3 years ago.. In backstage of a theater..
Zen was alone with his director in a small dressing room behind the stage. His long silver hair fall through his broad shoulder into his right cheek, down to his right tibia, as he bent down tidying his right shoe lace. A worn out face could be seen even with the dimly light in the room, though it didn't reduce his full pheromone.
"I'll get going now," Zen said to his director who was currently working on his computer. He lifted his backpack, staggering at the exit door.
"You're leaving already?" director asked, surprised, turning his face into the most handsome man in the globe
"Yeah, I have to work a night shift," Zen said, emotionless
"You should take a break today. You were up on stage for three hours," director uttered in concern
"I have to pay the rent. Got no choice. I'll get going,"
Zen opened the exit door. To his surprise, there was someone waiting behind the door.
"Oh my~! Finally! So you really exit through here!"
A girl with long blond hair stood outside the door, carrying a bouquet of red roses. She was a bit small next to Zen, her height didn't even reach his shoulder. She was smiling ear to ear, her eyes was caught up between amusement and a thrill of pleasure.
"…You cannot enter,"
Zen told the girl. He was too tired to even say another word.
"I'm sorry. Can we talk for a moment?" the girl pleaded, "You can call me Rika. You're Zen, right?"
Rika's smile was as bright as the sun. Zen didn't understand why she would be there.
"Yes…but what's with the flowers?" Zen asked dumbfounded
"It's for you!" Rika said with a high notes. She seemed so happy of seeing Zen.
"For me?"
"Yes!" Rika said, smiling brighter every minute
"Why?"
"You were so good out there today! I almost cried. I wanted to give you an outstanding ovation, but you went behind the curtains too soon," Rika wailed
Zen recoiled, "….I was good?" He couldn't believe what he heard. There was actually someone who appreciated his acting?
"Yes! Zen in the role of Oliver, I read it in the pamphlet. You're still very young but your performance was extraordinary!"
Zen was standing still. He never expected any appreciation in his acting. He just did what he loved to do. Even when he had to ran away from his own family to pursue his dream.
"Here! Take the flowers," Rika said, giving him the bouquet
"Oh…" He couldn't say anything. He was too mesmerized with things happened then.
"You made my day Zen. Thank you so much! You were so great!"
Zen kept his face tight. He didn't want her to know what dwell inside his head. He was afraid that the girl, who called herself Rika, only like him because of his looks, just like everybody else. He hated it. He didn't want to get acknowledge merely based on his looks.
"Can I get a photo with you?" Rika asked
Photo? Could he really do that? He was not someone who would be asked for a photo together. Ah, right. Zen was so handsome. No wonder why. He was used to this kind of thing. Everyone wanted to touch him or pinch him, ever since he was a boy. Even his teacher got blushed when he gazed at his teacher. His teacher often gave him a chocolate which was actually banned by his mother. He was scared of women back then.
But, the girl in front of him looked different. She said that Zen's performance was extraordinary. Did she really mean that?
"Uhm, are you serious?" Zen asked
"Excuse me?" Rika asked, confused
"I was good on stage?"
He wanted to make sure that Rika didn't like him merely because of his looks. Zen wanted to hear that Rika loved his acting. But what if it was not the reason? And what if the director only hired him because he was so handsome? Did he really have no talent?
"Yes! You were great! When you got all teary while singing at the last scene… was that in the script? I thought you just got too emotional and acted on the spot!"
"Oh that wasn't on the script.."
Did she really love his performance?
"I knew it! You were born to be an actor, V is never wrong!" Rika said, "You need to be in a bigger theater than this…! Oh, I can ask Jumin!"
Jumin? V? Who were they? What did she mean by bigger theater? "Sorry?"
"Haha, we'll talk about this later. Can I get a photo? Oh, my fiancé had to leave for a sec to take care of the parking. But he'll be back," Rika said. Smile never faded from her face. It was really a beautiful smile.
"Let's take a photo when he comes! Is that okay?" Rika asked again
"Oh… I'm a bit shy," he uttered
"Come on! To be honest, this isn't my first time seeing you up on stage. I've been secretly following you for the past two years and seeing all your shows,"
"Really? Two years ago is when I barely started.."
