This one is going to be true to the movie. From now on I'll label which ones are AU and which ones arn't. They're all MovieVerse of course, but some will be devoted to their separation. So enjoy.
I woke up from my dream. In my twin bed, in Lucy and I's room, in England; two months after the Narnian Revolution.
It had been the most wonderful and perfect dream. And now it was over.
It had been kind of dream that makes you lay there in bed with your eyes closed, wishing it to come back to you; which it wouldn't.
The kind that makes your heart ache with want and your mind crazy with desire; which it did.
It was much like when we had fallen back through the wardrobe more than a year ago. For a month afterwards I would dream about Cair Paraval, riding through the Western Wood and dancing in the great hall. Only to wake and realize that the dream was over.
The spell was ended.
The beauty, the happiness, the respect all gone from my grasp. Many nights I would lay in my bed crying silently, mourning the loss of what had been the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Those dreams had been more…it was hard to describe. Sight, I suppose and sound. I remembered seeing Mr. Tumnus and Lucy dancing together. And I remember hearing the music that filled the halls. But that had been a different time and a different pain. These new ones were much worse, it was as if my chest were collapsing within itself. Every day I was haunted by the feeling.
Now I feared that the dreams would never leave me alone. They might subside, but something told me that every once in a while..though I may marry someone else, have children, maybe even convince myself to be happy with the life here in England; the dream would return to me. Out of the blue, I would close my eyes and drift into slumber.
And just like now, I would feel those arms wrap around me and a warm breath would caress my neck. Never seeing him or hearing him. Only knowing his presence was around me. And my heart ached for even this. I felt so protected and loved in that place. I wanted more than anything to return to that day to that feeling as we held each other close.
A feeling of deep regret settled into my stomach. Had I made the right decision? Was my choice even an option?
I sighed with my eyes still closed. Dwelling on it wouldn't make it any better. I had already chosen to listen to Aslan's words and follow my siblings back to England, and leave the one thing I'd ever wanted more than respect as Queen Susan.
I should open my eyes and dispel the illusion. But I'm weak and hold onto the feeling as hard as I can.
Wanting.
Desiring.
Nothing more than to be in the arms of Caspian the Tenth.