Chapter 4
Her confused stare was only met with that same smirk he always gave her when he was around his friends, except they were nowhere to be seen. She wondered why Cocky Asshole Roxas had decided to show up to her door in place of Casually Confident Roxas. More importantly, why did this have to happen so soon? She had just arrived home from Riku's a little over an hour ago; wasn't she entitled to a little more preparation time before being hit with another serious conversation?
"Excuse me?" she forced herself to glare.
The blond gestured to her with the box of pizza in his hands, smirk still present. "I said we haven't had pizza in a while. I tried to call and ask what kind you wanted, but I guess you blocked me or whatever. Dramatic ass," he laughed.
Naminé watched as he flipped the lid open, grabbed a slice of the delicious smelling pizza, and forced his way into her house. Her mother, who was on her way out of the door, gave him the biggest smile when she saw him. "Well there's a face I haven't seen in a while. You forgot where your second home is?"
"Ah, I had a temporary lapse in memory due to the stress of senior year, and a little bit of girl drama." His eyes briefly darted to Naminé, and she bristled. There wouldn't have been any "drama" if it wasn't for him. All he had to do was let her down gently and go on his way, but no. He just had to explode. Still, his answer was so smooth that she never would have guessed he and her daughter were once at odds. If it wasn't for that quick little snub at her front door, Naminé herself might have thought their falling out was just a dream.
"So where you headed to?" Roxas asked.
Her mother's smile suddenly looked forced. "I'm going to…go see Naminé's father."
The tension swept in like a storm. Even Roxas' casual smirk dropped into an ugly combination of shock and disapproval. Naminé nearly gagged. Now all of the filters were gone. She could feel Roxas' nervousness, as well as his passive-aggressiveness. It was as if that statement alone had knocked all of the faux politeness out of him. He couldn't even muster up a convincing smile. "Oh really…?"
The older woman bit her lip as she inhaled deeply. "Yes. We've been talking again and I've decided to treat him to dinner tonight. You mind staying here with Naminé for the time being?"
"Why not? I'm already here," he shrugged, voice flat.
More words were exchanged between Roxas and her mother before she left. Naminé, chest now tight and unwilling to let her breathe, moved to sit on the couch when her legs started to feel like jelly. That awful feeling was starting to come back—the one where she swore only the razor could help. Everything was going so good. She and Riku were back on speaking terms, she had just gotten used to living without Roxas, and she was getting back into her drawing and painting again. Now Roxas was here and pretending everything was normal, her mother was trying to bring her father back into their lives, and everything was falling to shit again.
The second Roxas realized she was panicking, he practically threw the pizza box down on the coffee table and keeled in front of her. "Hey, hey. Remember your breathing, Sunshine. Deep breaths."
She nodded, forcing herself to inhale despite the awful feeling in her chest. It was hard, but Roxas calmly talked her through it. Of course it was awkward in the beginning, but the real Roxas began to bleed through when her control started to slip. Knowing that he still genuinely cared about her was what kept her grounded. Now she felt like an idiot for blocking him and deleting all of their memories…even though everything that used to be on her phone was still backed up on her laptop.
She couldn't even forget him properly.
"We need to go to your room so you can lie down. Think you can stand?"
She shook her head. Wordlessly, he scooped her up into his arms and walked briskly to her bedroom. He had to hold her awkwardly in order to get the door open, but once he got it, he shut the both of them up in her room and gently laid her down on her back. She watched with watery eyes as he toed off his shoes, grabbed the sheets, and slid in next to her like he'd always done. It was almost like he'd never left.
Roxas patiently waited for her to calm her breathing before attempting to speak to her. His eyes were much softer, some of the tension in the air had eased up, and she felt like she knew him again. "I…I'm sorry for the way I reacted to your…confession. I want to say that first because you deserve that apology more than anything. And looking back, I can see how your paranoid ass might have thought I was leaving you," he chuckled.