"Yes. I hope you grow fast. With your looks and acting, you'll become a major musical star in a second!" Rika said, her eyes was glistening in tears of joy
"No way.. I doubt I'll become that big."
He wanted the fame so much. He was desperate of it. But how could he.. He was barely alive now. He had to take 3 part time jobs to pay the rent and his food every day. He was afraid to expect things beyond his capability. He was afraid of falling. He was afraid, things that were said by his family came true.. That he would never succeed in acting.
"Why not? Hmm~ You're more pessimistic than I thought. But the gloominess does give a person more depth. Perhaps that is why you are so convincing," she muttered, "I think you'll become a great actor. Two years ago, you were in a really small theater company. The fact that you're in a fairly larger production now proves that you're growing,"
Rika's stern faith in him made Zen believe that he could be bigger than this. He started to believe that he could overcome his fear by being optimistic.
"Thank you, for all of that.."
"Then, let's take a photo, ok?"
"…Alright,"
"Great! Let's just wait a bit more until my fiancé comes. I'm so glad I gathered up the courage to wait!" Rika shrieked
"Rika.." a man approached them slowly from behind
Zen was a bit startled when he saw the man. He never saw anyone almost as good looking as him. V, that was his name if Zen wasn't mistaken. He was almost as tall as Zen, perhaps 4 cm shorter. With V's turquoise eyes and hair and slender yet firm body, he looked like a model of catwalk.
"Hi, I'm V, Rika's fiancé," V held out his hand to shake
"Yes, I've heard of you. I'm Zen," he shook hand with V
"Is it your real name?" V asked
Zen clenched his jaw. He never wanted anyone else knew his real name. It was hurtful of him. It reminded him of his family that he hated.
"No,"
"Then, what is your real name?" V asked again
Zen didn't say a word. He never wanted to tell anyone his name. It seemed like Rika knew what dwells inside Zen's mind. She stopped V right away.
"Ah.. No need to ask for further V," she held out her hand to pat V's upper hand, "I'm sorry Zen. V is sometimes so curious. He asked my real name too when we met for the first time. But I didn't tell him for a loooong time," Rika said, giggling
V laughed, "Yes, I'm sorry of my rudeness.. But I'm sure we'll become closer as the time goes by.."
Could they really become closer?
"Ok then, let's take a picture. Ah, let me arrange my tripod first,"
V arranged his tripod for a moment.
"Yes, it's finished," said V, "On the count of three, I will press this button. Please keep your eyes to the camera, ok?"
"Okay Mr. Photographer.." Rika said
"Okay, One…Two…Tree.."
Click… Zen was standing between Rika and V. He didn't put a smile in his face. He thought he would never meet them again in the future, so there was no need to put emotion in the picture. But he was wrong. They become his family eventually. Even more than his own family.
…
12.00 pm
Lee Eun Ha was standing on the balcony. With a cup of hot coffee and VIXX's song heard from her iPod, she was recalling the incident that occurred a few hours ago. She was led to this office tel by the person named Unknown. In no time, she joined a group called RFA, Rika's Fundraising Association. She remembered how shocked RFA's member when she joined at sudden.
She just met one of the members, Kang Jaehee, this morning. She gave her a brief explanation about the organization and a job that Eun Ha need to do. Driver Kim took Eun Ha to a nearby station because the location of this office tel was a secret. Even though Eun Ha was still unsure in how she would do her job, she gave it a shot first. She believed that she could do it. Answering emails from guests? That didn't sound so difficult to her. Moreover, every member was willing to help her about the list of guests. So she wouldn't have to worry.
Despite all the unfortunate events with being deceived at first and being suspected by some members of RFA, there was the one who never even suspicious of her from the first time. Zen.. He was so different from the others. He didn't need to hear about the background check that Seven did to her. He knew that Eun Ha was innocent.
Zen.. Could they become closer as the time passed? She really hoped that it came true..
Suddenly her phone vibrates. It was a call from an unknown number. She didn't have to wonder who it might be anymore. It might be one of the members. She smiled a bit before she pressed the button.
"Hello," Eun Ha answered
"Babe, you picked right away. What were you doing? Thinking of me?" a man's voice rang in her ear.
Oh my.. Was it Zen? She had a hunch that it was Zen..
