6

Chapter Four: Quantum Incoherence

(With information on "Schrodinger's Cat" (a.k.a. "Stonedinger's Sabre-Tooth Tiger-Cat") gleaned from Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia)

As "Wilma Rubble" stepped out of the now-merged single blue box, Fred gaped in a kind of fascinated horror.

"Wilma?" he asked with uncertainty, "You look different this time."

The woman who had just stepped out of the box had fiery red hair like Wilma—except for the fact that it was arranged like Betty's hair, in a kind of "pillbox bob" style with a point at the end. The usual swept-up "bun" hairstyle that Wilma wore was gone. There was a little blue bow at the back of her head, as Betty used to wear. The pearl necklace that Wilma normally sported was still around her neck, together with a blue-and-white cavewoman's dress. The new "Wilma-Betty" hybrid had Wilma's black "frying-pan" eyes, but the white sclera which surrounded Wilma Rubble's black pupils could be seen more clearly, as was the case with with Betty's eyes. Her lips were as red as cherries, Fred thought, and her nose as small as a button. She looked incredibly cute...but who was she, really? Wilma, or Betty? Or...both...or neither?

Zootwo coughed in order to get Fred's attention.

"Yeah, Zootwo?" Fred asked absent-mindedly, keeping his gaze on Wilma Rubble.

"I would like to point out that you have just witnessed the pairing of two Universal possibilities—actually, thousands upon thousands of Universal possibilities, for the change in Wilma/Betty's genetic structure required a great deal of prior alteration for her to stand before you in this particular merged form..."

"How is this even possible?" Fred asked, turning his gaze away to face Zootwo, "I mean, she's amazing, this woman—but I don't recognize her. The last time, it was a woman who had black hair but was wearing it kind of like Wilma, with the bun hairstyle and all that stuff. How does hairstyle enter into the genetic alteration business? How come she's wearing a blue-and-white dress?"

"Oh, those silly details," Zootwo scoffed, "Those were no doubt supplied by Sorceress Sionna, with her magical sense of aesthetics. Were they not, Sionna?"

"Of course," Sionna sniffed at the spaceman, "We can't have your clinical Zetoxian sense of non-aesthetics rule the day, now can we? Fred, you don't need to worry. It's still Wilma—and Betty—but, as you know, it won't last. You may as well engage in a bit of romance, as you did the last time."

"I...uh...I...I don't know," Fred replied in an uncertain tone, "I mean...it's Wilma, all right, but it's also Betty. And Betty is my best pal, Barney's wife!"

"No," Sionna countered, "It's really both and neither of the two women. It's a third, new woman."

"Now, you see here, you old witch!" Zootwo exclaimed, "Stop tempting Fred with this...insane mixture of Universal possibilities. Really, I should not be participating in this travesty. This is a shocking instance of disregard for Quantum Decoherence—certain Universal possibilities should have no interaction with each other, at the level of ordinarily perceived reality."

"Well, then—haven't you broken that particular law by bringing these people here?" Sionna asked Zootwo.

"This was Gazoo One's doing, not mine!" Zootwo protested, "I'm just his hapless clone."

"Aha," Sionna teased him, "So you're deflecting all responsibility for this onto your clone-brother. Very adult of you, Zooey!"

"Don't call me Zooey!" Zootwo growled menacingly, "Fred, don't listen to this hag. I know this must be very disconcerting for you. I knew we should have run when Sionna brought out the boxes! You may understand this in terms of one of your ancient modern Stone-Age scientists, a Mr. Stonedinger..."

"Yeah, I think I remember something about him in high school," Fred replied without much enthusiasm, "Didn't he have two Sabre-Tooth Tiger-Cats in a box, or something—and they were both dead and alive at the same time? I don't understand that, to tell you the truth. And this whole business better not put either Betty's or Wilma's life in danger, Zootwo, or I'll...I'll never forgive myself for bringing them here."

