Disclaimer: Sadly, I have to live with the fact that it's not mine.

A/N: This one was a little interesting to type. The episode wasn't exactly filled with Jisbon moments. Enjoy. Not completely happy with this one but its as good as it can get plus it adds to the plot for the next few chapters. So keep that in mind while reading. I apologize ahead of time for Lisbon's behavior but lets face it; everybody has moments of self created drama. A bit OOC but not horribly so.

Lisbon couldn't believe she had actually let herself think that maybe Jane was starting to care about her. She was so stupid sometimes. He had practically flaunted the fact that he was soft on the victims widow Jennifer, and to be honest it had stung. It hurt a little more than she wanted to admit. She had hid it from him but it didn't make her feel any better. She wanted to punch him or shoot him. Maybe even jump him when he was pretending to sleep on his stupid couch. How was it so easy for him to act so nonchalantly about what they had done, what they had been doing? She had known going into this kind of thing with him, that it was a horrible idea but she couldn't bring herself to say no. It might have been because of sorry she felt for him or it might have been because she needed somebody every now and then too. Either way she hated that she was so emotionally invested when he clearly wasn't. He was always so sweet and gentle with her and she hated that too. Okay, she loved it, but if he wasn't so sweet about it then hating him would be a lot easier. She had thought that they had a breakthrough last time, when he said that he was trying, he had apologized for not being what she wanted and she was sure that it wouldn't be so hard after that. This proved that she had been wrong. Lisbon knew that none of this was actually the reason she was so angry with him or herself.

She wasn't sure why she was mad but she figured it might have to do with the fact that Jane was avoiding her. After the case he'd brushed her off and left rather quickly, excusing himself with a 'I have somewhere to be'. Was that his way of saying they were done having sex? After just twice? She had really thought that it was different last time, that maybe he might care for her too. She hated sounding like some terrible romance movie. Why did Jane bring that out in her?

A knock at the door made her flick off the TV. She knew who was on the other side, and he wasn't coming inside tonight. She didn't want to have sex with him right now and he could just deal with that.

"Lisbon? I know you're in there. I know you aren't asleep, come on open up. I need to talk to you." She scoffed at the term 'talk' but found herself walking towards his voice anyway. What was wrong with her? She had sworn she wasn't letting him in and yet here she was pulling the door open to reveal a very disheveled Patrick Jane. To be honest, he looked horrible. She had never seen him like this before.

"What do you want Jane?" True to her word, she didn't actually let him inside.

"I need to...can I come in?"

"No, not tonight." He nodded his head slowly trying to understand what she meant and then it hit him. He only came by for sex and she thought that's what he wanted this time as well.

"I just want to talk." The look in his eyes was breaking down her wall and she knew she'd end up letting him through the door before this conversation was over. Cautiously, almost as if afraid of what he might do, she let him brush past her. That was probably her first big mistake of the night. The second was sitting next to him on the couch, rather closely, waiting for the 'talk' he seemed so desperate to have.

"You came to talk Jane, so talk and then leave."

"I know you were jealous..."

"If this is what you came to say then you need to go." She was angry, he could tell and it was starting to make him just as angry. He came to talk to her, to tell her that she still would've been his choice but no she had to act cold, distant and rude.

"Would you listen for five damn minutes woman? Just listen." He waited a few seconds to see if she'd protest but apparently his sudden outburst had managed to stun her into silence. "Now I came to say you had no reason to be jealous. She killed her husband, and I knew she had done it."

"You said you were soft on her." It was when she said those words then ducked her head shamefully that he realized Lisbon cared for him a lot more than he'd originally believed. His heart was screaming at him to ease her worrisome mind, to tell her that he cared about her just as much but he couldn't do it. His mouth couldn't form the words and now wasn't the time to say it anyway. He settled for gently caressing the back of her hand.

"Meh, a little but she tortured a man to death."