"Zen?" Eun Ha asked sotto voce
"Of course! You knew me right away! You must have me in your mind all the time.." Zen replied, laughing
Even his laughter was so dazzling.
Eun Ha felt her face burned. How could he know what she thought? She tried to answer him right away, but her words seemed stuck in her throat. She couldn't find the right answer to cope with Zen.
"So.. How's living over there feels like, princess?" he asked in his mellifluous tone
A small yelp came out from the girl's mouth. She shut her eyes and silently stomped her feet to calm her nerve, "It's.. fine," she answered, after she re-arranged her fast-pace heart back to normal, but still unable to stop grinning, "I have finished cleansing the whole corner of this office tel as a matter of fact,"
"Good!" he replied, "Ah~ I wish I knew where you are now~ I could have helped you clean up or something,"
Her heart was beating uncontrollably again now, "I wish I could.. But V and Seven told me not to.." she answered
He hissed, "They are indeed the most secretive person in this whole planet. I think alien is the best way to describe Seven. He's always so hyper. But he's really good at what he does. I don't know exactly what he does, but I heard he's the best hacker in the world,"
"Hacker?" she asked
"Yes," he answered, "All I know is he worked for a secret intelligent agency. But that kid made a lot of cash from his work, he loved buying sport cars,"
"Sport cars?" she asked flabbergasted
"Yeah, there are several in his house,"
The conversation she had with Seven the other night resurfaced. She never thought Seven was that sort of guy. Somehow her imagination went wild again to her favourite scene from Die Hard 4th movie, Live Free or Die Hard, basically a movie about chaos in United States because of a certain cyber terrorists who hack into government and commercial computers to start a fire sell – an attack designed to target the nation's infrastructure that is reliant on computerized system, such as stock prices and transportation. "Seven didn't really work with that kind of circumstances, did he?" she thought
"Hey, you know.. To be honest, after you joined our organization, I thought a lot about our previous parties. You wouldn't know since you weren't there, but we never thought that we wouldn't be able to hold more parties then. We thought.. We'd always follow Rika's lead and prepare party then having a party over and over again.. We all laughed together, and it made us all feel so comfortable," Zen said
The party must have represent Rika's good will to the world. Rika's determination to do good for everyone was indeed admirable. Everyone must have a great expectation from Eun Ha to do better than Rika. The burden of doing her work started to pervade her mind again. Could she be as good as Rika, or was she only a burden for everyone? She wouldn't know for sure. But she was determined that she would do the best for everyone's sake.
"I see.. I'll work hard to make sure things are even better this time!" Eun Ha said
"Wow~ You're strong! Alright, I'll support you as best as I can like a knight in a shining armor. Feel free to tell me if you need anything. I'm a knight who exist for the princess.." Zen exclaimed in delight
Zen's sweet words made her feel numb on her body. She didn't expect she could have a conversation with him.
"I can't wait to see what RFA does to you as a member. There are so many things I want to do already. Let's make some memories together, okay?"
"Yes, thank you so much for your support Zen. I hope that I could meet your expectation," Eun Ha replied
"Hmm~ I know that you would do great, babe,"
Babe? She could hardly breathe when Zen called her 'babe'. Did they become closer already? No, he wouldn't mean that. He must have called every girl like that. She shouldn't have her hopes high.
"Even though we haven't met, your voice tells me that you are a warm hearted person. I've been a musical actor for 5 years now, and I've played and learned various characters, so I know that someone who has a pure voice like that, could mean no harm," Zen explained
Eun Ha couldn't control her body. Her hands were shaking so hard that she had to put down her cup of coffee. She couldn't take his words any longer.
She closed her eyes. She remembered something from her past. Something very dearly that occurred in her life. She would never forget it, but maybe Zen forgot it, or he might never even remembered it..
…
4 years ago..
"Eun Ha, let's go to café!" a girl who sat beside her suddenly aroused and grabbed Eun Ha by the arm, asking her to join visiting sort of place, "I heard there's a new opening of café today. We'd like to try it. Wanna come?" Yeon Hee asked
The ring of bell as a sign of class was over was still heard at the background. The girls – probably four or five – flocked around her, blocking the light that came up from the sun beyond the window. All smiles at her, asking her to come with them.