Her expression didn't change from the blank stare she had been giving him since they got in her bed. He noticed.
"Ah, anyway," he mumbled, "I never planned on leaving you. Ever. What you said that night—I was shocked. And very, very angry for reasons that I'll explain a little later. I just needed some time to myself, but I didn't know how to say that. I didn't even know how to talk to you. After that night, you were like a completely different person to me. Everything got turned upside down, my head wouldn't stop spinning, I started feeling things I didn't want to feel again and—"
"Again?" she asked. Just like her face, her tone was emotionless.
Roxas grimaced. "I'm getting ahead of myself. Long story short, I always planned to come back to you, but I saw you hanging out with Riku again and I just…thought there was no place for me anymore."
"How can there be? You've already admitted that you don't want to be my friend anymore."
"I didn't, and I still don't. That probably doesn't make much sense to you now that I know you don't remember your birthday, but give me a chance to explain and I promise everything will start to add up."
The look in his eyes gave her hope. Of course, she was still afraid of what would become of their relationship in the future. Everything was on the line and they were both walking on eggshells at this point. There was everything to gain and everything to lose.
"All right then. Explain."
Roxas sighed, drinking his fingers against the mattress. "You said you remembered dancing with me, right?"
-.-
"I loooove this songgggg!"
Roxas smiled to himself as Naminé climbed onto his bed and started jumping around wildly. Apparently she had snuck more Hennessey when he'd left to go to the bathroom, but she appeared to be handling it well. She wasn't puking or destroying anything like he had done during his first time drinking with his friends. There was just a bit of slurring, and a hyper side of her side that he'd never seen before. She was a little annoying, but she was happy so he was happy.
His smile became sad as he watched her. He couldn't help but think that he didn't deserve her as a friend. She was always there for him, and the only thing he could do in return was get jealous, be overprotective, and make her cry all the time.
Too much thinking, not enough drinking.
The blond walked over to the half empty bottle of brown liquor, put it to his lips, and turned it up. It was a little rough going down, but had successfully burned away all his troubled thoughts.
"Heyyyyy, can I have su'more of that?"
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he handed the bottle over without thinking much about it. Similar to the way he had, she turned the bottle up and downed a good portion of its contents before giving it back to him. She swayed and giggled as she stood in his bed, and he watched on in amusement. He would have to get her drunk more often if she was going to be this much fun.
Two songs and a few more swigs of alcohol later, she fell onto the bed in a kneeling position in front of him. "Dance with me."
He snorted. She definitely was drunk if she actually expected him to dance. He never danced with anyone, especially not to a fast-paced pop song like the one that was playing.
"Nah, I'll just sit here and watch you."
Whining obnoxiously, she clumsily crawled out of the bed and stood in front of him. He smirked up at her from his position on the floor, but nothing more. "I wanna dance, Roxy. Someone has to dance with me, since I'm not going to prom, like, ever."
Roxas blinked in surprise. "What? Why not?"
She shrugged, pouting slightly. "No one wants to go to the dance with me on their arm. They're all afraid I'll bleed on them after Seifer told them about the cutting."
He remembered that all too well. He'd gotten suspended for breaking his nose after seeing what he'd done to her. To be fair, he had told her not to hang out with that guy in the first place because he wasn't good for her. If she would have taken the time to listen to him, she would have known that Seifer was a douche. Now, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop hearing Seifer call her an emo slut.
"Hellooooo?" Naminé slurred again. "Are you gonna dance with me or not?!"
If he had tried harder to keep her away from him, then she wouldn't have gone through that. It was his fault. He owed this to her.
Rolling his eyes, he took his time standing. He had expected her to start jumping around in an uncoordinated mess like she had before, but instead she wound her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. That was probably because she could barely stand on her own. His brow furrowed as he awkwardly took hold of her waist and started to sway with her.
