Hey guys! Ah, so this is it, and as always, I can't help but feel sad whenever I finish a story, but it's probably a good thing, considering I have other stories I have to write. This chapter is long for your pleasure, so please enjoy and tell me what you thought!
Also, at the end when Ichigo brings up the question about the color, it's a call back to the first chapter. I felt like I should probably give you guys a reminder since it was one line in the first chapter, and if you don't recall it, what he asks at the end would seem really random.
Anyway, I replied to comments at the bottom.
Good vibes ~ Ashes.
xXx
Ichigo jolted awake. His sweat glistened chest rose and fell at twice the speed in attempts to keep up with his thumping heart. Once again, he'd been bombarded by nightmares that seemed to know no seize. They were always the same, always of that night, and he was starting to wish his psyche could get some new material. It seemed his brain wouldn't let him forget what a colossal screw up he was even in his sleep.
Aware he wouldn't be able to rest easy, he slid off his futon and turned on the light to his division barracks. He gave a cursory glance around the barren room that seemed just a little more empty than before, then he dragged his feet to his barely used kitchenette to make some tea.
After the brew was finished and his cup filled, he walked onto the terrace and started wistfully at the falling snow that canvassed everything with its merciless frost. Where he use to find beauty in how it stole the thrill of color from the earth, now that icy blanket of death suffocated him.
Although you would think the snow reminded him of Rukia, it did not. The blizzard morphed everything into an almost silver gray, and it reminded him of Byakuya and all the things they'd never have together. Now every time he looked at the snow, pain radiated through him until his bones ached from the sight, but for some reason, he couldn't seem to ever tear his eyes away.
He shut his lids, and the tears that had started to pool in the edges glided down his cheeks. His palms applied more pressure onto the tea cup as if he was trying to absorbs the porcelain's warmth, but it did him no good.
A year ago, if you told him he'd not only be in love with a man, but that that man would be Byakuya Kuchiki, he'd say you were out of your mind, but he didn't really know Byakuya Kuchiki then. Not as more than the rule bound aristocratic with rain drops in his eyes. Not as more than a comrade, a once enemy, Rukia's brother, but now, he waited for Byakuya in the same manner the snow - smothered flowers longed for spring. Only, unlike the flowers, it was not an undeniable truth that they'd ever bloom again, not when Ichigo plucked them from their roots.
He shook his head in ridicule as he turned and walked inside. He could stand woefully amidst that silver storm until it buried him, but when the snow melted and the heat came, there he would still be, frozen by the sorrow he felt. That was nothing a season's passing could take away.
After depositing his haori and deciding to keep on his scarf, he walked down the narrow hallway with a goal in mind.
It had occurred to him that, after what transpired between Byakuya and himself, the pain he felt in regards to Rukia was a mere paper cut in comparison, because with her, he had been missing someone who was never his to begin with.
Before, even when he felt at his loneliest, he was never really alone. Not when Byakuya's compassion always loomed over him in patient reservation. His gallant prince in the shadows, he was a comfort Ichigo had never asked for but desperately needed, wanted. He didn't even realize exactly how much until he could no longer feel Byakuya's vicinity, and with the dearth of Ichigo's closest companion, all of life's vivacity left with him.
Now, in the wake of their parting, he really was alone. So much so he felt a great distance towards everything around him. Colors faded, food was lackluster, and all sound just buzzed like static in his ears. At times, it felt like when Byakuya left, so did all of his warmth, and now it was as if he viewed life and all of it's interactions through the constant obscurity of a snowstorm. From everything, he felt so far away, beyond reach.
On a tarp covered, cheap wooden table sat a canvas and multiple chipped tea cups filled with paint brushes and water that were a spectrum of muddied hues, most different variations of grays and blues. He hovered above the canvas of which took up most of the table and noted how his hair tickled at his features, features that sat as blank and unmoved as the freshly fallen snow. Without even realizing it, his hair had grown longer than he'd typically allow. From a nearby stand, he grabbed a blue ribbon and situated his haphazard plumage into a short and messy pony tail in which the pieces that weren't long enough to be held back framed his face and breached his eyesight. Contemplatively, he stood eyeing the unmarked canvas.
What do you get the man that wants for nothing, who reaches out for things and always find them there? Ichigo had learned that love could be spoken in many different languages. Byakuya, a man who was raised wealthy, found it natural to shower Ichigo with gifts to display his affection, and though some may have considered such doting shallow in its existence, it was merely the way Byakuya had been taught to convey love. More so, the fact that he took the time to see what Ichigo actually lacked and bestowed on him what would make his life fuller, instead of frivolous gifts that he thought might impress Ichigo, showed an earnest care that was as boundless as the expanses of white that now covered Soul Society.
After much thought, Ichigo realized what Byakuya reached out for to find never there, and it was something money couldn't buy. It was arms, warm and inviting. It was snowmen and frost bitten lips. It was rainy Sundays, kisses stolen underneath the cover of a duvet, and limbs so intertwined you didn't know where yours stopped and the others began. It was secrets spoken in a quiet darkness. It was chard meals you still ate because you loved the other too much to shame their efforts. It was 'tell me about your day' and 'come home soon so I can undress you of all your burdens'. It was silly fights and 'please don't go.' It was someone seeing your worst and your best parts and saying 'how could I ever leave?' It was the simple rarity of being known by someone and knowing another.
