Half an hour or so passed and they remained huddled together on the couch. As usual, they had both gained strength and resolve from simply holding each other. "Is there anything else you want to say?" Chuck asked before pressing his mouth to her forehead in a kiss. "There is, but not right now. Do you mind? I'm exhausted" she replied quietly. He couldn't help but kiss her again. "Tell me when and if you're ready to. I'll go and run you a bath?" She nodded and he squeezed her gently before lifting himself from his seat.

She sighed gratefully as she lowered herself into the warm bath. There were bubbles, petals and candles. Her husband really did know what she liked and would always do whatever he could to make any situation right for her. She regretted not telling him of her woe much earlier. She knew deep down that his love for her was greater than any of his sadness and anger over the past. He would have only wanted to help her move forward with her life, their life. She settled comfortably and hoped the aroma from her favourite Chanel bath oil would begin to ease her mind.

He looked into the bathroom to check that she was OK. He kept his glass of Scotch out of sight so that she wouldn't realise he'd desperately needed it. He need not have bothered because her eyes were shut. She breathed slowly in and out as the candle light flickered around her.

He could feel his heart thumping inside his chest and he leaned on the support of the door frame. "When and if..." The words had just slipped out of his mouth but now they took him back to the airport hotel room where he'd vowed that he would do anything for her. He'd pay the dowry if it bankrupted him, he'd give up New York and hide anywhere in the world as long as they were together.

His heart had shattered as she had walked away, determined to handle the dire situation on her own so that one day they might be together with nothing over their heads. In the present moment he knew that he'd never let her handle anything on her own again.

It had gutted him so much to hear what she had gone through, largely alone, in Monaco. It was his task now, his duty to take care of her. Always. But he felt queasy in knowing that no amount of money or grand gestures would solve the challenge she was facing now. He still wasn't entirely sure what the challenge was. What did her earlier soliloquy mean here and now? How could he begin to heal invisible wounds? He needed a top up.

She opened her eyes at the creaking sound caused by him moving away from the door frame. "Chuck," she held out her hand as he turned towards her at the sound of her voice. "Sit with me?"

He moved into the room and sat down next to her, holding her hand and leaning his side against the bath. Her eyes noticed the empty glass he placed next to him. In the past she'd seen him drink for pleasure and seen him drink to numb pain. There was no indecision about the reason why he was on the Scotch tonight.

She began to talk again. "When we were in Monte Carlo you didn't want to talk about the months that had passed before. A large part of me wanted to leave the past in the past too, so I went along with your wishes and let it lie."

Chuck smirked at her softly, "If my memory serves me correctly, I let you put it all on a hall pass. It was a one time offer. My mind was clouded and dazed from the endless, glorious sex". He hoped that reminding her of those heavenly couple of days would lead her away from the topic of conversation he suspected she was heading down. Some parts of the past staying there still sounded good to him.

She clasped his hand with both of her own before continuing. "I was kind of relieved by the reprieve and excited for us to move forward. But I know that you haven't left everything behind either Chuck." His eyes met hers nervously. "Sometimes when we're with Serena and Humphrey I can see unease in your face when Brooklyn and I converse. On the rare occasions that anything related to last spring is mentioned I notice the stiffness that comes over you and the frozen look in your eyes even though you try to fight it." He held eye contact despite wanting to look away.

"Humphrey was 'Mr Right Now'. He'd been loyal and trustworthy when I first returned from Monaco. He put aside his logical mind to help me try to cope with the vow I'd made and the torment it brought. He never ridiculed me for it. We had things in common. We shared some of the same interests that I had forgotten about for so long whilst I was willingly consumed by you, determined to become a powerful woman and then later caught up in the you-me-...you know who love triangle." She really did hate to say Louis' name.

"In some ways it was good for me to find some of my passions again. I felt like someone else when I spent time with him. I could close myself off from all of the drama, everything that had happened, and for a while it felt like just what I needed."

Chuck was trying to keep a neutral expression on his face but she was right. Even though he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he had her whole heart now, it was painful to think about time she had spent with anyone else. He thought he'd done a decent job of hiding his reactions to Humphrey. He knew how unecessary they were. As usual Blair had read him correctly. She wasn't the only one being exposed today.