It was weird. The song was too fast, they were moving too slow, and the hazy world around them appeared to be tilting. Whether it was the hard liquor finally making its way up to Roxas' head to cloud his judgement…or the sudden ache in his chest—similar to the one he'd felt when Riku had started to pursue Naminé after he'd told him he had feelings for her—he didn't know, but things felt different. They felt different.
"All that energy you have, and you want to spend it slow dancing?"
"Is there a problem with that?" Naminé asked testily.
He laughed. "I guess not."
She didn't say anything more. Roxas rested his head against hers as they turned in a slow circle. Now he was facing the door. After a while, he allowed his eyes to shut as a smile came to his face. She would be so embarrassed when she woke up tomorrow; she'd probably say something like you stole my first dance or something equally as hilarious. The girl was a walking bundle of nerves.
And the love of my life, he thought to himself. He suddenly felt nauseous.
Naminé meant a great deal to him. She was his best friend. She was The One That Got Away, but hadn't really gone anywhere. In fact, he was the one that would be leaving her soon, but he had a plan for that. If he could get her to make at least one more friend before he had to leave for college next year, then she wouldn't feel so alone without her around. There had to be someone he could trust to watch over her until she graduated and came to his college. Because, let's be honest, she didn't really have a choice. If he had to pack all of her things himself and physically drag her across the country, she would go to college with him.
"Hey, have you started thinking about what school you want to go to?" he asked, leading her into another turn. Despite the erratic beating of his heart at their close proximity, he only ever felt calm when she was that close to him. All of the dark thoughts that were in his head…
Naminé shook he head. "Noooo. I'm a junior. That's next year stuff."
"This school year's practically over with already. It's December. You should start applying for colleges. Maybe scholarships. Maybe scholarships for Hollow Bastion State University…?" he trailed off purposely. All he wanted was to see what she thought of the idea. He had plenty of time to change her mind if her reaction was negative, but there was nothing wrong with getting a head start in shaping her opinion.
The shorter blonde pulled away to look at him with a funny looking smirk. "That was very pacific." He bit his lip in order to keep from laughing. "Why that school?"
"Well, HBSU has an amazing art program that I know you would love, a huuuuuge library that you can peruse to your heart's content, super fast Wi-Fi, and the dorms look so good. You have to share with like two other people during your freshman year, but you'll have your own sleeping space, so I guess that makes up for it."
"Hm. Is that where you wanna go? It's so far away from me…"
The ache was suddenly worse, accompanied by the feeling of breathlessness. If he could find a school that was just as good, or even better than HBSU that was much closer to home, he'd have no problem going there. This was his dream school. They had the best sports teams, best clubs, best fraternities—which he definitely planned on joining. Leaving her to go to middle school was hard, and leaving her to go to high school proved to be even worse. This would be the biggest test of their friendship yet and that scared him.
"I know, Sunshine. But we'll make it work. We did it before and we'll do it again."
She stopped swaying. He watched in confusion as she slowly backed away, staring up at him with unfocused eyes. She looked as if she were sobering up. Naminé was much happier when she was drunk, he noticed, and he wanted her to stay that way for just a bit longer. She gave him a small smile as she took a step back. "Sorry. I don't really feel like dancing anymore."
"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" In a near panicked state, he caught her by the waist and pulled her back to him. He didn't want her to leave yet. It almost felt like they weresomething more than best friends. Why would she want to leave him? She could never—
Calm. Down. You're overreacting again.
She shrugged. "Thinking."
Roxas huffed out his agitation. "You do too much of that. If you're thinking about me leaving, stop. Nothing's going to happen to us."
Her smile became uncomfortable. Almost pained. "That's what I'm afraid of."
"What do you—?"
"I never liked Olette, you know. Or Selphie. Or Yuna."
Roxas frowned. He didn't want to remember any of them right now. Those relationships were extremely stressful, not to mention that every girl he'd ever been with had expected him to put her before Naminé. People as special as Naminé were supposed to come before relationships. Period. If people didn't like or respect that, they could go find someone else who thought the same way they did and leave him alone.