Gestures, it was gestures not of currency but of heart that Byakuya Kuchiki both lacked and so desperately needed, because what did this life mean if after everything we did, in the end, we did it all to end up alone? Without family, friends, or a lover, without someone, what did any of it mean? Ichigo couldn't be sure, but he was certain they were each others someones. In the maelstrom that was Ichigo's life after the war, much like a snowflake at the will of a tenacious wind, he'd been blown astray by his circumstances. Both lost, they found each other, and now wayward once again, Ichigo would do anything to get back home.
Honestly, for a while, Ichigo worried about how he would fill his words with meaning, because the last thing he wanted was for Byakuya to feel dispensable, or that he was only worth the breath it took to give him empty promises and false hope. Luckily, on one of the few occasions he was mindlessly walking through the streets near his barracks, it came to him.
Although Seiretei was known for it's more traditional lifestyle, a myriad of shops livened up the capital. It made sense, considering the gotie members were not only paid a sizable income, but also, taichou were compensated for individual missions they took on at their own discretion. What else would they do with all that money?
There were shops for all sorts of things, one of which was owned by Byakuya's ex fukutaichou and sold the eyewear that'd you almost never catch Renji without. There were tailors and weavers. There were tea houses and restaurants of which you could go dancing. There were zen gardens where people could go to mediate, or places available for horseback riding and archery. You wouldn't find any movie theaters or bookstores on any of these corners, but still, it was plenty to keep the members of the gotei entertained and the economy thriving.
On this particular day, on his way to grab some dinner, Ichigo was struck by a shop that sold art supplies, and when he saw canvases lining the windows, he thought of Byakuya. Once the man told him that, 'If it makes you feel, then it is art.' It reminded him of why he thought of Byakuya as a painting that one handled with precious touches. It reminded him of when he would see Byakuya's watercolors and how it felt like he was gazing upon a part of the noble's soul that he showed no one else.
The trust conveyed in that gesture, it was tender and special, nothing like Ichigo had ever experienced, and he wanted to share that feeling with Byakuya, but he had to earn the right to share a life with the noble. So he let all of his efforts flow into the brush as he taught himself to paint these expressions of his truest feelings. Although he was a novice, over the weeks, he cultivated his skills, and day by day, he gained a finer fineness. Eventually, it was no longer just something he did as a means of connecting with Byakuya, but it also helped him reconnect with himself. In a way, these two mission were one in the same, and it was how he brought color back into his now dreary life.
He only hoped that when he showed Byakuya these illustrations of his soul, the noble saw parts of himself reflected in the canvases as Ichigo did with all of Byakuya's acts of love, because one of the realest, most colorful part of Ichigo was Byakuya himself
xXx
Byakuya would make it through his day like he had made it through most of his life: tactfully reserved and eloquently concealed. Lately, however, it was a combination of eagerness and disappointment that he held to himself.
A lot could be said about Ichigo Kurosaki, but no matter what, Byakuya thought he really knew him. He thought he saw Ichigo, but maybe one of the things Byakuya had seen meant he couldn't really know the young man at all.
Ichigo was young, and in regards to love, he was an infant. Loving was hard, but it was especially hard when you were still in the process of discovering yourself. Ichigo knew who he was at his core, the values that made up the man he became, but as one grew older, it was only natural for them to evolve. So, perhaps, Byakuya just saw him in a transitory stage of his growth. He saw who Ichigo was at a moment in his life, but not who he'd become.
Although, Byakuya, after having gotten to know Ichigo, had fallen in love with the man himself, not just any one trait. Within Ichigo, there would always be parts of him that couldn't be fragmented even by a force as unyielding as time and sorrow. That vibrant youth would always be a spectacle to Byakuya.
It was for this reason that Byakuya couldn't help but to hold onto the trust he long ago gave to Ichigo. If the words came from Ichigo's mouth, Byakuya believed, without falter, one day they'd come to fruition. Only, day after day, he found himself wondering if this would be the day Ichigo backed up his decree with fallacious action, and every night, he only hoped it would be next, but after a month of nothing but white noise, Byakuya wondered if he was being childishly idealistic.
Apart of him thought Ichigo's love could transcend time and evolution, but maybe Byakuya had just reverted back into that naive romantic he'd once banished. Although, it became transparent that this part of him could never be completely sequestered, because with a grave desire, he wanted Ichigo to prove him wrong just like the young man had done so many times in the past.
So he waited, as patient as ever, but he had to wonder if Ichigo's grandstand of love would be enough to pierce the icy thickets he fortified himself with. Over the years, he'd became an expert at denying himself, partially from his upbringing and partially for self preservation. So while apart of him was one step away from Ichigo's arms, just waiting for the signal that it was okay to let himself fall, the other half didn't know if one act of sincerity could possibly be enough for Byakuya to lower his defenses once again. He feared that, after enough time passed, all of the faults Ichigo once found endearing would lose their appeal. After the novelty wore off, Ichigo would realize he had mistaken respect for love and had senselessly gotten himself intertwined into something they should have never started to begin with. The honeymoon phase would pass, they'd be standing there, stubbornly anchored, painful silent, and all that would be left was a mess to clean up.
He supposed he'd just have to wait and see.
As he did every morning, Byakuya entered his division and made his way towards his office, and like always, he expected to be greeted with a cup of freshly made tea on his desk. He past by Renji's sloppily organized work space that sat in an enclave right outside of his own and allowed himself a furtive eye roll at the mounds of unfinished paperwork.
At an abrupt shattering resounding through the space, Byakuya shunpo into his office and saw Renji standing wide eyed and paralyzed, surrounded by broken pieces of porcelain and hot tea that soaked into the carpet.
"Renji, what's the meaning of t-" Words left the noble as he took in what exactly had arrested Renji's motor functions.
