time is running out so I just nod at her.

''Is that a yes?'' Lexa asks with the biggest smile.

''Yes'' I say.

Lexas point of view.

Now at the graveyard.

I turn around and study the face of the person standing behind me. ''What are you doing here?'' the person asks me.

''Just saying goodbye to someone special'' I admit. I didn't want to get into why I am here.

The person nods at me before answering ''Same goes for me.''

''Unfortunately we all lose those we love the most'' the person adds.

''Yes. Unfortunately. But by honoring their memories, they will stay with us, no matter what'' I say.

The person nods at me ''You're right.''