Jesusfish, don't kill me ded. D: Sorry guys, school keeps me so busy, and I was going to wait to post this till after midterms, but people kept asking me and I didn't want you guys to think I wasn't working on it, because I really, honestly do in every moment of my free time! D: Well anyway, enjoy, and I shall try to update faster!

Lovino sat at the grand, expensive looking cherry-wood dining table in his home, squirming in the lavish surroundings and darting his eyes everywhere. A fairly standard meal of mash potatoes, steak, and peas sat in front of everyone at the table, but he had not yet even spared his a glance, let alone touched it. His father's brow hung low and menacing as he shot a stern glare in his son's direction.

"Lovino, eat your dinner." He grunted, his attention turning back to his food immediately after.

Lovino sighed audibly, picking up his fork and jabbing the steak with it, lifting it up, and letting it plop back down on the plate. Then again jabbing, lifting, and plopping. Jab, lift, plop. Jab, lift, plop.

"Lovino honestly! You're not five, do NOT play with your food!" his mother chided, generally mirroring her husband's actions. "And stop fidgeting."

Lovino bit his lip in annoyance, stabbing the steak once more out of spite.

When was Antonio going to call? He was literally dying from his impatience.

Then again, he hadn't even considered the fact that his parents might say no to having Antonio stay there, and if they did, he didn't know what he would do.

It would be just like them…he thought, scowling deeper and dropping his fork with a clatter, which was collectively ignored by the members of his family sitting at the table.

"What's wrong Lovi? You seem sad, ve~" Feliciano called out from across the table, tilting his head and giving his brother a concerned look.

"Nothing." Lovino snapped, a little too quickly and suspiciously.

A few seconds later Lovino jumped from the shrill ring of the phone. He sprung from his seat with a burst of energy, startling the occupants of the table and knocking over his glass of water.

"I'll get it!" he interjected, already starting towards the phone when his mother's shrill voice stopped him.

"Lovino Vargas!" she squawked, her eyes aflame and her nostrils flaring. "You will stay right here and clean up this mess! Now!"

Lovino screwed his eyes shut in frustration, his jaw clenched as he walked, rigid, back to his seat. He fisted his napkin and scrubbed it roughly on the table while glaring daggers at his mother while his father rose to pick up the phone.

"Who could be calling at this hour…" the aforementioned man muttered inaudibly as he left the room.

"So inconsiderate, it was already enough that you were squirming and twitching like that at the table, and you…"

Lovino drowned his mother's ramblings out, fighting the urge to simply tell her to shut up (there would be hell to pay if he did) as he tried to listen to the conversation in the other room.

He heard his father's low casual voice, and felt his stomach churn in anxious excitement when the tone warmed up into that of familiarity, and he wondered if his father and Antonio were chatting. He wanted to talk to Antonio, but he knew that wasn't going to happen.

"…think that's a great idea! I'm sure the boys would be very happy to see you," Lovino overheard his father say.

Yes yes yes! He thought, almost bouncing in his seat.

He sat still in his seat, straining to hear his father. When he heard the footsteps approaching, he quickly picked up his fork, shoving a mouthful of peas in his mouth and grimacing slightly as he swallowed. As his father sat back down, he sat watching him silently, waiting for him to speak.

"Well? Who was it, dear?" his mother asked lightly, her chiding tone gone.

"Oh, yes! Well, that was Antonio Carriedo, the boys' old babysitter. He was talking about maybe coming to visit us over the Christmas break. I said of course, with all he's done for us," his father said, seemingly more cheerful than before.

Antonio just had that effect on people, even if they were as strict as his parents.

"Oh! That sounds like a good idea…maybe we can go somewhere and he can watch the boys! Yes, I like that idea." His mother giggled, and Lovino rolled his eyes, swallowing his disgust for her.

Whatever, he'd rather spend time with Antonio than her, anyway.

"So he'll be coming down late on the 21st, the day the boys' school lets out, I believe." His father continued, going back to devouring his plate.

Lovino felt his stomach twitch. That soon?