Enveloping every inch of the walls, from floorboard to ceiling, were watercolors, but not just any watercolors. Each canvas, though varying in size and format, depicted a prideful, thriving sakura tree standing amidst an unrelenting blizzard. Some of the tree's were small, distant, and their liveliness seemed almost untouchable. Others were just barely in frame, but you could see hints of pink brushing the skirt of the canvas.
One, however, overtook them all. In the middle of the mass collage was the biggest of canvases. Width wise, it probably beat out Byakuya's desk. Like the others, it, too, portrayed a sakura tree blooming in a snowstorm, only this tree was painted up close so you could only see the branches and their pink growth. It took up about three-fourths of the painting, and the petals that were blown from their branches by the storm were swirling against the snowflakes as if attempting to drive out the cold.
For moments, Byakuya couldn't speak. Instead he just felt a tingling that seeped into every tendon he had, and he became lost to the sensation.
"Renji," he whispered, "leave."
Finally snapped from his spell, Renji gapped at the broken glass and back up towards the noble. "But Taichou, the gla-"
"Leave it be for now."
Renji flashed him a weary look, but lofted his tongue and vanished without another word.
Tempestuously, Byakuya supported himself against his desk, as his legs felt weak from the onslaught of emotion. It been so long since he felt this intensely, and it seemed vigilant to work it's way through his bloodstream and attack every defense he had.
Byakuya, as logical as he was, had to stop himself from rushing Ichigo and kissing him wherever he stood so he could share in these emotions that seemed to be too much for one man alone. However, he was not a person to let his feelings outrun his discipline or dictate the choices he made. So with eyes shut, he tried to gather his thoughts.
When he felt himself calm, he opened his eyes to notice, for the first time, that the scarf he left on a coat rack by his door had been taken and replaced with Ichigo's. Slowly, he moved towards the garment and ran the fabric through his fingers. In the privacy of the moment, he couldn't help but to chuckle.
"This is how you show your love, Kurosaki Ichigo," he said to himself as he kneaded the silk between two fingers. "You break into my office, steal my clothing, frighten my Fukutaichou, and make a mess of everything. You are…" at the warm prickling filling his eyes, Byakuya's words trailed off, and he unhooked the scarf to place it around his neck.
He inhaled deeply. It smelled of Ichigo.
Reality came back to him, and Byakuya realized he hadn't the time to think so deeply into this matter. Today, they were inaugurating a new captain into the gotei thirteen.
xXx
The ceremony was quick, but not quick enough for Byakuya's taste. Or perhaps, it wasn't long enough.
When he arrived, the room hushed and all eyes befell him. It confused him for a moment before he remember that he was wearing Ichigo's scarf, and even though the decision to wear it was a completely conscious one, Byakuya had to wonder what prompted the poor decision making. It wasn't as if Ichigo and himself were secretive about the friendship they harvested over the course of those six months, however they both despised introspection into their lives, so they never flaunted the relationship. Although, with the gotei consisting of a bunch of gossip vultures, it wasn't like they hadn't gotten use to the constant pecking of their companionship.
More so, he was worried of what kind've message the adornment would send to Ichigo. Would wearing this somehow signal he accepted Ichigo's gesture? He hadn't considered it yet, but it seemed his subconscious had decided for him. Still, he was much too rational to determine his life based off some automatic response solely.
In his spot, he closed his eyes and dipped his head as he often did, and he shut out the speculative murmurs. Mostly, he tried to not think about the empty space beside him that would now be filled with Ichigo for the foreseeable future.
When the ceremony was underway, and Ichigo stepped out, the scarf around his neck caused another barrage of whispers to fill the room, and Byakuya was sure he meant to detach himself from it all, but he got caught up in the sight of Ichigo. His chest swelled as he watched on, moved by all of what Ichigo was and all of which he had accomplished, and when Ichigo stepped down and took his place beside Byakuya, he gave him the most subtle yet heartfelt smile Byakuya had ever seen, and the noble thought that he would like more than anything to see that smile directed towards him everyday.
They stood side by side, and it felt right, oddly at home. So close to one another, Byakuya could practically feel Ichigo's body on his, and when he felt the back of Ichigo's palm discreetly bump into his own, a shot of reviving air filled him, and he felt lighter. Ichigo, too, was affected, as he could hear him release a soft and almost needy sigh. Byakuya jolted his hand away before he found himself compelled into furthering the contact.
Finally, the meeting ended, and Byakuya was sure neither him nor Ichigo had really been paying attention since Ichigo took his place in formation. Ichigo turned to him, and for an instant, no one's intrusive stares filter through. Byakuya just saw Ichigo standing there expectantly and chalk full of bravado.
Byakuya dipped his head marginally, hesitated, and then he stated simply, "I am not ready. I need time."
Ichigo accepted his answer with a tiny smile and a nod of the head.
"Take as much as you need, Byakuya." As he past by the noble and their shoulders brushed, he leaned in towards Byakuya and whispered, "I told you, I'll wait on you."
All Byakuya could do was nod in response, and before he knew it, Ichigo was gone.
xXx
"So what's up with you and princess anyway?" Zaraki asked before he chugged down a pint of beer.
Ichigo rolled his eyes and looked mindlessly into the clear liquid of his sake cup.
In celebration, everyone wanted to go out for drinks, and almost every seated member had came except the one person Ichigo really wanted to see. He felt obligated to go, but he wasn't as oblivious as everyone thought he was. Most of everyone was spread out around the pub, and Ichigo stood amongst a small group of reapers, but he knew their intentions from the start. It had just been Zaraki who stated it so brashly.
"What do you means what's going on between me and Byakuya? Nothing."
