Title: I don't know 4/?
Author: Lysangelle
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler Alert: Post 7x17 "That's me trying". If you didn't see it and prefer to stay spoiler free, you shouldn't read this as some hints to it and following episodes are bound to show up in the story. But I'll miss you J
Summary: Chapter 4. Our girls are trying to reconnect despite the distance. Some things are easier to say in writing…
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: As you'll see, this is the last chapter with emails exchange, I think it's time to go to next step up toward their reunion. I hope you'll still like it with the new stage.
Chapter 4
Arizona Robbins, pediatric surgeon, winner of the prestigious Carter Madison Grant was sitting in her office of the soon to open 'Surgery for children' clinic. She was in the stage of interviewing local applicants for various jobs that needed to be filled up before the clinic could open.
The paeds surgeon intended to favor the locals over the international applicants as she believed the kids would respond better to adults they could relate to.
Those children would be stressed out enough from their sickness and their new situation to add to it by surrounding them with alien people.
Arizona was in the middle of an interview with a young Malawian doctor who studied medicine in the States when her laptop emitted that silly sound warning her that a new mail arrived in her mailbox. 'I really have to change that thing' she thought as she gave an apologetic smile to the man across her desk.
The blonde had started to carry her laptop around the clinic during the day.
As fulfilling and gratifying as her project and the work it was bringing was for Arizona, she really was living her days for the mails she received from the woman she loved.
She shook herself and picked up the conversation with the very promising applicant.
As soon as the interview was done and that she made an appointment with her probably new assistant, she grabbed her laptop and ran to her room to read the new mail she was really hoping came from one tall breathtaking brunette.
To: BadassTorres
From: ArizonaAwesomeRobbins
Subject: RE: No more yelling
You did say that you don't know squat about me but you're wrong. You know me, at least the real me. The woman you practically lived with for months, that's the real me. I'm perky, I'm devoted to my patients, I eat donuts when I'm sad, I cry when I have to confront authority figures, though I'm working on it. I have sudden urges to pull you in on-call rooms and heal your headaches because you're so damn breathtaking.
True, I guess you can say I have a darker side. A side I usually don't show because it shows my weaknesses and you know how much I hate that. The things you feel you don't know about me, because I didn't talk to you about them? Those things are like my brother's death; terrible life's incidents. They have a part in building the person I turned into but they don't define who I am.
The other things I kept hidden from you and let them fester until I exploded at you and accused you of falling in love all the time were born from my insecurities. I was unsure about how deeply you were involved in US. About if and how easily you could go back to men. I said it before; you have a huge heart and it's one of the reasons I love you but how could I have been certain of the depth of your feelings for me when you get involved so deeply in everything you do, and everyone you met. So yeah, I stayed cautious and started worrying at the first sign of something being off between us.
And I must admit that having Mark around, always hovering over you, as a constant reminder of some things didn't help. I get that you are best friends and that you give yourself wholly to your friendships as well as your loves, but you see? That's why I never could be sure I was different for you; that I was holding that special spot in your heart that only one person can hold. It might be selfish but I needed proofs that I was one step higher than anyone else on you love meter.
I know I need to work on some things; I need to be more open with you, be totally honest and not worry that you'd go away if I tell you something you might not like. I need to stop pretending things are alright or avoiding the confrontation.
The most important part is that everything that happened between us made me realize the biggest part of who I am. I'm the woman who can't live without you.
I love you, Calliope. I miss you so much.
Arizona
Callie Torres was scrubbing out from a routine surgery, wondering if the chief was trying to punish her in some hidden way. She'd been restricted to routine surgery and somehow something always happened and prevented her to take part when something interesting was showing up.
In other words, there was nothing to help taking her mind off of her constant train of thoughts involving a certain blonde beauty that she was starting to miss like crazy. Since their heart to heart via emails, Callie was feeling closer to her girlfriend. And with the renewed emotional closeness came the physical need.
Callie always had been a physical being and not being able to hold the woman she loved and wanted to comfort in her arms was starting to get to her.
She jumped when her iPhone warned her that a new mail was waiting for her.
She grabbed it quickly, almost dropping in her haste to check it.
To: ArizonaAwesomeRobbins
From: BadassTorres
Subject:
How could I make you see that you can trust me with your heart? That I won't leave you for the coffee cart girl or whatever? That I couldn't go back to Mark and how I was before. How could I prove to you that you do hold that special spot in my heart? A spot that nothing, and no one, not even you, can pry you out of.