"No, I'm passed. I have another promise, sorry," Eun Ha said smiling back at them, packing up her stuff
"With whom?" Yeon Hee asked curiously
"Hmm.. With a friend of mine.. Sorry, but I really need to go now. Sorry.. Ask me another time, okay?" Eun Ha said, rushed out from the classroom
Eun Ha had got to get out from that situation. She couldn't tell her friends that she couldn't afford to go to café. Money was something she didn't have the luxury with. It was barely enough for her daily needs. Her father was only working as a high school teacher in Masan – he taught art and music, influencing their only daughter to fond of classic songs and opera – and her mother was a stay-at-home wife. She didn't have a heart to ask them more money than they could give.
She got used to only eat one meal a day. She told herself that it was enough for a living. She could get water as much as possible if she ever got hungry. That was what she told herself repeatedly.
It was noon at that time. It was the time for her to get her one meal a day. She went into the convenience store nearby, and planned to have a cup of ramyeon. She took the ramyeon, poured the hot water in it, and walked to the cashier. She took out her wallet only to find no paper inside it. Nothing. Not a single penny. That ramyeon was only 1,200 won, but she had no money to pay. Where could the money go? She remembered she put some of her money that morning.
"Miss, do you have any problem?" the man in the cashier asked her
Eun Ha couldn't look at him. She couldn't tell him she didn't have the money because she had already poured the hot water on the ramyeon.
"Did you lose your money?" the man asked again
She kept her sight at her ramyeon. She was embarrassed to look up.
Suddenly, an angelic face popped out in front of her face. She was a bit startled at the sudden gesture. It was the first time she looked at the most beautiful person in the world. He was a man, but he was dazzlingly beautiful.
Even more beautiful than her.
She couldn't take her eyes from him. He was so slender yet firm of musles at the same time. He was so tall, probably around 180 cm, quite contrast with her only 155 cm height. And he had his long thicked silver hair styled in perfect ponytails and bangs to cover his forehead. She studied his gentle demeanor for a few moments in silence. It was like seeing a Greek statue coming to life or something. She wondered whether she had to call a museum to ask if one of the most beautiful statues had gone missing.
"Miss?"
Apparently it was the cashier guy. He leaned forward so he could see Eun Ha's face.
"Ah, I'm sorry.." Eun Ha said, woke up from her daydreaming
"Any problems miss? I'm sure you want to eat your ramyeon as soon as possible. You don't want it to get more swelled up than this," the man said smiling
God, it was the most beautiful smile that she had ever seen, Eun Ha thought.
"Ah, yes.. I'm sorry… I.." Eun Ha decided to tell him the truth, "I'm sure I had put my money in my wallet this morning. I didn't know why it would disappear. I'm sorry.. What should I do.. I have poured the water already.."
Eun Ha felt really guilty of it. That man pity Eun Ha as well.
"If you had just notice you didn't bring any money now, how did you have your breakfast?" the man asked out of curiosity
"Ah, I didn't have a breakfast.." Eun Ha answered in a very low voice
The man seemed to have another question in his tongue. But he decided not to ask anyway. Instead, he offered her his help.
"Well, you need to eat it right away then. It's my treat for today.." the man said smiling
"What? But.. I couldn't.." her words got cut
"No.. no.. No but.. You've got to eat right now.. It's on the house for today.. But, you've got to take this bread as well. Here, take this," the man said, handing her a loaf of bread
"But why?" she asked, gazing directly at his beautiful pair of red eyes. Did he wear contact lenses?
"I know what it felt like not having money to buy food. So I must insist you take my treat today, okay?" he convinced her
"Okay, thank you.. But, may I know your name?"
"I'm Zen.. Nice to meet you,"
Zen.. That name would linger in Eun Ha's heart from that moment on until she lost her breaths. She looked up at her savior and gave him a gratitude look through her eyes, which he returned it with the sweetest smile that he could ever give.
…
"Hello.. Hello.. Eun Ha.. Are you there?" Zen asked
"Ah, yes. I'm here.. Sorry, I dozed off for a while there.. The wind from the balcony is so nice," Eun Ha said, flying back to her present day
Zen laughed toward Eun Ha's explanation.
"What? So~ you were sleeping? Waaaaah, my voice could sway a little girl like you to go to sleep huh? Hahahaa.."
