A/N: Wow! Thank you all so much for the kind reviews! I'm so incredibly grateful that so many of you have taken the time to read this story! I was actually planning on taking the night off but all the new follows, favorites and reviews made me want to write more! So this chapter is a little shorter than the others and is kind of a filler chapter. There is plot coming but I needed to maneuver the characters a little before we can get there. I promise it won't be much longer until we see Bethyl again, maybe a few more chapters. Sorry to disappoint, DarylDixon'sLover! We'll see what happens, as I'm kind of making this up as I go…Hope you all enjoy!
Daryl woke up with a start, his head throbbing and his body stiff from sleeping on the floor. Carol had come downstairs in the early morning hours before dawn to relieve Abe from his watch and Daryl had moved from the pink couch to crash on floor, letting her perch on the sofa for her watch. She had fought him, wanting him to get a comfortable rest for a change but he had shrugged her off, so tired he didn't really care where he slept as long as he got a few hours to himself to just shut down. After expending the last of his energy kneeling outside on the lawn, bawling like a tiny child, he didn't have enough strength or willpower left to go back in the house. He had just sat there, numb and barely upright, too tired to even fall asleep. Rick had found him after awhile, moving slowly towards him across the grass. His worn boots had appeared before Daryl's downcast eyes followed by a pair of blue eyes that met his as Rick leaned down. He felt Rick's hand on his shoulder as he tentatively whispered, "Daryl? Brother? You need to come inside now." Daryl hadn't responded and Rick moved to his side, gently lifting Daryl's arm to drape it over his shoulders before rising slowly, forcing Daryl to get to his feet. Rick let him lean his weight on him, helping him to slowly make his way back to the house. "You need to rest," Rick murmured as he gently pushed Daryl back down on the pink couch he had vacated a little while ago to follow a ghost.
"I saw her," Daryl mumbled, feeling his eyes start to sting but he was so dehydrated and exhausted that no tears fell this time.
Rick moved to sit next to him, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. He looked over at Daryl, studying him for a moment before asking, "Saw who? Beth?" Daryl nodded slowly, feeling like an idiot but he knew it was probably best that Rick be aware that he'd finally snapped, that he was finally, once and for all, broken. Rick nodded, looking forward again, his gaze focused on something far away. After a moment of silence he replied, "Yeah, well… I saw Lori for a long time after… spoke to her, kissed her. I knew she wasn't really there…at least I think I did… but I didn't care." He looked over at Daryl and spoke quietly but in earnest, "You're exhausted, you're grieving. Shit, given the world we live in I don't think it's the strangest thing to happen to someone who's experienced a loss like this." He watched Daryl for a moment, waiting for him to respond before looking away again, "You need to get some sleep. Let you mind recuperate, have some down time. I'll have someone else take your watch tonight." Daryl tried to argue, managing to only let out a grunt of protest, but Rick just stood and waved him off, "Sleep." He disappeared upstairs and after a while Abe came down, finding a comfortable spot of wall to lean against, gazing out the window. He nodded to Daryl but kept quiet and Daryl felt sleep finally claim him, draping him in a black haze.
He dreamed, of course, as he had every time he had closed his eyes long enough to sleep. He saw Beth smiling up at him from her seat on the porch of that shitty cabin they had found, then she was sitting at the piano, singing sweetly while he listened, not believing that she could even exist in this ugly world. Of course, the good memories quickly devolved into horrific scenarios where he was condemned to watch her die over and over again. Dawn shooting her, walkers ripping her from his arms, and time and time again he failed to save her. He woke with a start after watching a walker tear open her throat, glancing around the room and finding it empty. The sun was up and shining through the wooden boards that covered the windows. He rubbed his face roughly, trying to slow down his racing heart beat, and mentally greeting the fresh onslaught of grief that was waiting for him. Grunting a little as he stretched slowly and rose, slinging his bow over his shoulder, he went to find Rick.
He quickly found Rick upstairs, pacing the hallway with Judith in his arms, humming tunelessly. He nodded to Daryl as he approached, "It's still early, you still have time to sleep more if you need it."
Daryl shrugged and replied, "Nah, I'm good." He watched Rick rock Judith for a moment and made a decision. "I'm gonna go on a run."
Rick glanced at him sharply, "Don't you think it's a little soon? We just found this place. We don't know how long we'll be able to stay. We're safe for now but what if we have to leave while you're gone?"
"I'll find ya," Daryl replied, "Just leave me a trail to follow and I'll catch up." He looked away, chewing on his lip before glancing at Rick again. "I just gotta go. I…there's something I gotta do."
Rick studied him for a moment, before looking down at Judith, nodding. "You're going back."
