Chapter four:

I wasn't left to 'sleep' in; Crystal came into the room and turned the light on. I stayed with my face in the pillow, "Don't be sad" she said. I take it the entire house knew what had happened, how do they do it? Have their business in everyone's mind...I'd go crazy thinking none of my thoughts were safe. "We made you breakfast" she added, she was using a light voice to not sound so harsh. It made me wonder if she wanted to slap me silly for upsetting her brother in law so much.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked, talking into the pillow but I think she understood enough of what I was saying.

"Nobody's angry with you Ariel, Uriel might seem it but he's not. He's just sad, I don't think he was intending on finding you and losing you so soon" she muttered, she sat down on the edge of the bed. I didn't want him to be losing me; I wanted him to be giving me space.

"I'm a horrible person" I muttered,

"No you're not!" she almost shrieked at me, "look, I'm not really experienced enough to help. I'll get Phee, she went through pretty much the same thing with Yves" she told me, I heard her get up and leave. I didn't want a heart to heart. I wanted to be slapped and told to grow up but I couldn't do that myself and I didn't think anyone else was going to do it either. Phee came into the room I assumed and sat where Crystal had been sitting.

"Hi" was all she said, I don't think she really wants to be here talking about this either. I sat up and dried my eyes before sighing and rested my head on my knees, hugging myself. "I know it's cheesy me saying this but I sort of know how you feel, about wanting space and finding it difficult to accept Uriel." It wasn't him that was hard to accept, it was him wanting to be with me. "But pushing him away will only make this so much harder. He loves you and you may not know it yet but you love him too" she told me, I don't think he could ever love me. I hate the fact that she just assumes, I frowned.

"Thanks Phee but I'm still going, there is so much I have to finish back home. I really need closure" I replied, that much was true. Sorting out dad's house would bring me some sort of closure on his death but not as much as revenge; and that's something I definitely wanted.

"Maybe Uriel can come with you, at least then he'll feel you're not just shutting him out" she suggested, I suppose that would make him feel better but I didn't want him to come. I wouldn't lead myself towards lies of his feelings, he couldn't love me; not the 'me' that I've become. "You can't shut him out Ariel, he's already in your head; he was born in your heart." He was but that doesn't mean I can't kick him out if I want to, I shrugged.

"What time is my flight?" I asked nervously, wanting to be alone. I need to work this out without hurting him, without hurting me.

"9:15, Uriel will take you, you've got about half an hour" she told me, I nodded. "I'll go get you some clothes, breakfast is reading" she muttered before getting up and leaving the room. They're disappointed in me and I'm not really surprised. I got up, stretched and turned the light on. Uriel must have been sleeping in the top bunk last night, I looked around his room. It's nice, cosy. There were a lot of pictures on the wall of him on holiday when he was little, some with his brothers, a lot with his mom. He was adorable, still had those rather spectacular eyes. I touched the picture of him standing alone on the beach, he looked so happy.

"That was in Egypt." I wondered how long he'd been standing there, not that I had any reason to believe he'd been there long. He came further into the room and stood behind me. I took my hand back and looked at the rest, he looks happy in all of these pictures. I couldn't ever make him smile like that.

"You have" he told me, I frowned. Has he been able to access my thoughts all this time? "No. You've never let me in before" he explained, I haven't? I had no idea I could control that. He placed his hand on my side so he almost had his arm around me, I had an urge to attack him and demand to be left alone but I knew that's not what I wanted. I just wanted things to be different. "Then let me make things different, let me come with you. I want to help" he said with a gentle voice, he was treading careful in dangerous waters. I moved away from him and stopped near the bed,

"You can't, I have..." I broke off, "stuff to do, things to finish. I...need to go home, I can't stay with Cassidy. She doesn't understand, nobody understands" I muttered, it was more like I was reassuring myself.

"You'd be surprised who understands" Uriel told me, I didn't want to question him. I didn't want to know, I just wanted to leave. To go home. "Let me come, I can help you do whatever it is you need to do," it was almost like he was promising me.

"No, no; no; no" I muttered, I turned around and stared at his t-shirt. His adorable pyjamas; his beautiful eyes; and his stupid good looks. This isn't fair, it's not. "I have things to finish; he would have wanted me to finish what he started. And I can't have you around while I do that" I explained, well not really. I was trying to explain, his expression changed from pleading to suspicion.

"What sort of things?"

"Just things! I have people to see, things to do." I couldn't look him in the eye any more.

"Revenge is not an answer Ariel" he muttered, damn it! How can he just assume that's what I'm doing? How do they all assume?! I'd never be as smart as any of them, ever. "You're angry and I get that but it won't make things any easier, and it definitely won't bring your dad back."

"Just leave me alone" I barked, he knows nothing. He sighed and put his hands up, he left the room slowly. Shutting the door, I felt like screaming again. It's none of his business, none of their business. I clenched my teeth and scowled at the floor, anger swarming through me. I dug my nails into the side of my arm. It didn't hurt that much unfortunately; Uriel ducked back into the room and pulled my arm away; embracing me in a very tight hug.