Eun Ha let out a smile on her face.
"Yes, you have a very sweet voice, Zen.." Eun Ha giggled
Zen pretended to get a heart attack because of Eun Ha's words. That made Eun Ha giggled even more.
"Yaah, don't say those sweet words, do you want me to die of heart attack?" Zen teased
"No, of course I don't want you die," Eun Ha said, she loved teasing Zen
"Ahaha you're so cute," Zen said
Eun Ha's face was at the same color with a tomato at that time. Gladly she was alone, otherwise anyone else might mistake her getting a cold or something.
"Zen, can I ask you something?"
"Anything babe,"
"How is your musical?" Eun Ha asked
"Good, it's surprisingly good now. Thanks to Rika's party 2 years ago, I still got my sponsors intact. Apparently Christopher Nolan wants to cast me for a role today. I'm still waiting for that role, actually," he answered
"Nolan? You mean.. that famous Batman Trilogy Hollywood director want to cast you? Are you serious?" Eun Ha shrieked at the mention of her favourite director
"Yes.. That famous director," he giggled
"Wow! I'm so happy for you, Zen!" she shrieked and jolted in happiness, "So, you will go to Hollywood now?"
"Perhaps.." he chukled, "Well, let's hope it will come true.. It was all thanks to Rika's party to be honest. It was packed with sponsors. There were a lot of people from the art industry," Zen explained
"The party was that big?" Eun Ha asked, she felt a bit pressure
"Yes, it was. To be honest, it was all thanks to Rika. She was so good at dealing with people and talking. I thought she was using some sort of magic or something. I didn't really see that when we first met. Well, it's probably because of Rika's amazing convincing skill and V's fame that the parties were so influential. Since everyone wanted to buy V's work,"
"Fame? Work?" Eun Ha asked
"Yeah. V's a photographer and he's really famous within the industry. He refuses interviews and stays hidden, so he's not popular. But V's photos draw people in. And he doesn't usually sell his photographs but at the parties he made an exception, so more people came. But…" he stopped talking, "I don't think I should go into detail about V. He doesn't like other people talking about him. He is quite… secretive, just like Seven. But he's a really good person. I respect him a lot," Zen said
"Hmm I see.. I'm glad you told me something about V and Rika, Zen. It's too bad Rika died too soon. No wonder V became so apathetic this late 1,5 years. I would be devastated too if someone so dearly for me die," Eun Ha said sympathetic
"Yeah, me too," Zen frowned, "Anyway, I really am looking forward to your contribution in RFA. But don't feel too pressured, okay? If you have any problem or anything, feel free to call me anytime,"
"Yeah, thank you Zen. It really means a lot to me. I thank you too for not being suspicious from the first time I joined RFA," Eun Ha said
"No need to say that. I know that you are innocent," Zen replied, giggling, "Ah, Eun Ha. I'm so sorry. There are a few people who wanted to see me, I have to hang up this call.."
"Okay.. Let's speak in another time. It was nice hearing your voice, Zen," Eun Ha said
"No problem senorita~ Then, I'm going now. Bye bye," Zen said
"Bye,"
Eun Ha didn't click the end call button. She hoped she could hear his voice over and over again. She should have recorded it. She liked him so much.
…
12.30 Zen's rehearsal room
Zen ended his phone call with Eun Ha and put a slight smile in his face. It was rather a nice conversation he had with her, though he had no idea how she looked like. He couldn't wait until they could finally meet at the party, or perhaps, they could arrange a date or something before the party even started.
"Oppa~ what are you doing?" Fans no 1 asked him
Zen was awakened at the call. He turned to see a girl in her high school uniform stared flirtly at him, "Hmm, I've just called a friend of mine," Zen replied, smiling
"Oppa~ Can we take a picture together? I'm your number one fans you know~" Fans no 2 said, flirting
"Of course we could take a picture. My life is for you, love," Zen said, winking while going toward the girls
A bunch of fan girls cried out loud because of Zen's flirt. They got so thrilled that Zen called them love, moreover when Zen put his hand in their shoulders when they took a picture together.
"Zen, let's continue our practice," the Director said
"Yes sir," Zen said
Zen waved to his fans as he walked toward the stage once more. The girls bowed to him and walked out of the room.