"Yay! Tonio is coming! Ve~" his little brother yelled, his little face breaking into a grin. "I can't wait! Aren't you excited Lovi?"

Lovino couldn't help the identical grin that spread across his face, as a feeling of warmth washed over him.

"Yes, I am."

OoOoOoO

Lovino sat draped across an armchair, half-watching the news and half sleeping as his parents bickered about something in the background. He ignored them disinterestedly and turned up the volume of television right as a piece about gay marriage came on. A reporter clad in the typical expensive looking dark blue suit was standing in front of what appeared to be a gay rights rally, colorful rainbow flags waving and glitter adorned men and women occasionally jubilantly streaking by in the background. Lovino kept an indifferent expression on his face, if only for self-preservation, considering his brother and parents were in the room.

"…trying to pass a proposition in several states to legalize homosexual marriage, as well as the congregation for the yearly Gay Rights parade," The announcer spoke officially, with the colorful background emitting hope behind her words.

Lovino sat still, a stoic expression on his face at every word emitted from the television. He felt, although he knew it was illogical, as though any wrong movement, breath, sigh; would give him away. He wondered if these people had all gone through high school, ordinary kids, and suddenly been assaulted by these unfamiliar feelings, with an disapproving family, fearful for their safety and sanity. Or perhaps they grew up in nurturing homes, with parents that told them they'd love their children no matter what they were, no matter what their sexual orientation. Maybe they'd been called names in high school too. Lovino sighed, realizing that he already got called those names and he hadn't even…well, 'come out' yet. He felt a nauseating wave of fear wash over him as he quickly recalled different stories he'd heard about and articles he'd read online of how gay kids were bullied in school so much that many of them were either killed or led to suicide by their abusers. It was clear, even if they survived, that their time in public school was one of suffering and pain, always from school, and the majority of the time, also from home. What was he really getting himself into? Admitting his…crush…maybe it would have kept him safer if he had just denied it to himself. Now that it was open in his mind…well, no human being knew, but that didn't mean they couldn't find out…But no, he had to admit it to himself. Otherwise it would just be plaguing him and it would never leave him alone. He had to believe that at least admitting it to himself was healthy. His thoughts were interrupted as his brother's soft voice called out a question.

"Papa, why are the gay people not allowed to marry each other?" Feliciano asked innocently.

He was in the fifth grade now, but still one of the most blissfully ignorant people Lovino had ever met.

"Because it's wrong. They're like disgusting animals that go against God's will. They don't deserve the holy right to marry." His father sneered, his tone heavy with disgust as his eyes finally traveled up from his newspaper; he muttered the rest of his thoughts, "if you ask me, they barely deserve the right to live…"

Lovino felt a fiery rage boil up inside him and his cheeks burned incessantly. Gay or not, he believed that everyone had a right to be in love. How dare his father call those people animals! They were better people than he'd ever be! He opened his mouth to protest when his mother's biting voice interrupted him.

"Lovino, turn that garbage off! No one needs to hear that! It's just disgusting." Her voice held an air of revolting superiority, and Lovino wanted to slap her.

His breathing was labored from the amount of effort it took not to get up and scream at them both.

No, no, he thought, I'll only get severely punished for it. And what could I possibly do to change their bigoted personalities? Absolutely nothing.

The words echoed and tumbled against each other in his head.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He suddenly felt another wave of nausea wash over him and quickly stood up from his seat, retreating upstairs without any comments from the occupants of the living room, who had fallen silent after the altercation.

He slammed the door to his room immediately and crawled onto his bed, curling up in fetal position facing the wall as the onslaught of thoughts he had briefly held back with a dam of anger management flooded over and assaulted him one after another. He had admitted he was in love. This wasn't just a stage. He wasn't going back from this. When he honestly thought about it, had he ever really liked a girl? Not really. There were a few irrelevant crushes that had never affected him all that much. There was Elizaveta, but she had never really been anything more than a friend. Did he find her sexually attractive? Even in the typical high school boy spirit of 'fuck-anything-that's-pretty-and-moves'? No, never. He panicked. He would face more torture from Sadiq. Every day. Possibly more than once a day. Hurt. Ridiculed. Broken. The humiliation that he would never live down…any possibility of making new friends would disappear. His old ones would turn away in disgust. Was he something disgusting? Was it disgusting? Could he even say the word, let alone think it? He didn't think it was…homosexuality. His parents hated it. They already hated him. How would they react if they ever found out? Scream? Beat him? Send him to be exorcised by some priest? Disown him? The possibilities were endless. Was it wrong? Was it really so terrible? Maybe it was wrong. Maybe he was wrong. It was…okay for the general gay community, but just…him specifically, it was, so, so, wrong. It had to be. It would flip his already miserable life upside down, that was for sure.