"I wish I could change the past for you" he murmured, I wish he could too. There was a quiet knock on the door, Phee. She's brought my clothes I assumed, I pulled away from Uriel gently to reassure him I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I opened the door and she smiled at me slightly, she was pretty; Phee. She's adorable too, in her own petite way. She was wearing sweat pants and a white vest t-shirt but still looked ordinarily beautiful. I don't get how some girls can do that, just be so 'them' but be so perfect. She handed some clothes to me and walked away without saying anything, it made me wonder if people were listening in. I can't take how closed in this place is! I closed the door and stepped back, my clothes were black jeans with underwear and a green shirt with short sleeves. I appreciated it, very much so. I need to remember to bring them back some day, they aren't mine. "So you'll come back?" he asked, "After you finish your 'stuff'" he added, showing how against it he was. Would he let me? If I told him it would fix me... "Will it?" I looked down at the clothes, I wasn't sure.

"I have to get changed" I muttered, he sighed and kissed the side of my head before leaving the room. I changed quickly and pulled at my hair, being ginger always was the most irritating aspect of my childhood. The amount of times I'd be called soulless is actually unreal and if I went through with my revenge; they'd be right. But surely dad would want this; he wouldn't want to die in vain. I needed to know!

I opened the bedroom door and Uriel looked up at me, I kept my eyes on his chin before walking downstairs. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes, not after everything I was ruining. I got to the bottom and Crystal smiled at me, I didn't smile back. "Time to go?" she asked, I nodded not rethinking it.

"I'll drive" Uriel muttered, he walked past me and grabbed some keys off the side. I hesitated before following after him, I guess nobody wanted to say goodbye to me. I followed Uriel out to the same car he brought me in yesterday, it must be his. I got into the back of the car, feeling bad like I used to as a child. Dad used to reward me by sitting next to him in the front of the car, he used to say when we were on good terms we were equals. When we were on bad, he was boss. I didn't really feel like Uriel's equal at the moment. He didn't question me, in fact; we stayed silent again. When we got to the airport half an hour later, I was tired. I was also angry with myself for making these decisions. I got out silently and walked at Uriel's side inside, the place was busy which I wasn't surprised by. "Cassidy took your case back when he left two days ago" he told me, I knew she didn't wait. Not surprised.

"OK" I muttered, I turned to him not sure what I was supposed to say. Do I apologise and leave? Or do I just go?

"I can't make you change your mind?" he asked, his voice sounding defeated. I shook my head slowly, to be fair he probably could but I wouldn't know how. I didn't want to go but I did at the same time, I wouldn't mind if he forced the option of him coming with me but at the same time I'd feel very stubborn. I just can't win with myself these days, I just can't. He kissed my forehead gently, lingering. I felt special for a moment before I realised I was being stupid; this is why I can't stay. I need to say focussed, focussed on what I want; on what I need.

"Bye" I muttered quietly, I pulled away and walked towards my gate. Travel papers in my bag, I knew which way I was going. Which one was taking me home was easy; it was the same flight that brought me here. I was about to cross through passport control when I was pulled out, I felt the urgency of energy all around me. And then I saw what had snagged me, the energy from the church. It's here; I snapped back out and darted back through the airport. I could sight of a man holding a gun, aimed at the back of Uriel who was walking away rather sadly. "URIEL" I shrieked, just as he turned something weird happened, it was as if my body absorbed energy from the building and it sent me flying through the airport; my feet amazingly keeping up. I shot into Uriel's chest and knocked him to the ground, I felt the bullet that was meant for him skim over my head. Oh my God, that was so close. I grabbed Uriel's hand and pulled him up withal the strength I could manage. I ran out the entrance of the airport, pulling him along behind me. He finally got to grips with what was going on and he jumped in the driver's seat of the car, I got in the passenger seat as someone continued shooting at the car. I wouldn't risk taking their energy source away, last time I killed a man. We managed to speed away without getting hurt. "Are you all right?" I asked, breathlessly.

"Yeah" he replied, rather amazed. He glanced at me; once we were sure we weren't being chased by anyone. We drove back to his house; I jumped out and walked to the edge of the drive. Uriel followed me,

"Go in, tell them what happened. I won't be a second" I told him, he nodded and disappeared. I zoned out as far as I could, my mind travelling back to the airport as much as I could. No familiar bad energy was anywhere near us, I turned getting different angles. Nothing. I think he's safe, I closed my eyes and opened them looking at the house. Saul, Uriel and Kayla were waiting on the porch. I felt rather weird being back here, I walked towards them and Saul pulled me into a hug. I suppose being nearly killed twice in one week would shock some people but I could only really think of how Uriel felt. First Crystal, now him; the Benedict family aren't doing too well.