Reminder: This fic is set in the Harry Potter world and using characters owned by J.K. Rowling.

...Chapter Four: In Which Remus Gets Depressed

"No." The look on his face should have told her to stop, but McGonagall pressed the issue.

"Remus, I must insist—"

"Minerva, while I might put myself in harm's way, I cannot in good conscience allow you to do the same with Hermione."

"She wants to be useful."

Remus cringed inwardly as he let loose a comment that he knew would distress the witch.

"And so does Harry. I don't see you letting him run off to dance with wolves."

Minerva McGonagall slammed shut the book in her lap. Her eyes were focused on his. For a moment he flashed back to his school days with the same burning glare on him for a particularly nasty trick with the Marauders.

He remembered that he should not be cowed by her. She was not his professor anymore. And despite being the new leader of the Order of the Phoenix, she did not have the right to send Hermione into danger.

"Remus, you know she has to go with you. None of us know how to deal with the transformations. Poppy has barely more than a passing knowledge of how to treat her afterwards, but no one can be with her when it happens—"

Remus started to protest and the woman rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I could try to stay with her, but I doubt that a cat could keep a werewolf in line for long. I hear that it took both Mr. Potter and Mr. Black to keep you under control."

Sheepishly, Remus looked down at his feet. He had been a bit of a handful and that was after years of being a werewolf.

"Now, you will allow Miss Granger to accompany you. I understand your desire to keep her from harm, but this girl has seen more than many her age. If the Order believes she can handle it, then you should as well."

She turned back to her book. The implied dismissal caught Remus off balance.

Before he knew it, he was in the hallway, looking disparagingly at the door to McGonagall's office. The knotted grain of the wood before him could not tell him what he needed to know. He wanted to blast down the door and tell McGonagall that Hermione would never be a spy for the Order.

But he could not help imagining her covered in scars not unlike his own. Could he really leave her to face the full moon alone? She would scream out in pain as the moon took its place in the sky. In her rage, she would tear at her own flesh. He remembered... oh yes, he remembered... He had been a child when he first transformed, but that had not stopped his desperate teeth from latching onto any part of himself that he could reach. His claws had gashed across his fur, trying to rip it from his body.

A shudder raced through his body at the memories. And he felt his left hand involuntarily mimicking the movement of so long ago. His hand rose and swept across the side of his face, his fingertips tracing the scars.

No, he would not let Hermione face that alone. Even the Wolfsbane Potion would not protect her from the ravages of the first transformation. That much he had learned in his time as a spy.

Remus sought out the refuge of the rooms he had been assigned.

He awoke seven hours later with a splitting headache. The Ogden's had not been his best idea in awhile, but it reminded him of much happier times. Getting drunk with the Marauders had always been quite an experience. But the hangovers could kill.

It took a few minutes to realize what had gotten him up.

A rather hesitant knock came at the door. Ignoring it did very little, as the sound refused to go away.

Remus got out of the chair, realizing that a few days of sleeping sitting up had seemed to permanently strain his neck. With his head and neck aching, he staggered towards the door.

As soon as he turned the lock, a figure burst into the room.

"Professor Lupin!" Remus jumped backwards. He fell onto the table behind him, sending the half empty bottle of Ogden's towards the floor.

The resounding crash rang through his head. With a rather pained attempt at thought, Remus decided that the table was probably the best place for him.

The invader finally noticed the state that Remus was in.

"Um... Professor? Are you drunk?" The voice cut through the ringing in his head.

Harry.

The blighter that had woken him up, spilled his firewhiskey and made his socks wet, was Harry.

He looked down at his socks, wondering how they had gotten wet. But then he saw the darkish puddle surrounded by glass shards.

"No, Harry, I am not drunk. I, however, was drunk." He let out an exasperated sigh and moved himself back towards the armchair he had occupied.

He watched as Harry nervously moved to the seat across from him.

"You wished to discuss something with me?" Remus's duties to Harry outweighed the pounding in his head. He stretched his neck out and waited for the reply.

"Well..." Harry looked shell shocked. Everything had piled up on him over the last few days. It was evident in how he held himself; the dead look in his eyes. "I wanted to know..." his words broke off.

"Yes, Harry?" The older man prompted.

"Is Hermione still going to be Hermione?" Every line of Remus's frame stiffened. Harry had suffered enough, without having his best friend pulled away from him by the world they were trying to protect.

"Hermione will still be herself, if that is what you wanted to know." The headache was mercifully fading. He rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully. "She might act slightly different. She may crave rare meat, or be a bit more temperamental than typical once a month."

Harry gave a half-hearted grin.

"Well, that at least is nothing new." His smile faded. "The Aurors told me that if she is... well, you know... she won't be able to return to Hogwarts."

Remus knew that the defeated expression on his own face was not going to help the young man. He shook his head.

"Only Dumbledore would have allowed Hermione to stay here."

The men sat in silence, ignoring the spreading pool of firewhiskey, reflecting on how one death could change the course of the future.

...Author's Note:

Look at Russet022's stuff. I command you, oh, hordes of mine! She was kind enough to look this chapter over for me before I brought it to you all. She also named the chapter for me, since we just kept cracking bad jokes about it... Alternate title for this chapter "ANGST!"

Reviews are always welcome. Got any ideas? Because I'm willing to incorporate some into the story.