He was getting off track. No, Naminé was distracting him…from Naminé. How drunk was he? "What do they have to do with this?"
"They have everything to do with it, Roxas. I don't—we—do you just have a thing for brunettes or something?"
No. He just knew that if he dated girls with blonde hair, it would be impossible not to replace their faces with someone else's. Imagine how embarrassed he would be if he ever called the wrong name. "Hey, I'm into non-brunettes too. What are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying that your preferences piss me off!" she fumed as she suddenly pulled away from him. Roxas blinked rapidly and swayed unsteadily. The alcohol was definitely hitting him hard now. He should have mixed it with a soda and he shouldn't have drank it so fast. It was Hennessy for God's sake, why would he do something so idiotic? Oh shit, her mouth was moving. He shook his head and attempted to focus on her.
"No?!"
"No. No? Huh?" he asked dazedly.
She pushed her fingers through her hair with an irritated sigh. "Whatever. Never mind."
Now she was starting to get on his nerves. Drunk or not, she was being an asshole. "Don't whatever me, Naminé. You know I hate that."
"Then listen to me. Pay attention to me!"
Roxas pressed down hard on his temples to stop the throbbing. This wasn't at all how he'd planned to end the night. "Sunshine," he cooed in a voice as sweet as saccharine. "What the fuck is wrong with you now?"
"I…" Naminé made a noise of frustration as she sat on the edge of the edge of the bed. "A lot, apparently. That's why nobody wants me."
His heart sank as he watched her start to tear up. He always hated it when she cried, even more so when he made her cry. He had to do something to fix it. "That's not true. I want you," he whispered as he knelt in front of her. As her tears fell, he quickly brushed them away. He had to do something. "Y-You wanna hear something really dorky?"
Naminé shrugged, sniffling quietly. Roxas gently cupped her face in his hands and forced her to look at him. All he wanted in that moment was to make her happy. No one else could make her happy but him.
"Mom used to tell me all the time that you and I were gonna get married when we grew up. And then she had to explain what marriage was because, well…I was six," he chuckled briefly. "She told me that it was a thing that adults did when they really cared about one another, and they wanted to be in each other's lives forever. Then she told me about rings and stuff, so I started looking for different rings that you might have liked in those stupid fucking bubble gum machines so that I could marry you."
Naminé's expression melted into one of adoration. He smiled encouragingly as he slowly moved to sit beside her, and she turned to him almost eagerly. God he lived for moments like those: when her attention was on him and only him.
"Mom eventually let me buy you one. I wanted to give it to you on your seventh birthday, but I couldn't find it when the time came. That's why I gave you that dumb construction paper birthday card, but you still smiled like I'd given you diamonds. That smile is the earliest memory I have of you, and it's the only thing that can calm me down when I'm stressed to all hell."
The blonde laughed, wiping her tears on her sleeve. "Wow. That was dorky."
"There's more. After Mom died, Dad gave me this lockbox. He said it was hers, but she'd told him to give me both the box and the key when I was "old enough to understand." That just so happened to be a week after her passing. I found two notes and two rings inside of it: my crappy bubblegum machine ring and her engagement ring. One of the notes was for dad, and the other was for me. She said her goodbyes on my note and told me not to be too upset on the front of it. But on the back of the note, she told me how she'd hid the ring I bought for you all those years ago because she wanted me to propose with a proper ring. She also told me she would haunt me until the end of my days if I ever put her wedding ring on someone that wasn't you."
Naminé turned towards him with a suspicious stare. "You're lying."
Roxas reached beneath his shirt to pull out a thin chain. A silver ring with a blue diamond was hanging from it. "I swear to God. I was going to surprise you with it before I left for college, but…it's out there now. You're still not gonna get it until I leave, but I want you to know that it's yours."
She smiled as she held the ring between her fingers. He mirrored it easily. After a few moments of her being entranced by it, she looked up with a playful grin. "Does this mean you wanna marry me, Roxy?"