As he rocked back and forth on his bed he desperately wished he had someone to talk to, to confide in. He thought of his options. Who did he trust the most? He let out a dry, humorless laugh as he realized, of course, it was Antonio he trusted the most. Of course. Who else? Elizaveta, Feliciano…he didn't really have any close friends…the problem with Elizaveta was that she was a very gossipy person; he knew it would probably get around. Not to mention the fact that she would freak out. She didn't hide very well that she was obsessed with Boy's Love and yaoi (which Lovino pretended earnestly to know nothing about) and would probably write some God-awful internet porn story starring him and Antonio that tons of girls would fawn over. Not to mention her so-called 'gaydar' always 'went through the roof' whenever Lovino was around, she accused him lovingly but he always responded with a scowl and a biting remark for her to mind her own business. Feliciano…well, he loved his brother, as dim as he was, but for that reason was afraid to tell him too much. They did tell eachother secrets that they promised to keep from their parents, but never anything this big and life-altering. Besides, Feli's secrets were always rather inconsequential, like eating a crayon or burying the leftovers in the backyard so he wouldn't have to eat them the next day, so it's not like Lovino had much to hold him to his word.

He let out a shaky sigh, clutching his face and noting that it was cold and clammy, but there were no tears. He was fear-stricken. What had he thought would happen? He would just live happily ever after with Antonio? No one would ever hurt him? He wasn't normal. He was a freak. There was only one thing he could do…and that was to never tell anyone.

OoOoOoO

Confessional poetry wasn't really his forte, but Lovino had to admit that it had become an outlet. Who else could he tell except his marble composition book? Could his pen keep secrets? Would the blue lines on the paper stab his back? It was possible, if anyone ever found the notebook. But he'd been careful enough not to put his name on it anywhere, so it wasn't recognizable as his.

At the moment, the only thing that was bothering him was the somewhat irritating brunette whom he, at times, hesitated to call his 'friend', sitting to his left in study hall.

"Come on, Lovino! Just one! Please!" she whisper-whined, clasping her hands together dramatically in front of him.

"No, I said no. You can't read my poetry, Lizzie," He replied indifferently, sighing slightly out of exasperation.

"But why not? Can't I please just see one? You can pick the most non-threatening and let me read it right?" Elizaveta cried.

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please!"

"…fine."

"Really?"

"No."

Elizaveta frowned at him, crossing her arms over her light green t-shirt and looking away.

"You're so stubborn. I don't understand why you won't let me see any, are you embarrassed or something?" she began, and Romano scowled as he saw a familiar spark of excitement in her bottle green eyes. "Unless…you like someone, huh, Lovi? Are those love poems?"

Lizzie bounced her eyebrows up and down and Lovino could feel heat flood his cheeks against his will.

"Elizaveta! Shut up right now, you-"

"Ooh who is she! I'm dying to know! Is she blonde? Brunette? Redhead? Is she tall? Short? Is it Katie? She's got huge knockers, geez! Or her sister, Natalia? Well, she kind of creeps me out, to be honest…Um…maybe-"

"Lizzie! Shut up! Please! How do you even know I like someone?" Lovino cut in, scowling at people who were looking over at him.

"Well, you turned bright red when I suggested it so, obviously, you do. Don't worry, you can tell me! We've been friends since the 5th grade." Elizaveta said a bit more softly, tilting her head and letting a few locks of sandy brown hair fall over her shoulder.