"You are wearing Taichou scarf, Ichigo," Renji said.
Ichigo shrugged a shoulder and took tentative sips from his cup. "It's a nice a scarf."
"Oh, come on, Ichigo-san," Shinji chimed in, "He was even wearing yours."
"Yeah, you're trading clothes like you two are girlfriends or something," Zaraki tutted.
"Were friends," Ichigo said with a scowl.
"Oh, so that's what we're calling it these days," said Shinji.
"Whatever. Think what you want."
"I don't see why it's such a big deal if you two are together," said a bulging Rukia. "I think it's great."
"Yeah, I'm sure you do," Ichigo said with the rim of his sake glass muffling his voice.
"Excuse me?"
"Look," he said, "have you thought that maybe I'm telling you the truth? I mean it, we're not together." Twisting his face, Ichigo asked, "Do you really think that if Byakuya and I were a thing, we wouldn't tell you two at least?"
"So why are you two wearing each others scarfs like you're sweet on each other?" Renji asked.
Ichigo forcefully put his cup down, and he said, "It's nobody's damn business but ours."
"Chill, Ichigo-san, we're just concerned," Shinji said.
Ichigo snorted in retort. "More like nosy."
Zaraki donned an incredulous look that promised mischief as he downed another drink. "Well I'm with the midget, I think it's great! A pretty thing like that? Mannnn, I bet he's a freak when the lights are off. It's always the quiet ones who are like that."
"Zaraki Taichou, you need to watch what you say," Renji warned, noting the way the tips of Ichigo's ears turned as red as his own boiling blood.
Nonetheless, Zaraki was not swayed in his lewd speak. If anything, this encouraged him. "That girly zanpakuto of his too, man I bet he likes to take it like a whore. I've noticed that nice ass of his too. So if you're not really claiming that, I'd like to take 'em for a rid-"
Ichigo stopped the vile Zaraki was spilling with a fist to the face. His nose was bloodied and crooked, but he stood there unmoved, his wicked grin still unyeilding. "Ya' got really angry over someone who ain't even yours."
"Together or not, I won't stand here and listen to you speak that way about him." Ichigo all but growled. "But if you ever talk about him so lowly again or try to touch him, It won't be a fist I swing at your face."
Ichigo finished his drink in one valiant gulp, slammed it on the bar, and said, "Thank for the party, guy's. It's been a blast," before leaving the pub.
"Ichigo!" he heard Rukia say as he began to storm down the sidewalk. He turned back around to see Rukia waddling towards him, a hand pressed to her expectant tummy. "Ichigo," she said with a frown, "I'm sorry about all this."
Ichigo shook his head a couple of times and threw his wrist flippantly. "Don't worry about it. I know how Kenpachi is. He was just trying to rile me up, and I let him."
Rukia bit her lip and looked off the side. "It's not just that. I'm sorry about everything."
"Everything?"
"Yeah. I know I probably haven't been the best friend lately. It's just," she paused, looking thoughtfully into the darkness. "The way me and Renji grew up, we always had to be strong. We never complained." She looked back to Ichigo. "But you, you're not like us. Yeah, you're strong, but you were just a human teenager before this. I forget that sometimes you need more than a kick in the ass, and it's not fair for me to expect you'll deal with things the way we do all the time."
Ichigo sighed and raked a hand through his hair. His stature settled a bit as he stepped closer. "I've been distant too, so it's not all on you. And I get that about you guys, so I don't really expect it."
"That why Nii-sama is good for you. As cold as he appears, he's things that other people can't be for you, right?"
She looked up to Ichigo with eye brighter than he'd ever seen on her, and it made his expression soften slightly. He understood the hidden message within her words well enough, and he knew that one question would probably be the closest they'd ever get to talking about all the things they'd never have the nerve to say, but Ichigo thought that was more than enough. "Right." he said with a smile.
"Ichigo, if something's going on with Nii-sama, you should let me and Renji help. I can tell things have been different between you two."
Ichigo prompted her with a cocked eyebrow, and she put on an impish smirk in return. "Oh, Ichigo, you're so easy to read. I didn't miss that dopey grin you started sporting. So unless you've recently recovered from six months of insanity, I can tell something's been up with you this past month."
Ichigo thought the he actually had just recovered from six months of insanity. He had been so delusional that he was certifiable.
"Did you screw up, Ichigo?" Rukia asked with a scowl.
"Why do you just assume it was me!?"
"Fhh- What a dumb question." She moved her hands to her hips with a grin. "So you admit it, something did happen?"
"Yes! I fucked up, alright? I'm glad to not disappoint your expectations."
Rukia dropped her arms, walked straight up to Ichigo, looked him in the eye, and kicked him in the shin twice.
"What the hell was that for?"
"Partially for hurting Nii-sama, and partially to fulfill my duty as a friend. I may not be the best at comforting sometimes, b-"
"That's the understatement of the year."
"BUT I'm good at giving you a kick in the ass, and you look like you need a few." She crossed her arms and asked, "So what's your plan?"
Ichigo wore a defiant scowl, but under her unrelenting stare, his shoulders slumped in dejection. "It's nothing you can really help me with, Rukia.
"I knew it. You're so rash that you never make plans."
"There is no plan because I'm not scheming anything! Byakuya needs time, and I'm just trying to give him what he needs."
A soft sniffling reached his ears, and Ichigo gaped down to see a misty eyed Rukia. "Rukia...are you...crying..uh," he patted her shoulder stiffly. "Don't...uh...you don't have to do that for my sake, really. Please don't cry."