"Yes."
She opened her mouth to speak, but froze once his answer processed. Her glazed eyes widened as the ring slipped from her grasp and hit his chest. "Stop. That's not funny."
He shrugged a shoulder, frowning. "I'm not being funny. Mom's been planning a wedding for us since we were born. Why not marry each other?"
Naminé made a noise that was a mix of disapproval and laughter. "Um, no. I am neeeeever ever getting married. I don't even trust men, Roxas. What if I'm a lesbian? Do…do you need to take a test to become a lesbian or is that something that just happens…?"
Roxas buried his face in his hands and sighed noisily. He wasn't drunk enough for this shit. "Literally…nothing you just said made sense, but that's okay. Just answer one question for me: do you trust me?"
"I…well…yeah. But issa different type o' trust. You don't even like me like that, so what would the point be?"
Roxas stared at her through slightly blurry vision. "You really are slow as hell. Nam, I like you. Like that. If I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here talking about marriage and rings or telling you that I like you!" He tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes. "Do you even know how pissed I was when you told me Riku had your first time? I went home mad that day 'cause…I felt like I should have had it. That piece of shit has a part of you that I'll never be able to have and that really sucks. He knew how I felt about you and he took you away from me."
Naminé closed her eyes for a few seconds. For a moment, he wasn't sure she was going to respond, but her eyes opened again. The look he received was one of confusion, but it was also determined. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I don't know," he lied. He could never tell her that he was afraid. She'd think he was a coward. "But I'm telling you now, so…there."
He couldn't read her expression anymore, but he didn't have to. Naminé moved forward and gave him the tiniest peck on the corner of his mouth.
He lost every ounce of control that he thought he'd had.
Roxas kissed her. Not on the cheek, not on the temple, not on the forehead. It was the kiss that he'd dreamt of for so long. He was completely overwhelmed…but he could honestly say that this was the happiest he'd ever been since his mother had passed. Their lips moved against one another's sloppily, both greedily and happily taking what they needed from the other. The ache in his chest had faded; the sadness was no more; the loneliness was forgotten.
Some time passed, and after he was sure no one was going to jump out of his closet with a camera and announce the name of some prank show, he allowed himself to relax. His hands instinctively moved to her waist, and eventually down to her thighs. She let him push her backwards, and he shuddered at the very thought of going that far with her as he settled himself between her legs.
He was so physically and emotionally invested in her that he didn't realize what was happening to his shirt until it was blocking the way to her lips. Roxas swore softly as his favorite girl pulled the fabric over his head and carelessly flung it to the side. This was the most confident he'd ever seen her in her life. Ironically, having her look up at him like that made him feel incredibly insecure. Was this how she felt every day of her life: small and unimportant with the nagging feeling of something bad is about to happen hanging on her shoulders?
"What's wrong?" she asked softly.
He blinked rapidly, shaking those thoughts from his head. "Nothing! Nothing, I swear."
His hands trembled terribly as he reached down to pull at her oversized sweater. She seemed reluctant at first, but with a few encouraging kisses, he was able to get it off of her. He paused again to take in the sight before him. The last time Roxas had seen her in a V-neck shirt was back in middle school, and she didn't have all those scars back then. He could have prevented all of them if he had asked her out before Riku.
"It only gets worse from here. I…I'm sorry," Naminé mumbled.
"No, don't apologize for that." He reconnected their lips before she could say anything to stop him, as if anything would. His hands traveled beneath her shirt, the pads of his fingers brushing the angry patterns of her raised skin. Those scars would probably never go away, but he could make all her awful thoughts go away. He just had to love her better than anyone else ever had. Her father, her mother, Riku, everyone.
Roxas knew he could fix her. Real love would fix her, and she wouldn't have to get it from those stupid romance books anymore. He could do it. He would do it.
Nobody else had the right to touch her the way he did.
Nobody else could try to love her the way he did.