He was on his dancing lesson of the upcoming musical drama. He and a few other actors and actresses were learning a new choreography of a classical masquerade scene. Zen loved the stage, the theater, and the music. He would trade anything to be up on stage including his own family, even his love story.
Deep down he longed for someone he could cherished more than anything, but a part of him didn't want to take a risk of losing his career as an actor. He was not famous enough. He needed to be more famous in order to maintain his career.
He couldn't love, he wouldn't love, he mustn't love.. That was the path he chose. His life was for his fans and musical after all.
…
12.30 pm, Rika's office tel
Eun Ha still lingered with her phone. She was staring into her pitch black screen as if she wished Zen to call her again. But she knew he wouldn't likely to call again. She was so stupid of wishing something impossible.
She walked into the office tel and put her phone on the table. It had not passed one second, yet there was another call for Eun Ha. She rushed into her phone, grinning on her face as she thought her wish came true, but it didn't. It was a call from her professor. The sign of another class she had to take as an assistant lecturer.
"Hello, professor. I am Lee Eun Ha,"
"Yes, Eun Ha-shi. Could you replace me tomorrow afternoon? I have another assignment that I can't let go," Professor said bluntly
"Yes sir, I'm free tomorrow afternoon,"
"Good. I'll email you about the materials and list of the students now. And give them a quiz after class. I'm counting on you, Eun Ha-shi,"
"Yes sir, thank you sir,"
Eun Ha clicked her phone off and turn on her laptop to check on email. She got the materials and a sheet of quiz. She checked the list of students and her eyes widened as she read one of student's name she knew. She smiled widely. She couldn't wait until tomorrow come. She had never felt so happy of teaching until this moment.
…
11.00 pm, at Yoosung's apartment
The arrival of the new member made Yoosung so excited to things that bound to happen in the next days. The idea of hosting another party and doing another fundraising made him excited yet sad. It was complicated. Lee Eun Ha was said to be the replacement of Rika. It was undeniable that Yoosung wanted to feel Rika through Lee Eun Ha. He knew that Eun Ha and Rika was completely different person, but for the time being, Yoosung couldn't erase Rika's figure from Eun Ha.
Jealousy filled Yoosung's heart. She was in Rika's office tel, surrounded by traces of Rika, instead of him, who had the same blood with her. He wanted to go to the office tel too, but it was said to be secret. He didn't understand why it had to be a secret. Seven knew all along, but he didn't tell anyone about it.
"What kind of organization is this to have a secret? RFA is a charity organization right? Or maybe it wasn't only a charity?" Yoosung thought
He was afraid of guessing. He blamed V for not telling anyone about anything. Even about Rika's death.
V told everyone that Rika was no longer in this world. He said that she decided to end her life. But how could she? She always smiles in front of Yoosung. She was the one who always give courage to Yoosung. She was the one who made Yoosung realized that happiness could come to us whenever we smile. That was why he always smiles.
Yoosung ended up looking at photo albums, photos from elementary school, middle school, and high school. He was Rika's cousin, but they never met until he was in 6th grade of elementary school, at a family dinner. He went to her because he had to satisfy his volunteering requirements in middle schools. Rika was so beautiful when she did the volunteer work. She was like a magician to him. Yoosung loved her deeply since then.
Unlike usual, he didn't log in to his LOLOL's game that night. LOLOL, acronym for League of Loneliness of Life, was a popular online game these days. He used to play it day and night. There was no single day without playing LOLOL. Apparently he ranked number 2 in Shooting Star server. And he always bragged to the other members about it.
But he didn't like to play it at that night. His mind was clouded by Rika and Eun Ha. He chose to lie on his bed. He closed his eyes, but he couldn't sleep. He checked his phone again. He logged in to the RFA app only to find no one online. Well, everyone probably didn't feel as excited as him about today.
Everyone moved on from Rika's death in no time as well. V didn't cry at her funeral, Jumin cried for a while but he returned to his normal self a day after that, Zen and Seven didn't cry at all, and Jaehee was pretty much the same. Yoosung was the only one who didn't accept Rika's death. He didn't believe that Rika could end her own life. She wasn't crazy to begin with. V.. he was such a bullshit..