Rukia jolted away and bared her teeth to the man at the same time Renji made his way outside to stand beside the woman. "No way! I'm not crying." She looked up to Renji and asked, "Renji, am I crying?"
While handing her a handkerchief, he said, "No way babe, you never cry. Ichigo's dumb." He looked up to Ichigo, gestured to her belly, and mouth the words "She's crazy."
Ichigo chuckled a bit at the sight. Standing there with them, looking at the perfectly matched dweebs, Ichigo thought that not only was this right, but for the first time in a long time, he felt alright with it. That was a nice feeling.
Rukia blew her nose and sucked up any stray tears. "Well I'm glad you're considering Nii-sama so much, but still, if you need any help with anything, let us know."
Renji leaned an elbow on Rukia's shoulder and said, "We've both spent over fifty years around him, so we do know the guy pretty well." He flashed a smirk. "Nice paintings, by the way, Romeo."
"Paintings?" Rukia asked.
"The last true romantic over here snuck into Taichou office and hung up paintings everywhere. He's making the rest of us guys look bad."
Ichigo scoffed. "You do need any help from me to do that, Renji."
"Well I hope everything works out. You two are so stubborn that I don't think anyone else could handle either of you." With one last smile, Rukia turned to leave, but was drawn back in by Ichigo.
"Hey guys," he said, rubbing his nape and coloring a bit, "there is something I could actually use your help with. Byakuya's birthday's coming up pretty soon, and there's something I wanted to do, but I don't think I can do it on my own."
"Don't ask dumb questions," Renji said. "Of course, we'll help, but if you need help it must be an even bigger surprise than the paintings.
Ichigo put on a sheepish smile and said, "Yeah, well, he's worth it."
xXx
No one knew Byakuya Kuchiki. Raised by his taciturn grandfather and touched by sorrow at such a youthful age, he carried himself with sad eyes and a rigid disposition, and people viewed him with only the tiniest of scopes and the shallowest of intentions. A beautiful specter, an edifice of self discipline to be tip toed around, a prince dripping with gold and disdain, a man who kept his arrogance and disenchantment as sharp as his blade, forgotten, overlooked, untouchable, that was the Byakuya Kuchiki most people saw, but not Ichigo.
Byakuya Kuchiki was just more. He was galaxies undiscovered, boundless like the uncharted breadth of the universe. He was cosmos you could never see simply because you did not yet have the means. Knowing Byakuya Kuchiki was like looking upon the heavens with breathless ignorance, absolutely dazzled by the existence of something so majestic and your connection to it that you were both disheartened and pleased that you'd never quite understand such a vastness, because to understand it would make it less than what it was. That was Byakuya Kuchiki.
Byakuya Kuchiki was a cabin, warm and cozy, in the midst of a blizzard. He was a song that made you envious of emotions you've never felt. He a was feeling you thought you forgot, a comforting silence, a meaningful roar. He was the life saving moment of reflection you took before you jumped, the gasp of air you managed before being pulled underwater. He was intense eyes and satiny touches. He was a flower that outgrew its parameters, a soul that outgrew its body, tentative hands and a nervous heartbeat. He was everything he didn't want people to see, the solace of a familiar embraces within a rigid foundation. Byakuya Kuchiki was a silver lining wrapped up in amazing grace, and Ichigo wanted to wallow in his salvation.
Yes, Byakuya Kuchiki was just more, and as Ichigo sat concealed upon a lounging futon on the second floor terrace of the Kuchiki mansion, he thought of this. It was sounds of Byakuya stepping onto his deck that brought him back to reality. He inched a bit closer to the edge in an attempt to hone in on the conversation.
"Rukia, Renji," he heard Byakuya say, "What can I do for you?"
"Happy birthday, Nii-sama!"
"Yeah, happy birthday, Taichou."
"Today is not my…" there was a hesitation. "Ah, I suppose it is. Though I have not celebrated in decades. What is the meaning of this?"
"Nii-sama, hear us out before you flip out."
"Rukia, when I have I ever flipped out?" he asked, and Ichigo couldn't help but to snort at the mental image.
"You're right, however, I know you don't really like celebrating your birthdays or gatherings much, and..well.."
"What Rukia is trying to say is, in a few minutes, this place will be filled with people coming to throw you a birthday party. Actually, it's more like a festival, and you can't turn them away, because they put in a lot of work for this."
There was a long moment of silence, and just as Ichigo began to get worried, he heard Byakuya say, "I do not understand. What would possess someone to do this?"
At Byakuya's blatant confusion, Ichigo was equally stirred with a desire to smile and a desire to cry. Byakuya couldn't fathom why anyone would go through such trouble for him, and while that made his heart ache, to see a subtly enthused Byakuya basking in what it meant to be seen, to know that the feelings Byakuya imbued in him would be present inside of Byakuya himself, was enough to melt Ichigo.
"What possesses Ichigo to do anything?" Renji said. "I don't want to know what goes on in that crazy head of his."
"Ichigo…"
"Yes, Nii-sama. He told us that you always had an infatuation with Living World festivals, so he decided to throw you a mini Bon festival for your birthday. He didn't do it alone though. He recruited a lot of help. Ukitake-Taichou is bringing the food."
"Soutaichou is bringing the alcohol, of course."
"Kisuke-san and Yoruichi-san chipped in too. All of Ichigo's friends from the living world taught us the dances. The shiba's are doing the fireworks. Oh! and a few shinigamis are going to run vendors. We're even going to send paper lanterns flying. We would do the floating, but there's no river. A lot of people worked together to make this happen, Nii-sama, but it wouldn't have happened without Ichigo."