Nobody.
Nobody.
-.-
Naminé was absolutely horrified.
There Roxas was, looking incredibly embarrassed and torn up about something she didn't even remember happening. No wonder he'd gotten so angry with her. She should have tried harder to remember. She should have known that something was off, or that something had changed between them, but she didn't. He had every right to be angry with her and explode the way he had. "I'm sorry, Roxy."
"It's not your fault, Sunshine."
"It is! Oh my God, I'm so stupid! I shouldn't have drank anything that night, let alone Hennessy. That's hard liquor and I'd never even had a wine cooler before then. And I should have known something was wrong with you because I'm your best friend. I'm supposed to know when you're okay and when you're not, but I didn't because I'm an idiot. I didn't mean to lead you on at all—"
"Sunshine," Roxas spoke firmly. Naminé flinched. "Please stop doing this to yourself. I was the one who assumed you were pretending to forget, and I was the one who blew everything out of proportion. It's my fault. I'm sorry."
Naminé still felt like the biggest idiot in the world. All this time, Roxas had felt the exact same way about her, but was too afraid to tell her because she was too drunk to remember his confession. How was it that she was always finding ways to hurt him? He'd said it wasn't her fault, but she knew better. If she was a better friend, all of this could have been avoided. What an absolute mess.
She felt her face heat up as Roxas pressed his lips to her forehead. It didn't calm her down like it might have two weeks ago. "How far did we go?" she mumbled.
His body stiffened. Her heart dropped like a cinderblock in the ocean. "Uh…are you sure you want the answer to that?"
Well, not anymore, no…
Swallowing hard, she nodded anyway. Whether she wanted to know or not, she could almost hear Riku's voice in her head telling her she deserved to know. Riku was logical. Riku always made sense. He'd want her to find out. "Yeah."
He grimaced. "Very, but also…not very. We didn't have sex, but it came pretty damn close. I took off your bra and—"
"I don't need a play-by-play, thank you!" she yelled as she quickly sat up. Roxas followed her. There was nothing else for her to do and nowhere for her to go, so she pulled her knees up to her chest and tucked her head between them. That was the only place in the entire world that felt safe: right there in her little ball. Nothing could get to her, not even the memories of the past two weeks. She just needed to think.
Roxas, however, moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her tiny form. She squeezed her eyes shut as he buried his face between her shoulder blades. "It's my fault. Drinking was a stupid idea, and I should have known not to trust a word you said to me. But Nam, I am so confused. I've exhausted every bit of patience I have trying to figure you out. Just tell me what you want.
She forced herself to breathe deeply in order to stave off yet another panic attack. This had to stop. She was tired of playing Guess Who with her feelings and allowing others to make her feel bad about herself. She was tired of feeling bad about herself. She was tired of being tired. If someone she trusted could just look in her eye and promise her that there was more to life than constantly craving the sting of a razor blade, pining after her best friend, and feeling worthless all the time, she would really appreciate it. If they could just promise her that it would get better, she'd listen.
It wasn't fair how Roxas had pushed all of this on her weak shoulders. Why couldn't he decide? What did he want? Besides, Naminé was notorious for misunderstanding people and their intentions. There was no way for her to know if this was real; it could have been a part of some cruel plan Olette and his other horrible friends thought up just to make a fool out of her. With the way he'd acted at the arcade before, she wouldn't have put it past him to play with her feelings.
"What do you want Roxas?" she shuttered in a voice that was as small as she felt in that moment.
Warm lips touched the back of her neck, and her blood went cold. That was one of the few patches of skin on her upper body that wasn't littered with ugly scars. "You." His voice was barely above a whisper, but she heard it clear as day. Why did that make her even more anxious than she was before? Hearing him say that was supposed to make her happy. There was supposed to be a weight lifted off of her shoulders and every thing was supposed to be better now. After years of waiting for him to admit that he had feelings for her…it didn't do anything for her.