"You should go." Lisbon needed him out before she ended up saying something that wouldn't do either of them any good. Admitting to falling in love with him would be disastrous, they weren't in a relationship. It would ultimately destroy them. He still felt guilty, she could see that in his eyes.

"In a minute. I want you to know that I wouldn't be doing this with anyone else. I can't." Lisbon wrenched her hand out of his, standing up to turn her back on him. He hated not being able to see her eyes and he knew she hated the way she was feeling.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better Jane? To know that I'm the only one you can fuck? Wow, I'm flattered." Jane was taken aback by her harsh language, he'd never heard her use that word before.

"What do you want Teresa huh? You're the closest thing I have to a best friend, is that not good enough for you?" The anger was back full force, so was his need for her. He wanted to take her against the wall just so she'd stop yelling at him. It wasn't his fault that he just couldn't do a relationship right now. If he even tried he knew it would end with both of them broken and hurt. When, yes when they started a real relationship he needed them to be sure it's what they both want and that even if it doesn't work out they would still be friends. He knew that eventually, unless she found someone else to be happy with, that he'd want her to be his. It was just a matter of time.

"Just leave." Lisbon was torn, she wanted him to go, but she was also the one who said she didn't want their sexual quests to interfere with their friendship. Yet she was the one letting it. Facing him wasn't an option right now, she wanted some time alone and honestly it had nothing to do with being jealous. It had everything to do with trying to avoiding the fact that she was more hurt than anything. Why couldn't he be soft on her? Damn her stupid feelings.

Something warm and strong wrapped around her waist rather forcefully causing a gasp to leave her lips. His warm breath tickled her neck as he whispered roughly in her ear.

"I'll leave, but this isn't over Teresa. Not by a long-shot. We need each other to keep the demons at bay, you know that. I know this has nothing to do with the case today, you're afraid and you have every right to be but you're not just a toy for me."

"Patrick..."

"Shh, we never talked about what we're doing. We need to. I don't want to stop, I like knowing you're here and that you care about me." A sharp intake of breath was his reply as he pressed his lips to her neck. "If it's a relationship you want then I'm sorry but..."

"I don't. I mean not right now, I just want to keep doing what we're doing but you always feel so guilty and I feel like it's my fault." Relaxing in his arms was easier than she would've liked. Her body always reacted to his, she wished that for once it could ignore the electric touch of his fingers.

"It's not, and you should realize that it's not always about your insecurities Lisbon. I'll see you in the morning." He pressed another kiss to her neck before heading out the door and closing it softly behind him. This wasn't how he had pictured that going. He had wanted to say that she was special to him, he had come over for a shoulder to lean on but somehow they'd never reached that part of the conversation. The part about why he looked so disheveled and teary eyed when he had shown up. He hadn't come for the comfort sex, he had honestly just wanted to talk and maybe crash on her couch. This case had reminded him of the daughter he lost. He missed his little girl, the way her eyes would always light up when he brought her a pink rose every Friday. That was why he came, he was going to share things with Lisbon but she was angry. He knew it wasn't that she was mad at him, but more herself for being what she considered stupid and vulnerable. As he stepped out into the night air he knew that they'd just taken a giant step backwards.

Lisbon hated that she had made him leave, and as she crawled into bed she wondered why he had looked so torn up when she'd opened the door. She hated that she had been so caught up in her own self created drama and hadn't even bothered to see if he was okay. She had been too busy worried about herself. It never crossed her mind until she was almost asleep that Julie Sands might have reminded him of his own daughter. She silently cursed herself for not realizing something so important sooner. Something told her that tonight they had taken a huge step back and it was her fault.

a/n: Had to throw in the 'f' word there just because I was watching The Craft and hearing Robin Tunney say it is the best thing ever. Anyways, yeah I had to make them take a step backwards in this chapter....I couldn't avoid it and trust me I tried. Lisbon is a little selfish in this one and that wasn't avoidable either, but it fit with the tone and adds to the development. You will see what I mean in the next couple of chapters. Anyways hope you liked this one and next one will be up before Monday I already typed it out. ;) ~ Rina