I was ready to move to Malawi for three years. Even if I didn't want to go to Africa, I decided to go, just to be with you! Because I couldn't stand the thought of not being with you. What better proof of how deeply and totally involved in our relationship I am would you need?
I miss you too.
I'm emailing from my iPhone and just got paged, I gotta go.
I love you, awesome.
Callie
Arizona Robbins was nervously twisting the old model phone's cord between her fingers as she talked on the phone.
"No, Sir, it doesn't mean I give up all responsibilities on the project. I intend to follow this project every step of the way until its completion." The paeds surgeon assured the man on the phone.
"I believe with all my heart that we can do so much good for the children that it'll make a real difference and I'm not going to give up. I just think I can supervise the project from the States. I hired very competent people that I intend to train thoroughly."
The blonde cringed as the man interrupted her, she wasn't going to cry.
"Yes, sir, I checked every of those applicants' background and I put together a team I'm certain will be up to the task. I wouldn't consider this if I didn't think I'd leave the clinic in very capable hands."
Arizona listened to the very stern sounding man for a while as the conversation was coming to an end.
"Yes, I understand that it's a big change of plans, Sir. But I know we can make it work. I'm sure you can understand my position. I heard from a fellow attending of Seattle Grace that the new paeds attending is a jerk and I can't give my people up to such a man, Sir."
The blonde's face relaxed when the man burst out laughing.
"Yes, Sir, it's what most people say about me." Arizona answered to the parting words the man was addressing her. "I'll keep you up to date, Sir. Thank you. Bye."
The blonde leaned back in her desk chair letting out a whoop of relief. Her plan was going to work. She whooped again when her laptop announced a new mail.
Arizona read the same sentences for the hundredth time: What better proof of how deeply and totally involved in our relationship I am would you need?
Time had done its job and even if it's been just under a month it was obvious both women's point of view had changed.
The paeds surgeon dry the few tears running from her eyes and started typing.
To: BadassTorres
From: ArizonaAwesomeRobbins
Subject: RE:
I can't deny it, all through our relationship I've been floating between two feelings, almost like I had a multiple personality. On one hand I've stayed cautious about how much of myself I was giving to that relationship. You have history, Callie. I know I do too, like everyone. But your history is the kind that raises all kind of red flags for me! And on the other hand I find you so amazing, so breathtakingly stunning that I just can't stay away! Just like that first date of ours, I tried to say no to you but couldn't stick with it. Because you fascinated me since the first sight I got of you. I couldn't stay away despite the red flag and warning bell. Because I wanted to be with you, I wanted to know you, even if it was for a short time like I expected it to be. But then it became more serious between us and issues started to raise, it wasn't just for the fun anymore and I started being scared of putting my heart on the line.
It was like I couldn't totally allow myself to be carefree. And I hid that from you too. Always pretending to be the happy perky one, even the few times when my doubts were re-emerging.
But little by little you made the warning bell stop ringing, and you put the red flags down, one by one. With your demonstrations of love, the way you choose 'us' over your parents and so many little things. And I started relaxing in our relationship; but sometimes… sometimes, something happens and the red flag rises up again! You allow Mark in our bed or you flirt with a patient. And I know it is part of the woman you are, I know it's because of that huge heart of yours. And deep inside me I wonder again; why would I be different? Why would I be the one for her? Am I really different? Or am I just a stage in your passionate life?
But I started to trust your love for me, Callie. After everything that happened to us, I'm not as scared of you leaving me. I've been able to let go when we're together. I've been starting to forget my doubts about giving too much of myself to this relationship. I moved in with you without a doubt because I knew with you is where I want to be. But I'm still scared, so scared, I'd loose you some way. It's like there's still a tiny part of me holding back. Out of fear of loosing the real love of my life.
But what would my life be like if I stayed away from the woman I love out of fear of loosing what we have together?
I want us to talk this through and put it all behind us.
I want to be with you too, Calliope. More than anything.
Love
Yours always
Arizona
Callie had to wait to be home to check her mails again; her battery had died on her hours ago.
When she did, the last mail from Arizona finished to destroy the last barriers she had put around her heart when her lover had left her in that damn airport.
To: ArizonaAwesomeRobbins
From: BadassTorres
Subject:
Call me
To be continued in chapter 5