It would probably take some time. After all, a lot of awful things had been running through her head lately. Once it all wore off and she got used to having him around again, everything would fall into place.
"And…this isn't a joke?"
He scoffed. "Why would I joke about something as serious as this? Do you not trust me?"
No…she didn't. Did that make her a bad friend? One misunderstanding happens and all trust goes out of the window? She couldn't tell him that. It would break his heart.
"Y-Yeah. Of course I trust you."
"So, if I asked you to be my girlfriend right now…what would you say?"
How was she supposed to answer that? Her head was telling her that it would probably be a good idea to wait and see what his true intentions were. Logic was telling her that people don't get into huge arguments, then start dating because of a few pretty words and a weak apology.
Her heart, however, was telling her that if she didn't take this opportunity, she was a fool. This was what she had been waiting for. It didn't matter that he'd disappeared, he was right there with her, offering himself to her. Denying him because of the tiny grudge she still had against him would not only be stupid and childish, but completely ungrateful. What if this was their last chance to get it together and actually get together?
The ball was in her court. If she really had to choose between what she really wanted and what she most likely needed…then…
-.-
He was more than a little disappointed to find that she wasn't in bed next to him come morning.
Despite the cold indention on what used to be her side of the bed, he was happy. The impossible had happened last night and he was on top of the world. Not even his slight hangover could put a damper on his mood. Naminé finally knew how he felt about her. He could finally have her.
Yawning, he dragged himself out of bed and stood, using the wall to steady himself when he began to stagger. After waiting a few seconds for his head to stop swimming and his vision to clear, he exited the room. Of course he was bubbling with excitement at the thought of seeing her after last night, but he had to findher first. Being away from her made him feel restless and uneasy.
Naminé wasn't in the hallway or the bathroom, and she wasn't in the kitchen either. His brow furrowed as he walked into the living room to check there; he found her curled up in a ball on the floor in front of the couch. "What are you doing—?"
"Shhhh!" the small blonde hissed as she grabbed the sides of her head. "You're really loud."
Chuckling, he dared to step closer. He had forgotten this was her first time drinking. "Coffee makes it better. Want me to make you some?"
"Yes please…"
Roxas happily set off to make it for her, making it much stronger she normally liked. He knew it was just coffee, but…it was already starting to get to his head. He felt sort of like a husband making breakfast for his wife. Imagine if they actually were married—his mother would be hitting cartwheels in Heaven. It was no secret that she had wanted the two of them together. He wanted them together. …We're they together already?
It would have been best not to assume, but then how was he supposed to explain what happened the previous night? He'd seen and touched parts of her that he was never able to explore before and there was no coming back from that. They had to be together at this point.
One cup of coffee later, he sauntered into the living room to sit beside the blonde who looked a lot more stable. "Coffee suitable for a hungover queen," he grinned. Naminé gratefully took the mug from him—he made sure that it was her favorite one—and sipped. Her face instantly screwed up in the cutest way when she realized how bitter it was. He saw her about to spit and quickly added, "Swallow it. It'll help."
She did as she was told, and she looked even more disgusted after it was down. He was so proud of her for listening. "This tastes like a stopped up toilet," she complained.
Roxas laughed, letting his head rest against the couch as he leaned backwards. By now, his alcohol tolerance was pretty high, so his hangovers didn't effect him as bad. All he had to do was stay still for the majority of the day, drink a lot of water, and he'd be just fine. Naminé, on the other hand, would need to be looked after. He didn't need her vomiting all over the furniture or the carpet.
But the laughter didn't last long. He knew that sooner or later, they would have to talk about last night. So…why not start sooner? "Let me know when you're head's feeling a little better."
"Why? We going somewhere?"
"No, I just want to talk." Naminé froze. She was just about to lift the mug to her lips for a second sip until he said that. He noticed and rolled his eyes, then immediately regretted doing that. He didn't want her to think he was annoyed with her because she was quick to pick up on stuff like that. "It's not a bad talk."
