CHAPTER FOUR || fragile

Left punch, duck, roll, up, gut punch, kick, duck. I breathe through my nose as I fight Dimitri, exhausted but knowing I have to win. His foot hits the spot under my knee and I almost falter, but I manage to scramble round and hit him square in the chest.

He is still in breath, which is typical. When he tries to kick me again, I grab his foot and push him away. He almost loses his balance, but only takes half a moment to regain his strikes. Quickly, I dodge a punch but another one hits my collarbone and almost throws me to the floor.

I glare blindly in his direction and hear him chuckle, which just frustrates me further. I lunge and try to tackle him, but he's too strong for me to push against.

"Come on, Rose. You would be dead by now!" He says, clearly trying to hide his amusement.

With a grunt, I dodge another mean hit and whack him hard in the gut. He pauses long enough for me to kick him in the chest, so I hastily tackle him once again and heave him down onto the mat.

"I win." I cough, sitting up and knowing he would be annoyed with me casually lying on top of him.

He stops for a moment, staring at me.

"What?"

"There was no Rose comeback added to that statement. Is there something wrong?" He raises one eyebrow, somehow mocking me but acting worried at the same time. When I don't reply he speaks again. "I at least expected a 'what's my prize?' or 'you just got beat up by a girl'. What's wrong?"

"Oh. Uhm." I think for a moment. What would the old Rose say? "There's a prize involved?" I grin in what I hope looks like a happy way.

Dimitri looks relieved and then grabs a bag from underneath his duster. I curiously take it from him and look inside.

My old favourite food, a strawberry donut, sits wrapped up in the bag. I smile widely, like he would expect, and thank him.

"What's the occasion?" I ask, putting the bag down beside me as I continue to catch my breath.

"I just thought you deserved it. You've been acting so focused recently. Guardian Alto even told me you've improved in his lessons."

I nod. Having no social life kind of just does that.

It's been a week since my mirror incident in the bathroom, and since then I've redecorated the wall and my personality. I've decided to focus less on the social aspect in life, and focus more on being a good student. I was incredibly selfish- I shouldn't have purposely cut myself. It's petty and stupid.

Well, I keep telling myself that, but I'm pretty sure that I still don't believe it.

"And it's your field test next week. This is a good luck present, although I'm sure you don't need any luck with the amazing training you have been doing."

I nod again. I try to feel a piece of pride inside of me, but I just feel empty like usual.

Dimitri places his warm hand on my shoulder. I ignore the usual electricity buzz I get when his skin is in contact with mine and focus on the clock behind him. "Well done, Roza." He whispers. In the past, I probably would have gone light-headed by this simple gesture, but now it's just the simple buzz. I miss him. I miss myself.

He takes away his hand to push himself up, and then offers it again to help me stand. I take it and he gently pulls me to my feet. I pick up my donut and give him a little wave as I leave.

Before I make it to my room, I throw the bag in a bin. Guilt hits me for a moment, but I pay no attention to it. I don't deserve treats like this, I don't deserve his kindness.

I'm sorry, Dimitri.

"Hi, Rose." Eddie calls me and I turn to face him. I feel panicky that he's seen me throw away the food- a very unlike Rose thing- but he gives me a clueless smile and I reassure myself its okay.

"I haven't seen you in ages." I tell him, hugging him back when he wraps his arms around me.

He lets me go and assesses my face. His head tilts to the side, his eyes assessing me. "You look… different."

"Good or bad?" I ask, confused.

"Bad…" He tells me bluntly.

I feel offended and mockingly glare at him. "Thanks for that-"

"No, I mean…" He clasps his hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright, Rose?"

"Of course." I lie.

"I don't think you are. Maybe you can trick everyone else but… I know you. You're eyes are just…"

"Just what?"

"Sad."

I bite my lip, a habit I seem to have picked up. "I must just look tired. Hey, Dimitri said I was doing better at training. Maybe I'll overtake your god-like skills."

He ignores my comment. "You can always talk to me, you know that?" Then, as if feeling the same heavy tension as I am, he tells me that he'll never be as good of a guardian as me. "You're kick-ass Hathaway."

"I am." I reply, laughing. But when he turns around, my smile immediately fades. I'm not kick-ass Hathaway. Not anymore.

Feeling negative energy building up, I decide to go on another run round campus. At first I wonder if I should go and meet Lissa, but after slipping into her head I realize she's once again with fire boy. It makes me happy yet sad at the same time. She's practising magic with him, healing plants and animals. The darkness levels are okay, so I don't bother to take them away yet. She looks fine.

As I'm running, it starts raining. I pull up my hood and run faster, loving the way the cold rain felt against my face, wishing it was washing away the past and all my mistakes.

When I start shivering from the cold and cringing from a small headache, I stop and look around. Everyone's at lunch, so I'm alone. The campus looks peaceful; the snow slush has finally washed away.

There's a movement in the corner of my eye, so I turn around and try and place it. In between a couple of trees, a light figure stands. They're as still as a statue. A feeling of alarm goes through me, but I'm sure it's just a guardian making their rounds.

I shrug it off and decide to go to lessons now. I'll text Lissa when I get there. I'll tell her I just went for a run, and then I'll lie and say I'll see her tomorrow. I was ignoring the fact that I was scared to see her- struck with shame about me cutting. I felt that the moment she would see me, she would just know.

Once again, I was insanely glad that this bond only worked one way.

A/N Sorry for another short chapter- I've been busy with school. To make up for it, I should have long chapters over the weekend. The story will start progressing more soon. :D Once again, I cannot thank you enough for your reviews. No joke, I cried this time I read them. I wish I could reply to all the reviews, but I thought you would all rather I write the story instead of rambling my thanks. :) You are all so lovely, I love you! :')

Stay strong, everyone. xx