Daryl looked at him sharply, meeting Rick's eyes for a moment before looking away. He nodded, "Yeah."
"What for?" Rick asked, not sounding judgmental, but something in his voice told Daryl he better have a darn good reason for leaving them now.
Daryl shrugged, not really caring what Rick said because nothing would change his mind, "I don't know. I just…I gotta go." He met Rick's eyes, letting him see that there was nothing he could say to keep him from going. Now that he'd made the decision to go he really just wanted to leave, hating to waste more time.
Finally Rick sighed, shifting Judith to rest against his shoulder. He reached in his pocket, retrieving car keys and held them out, "Here, take the SUV."
Daryl held up his hands, "Nah, keep it in case y'all need to run again. I'll find something on the road."
Rick dropped his hand, looking concerned but he nodded, "Alright. When you leavin'?"
"Soon as I get my stuff together. Don't want to lose the light," Daryl replied, fingering the strap of his crossbow absently in his growing impatience.
"I don't like this," Rick whispered, leaning forward to look Daryl in the eye.
"I know but I'm still gonna go. I gotta," He replied, meeting Rick's eyes. After a moment, he turned and started down the stairs.
"You be careful," Rick called after him, "We'll try to stay put until you get back but if we gotta run…"
"You gotta run," Daryl finished for him, turning slightly. He looked back at his brother and nodded, "I'll be back in a few days."
He went into the living room to grab his few belongings, checking his gun and making sure his knife was ready at his hip. He turned to leave and saw Carol leaning in the doorway, blocking his exit, worry etched on her face. She folded her arms and asked, "You leaving?"
He didn't want to do this, he hated goodbyes. He didn't have to energy to have this conversation with her, to try to make this okay for her. He looked down for a moment before glancing up at her, "Yeah, gonna go on a run. Rick knows."
She took a step towards him, "Are you sure that's a good idea, going out there alone?"
He shrugged, "Been alone before. I can take care of myself."
She smiled a little, "I know. It's just…" She paused, taking another step forward, "Were you even going to say goodbye?"
He looked out the window, avoiding her eyes and shrugged again, "Nah, hate goodbyes." He glanced at her and saw hurt on her face and all he wanted to do was run. He couldn't deal with this now, it was too much on top of the grief that still made it hard to breathe and haunted his every thought, waking or asleep.
She studied him for a moment before nodding, resigned, and bit her lip, blinking back tears, "Well…be safe out there, I guess."
He nodded, looking at her quickly before moving past her and out the door. He walked across the lawn quickly, not looking back. He could feel her gaze on his back and he didn't want to see her disappointment as he left. He focused his steps, following the driveway to the road then walking along it feeling a knot in his chest ease slightly as he started on his way back, back to the place where he had abandoned Beth. He knew it didn't make sense and he couldn't explain why he was going all the way back, risking everything to return to an empty house and a shallow grave. He just knew he needed to go. Call it getting closure, whatever, but he needed to see it again, see her grave, make sure she was…what, okay? He shook his head at the thought, pausing for a minute as he wondered what the hell he was doing but then he slowly started moving again. He had to go back, didn't matter why, he just knew he had to. After walking for a few hours, and miraculously not running into any walkers, he stumbled across an old biker bar, the rough wood siding crumbling and a dangling sign above the door announcing Bill's Biker Bar. He rolled his eyes at the corny name then smiled as he spied a bike parked outside. He looked around then strode up to it, stroking the handlebars and noting the layers of grime that coated it. He did a quick diagnostic of the bike's condition, noting that before it had been abandoned it had been well loved. He managed to get it running and beamed at the throaty growl that emanated from it. He threw his leg over the seat and sat down, noting that gas gauge was well past half full. He couldn't believe his good fortune. If only it had been with him a few days ago, he thought as his grin faded, his elation replaced with another searing ache in his chest. He shifted the bike into gear and lifted his feet off the ground as he rode away from the bar, a walker emerging clumsily from the surrounding trees to watch him go.
Back at the house they had abandoned, Beth lay on the sofa, breathing softly as she slept. Walkers moved past the house, unaware of the sleeping girl that lay inside the walls. The small herd had mostly passed through, leaving ten at most ambling aimlessly in the yard. A sudden gunshot rang through the air, causing one of the walker's head to explode in a spray of red. Beth sat up sharply at the noise, wincing as her head began to pound. She looked around, trying to figure out where she was and what had woken her up. Another shot sounded and she moved quickly off the couch, lowering herself clumsily to the floor. She edged to one of the windows, trying to peer out, her movements painfully slow and requiring more effort that she cared to admit to herself. She needed more rest, needed time to recover, but as a third shot rang out she doubted she was going to get it.