"You sure?"
Roxas tilted his head in her direction and gave her a sweet, yet slightly sarcastic smile. "I promise."
The blonde held up her index finger and took several quick sips of the bitter drink. She shuddered in disgust." As long as you talk low, we can talk now," she sighed. "Go ahead."
How was he supposed to broach the subject? Roxas was pretty sure that it was a bit too blunt to out we almost fucked last night, but he also didn't want to drag it out and beat around the bush, lest he make things awkward sand uncomfortable for the both of them. He squinted, gazing at the roof as if it would suddenly endow him with the right words to say. The last thing he wanted to do was blow something else out of proportion and fuck this up. They could have a civilized conversation about this.
"Okay, question," he started, purposely stressing every damned syllable. "How do you feel about last night?"
A relieved smile came to her face as she exhaled deeply. "Last night was great. That was the most fun I've had in a while, actually. I mean obviously I feel like shit now because of the alcohol, but it was amazing."
He smiled. This was a little too easy. Almost too good to be true. "Awesome, awesome. So…what does this mean for us?"
She looked a little confused, but the smile on her face remained. "It means we're…doomed to spend the day nauseated and sad? I don't know. What's it supposed to mean?"
Had she forgotten about…?
No. No, she couldn't have. Roxas remembered every last detail of the night before with a frightening accuracy, so Naminé had to have remembered it too. You don't just forget about things like that. That must have meant she was purposely dodging the subject. He didn't want to pressure her to talk about it if she was embarrassed and regretted what happened, which she most likely did. A humorless chuckle escaped him as he stared straight ahead. This felt like a joke. He felt like a joke.
Of course she didn't want to be with him. Riku was the one she wanted. He couldn't compare to Riku: the cheating scumbag who didn't even have to be around her in order to affect her emotionally. Roxas suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Everything he'd said to her the night before didn't even matter. He had never been that honest with anyone in his entire life and she didn't fucking care. Not even the mention of his mother could sway her. She honestly, truly did not want him. He felt used.
"I think I'm gonna throw up," he mumbled.
"Same," she giggled. "I'm never drinking with you again."
Another laugh that meant absolutely nothing came out as he stood and retreated into the hallway as quickly as he could.. Once there, he clicked the lock shut and emptied the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl…that really needed to be cleaned. Huh. Now he understood why his mom used to get so pissed at him and his dad for bot cleaning it. Without her, things quickly went to shit.
No pun intended.
After getting most of the toxic substance out of his stomach, and dry heaving for a solid five minutes, he moved away. The skin of his back prickled as it touched the cool wall behind him, but that did nothing to soothe the burn of acid in his throat, the fiery anger that he felt deep in his bones, and the heat of embarrassment on his face and neck. Naminé meant the world to him…and she'd used him. He'd been nothing more than her rebound guy. She had no right to do that to him. She…
…was probably getting back at him for ruining everything. Whether he wanted to admit it out loud or not, Roxas knew he was one of the main reasons why her relationship with Riku didn't work out. His jealousy had come between them too many times and Riku probably got tired of it. That's why he cheated on her. Naminé kept putting Roxas first and he couldn't stand it, so he found someone else. He'd made it clear that he didn't like the constant "Roxas drama." It was all his fault and Naminé knew that.
Although he didn't like it, he understood it. Naminé was happy with Riku, and he couldn't be happy for her. He'd been a little too pushy. He'd sheltered her from the world and kissed every scratch and scrape she'd gotten in life. He was always around. It was time to accept that he wasn't her husband, he wasn't her father, and he wasn't her boyfriend. She could do things all on her own without him being such a helicopter best friend. Naminé needed space. Roxas needed to take a step back. A huge one. This was his wake up call.
Breathing deeply, he let his eyes slide shut. This wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't make him happy, but Naminé needed him. She needed him to back off; distance himself; forget last night ever happened. He could do that. He would do anything for her.