It was true. They had been friends for a long time…but being someone's friend meant something different to Lovino than it did to the general population. He had never really shared any big secrets with Elizaveta, and he knew if the yaoi-obsessed girl ever found out he was smitten with another male, she'd have a frenzied field-day.

Lovino sighed, rubbing his temples. What could the harm be? She'd never guess.

"If I give you a clue, will you shut up?" Lovino asked, but his voiced lacked bite and instead sounded weary.

Elizaveta nodded jubilantly, her eyes widening.

"They don't go to this school." Lovino said carefully, his eyes flitting to the side and then down to his notebook, wondering it maybe he shouldn't have told her.

Elizaveta huffed, her brows furrowing.

"Oh come on! That's not fair! How am I supposed to guess that? They don't go to this school…She doesn't- wait a second," Elizaveta froze, her eyes narrowing and then widening suddenly, her appearance not that far off from a cartoon character. "Lovino, your pronoun usage is suspicious! You said they, not she. Unless it's not a she. It's a he! You like a guy!"

The first thing Lovino could think to do was to lean forward and throw a hand over his friend's mouth, shushing her with the other. Elizaveta ignored him and shoved the hand off, at least continuing in a much quieter, but still excited whisper. Her eyes sparkled as she spoke.

"So it's true! You really do! Oh my God, I can't believe it—Oh my God!" she squealed.

"N-no…no I don't!" Lovino shot back weakly, but he knew he had been defeated.

His stomach churned sluggishly and he felt the color drain from his face as it went pale.

"You have to tell me all about him! Is he tall? Handsome? What school does he go to? Can I meet him?"

"Lizzie!" Lovino almost shouted, receiving more attention than he wanted. "I don't want to talk about this. Now, or ever."

"But-" the girl started, but was cut off by Lovino.

"No! You already know that! You don't get to take anything else from me!" he hissed, the hurt evident in his tone.

Elizaveta's eyes softened and her expression fell as she, no doubt, felt a stab of guilt.

"Lovino, I just-"

This time, in quite a clichéd manner, the bell cut her off. Lovino ripped his notebook from the table and stormed out of the classroom, without a single word to the girl watching him depart.

OoOoOoO

Lovino trudged home in the snow the last day before break, his eyes on the ground and completely uninterested in the joyful shouts and bouncing around of kids who had been released from school. He had decided to take the long trek home instead of taking the bus and dealing with whatever early Christmas present Sadiq had in mind for him. He was grateful for the break, but only because it served as a break from seeing assholes at school. Now, he would have to see assholes at home.

Except one…

Lovino swallowed. Just thinking about Antonio coming to visit made him extremely anxious.

How would he react? He wracked his brain to trying to think of a time when he had had a crush on someone. He could only really ever think of the time he'd had a crush on a cute shy blonde named Lili, but every time he had tried to approach her, her rather frightening big brother had stepped in and all but outright threatened to beat him up. He tried to remember how he'd acted around her, considering that was back in middle school. Awkward, nervous, even a bit grumpy just because he was so embarrassed. It had probably been painfully obvious to others, at least, that he had liked her. He honestly hoped that he was not going to act that way around Antonio. He had to be very careful.

After the long walk home was finally over, Lovino came to his front porch to find his angry mother standing behind the screen door with a raised eyebrow.

"And where, may I ask, where you?" she demanded, her voice high and airy.

"I walked home, didn't feel like taking the bus." Lovino muttered in reply, opening the door and stepping past her.

Normally, she would have reacted more strongly to that, but it seemed as though she was a bit distracted at the moment.

"To good for the bus, huh? Of course…" she muttered, walking past him indifferently and heading towards the living room, where his father was seated.

Wait, why was his father home?

"Your father is going to pick up Antonio, because it's a few hours away and he would have to pay for a taxi otherwise, and that would just be horrible; we will not force him to associate with such dirty street people," His mother said, more to the room than him.

Ignoring the last part of her comment, Lovino walked into the room, dropping his backpack on the floor and looking at his father.

"Can I come?" he asked, his voice hopeful.

