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I'm sorry for not giving teasers, I logged on today to go do it, saw I already had 4 reviews and decided to just post the chapter! Here we go.

Chapter O4: No Longer Mine

EPOV

My fingers hover above the smooth white keys, and I want nothing more than to hide in my room. The middle finger on my hand twitches, almost touching the key before I snatch it back and place both hands firmly in my lap.

I don't want to do this.

Esme's thoughts are filled with yearning to hear me play again. I know she won't ask, but unlike Alice she hasn't mastered the mind-blocking skills that prevent me from reading what she's really thinking. This is what Esme wants; I will be an even worse son if I don't play, just one last time.

I sigh, throwing my head back to stare at the ceiling.

I can hear everything.

Clothes and water sloshing in the washing machine down in the basement, Esme humming softly to the song I composed for her as her spoon clanked against the metal bowl, a car making its way down our driveway; everything I don't want to hear is blaring in my ears.

I snap my head back slam my elbows on the keys and hold my head in my hands. I promised myself I wouldn't do this, and already I am failing. I take in a deep breath; run my hand through my hair and down the side of my face, trying to calm myself if nothing else.

I need Jasper.

Lucky for me, I get his wife and my child-like brother instead.

Just as I am about to give up entirely, Emmett and Alice skip through the door like Jack and Jill, shopping bags in hand. Normally, I would find this very amusing, but after sitting in front of the piano for two hours and getting no where, I can't find it in myself to be amused.

"I just scared off the new town joiner." Emmett booms, his laughter nearly vibrating the walls.

I crinkle my eyebrows in confusion. New town joiner?I don't remember anyone mentioning anything about someone moving to Forks. Surely I would've at least of picked up this in someone's thoughts.

Alice drops her bags by the stairs as Esme walks out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on the bottom of the apron she is wearing. She doesn't look pleased.

"You met her?" Esme asks. She doesn't give him time to respond before firing off a round of questions. "What is she like, and why, oh why must you scare the poor girl her first day here? I wonder how well Charlie's prepared for this, did she look alright? How about..."

I tune her out, not wanting to listen any longer. My hope to simply drop out of the conversation quickly fades when Alice drops onto the end of the wooden bench. She turns her small body towards me. She isn't thinking anything I can decipher and she doesn't say a word. Her gold eyes meet mine, digging deep into my soul.

I look away, unable to face her any longer, to look at Emmett. His thoughts are racing about the new girl as he retells his story to Esme, happiness and excitement leaking from him like a toddler on Christmas day talking about his newest toy.

I plaster a smile onto my face and act amused, like I should be, at Emmett's story, but I can't find it in myself to find the humor in a new human in town. One more person I should avoid. One more person I have to avoid. One more person I can kill.

Internally, I'm having a mental vampire breakdown.

I can't stop the wild thoughts floating around my head. I have not gotten to the point were everything comes crashing down, yet. I know it's only a matter of time before it happens, but right now, I'm just getting a punch of it.

I'm panicking. One of the first times as a vampire, I feel a very-human sensation. Panic.

It flows through my body quicker than blood quenches my thirst, and once it starts I don't have enough control over it to make it stop. All conversation in the house stops at once. I vaguely hear my family's thoughts, but somehow I manage to tune them out.

"Hey what's going…" Rosalie walks through the front door, closely followed by Jasper and Carlisle. "…on." She finishes.

I feel all eyes on me, so I force myself to take a deep breath. It helps and I am able to quickly rearrange my face. I no longer show extreme panic, I hope. I clear my throat, to make the situation less awkward if nothing else, and start to stand up off the bench.

Alice's marble hand flashes out to grip my forearm. I can move away from her if I want to, seeing as I am stronger, but some feeling of respect in my heart for her makes me stay still. I look down at her patiently, trying my best to keep my composure.

"Yes Alice?" I ask through gritted teeth. My jaw is clenched, her thoughts are blocked from me, and I want to leave this room, now.

"Edward." She whispers, her voice soft and sad.

I look away, unable to meet her eyes when they are filled with such emotion. I know what's she's thinking without reading her mind. I don't want to feel her pity. I don't deserve it.

"What?" I ask. It comes out harder than I intend it to. The monster in me doesn't care.

Alice, and everyone else for that matter, is looking at me. I don't meet their eyes, but I can feel their stares on me. She lets out a shaky breath.

"Are you okay?" she asks the question I fear. I hate lying to my family. I hate hurting my family, but when they ask this question, I know I must do both. Thanks to Jasper, they can tell when I'm lying. When I don't have the courage to tell them the truth, they hurt.

I can never win.

I nodded. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I snap, looking down at her with as much menace as possible. If I don't convince them, they'll never let me leave the room.

She drops her arm slowly, sighing. "You sure about that?" she softly asks, looking down at the floor.

I know she's worried, they all are, but it doesn't matter. I need to be alone, now more than ever. I stare at the top of her head, waiting for her to ask the question she wants to. She's blocking her thoughts enough so that I can't hear it, but not enough so I don't know it's there.

"You'd come to one of us…if you needed help, right?" her voice sends shivers down my frozen spine. Alice's question is nothing but concern, it annoys me.

"Yeah, whatever." I mumble, no longer caring if I'm being rude or not.

I don't need help; I don't need anything but a way to turn back time, to stop the events that led up to our moving to Forks, to the fever, to my very birth. Unfortunately for me, such a thing hasn't been invented yet, and every problem I've caused still has happened.

No one asks another question, I don't allow them to. I walk past my family and up the stairs to my room. I don't stop once. The door is open, closed, and I'm inside before a human would've blinked.

Like any other stressed out male seventeen year old, I throw myself onto my bed, my face shoved into my pillow. I want to cry. I want to scream.

I want to want to write music.

I've tried, many times, to compose what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling into something I can play, but every time I sit down with a pencil and paper, time freezes and I can't do it anymore. The tune floating around in my head stops; it vanishes into thin air, just like she did.

I get up off my bed and walk over to my desk. I spin the chair around so that I'm not straddling it, and stare down at the clean wood surface. Dust particles have taken residence on it, I quickly run my hand through them and reach for a piece of paper.

After taking the time to make sure each corner it perfectly aligned and every line on the page is parallel to the side of my desk, I reach for a pencil. I push it into the pencil sharpener on the far-side of my desk and retract it as soon as its sharp.

I tone out everything as I stare down at the piece of paper in front of me waiting to be written on, waiting to hold something important. Just as I'm sure I'll be able to write something perfect, I groan, loudly.

I can't do it.

This is the umpteenth time since the beginning of the summer that I've straightened a piece of paper perfectly, sharpened a pencil until right before it breaks, stared at an empty piece of paper and given up. Nothing comes. Nothing original and beautiful comes out of me since the one thing original and beautiful I had is no longer mine.

So there we go, a little more insight into the mystery that is Edward Cullen. Reviews are welcome! A simple :) or ): will do!

Any chapter recommendations for the readers?

I'm doing something different with teasers. I'll post a short teaser here and IF you review you'll get another one ON TOP OF the one posted here. So you know you want to click review. 5 for chapter 5!

xoxox.

Rae

Teaser:

I know for a fact that he watched me cross the road and walk down the deserted narrow pavement where I can easily be hit by a car and he still didn't get the clue that I wasn't on wheels. He could have saved me a blister from my new shoes and gave me a ride to school instead of giving me the pity look.

He gives Forks a bad reputation.