There was another silence, this time much longer. "Of course," Byakuya said, "he is a hard man to deny when he is so determined…Where is Ichigo?"
"Uhh, I'm not sure," Renji fibbed, "but knowing him, he's not too far away."
"So does this mean you're okay with the party, Nii-sama?"
"For him to go through such an effort, it would be rude of me to dismiss it," he said simply, though Ichigo could hear the way his voice inflected as if it was struggling not to crack, and a smile grew on Ichigo's face that he could feel scattering through his whole body as a result.
"I hope you have the best birthday ever, Byakuya," Ichigo whispered.
"People will be arriving shortly, Nii-sama. So if you have anything you need to do before hand, I would go ahead."
"Right. I must change, but I'll return in a moment."
From the veil of his terrace, Ichigo watched as the night played out, and though he could not see Byakuya, he could just feel it. He could feel the man's enjoyment as if it was his own, and it almost felt like touching Byakuya. Ichigo wished he could be there to share in these experiences with the noble, and maybe one day he could, but that wasn't what this night was about.
After the darkness became thick and all the dancing had been done, it was time to release the lanterns, and as hundreds of shimmering lights littered the sky and sent the darkness blazing, Ichigo looked up in aw. They looked like souls lighting up the path to better days, and he hoped that when Byakuya looked upon the scene, he could only think off all the good to come.
When he heard the sound of a shunpo, a smirk creeped onto Ichigo's face. "Took you long enough to find me."
He stood and turned, and what he saw redefined the word beauty for him. Standing in stark opposition to the twilight, Byakuya's resplendent aura blurred the darkness, and Ichigo knew the lanterns were not the main attraction that evening. His eyes slid up the black kimono that intently enticed a person's eyes into a slow draw up the wearer's physique. The hem was embellished by a barrage of rose petals that drifted up the garment in a gradient until they vanished into the fabric, and his feathery locks were tamed by matching hair sticks, yet a few wisp escaped and hung freely over his proud features. Wrapped up with a simple gold chain that sat right above the hollow of his neck, Byakuya was romance swaddled in sophistication, and if it could, Ichigo thought that even the night would want to keep Byakuya for itself.
He was sacred, reserved, only accessible for those privileged few, and Ichigo prayed that he was among the worthy.
"It is not that I found you, but that I merely decided to come to you," Byakuya said as he took a step closer.
"You felt my presence?"
"It was more of an instinct." Byakuya paused, and his voice trembled like it was speaking words that once betrayed it, like legs standing on the edge of falling. "I believe that, no matter what, I will always end up standing face to face with you, Ichigo."
Ichigo absorbed the words and let them take shape in his head, but everything felt hazy since Byakuya appeared. The atmosphere was provoked and shifted under his influence. The air smelt sweeter, and the other lights dimmed in piety. "You look...stunning."
Byakuya closed his eyes briefly before he looked out towards the sky. "Thank you, but I am nothing in comparison to these lanterns."
He took a step towards Byakuya, and their eyes captured each others. Ichigo was struck, and he thought that this was what loving another person should feel like. Maybe it wasn't the only way to love, but to him, it was the best way. "What lanterns?"
An almost imperceivable blush claimed the Kuchiki lord's cheeks, and oh god, Ichigo wanted nothing more than to make Byakuya's body give away all his secrets.
"Why did you stay away?"
"Tonight wasn't about me, Byakuya. I didn't want you to think this was just me trying to get you back."
Byakuya fanned his hand outwards. "You threw a festival for me," he said as he looked around with wistful disbelief. His face was as soft and porous as the snow, and even appearing so open, Ichigo thought this was the strongest Byakuya had ever looked, because what courage it took to lower ones shields.
Ichigo looked on confidently, and there was no bashfulness like he'd often feel when saying something so sincere. He did not worry about trying to seem aloof or coy, and he left his own pretenses at the door, hoping it would prompt Byakuya to do the same. He didn't always get the words right, because, like Byakuya, he wasn't a man who showed his truest self through words, and Ichigo, for once, was hoping his big mouth would work in his favor. "If it would make you feel as special as you are, I'd throw a dozen festivals for you."
Byakuya nodded as he reigned in some of his usual composure. He took another step forward so that he was standing only a couple of feet in front of Ichigo. "But you do want this, correct? Us?" he asked as he closed his eyes. At the feeling of Ichigo's hand cupping his cheek, they hesitantly opened to see such a gentle honey lavishing him with unabashed sentiment.
"Do you even have to ask?"
He inhaled deeply and nuzzled his cheek into the coarse palm. He both loved and hated the feel of Ichigo's war - torn hands. While he could practically feel Ichigo's valor through the toughened skin, he could also feel all that the man had given up to earn those calluses. "You are young, Ichgio, and I am not an easy man to be with. I am bound to set of rules and traditions you will never quite understand, and I do not want you to jump into this head first, only to regret it." Byakuya, more than anything, didn't want to be regretted by Ichigo.
Ichigo shook his head. "I don't want easy, and I don't need to be fifty years old to know that."
"You are headlong, as aways."
Ichigo's eyes sharpened, and there it was, that damn Kurosaki obstinance. "We can just be friends for as long as you want if you really think I'm going to change my mind, but I'm not."
"I do not believe I can simply see you as a friend, but you can not be sure of this," Byakuya said
"Because we're not just friends, Byakuya. Look, we can dance around what we are, try to put it off, but I think we've waisted enough time being stubborn. You're right, I can't be be sure, but I really believe we can make this work as long as we actually want it to."
More teasingly, Byakuya said, "And I see you are still arrogantly optimistic."