"But you snuck back in didn't you?" She paused to kiss his hand. "Gradually into my thoughts ...into my dreams." She paused and they gave each other a knowing look. "I tried to deny it but it was just so easy and fun to be with you when we were trying to solve the mystery of Diana and your Father. And that was when I genuinely started to feel like myself again." She was pleased to draw a smile out of him. "The next thing I knew I was on the Empire roof confessing my love for you and never more certain that you were it...the real Mr Right...Mr Right forever."

Chuck's memory of that night was hazy. He could recall the wave of hurt that had rolled over him when his Father dismissed him like he was nothing more than an office PA. Blair had shown up just as it began turning into rage; further fuelled by embarrassment at the notion of having to rely on her Mother's company to build his own name back up. His head had overruled his heart as he'd walked away from her into a 24 hour wreck of smashed glasses and empty decanters. But around the same time he'd allowed Jack to talk him into a revenge plan, his heart had started to fight back with flutters that his mind could not suppress. He knew he'd be back to fight for her once he'd got his future back on track but yet he was still stunned when she came to fight for him first.

Blair shifting in the water pulled him out of his recollection.

"Be that as it may, none of this explains why you were performing ballet today. I know from experience you're a fast learner but you didn't appear to be a beginner." She stared down at the bath for a few seconds in avoidance. He knew she was deciding whether to be completely truthful or think of a way out of it for now. More seconds passed.

"Delayed grief" she simply stated as she lifted her eyes back to meet his. The questioning look in his eyes made her know she should continue. "A few weeks after we got back from honeymoon I started to feel...different. Everything was running smoothly at Waldorf Designs and the business plans for the New Year were being executed perfectly but yet I was feeling restless and anxious. My team at the atelier kept reassuring me and insisting everything was as it should be and I began to realise that perhaps my feelings and moods weren't related to work."

She could tell his mind was working in overdrive. Trying to connect dots and reach the right conclusion before it was actually revealed to him. Typical Chuck and one of the millions of things she loved about him. She knew she had to choose her words carefully. She couldn't let him think that he was responsible for anything other than the happiness he brought her.

"At home I've been happy. You are the perfect distraction and our time together as husband and wife has been everything I always dreamed of. When we're together it's so easy not to let thoughts of anything else in. You completely fill me up." She squeezed his hands tighter in an attempt to reassure him and make him understand. He tried to smile to encourage her to continue.

"The only trouble I've had between these walls is random bouts of insomnia. Some nights I sleep like my Mother on a heavy prescription whilst on others I'm awake for hours with my thoughts. Some of the sunrises I've seen over Manhattan have been breathtaking but I'd rather have been snoozing next to you." She didn't know whether to tell him the next part. She desperately didn't want him to take on any blame. "It's worse when you're not here. This week has been...difficult. I haven't slept more than a couple of hours each night".

Now that she'd confessed it, he could recall the feeling of reaching for her in the night and finding her side of their bed empty more often than he had in the past. He'd been so tired from his own work recently that he could too easily drift back to sleep thinking she was in the bathroom or fetching a water. He should have paid more attention. He would never have left her alone this week had he known the truth.

"I made an appointment with Dr Schumann and we talked through everything that has happened. Although it wasn't his area of expertise he strongly thought my symptoms might be grief related and referred me to a colleague with more experience in that area. She gave me the diagnosis. Apparently it's quite common. The full reaction to a loss can be postponed until a later time, sometimes even years later. Part of me is relieved to be facing this now rather than further down the line."

"Delayed grief". He echoed her earlier statement slowly as though he was trying to understand it. "I don't understand why...why is it surfacing now?" Blair knew he was fighting to remain calm but could sense a growing unease in him. She sat upright and leaned closer to him, holding both of their hands together. "My therapist has suggested a couple of explanations. It could be that all of the drama of last year provided a distraction from the complete grieving process and now that my life is calmer my mind has had more opportunity to consider thoughts and feelings that were temporarily blocked. It's also possible that Bart's death triggered something." Chuck nodded in acceptance, not wanting her to have to go into more detail and nor particularly wanting to discuss his Father at any great length.