"Of course not!" his mother cut in, not giving his father a chance to speak. "The last thing your father needs is to deal with you while taking that long drive!"

"That's not fair!" Lovino raised his voice slightly, but he realized he had already lost the battle.

"Well, that's too bad. Life isn't fair. So instead, you can go upstairs and do your homework." His mother said contemptuously, turning her head away from him.

"It's the first day of break! I have two weeks to do it!" Lovino shot back, nonetheless picking up his backpack from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Then you'll just procrastinate and never get it done, as usual!" his father spoke for the first time, disapproval heavy in his voice. "Now listen to your mother, and go upstairs."

Lovino spun on his heel and quickly climbed the stairs without another word, fuming at his parents. Sighing, he closed his door, and threw his bag on his blue bedspread. The books fell out, scattering here and there. He flopped down onto the comforter and picked up his notebook, brushing his hair behind his ear.

He opened up the middle page, to his most recent poem, where he had attempted to mix some Spanish in, just for the heck of it.

Ivy plants and crystal glass,

Emerald rings and summer grass.

Tu ojos son tan brillantes.

Oh bring me

Bring me

Closer to this.

Quiero, Necesito, some of you

Some of me.

Carved out oak and cinnamon,

Earthy canvas and sand baked by the sun.

Tu cara es tan suave.

Oh dame

Dame,

A summer kiss,

It was unfinished, and cheesy, yes. But he wanted to actually try getting better at writing. If he wrote one not about, well…him, he might even show it to his English teacher. He placed his open notebook down on the bed, crossing his legs.

As he headed out into he hallway to get a drink from the bathroom, he ran into his mother, who looked frantic, no doubt trying to rectify the already flawless home. He passed her and she looked up, a sudden look of recognition in her eyes.

"Oh yeah—Lovino, Antonio is going to stay in your room, alright? So clean it up if it's not already," She said, slightly absently, too distracted to be hostile once again.

Lovino's eye twitched slightly at the thought, and he simply stood there while she carried on.

"…okay," He said, forgetting his purpose for being in the hallway.

He walked back into his room and decided that now, as he flopped down carelessly on the books and papers strewn across his bed, he was going to take a nap.

When he awoke it was several hours later, and he had a bit of a headache. He sat up, wondering what all the commotion downstairs was that had woken him up, when he suddenly realized that Antonio was probably there. Clumsy in his haste, he shot up quickly, having to sit back down shortly after as the blood rushed downwards and he felt dizzy. He carefully got up again and raced out of his room, almost falling down the stairs as he jumped down them two at a time.

When he finally reached the foyer, hair and clothing a mess and his eyes wide and bright, he felt the biggest smile he had ever worn spread across his face.

Finally.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cliffhanger :D Not really though, you can obviously predict what's gonna happen next, it's not like it's Arnold Friend at the door, hu hu. (A life of my servitude goes to you if you get that reference without looking it up.)

Notes about this chapter:

I. I just picked random characters; I wanted to use Hungary because I love her and I'd planned to make her part of the story from the beginning. I didn't base the relationships/friendships off the anime, because this is AU, remember?

II. I know Ukraine's name is not Katie, but she had no given name, except the fan-given name Katyusha, which I shorted to Katie cuz that just sounds hecka weird to me.

III. I really think that if you're doing an AU fic like this, where the character has to go through some sort of revelation where they realized that they bat for the other team, they should at least react somewhat realistically. Now this reaction may not be typical for all kids who are going through a period of sexual frustration, but I think in Lovino's case, with no one to talk to and strict parents, this is a perfectly normal reaction. One's character should at least show some reaction to the fact that something so huge in their life has changed, not just, "oh hey, I just realized I'm gay. :|"

Okay, cool? cool! Next chapter:'TONIO'S PERSPECTIVE! :D

Next chapter IS A PERSPECTIVE SWITCH. That's right kiddos, that's why I had to end it here. The next chapter, and possibly every chapter from then on (not sure, what do you guys think?) is going to be in Antonio's perspective. And thaaaat's when things start to get steamy ;D

Love you all! Review, pl0x. Mwahmwah.