Ichigo smirked. "I call it determination."
"I'm not a man that keeps many friends or any at all. In fact, I'd say few people actually like me. People will never seize to give you grief about your choice to be with me."
"I've never cared what other people thought, and I'm not going to start now. If they have a problem with it, they can screw off. Besides, if I really cared about what other people thought, do you think I would have gotten so many peoples help with this festival?"
Byakuya's chin pointed definitely. "I can be cold and distant. I can be demanding. These traits will always be apart of me."
"I think I know you better than you give me credit for." Ichigo's smirk deepened. "When other people see cold, distant, and demanding I see a man who's sacrificed everything for his family, even his own happiness. I see a subtle warmth and compassion that, if you pay attention, isn't so subtle. I see a guy who put his all into another person and is scared of what it means to do that again. I see you, Byakuya." Ichgigo noticed the way Byakuya's eyes shift with an unusual amount of uncertainty. "Anything else?"
Byakuya chewed at his lip ever so slightly. "I...snore."
A laugh, radiant and consuming, exploded from Ichigo, and Byakuya thought he'd never heard something so melodic.
Now using both hands, Ichigo cradled Byakuya's face and connected their foreheads. Byakuya could feel his smirking mouth pressed against his upper lip. "I think we'll make it work somehow. Now the question is, do you want to make this work?"
Byakuya Inclined his head ever so slightly. "Do you even have to ask?"
When Ichigo pulled his head back an inch, Byakuya wound his arms around Ichigo's waist and pulled him in for a bracing kiss. It was deep and honest. They were all swollen lips and needy, lapping tongues, and the only distances between them was the miles of skin stretched across their limbs. Together, their bodies were like wax, hot and molded, and the snow of winter was all but forgotten in the hunger of their application. The tundra never had a chance. They could taste each other's air and unspoken truths, and it tasted like 'I'm sorry'. It tasted like 'I've missed you' and 'Please let this be real.'
When Byakuya broke the kiss and rested his forehead against the others, Ichigo leaned forward trying to nip at Byakuya's mouth once more, but the nobleman pulled away with a teasing smirk.
"I, too, can instigate a kiss, Ichigo Kurosaki." Byakuya said.
"Yeah you can," Ichigo, eyes fluttering and mouth drooping, said. "You should do it more often. I actually feel kind've dizzy."
Ichigo leaned his head on Byakuya's shoulder and held him tightly. As his breathing began to settle, he let out a jagged sigh. "Thank you for being patient with me. Im too stubborn for my own good sometimes…I could have really lost you."
Byakuya coxed Ichigo's head up and held his cheeks in his hands. His face looked both tired and relieved. "Giving up is hard for everyone, especially for you, Ichigo, when it goes against your very nature. To go from loving someone so greatly to barely thinking of them at all, you feel as if you lost them all over again, like you lost a part of yourself, but truthfully, you have not lost Rukia. You have just redefined what she means to you. Likewise, you could never lose yourself."
Once more, Ichigo kissed him softly, and then he did it again and again, joining their lips with simple and alleviating touches. He couldn't get enough of Byakuya Kuchiki's flavor, and he vowed to make up for lost time as he greedily preoccupied Byakuya's mouth.
"Here," Byakuya said as he pulled Ichigo's scarf from the fold of his kimono.
Ichigo eyed it dubiously. "It works better if it's around your neck, you know?"
Byakuya looked down to the scarf and then back up to Ichigo with a frown. "It does not match."
"What do you mean? It's red and so are the flowers on your kimono."
As if it was the most obvious thing in the world, Byakuya said, "They're two different shades of red, Ichigo."
Ichigo snorted and shook his head humorously. "Hey, It's not like you're with me for my fashion know how."
Byakuya looped the scarf around Ichigo's neck with the smallest of smiles. "I believe this is apparent."
Ichigo netted his brow as Byakuya adjusted the scarf. "Why are you giving this back to me?"
"It is only temporary. I will take it back in several weeks, if this is alright with you."
"Yeah, sure, but why?" he asked, his brow still furrowed in confusion.
The red that colored Byakuya's cheeks betrayed his attempts at being casual. A red that was so light, Ichigo knew few would ever notice the change. "Do you deem an answer?"
"No." Ichigo smirked. "I just want to know what could make the great Byakuya Kuchiki red all over."
"It is this cold!"
Ichigo flashed him a knowing look. "Whatever you say, Byakuya."
Byakuya huffed and closed his eyes. "It has lost your scent."
The grin on Ichigo's face seemed like a permanent fixture. He felt totally punch drunk, stupid in love, but he couldn't find himself to care. He hadn't felt so compelled to smile since he was a kid, and that was both terrifying and exhilarating. "Who knew you were such a sap?"
"This coming from the man who threw a festival for me."
Ichigo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Heh, fair enough. I guess we're both pretty hopeless."
Byakuya crept his fingers along the borders of the scarf and nudged Ichigo back in. With their faces so close, their noses brushed, and they could feel the sweeping of their lashes against their skin. They took turns teasingly ghosting each other's lips as they got lost in their shared affection, and with their arms tethered, without realizing it, they began to sway gently. It felt similar to the night of the wedding when they danced under the starlight, only this time, their eyes did not shy away. They looked at each other, bold and full of certainty.
A firework shook the stillness of the night, and they were broken from their mutual trance.
Dryly, Byakuya teased, "Leave it too a Shiba to ruin a moment."
Ichigo chuckled, and then admitted, "I sort've forgot where we were for a second," as he looked from the sky and back towards Byakuya.
