Redemption

Chapter 4: Hanging by a Moment

She'd never felt this way before.

She had come close a few times. Once, when she was 8 and her Pappou died. Then again when she had to spend the entire summer between 7th and 8th grade in the house because she had broken her leg riding her dirt bike.

Those times, though, it had eventually passed. She had cried a lot, and was sad for awhile, but then she eventually rebounded from it.

This time, though, it was sticking.

She had spent the better part of the two weeks since her parents' meeting with Figgins walking around, flip flopping between feeling completely drained or feeling nothing at all. Normally, she'd be indignant – how dare one of those show choir geeks (because who else could it be) cross her like, and who did Puckerman think he was, treating her like she wasn't the hottest bitch who'd ever given him the time of day. She would've rolled her eyes at, and verbally maimed, anyone who said anything nasty to her. People were stupid and should be treated as such: that was Lauren's philosophy.

But she hadn't said much of anything to anyone. Even when Santana cracked on her in Glee club, saying whatever it was she said – Lauren hadn't really been listening, but she recognized Santana's bitchy, "Oh snap! I got you!" tone – Lauren just kind of stared at her blankly. When her teachers called on her, she just shrugged her shoulders, and ignored the looks of concern they directed at her. When Mr. Schuester had offered her a lead part in a song Glee club was trying out for Regionals, she'd simply walked out of the room.

At first, she really couldn't understand it. It wasn't like her to be one of those girls who let other people make them feel bad. Then she realized it wasn't other people. She was the reason she felt this bad.

Even if she wanted to blame Puckerman for not telling her about the camera, she didn't – and part of her couldn't, but that was an entirely separate issue. Not that she would tell him that, because she wanted him to feel as low as she did, but she knew the truth. She had always been independent. Her choices, bad or good, were her own. This one – this mistake – was squarely on her.

She couldn't trust herself not to be a complete moron anymore, which made her feel like one of those stupid people she despised.

Puck had watched her mope around school like this, which wasn't her at all, and it made him fucking miserable to see her that way.

It had been decided by his mother and her parents that the two of them shouldn't be involved with each other. No dating, no hanging out. They weren't even allowed to talk at school.

He had agreed to leave her alone, but had planned to blow them all off once they weren't around. Then he saw Lauren, and the way she looked at him – the one she had decided to – and realized that she wasn't going to fight their parents with him. She wanted nothing to do with him.

Still, he had to talk to her. Tell her…something. Anything, really. Because the only other option was to do nothing. And the whole lying down and dying quietly routine wasn't his style.

He had seen her go into the gym after school one Wednesday afternoon, and he knew she was there for wrestling practice. When peeked in the window, he saw her moving from the bleachers to the girls' locker room and knew this was the only chance he'd get.

He hadn't been in there awhile, but he knew his way around pretty well and didn't have to go very far back to find her. She was sitting on the bench between the third row of lockers, still in the clothes she'd worn to school. He hadn't really noticed it when he'd seen her in the gym, but he knew that he hadn't given her enough time to change out of her uniform.

"Since when do you sit in the stands instead of crushing dudes in practice?" he asked when he realized that's what she had done.

Her head shot up so fast that she could have snapped her own neck. "You shouldn't be in here. Or talking to me."

"You shouldn't be talking to me either, but you are."

"Only to tell you to go away," she said pointedly.

Not gonna happen, he thought. He had her there, and he wasn't going to let her push him around this time.

"Look," he said as he sat down next to her, "I know you're still pissed off about the camera thing, and the Internet thing but…"

"Seriously, go," she snapped, not wanting to deal with his explanations or apologies. "It's bad enough that my parents don't trust me. I don't want to have to lie to them by saying I didn't talk to you when I did."

"How will they know we talked? They think you hate me, so why would they even ask?"

She shook her head. "Half truths and leaving out facts. That's how we got here in the first place, Puckerman."

He had known she was going to be harder to get to than his mom was, but hearing her say that, and having her shoot him down this way, made him feel like a Grade A jackass. Like everything that everyone was thinking, what she was thinking, wasn't totally off base. "I know I've done a lot of crappy things, to a lot of people. I've hooked up with my best friend's girlfriends. I've slushied pretty much everyone in Glee club at some point. I locked Artie in a porta potty last year. What do they call that, when it comes back around to bite you in the ass like that?"

"Karma," she offered flatly.

"Yeah that." He turned on the bench, and fixed his eyes on hers. It was intimidating, being on her level like this. He didn't know how she'd react. Not only could she just reach across and slug him with enough force to land him on the floor, but she could also laugh right in his face. Or look away, like he wasn't even there, which was way worse. He would have no way of avoiding any of it. He would just have to take it, however it came. "But all that stuff was before I had things that mattered to me." He paused, looking over at her. Her face looked blank, but he saw…something,.. "I don't why, but, you make me a better guy. And I want to fix things because it sucks when you're not around."

The way he was looking at her made her insides ache in the most obnoxious way – like when you miss someone and no amount of anything can fill that emptiness – and she had to turn away so he could not see her fighting hard against the tears now pooling in the corners of her eyes. "I guess you should have thought about how much it would suck before you lied to me, then," she said, trying to steady her voice. She may have been turning into an absolute sucker when it came to him, but she wasn't weak, and she sure as hell wasn't going to show it.

He ran his hand over the side of his head, feeling frustrated but also kind of hopeful. She wasn't accusing him of putting the tape on the 'net anymore. Or, at least, she hadn't said anything about that, which he was going to take as a good sign. Maybe she was only mad at him for the thing he actually did. "I know you think I'm a jerk right now, but I am going prove you wrong. So just…don't give up on me."

She wasn't about to give him an inch. She also wasn't about to get up, and walk out on him either. "Do what you have to do," she said quietly, even though she wanted to tell him she probably wasn't capable of giving up on him.

That was all he needed; to believe she still hanging on like he was.

As he stood up and looked down at her, he made a split second decision. This one was definitely going to end in him losing a ball but…he didn't care. He was tired of seeing her so damn sad. He moved quickly, leaning in, but let his lips linger against her temple. "Whatever's making you so sad," he whispered against her skin, "know that you're better than that."

He was out of sight before she could react.

She had never depended on anyone, especially no boy, to make her feel better. But tough bitch or not, it was nice to here someone else see in her what she once saw in herself. Even if it was the person who'd helped her get into this funk.

Officially stupid,she thought as she pulled her gym bag over her shoulder.

Note: Just a small, incredibly irrelevant note about Lauren's heritage. Pappou, from what I understand, is Greek for grandfather. If I spelled it wrong, my mistake. I found about 5 different spellings and just used the most phonetically simple one. And I made her at least partly Greek simply because when I dug around on the Internet, the only "Zizes" I could find had Greek roots. So there you have that. Again, not really relevant to the story in anyway, but I thought since we pretty much know all about Puck and his Judaism, it would be nice for Lauren to have a bit of personal heritage as well.