"I've been seeing her every Friday for a while now. She suggested the ballet classes. Well not ballet specifically, but trying something new and fresh to exercise my mind and ease some of the anxiety that can build up. So that's become my Friday afternoon. A therapy session and a ballet class. Sounds like I'm in high school, huh?"

"So long as you haven't been wearing a tutu in front of your classmates! I did notice it isn't a female only class", Chuck scowled at her before breaking into a gentle smile. "You're the only one to have seen me in a tutu Bass. I promise that won't change." He didn't know if it was appropriate or not, but the memory of the night he indulged her Black Swan fad a couple of years back made him lean in for a kiss. She had certainly deserved an Academy Award for her performance that night. She kissed him back softly, raising her damp hand to caress his cheek.

She stayed close to lean her forehead against his. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about all this sooner. I was worried that you'd be upset or put some of the blame on yourself. You've been so strong since Bart's death and I didn't want to drag you into my darkness."

A selfish part of him felt disappointment. Had she not felt the total bliss that he had in their first months of marriage? He thought she'd been right there with him but she couldn't have been there completely. Not with this hanging over her. He hadn't made her the happiest she could be. He quickly tried to snap out of these thoughts. Any insecurity it created to him was insignificant compared to what she must have been going through. Re-hashing the hardest time of her life in secret therapy sessions and not feeling as though she could tell anyone.

He moved his head back slightly so that he could look into her eyes.

"Blair, we are married now. For me that means opening up everything to each other. You know that. Sharing the highs and lows of every day and overcoming any troubles together. In the brightest times and the darkest times we should be there together. We'll always cope so long as we're in it together." He hated that he was bringing tears to her eyes again, but he had to continue.

"I just wish I'd known you were struggling sooner. The pain from memories of being apart last year or the pain from memories of my Father is nothing compared to the despair I would feel if I thought I had failed to be the husband that you need and deserve and the husband I want to be. If I don't realise it myself then come to me when I should be there for you. Please don't let me fail." His voice cracked in those last five words. He lifted his hand to wipe away tears from both of their cheeks.

He wasn't crying out of sorrow. He was crying because he felt completely overwhelmed by his love for this woman. He could physically feel it beneath his rib cage like a suspended weight pulling down. There she sat before him, naked, beautiful, elegant and yet vulnerable and weary from the situations fate had dealt her. He reached for a bath towel as he gestured for her to get out of the tub. He needed to be closer to her.

Once she was standing he wrapped the large towel around her and lifted her into his arms. He carried her to their bedroom and settled against the pillows, positioning her in his lap and binding his arms around her. "I love you so much...more and more everyday and my urge to look after you will never end". "Ditto", she whispered as she buried her head into his strong chest.

The next week passed by peacefully. Chuck made sure he was home from the office at a reasonable time and often returned bearing gifts. He knew they would not solve anything but he wanted her to know he was thinking of her, that he thought she deserved little packages of extra happiness. With her permission he'd informed their closest friends and family of her revelation so that they could be prepared if she wanted to turn to them. He'd ammended his schedule so that he wouldn't be away overnight on business for the next three months at least.

Only once had he woken to see an empty space across the bed. He'd got up to find Blair looking out into the New York night. He'd stood with her for a while before she led him back to bed. He felt relieved when she'd fallen asleep in his arms as he gently stroked her head. Maybe he could have a more active part in helping her afterall.

Friday afternoon arrived and Chuck had arranged another squash game with Robbie. He didn't expect to see his wife this week as he'd arrived half an hour later due to a meeting and her class would have finished up by now. It had been another Bass victory. He sincerely hoped his opponent had been playing to his full strength and wasn't just afraid to beat a billioinaire. He'd grill Nate on the matter later.

He made his way to the changing area and started to look forward to getting home to Blair. Perhaps he'd just grab his bag and shower back at the penthouse. He fully intended to do so until he noticed a pair of pink ballet shoes lying in the middle of the immaculately tidy changing area. He felt the excitement in his groin as he grabbed a towel and turned towards the showers. Whatever challenges they faced, whatever cards fate dealt them, life with Mrs Bass would never be boring.

xoxo

Apologies for the delay in getting this final chapter up. It was a lot harder to write than the others and I wanted to get it right. Four chapters has taken long enough to write. I have so much respect for the people that write much longer stories. Thanks for reading. Please drop a review if you can xx