"Actually," lectured Zootwo, "There was only one Sabre-Tooth Tiger-Cat, and he was mainly hypothetical...it was a thought experiment. Stonedinger imagined the possibility of the Tiger-Cat inside the box being both dead and alive at the same time, held in a kind of quantum superposition, until an astute observer happened upon the scene—hopefully a brilliant scientist like me and not a sultry magician like Sionna. Then, reality would fall back down into either one of the possibilities—the Sabre-Tooth Tiger-Cat would be either dead or alive, but not both at the same time...unless, of course, reality divided itself into two separate realities with an observer in each, seeing a dead cat in one reality and a live cat in another. Parallel universes-but these realities should not interact with each other! That would be decoherent. Now, this situation with Wilma and Betty has been complicated by many different elements, but essentially we are seeing the merging of two possibilities into one—both at the same time rather than separately, as is normally the rule. A thing can be one or it can be another, but it really should not be both at the same time. Oh, this is a most troubling dichotomy, and I fear we may have created an impossibility! Oh, woe is me!"

"Oh, suck it up, buttercup," Sionna said scathingly to Zootwo, "Just think of it as magic, Fred. Don't let this hypothesis-obsessed nitwit confuse you all the way out of the romance of the situation! Wilma Rubble is a bit disoriented, as you can see. Start interacting with her, and she will become more real to you."

"Wilma Rubble" had been standing mutely before them, her eyes somewhat glazed over. It was as if nobody was in there.

"Wilma, honey..." Fred began uncertainly, "It's me, Fred. You remember me? I'm your husband."

Wilma wobbled back and forth for a minute before regaining her sense of balance.

"Fred?" she repeated in a somewhat mechanical fashion, "Fred...Barney?"

"No, no, Hon," Fred told her, attempting to speak in a reassuring tone, "It's just Fred. Barney is...not here at the moment."

"Fred...what happened?" Wilma Rubble asked, her voice sounding like a curious mixture of Wilma's low-toned voice and Betty's high pitched voice.

"Uh..." Fred stammered, uncertain as to what he could say, "I...well, I think you've been 'quantum-ly incoherent-ized' into being one woman...when before you were two."

"You see, Madam," Zootwo flew over to the pair, explaining as he hovered close to their faces, "There exist two possibilities. The first is that you are 'here' as one woman instead of two. The second is that you are 'there' as two women instead of one. Both possibilities exist at once, but they are being experienced by the observing entities as two separate realities which cannot intermingle at this level of awareness."

"Yeah," Fred concurred, "Zootwo says it's 'quantum incoherence'."

"Quantum decoherence," Zootwo corrected Fred.

"Well, whatever it is, it doesn't make any sense," Fred grumbled, "not to me, anyways."

"Nor to me," Wilma agreed with Fred, "but I think I'm beginning to remember some things...memories of a picnic. But I don't know if it's my memory or the other woman's memory. What is the other woman's name?"

"Betty," Fred told her gently, "Your best friend. Barney's wife."

"I remember Barney!" Wilma exclaimed, excited, "He was...wasn't he my husband? Or were you, Fred?"

"Well...uh...I think it's that incoherent quantum stuff again. Man, this is nuts!"

"I think that this couple needs a bit of normality to calm them down," Sorceress Sionna interjected, snapping her fingers.

A Stone-Age cave-house suddenly popped into existence, one with a terrace, a beautifully kept garden, and a huge swimming pool.

"There you go," Sionna told them proudly, "and I'll even put a Sabre-Tooth Tiger-Cat in the garden for you."

"As long as it's not alive and dead at the same time," Fred cautioned Sionna, "We have a Sabre-Tooth Tiger-Cat back in our Home Universe named Baby Puss; Wilma would kill me if that cat died because of all this."

"Don't worry," Sionna reassured the caveman, "This is a whole new cat for a whole new Universe."

A big brown Tiger-Cat appeared, healthy and purring up a storm.

Wilma clasped her hands together in approval and rushed over to the house to get a closer look at it.

"Sorceress Sionna, is this ours?" Wilma asked.

"For as long as you need it," Sionna told her, "I want you and Fred to have a holiday together. And Fred—when you finally put an engagement ring on Wilma Rubble's finger—that is the action that will signal that it is time for the romance to end. It is then that the two realities will merge, and the lady you see before you will return to being two separate women."

Fred and Wilma looked at each other in confusion. What was the point of putting an engagement ring on someone's finger if the lady in question was destined to disappear?