Summary: the gang visit the USA and meet up with Professor Hawkins and Rebecca. They decide to go on a hike in the Cataract Falls of San Francisco. After a sudden rockslide the gang get separated into pairs and threes. Yami goes on an emotional rant that you'd have to read between the lines to figure out and reveals some feelings about his life to someone unexpected. More serious than it sounds (starts off as an everyone fic but tuns into a 2 character focus later) set after Doma season

F.Y.I: Yami has his own body in this fic. He figured out a spell to give himself one temporarily. Don't ask how because I don't know.

(This chapter might go under a revision)

Chapter 4: Understanding

Yami was struggling to get down the steep dirt cliff without falling and having an extra weight on his back definitely didn't make it any easier. He slipped only once and made sure that he fell forward so as to not let Rebecca hit the ground. After what seemed like hours Yami finally reached the caves. They were actually really beautiful. They were sapphire blue and sparkled in the moonlight. Yami scoped out the driest most sheltered looking one and set Rebecca down against a wall inside. It was getting cold now and his and Rebecca's clothes were still pretty damp so Yami went out to look for some firewood in the small area of forest surrounding the caves.

It was around 9:30pm when Rebecca awoke. Her leg was bandaged up and she had a band-aid on the side of her forehead. (Rebecca had packed some first aid supplies with her and Yami found them) She had what looked to be Yami's spare hoodie he had brought in case it got cold. Her hoodie was hanging near the roaring fire so it could dry. Rebecca felt the warmth of the fire and it felt so good.

Rebecca: wait, if this is Yami's hoodie then…. he must be here somewhere. Pharaoh are you there?

Suddenly Yami came back into the cave with some more firewood.

Yami: oh good you're awake. I was worried.

Rebecca: you were worried about me?

Yami: well of course, you've been out for like 4 hours, ever since we got out of the river.

Rebecca: how did we get here?

Yami: I carried you on my back, it was getting dark and rain clouds were coming and it was gonna be cold and…. well you get the point.

You carried me? Rebecca was surprised that Yami managed to get down here with someone on his back. Her tone seemed to suggest otherwise to Yami though.

Yami: It's alright if you feel discomforted; I know you don't like me that much.

Rebecca: what? I don't dislike you.

Yami: are you sure, your conversation with Yugi yesterday seemed to say different.

Rebecca: how did you know about that we were in the other room?

Yami: Hey, I may have my own body right now, but it's only a spell. I'm still connected to the millennium puzzle and Yugi didn't shut his mind link with me when he was talking to you yesterday.

Rebecca: so you heard everything

Yami: not every single word…. but enough to understand that you're uneasy around me.

Rebecca was really regretting what she had said earlier now. Even if she felt that way she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings either although she couldn't quite tell if he was even hurt. His face was neutral, indifferent and hard to read.

Rebecca: Yami….. I…….don't really know why I feel this way. I guess all the stuff gramps and I learned about the Oricalcous at the time made me really worry about Yugi. The whole evil magic of it scared me and when you said it was your fault I….

Yami: you don't have to explain yourself. To be honest….. I was, really scared of myself at the time. I care for Yugi so much and I made a promise to always protect him and I betrayed that trust.

Rebecca: so…. Why did you do it then?

Yami: what?

Rebecca: why did you play the card? I know its dark magic influenced people but if Yugi could resist it why couldn't you

Yami: You're right; but it wasn't just the influence of the magic that persuaded me. I was, I was angry, really angry.

Rebecca: angry at the duel

Yami: angry at everything, the duel, Raphael, Dartz, the orichaelcous everything. I was pissed off because I was stuck having to save the world and putting Yugi and the others in danger again.

Rebecca: what? you were sick of having to protect the world?

Yami: Not so much as sick but…. I've felt this way ever since the early days of battle city…. it just seems like I'm always the one who has to do it. It feels like everything always rests on my shoulders, like I'm the only person who can stop world domination. I held it when I was pharaoh, I gave my life to save the world and although I knew that the way I conquered the darkness would leave me trapped in the millennium puzzle I at least thought the worst was over. I never thought I'd have to save the world again. I mean don't me wrong, I was so happy that Yugi solved the puzzle and released me. I fell in love with Yugi and the gang; they slowly became like a second family, new friends that made me feel good and whole again, but with all the good things came the bad as well. After I helped Yugi stop Pegasus and save his grandpa and the Kaiba brothers I felt great. I had helped my hikari, the light who released me from my prison, but again, I thought that was it.

Rebecca: Stop! You're ranting, but I think I heard right. You didn't want to hold the burden of saving earth again but you still wanted to help Yugi at the same time.

Yami: sort of…. wow I'm really not making much sense.

Yami paused in silence for a moment of two before continuing his emotion train. Rebecca could tell he wasn't used to talking about himself like this.