Byakuya kept his eyes locked on the sky as he said, "I could never forget where we are, because you have given me a truly unforgettable evening." He turned his attention back towards Ichigo. "Thank you."
Ichigo smiled and held out his hand. "Well it's not done yet." Nodding towards the futon, he asked, "Watch with me?"
Byakuya overlapped his hand with Ichigos "That sounds lovely."
Ichigo led them to the futon where he sat against the wall and carefully guided Byakuya to sit in between his legs and lean against his chest. The pressure of Byakuya's body against his own felt right, and as he wrapped his arms around Byakuya's waist, Ichigo thought he had never held something so precious. What existed between them, he would protect it and handle it with prudent hands. He would feed it love and thoughtfulness and watch it grow. With his moon to guide him, he would never again be lost at sea
As Byakuya looked up, his face was washed in the blossoming reds and blues, and they gave vigil to the specks of wonder that burnished his eyes. Seeing him stripped of his defenses, surrendering his trust as he looked to the sky, so present and bone bare, Ichigo couldn't tear his eyes away. He was right, Byakuya was an eye thief, only it was Ichigo's eyes he stole. His glare wouldn't break. How could it? He was taking in a masterpiece, and everything else was swallowed up by his fullness.
Byakuya gave him an aslant glare and smirked at the dazed features. "It is rude to stare, Ichigo."
"Huh... oh, sorry." He blushed, but squeezed Byakuya tighter all the same. "You're kind've distracting."
Byakuya settled in deeper as he arched his neck to look at Ichigo. "Or perhaps you are just fanatical beyond hope. I fear that you will rub off on me."
Ichigo's fingertips pressed softly against Byakuya's jaw and guided his face closer so they could feel the others tepid breaths roll against their own lips. "What's so scary about that, huh?" He smirked. "I'm not that bad, am I?"
Their mouths tickled each other's, and Byakuya spoke against Ichigo's parted lips. "Horrible, actually," Byakuya said, and he pursed his lips to hide a mixture of amusement and worry. When Ichigo gave him a knowing look, he said, "Abandonment goes against my very nature, but for you, Ichigo, I feel as if I am such a fool. This is a frightening sensation."
Ichigo ran a thumb over Byakuya's lip as if considering the words, and he thought how amazing they sounded. For Byakuya Kuchiki to openly admit fear was an inspiring thing indeed. "I can't tell you what will happen in the future, but I can say for certain that I'll put everything into this. You can trust that, and I think you do, because you're giving me the chance to give it my all. So stop calling yourself foolish. Letting yourself be open to this, that doesn't make you a fool, Byakuya. It make you courgaous."
Byakuya's eyes went bright as they reflected the colorful combustions, and Ichigo could see a change in him. Something had been awoken by the sparks of their affection, and no matter how rigid of a disposition Byakuya projected, Ichigo would take it all, because he knew what great heart lied beneath.
"If that is so, it is because you give me courage, Ichigo."
Ichigo's eyes were steadfast, and when he spoke, it was as if he held all the answers to life's most important questions. It was with certainty, and Byakuya couldn't help but to think about what an arrogantly optimistic man he'd fallen in love with, but when they kissed, Byakuya sensed Ichigo's determination, and he relinquished everything to it. He was free falling, but instead of fear, he felt liberation.
"If you continue to kiss me like this, I may have to allow you to take me to bed." His eyes sat low and enticing. "Are you prepared to take responsibility for these reactions you cause in me?"
Ichigo's eyes darkened, and there were no words, just more bruising kisses.
Byakuya chuckled into the man's mouth, and Ichigo could feel it vibrate deep in his throat. "You have always been a man of action."
"And trust me, I plan on taking that action and doing it right this time, but before we get to that, can I ask you a question?"
"Anything."
"What's favorite color?"
Byakuya blinked a few times as if he didn't understand the question.
"Mines blue," Ichigo said, as he tucked a strand of hair behind Byakuya's ear, "but not like the sky or anything. More like a dusky blue. Kind've like how your eyes look in certain types of light."
Byakuya blinked again as he looked off pensively into the distance. He then tussled Ichigo hair in admiration. "I've always found your hair color intriguing. Like you, it can not be missed."
Ichigo grinned and snorted at the notion. "Only you would find interest in something so unruly."
Byakuya put on a tiny smile. "It was certainly not a calm and obedient nature that drew me towards you."
They sat there for a moment, silently sharing in their happiness. In comparison, everything else was static, because when they looked at each other, all the possibilities seemed endless. In these countless prospects, they'd let themselves sink, because for the first time in a long time, they did not fear drowning.
"Happy birthday, Byakuya."
xXx
Tifanny91: Hey love! I know the chapter was pretty intense, but I hope this all worth it. More so, I hope this could feel authentic. I tend to write about love very earnestly. Perhaps I'm a romantic like that, but at the same time, I didn't want to make it sickly sweet, especially the last part, because that just doesn't seem like it would fit with of their characters all too well. I'm excited to hear what you think!
akirahiguchi: Hey there! So your comment was mega flattering, because I do try very hard, even in a story this short, to make the characters actions and emotions seem authentic. Sometimes I do it better than others, but I'm glad to know that this felt right. I hope the last chapter lived up to your opinion of the rest of the story. Also, I write a lot of Byaichi stuff, and I love some more support and feedback. If you're looking for something longer and more detailed, I'm writing a story called "Slow Dancing in a Dark Room," and it's probably my most popular/well received story. Anyway, thank you for your comment and I hope to hear from you again. :)
divprince: Ah, I live for this emotional stuff. I'm glad to know it had the right effect. I hope this chapter made it worth the trip! Thank you!