Yami: It's just when I learned that my purpose in this world was to recover my lost memories I honestly though, or hoped that it would be easy and that I'd have no problems but then Marik came and my needs were put on hold. Then the whole tournament happened, then Kaiba's step brother Noah came into the picture with his world domination plan and it was just one evil after another and my memories were put to the back again. Everything was always `Yami you are the only one who can stop this evil`` every time something in the world went wrong. Because of me Yugi and our friends were always in danger and always suffered in some way. I wished that fate would choose someone else to stop everything once in awhile and let Yugi and I let us have fun with each other without any interruptions or worries about what new stalker or evil freak is coming after us this time.

Rebecca was quite baffled by what Yami had told her. He always seemed so strong whenever he faced evil. It was like nothing fazed him and that he just took each challenge with confidence and power, almost as if saving the world was his day job. Then again, Yami doesn't seem like the kind of guy who talks openly about all his feelings. Deep down he hates having to be the one who saves the world because he hates to have to put everyone he cares about in danger.

"It's more about Yugi and the others having to risk their lives for world peace rather than it just being a pain in the butt isn't it" she said.

Yami: It's both Rebecca. Yes Yugi and the others are the main reason, but it's not the only one. I'm sick of having to put myself in danger also. I risked everything including my life when I was pharaoh. I left behind the memories of all my friends and family when I sealed myself and the darkness away. Although I don't have my memories a part of me knows that sealing myself was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and it all happened when I was only halfway through my teens. Then I find out three thousand years later that there's evil still after me. Was I really that bad as a mortal that I deserved all of this? I'm always treated like a great god or a wise ancient man who knows how to fix all problems and even I do think I'm a pretty powerful guy who can make things better, a part of me wishes I wasn't thought of that way. I guess I wish I was treated as a teen or young adult like I am sometimes.

Rebecca: so you wish you didn't have to hold the responsibility all the time, deep down a part of you wants someone else to take the reins once in awhile and let you be carefree and be at peace.

Yes, but I never talk about it because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining and being a baby at what life dealt me, like the gods screwed me over or something. Kings don't bitch and whine about things they have to do.

Rebecca: it doesn't make you seem like a baby or anything. After what you've told me I think you have every right to feel that way. Everyone is entitled to have a little self want once in awhile. But…and this brings me back to my first question, If you've always felt this way why did you end up waiting till you were in a high stakes duel to let the feelings re surface and cloud your mind

Yami: I guess when Raphael talked about Dartz's plans and the way he was talking shit about me just brought everything to my mind. All my anger and frustration over everything boiled over and I snapped and the Orichaelcous just made it easier to unleash the anger and turn it into evil. Dartz was like the icing on the cake, the boiling point. I wanted to win for many reasons. I wanted to win because I wanted to stop Dartz from destroying our world, and the monster world, for the sake of a Yugi and the others, to save them and protect their mortal world. I wanted to win because I cant' stand losing. But lastly, I wanted to win because I was sick of having something or someone prevent me from my personal destiny. I wanted it to be gone so I could finally, finally get what I want and reclaim my memories. For all of these reasons I went to any length to come out on top, including risking the one I promised to always protect. When I did claim victory all my triumph quickly vanished and I suddenly realized what I did. When I took down Dartz I destroyed the darkness in my heart and I can assure you Rebecca that I'm not the same man I was that day and I never will be again. As Yugi told you, I am a Yami, as a mortal I am pure but as yami spirit I am tainted light, I am dark. But Yugi has changed me so much over the years and has forever changed who I am. I am eternally in his debt for turning me back to the man I once was, a strong king with a pure heart.

Both were silent for a few moments. Rebecca had never seen the pharaoh like this. She was pretty sure everything he said was true; the fact that Yami's ranting did but didn't make sense at the same time convinced Rebecca that it had deeper meaning and that he wasn't being far from truthful in everything he said. After hearing everything she didn't seem to be uncomfortable around him anymore. His words tonight somehow showed her that there's way more to him than meets the eye and she was a little touched that she was probably the only one he's ever spoken to like that except maybe for Yugi.

Rebecca: I think I understand now, and I believe you when you say you've changed. You were trapped in a little pyramid for 3000 years, that's enough to make anyone lose their mind a little (she laughed) Also, you walked over a mile down a dangerous cliff carrying me, you stitched me up and took care of me when I was down for the count. I owe you one. And after what you told me tonight, I think you gonna be okay in my books. Besides Yugi had put in a good word for you earlier and I wasn't fully convinced until now.

Yami laughed a little as well. Thanks but I didn`t do anything special, just helped a friend, and I know what Yugi said, he`s such a butterball sometimes, but he`s very strong and brave. I told him on numerous occasions that I another time he could have been a pharaoh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so how was it?, well it was hard for me to get on paper, not sure if i'll change it cause i'm not sure if it makes sense or not. next chapter will be up once i decide whether to keep this one or not. "sweatdrops from anxiety"