Chapter 5.5: Dreams

WARNING: POETIC/SYMBOLISTIC FILLER CHAPTER!

This chapter is a little insight into the subconscious of my OCs and serves the purpose of future character development.

There are two people Jay usually saw in his dreams, and cheesily enough, one of them was Skylar. But there was still someone else, and usually they appeared just as much as Skylar, if not more.

Dreams with Skylar, one would expect them to include laughing and smiling, sun or maybe romantic water related parcipitation of some sort, with a blush or maybe something more- and that's how they would be, if the other person didn't usually appear in the same dreams.

This other person was something close to a nightmare. A build and face just like Jay's only slightly more feminine. She had blonde hair and turquoise eyes like him, only her hair was darker, an ashy blonde- with brown flecks in her eyes instead of gold. She liked to laugh a lot, and smile, but they weren't always nice- or rather, kind.

Sometimes she would stay hidden by the shadows, or he wouldn't see her at all. A creeping presence that he knew was there, watching him, taunting him, but one he couldn't prove. Other times she would make herself known, she would stand in a beam of light that shined only on her, or just in the broad open and mock him, but others wouldn't stop and stare- at least not at her.

They would usually join her, but sometimes she just didn't aknowledge her. Those times were the worst, she would act like he was the scum of the Earth and he didn't exist. Those times were the worst.

Then, as if pouring salt into the wound and grinding it in, Skylar would appear with her in those situations. He would stand with her in the shadows, in the broad open and just stand and stare silently. Rarely he would actually contribrute, but he would stand there next to that girl. And sometimes Jay would be reduced to tears, wordless cries of anguish.

Then he would wake up, and sometimes he would find Skyar next to him, or just watching him. But if he was wise he wasn't there. There would be no trace of that brilliant brunette who was the love of his life anywhere near him, because they had already tried that.

Jay woke up to from his Hellish dream and there were arms wrapped around him, and before those bright blue eyes could calm his mind, he struggled. The arms were sufficating. At first Skylar would try to hold on, to try to calm him, but that only made it worst. Jay would scratch and rip away from him like a confused animal, and it was terrifying for both of them.

Another time Skylar didn't even touch him, he woke to find Skylar struggling with himself not to touch the tortured blonde and it only seemed to worsen the result. Skylar tried everything, sitting on the floor, standing in the doorway, staying in the darkness, turning on the lights, ignoring the blonde, but just the knowledge of his presence in the room seemed to craze Jay.

They wouldn't talk about it much, not anymore. In the beginning they tried to keep it in the open. They would sit down and Skylar would try to explain what happened, Jay would try to ask questions and follow along, and Skylar would try to find answers. During those times Jay barely looked at his boyfriend- and he wouldn't even allow him to come into a five feet radius of him.

Skylar would tell him he heard something, usually it was a bump or something falling over. He would enter the room to find Jay writhering in the bed oron the floor, fighting against a tangling fold of his sheets or simply nothing. Then something would wake him suddenly, like he was the most sensitive sleeper in the world. If Skylar was holding him he would immediately fight again. Being the same room caused him to corner himself, and yelling was ensue. A crazed sort of horrified anguished yelling and screaming of nonsense and hidden demons that Skylar knew Jay would never tell him about came out. He would sit outside the room, his back leaned on the door and teary eyes as he listened to his loved one suffer.

They would never talk if Jay had started screaming. Their neighbors were incredibly forgiven, but driven by their gentle commentary they saw a doctor. Jay felt sick the entire week it occurred, but theyr both attended. The professional took him to the side and talked to him quietly, ". . . the worst thing you could possibly do is touch him, it's best that you're not even in the same room as him when this happens. . ."

They didn't talk about that either.

Jay could never tell Skylar, nor the professional they saw what calmed him everytime. Honestly he barely remembered the man they saw, the entire week felt like a blur, like he was in a numbing dream-like state the whole time, and when the week ended he woke up fresh and anew. Like skin after a burn, stronger, tender, sensitive, and cautious.

Skylar's hands seemed black with coal, and Jay's clothes were stained black with no memories of how they got there exactly. The elephant neither of them wanted to adress, or wanted to. Jay carried burns that he didn't know where they came from, and Skylar seemed like the one with the lighter- but they didn't speak about it, they didn't aknowledge it, and it hurt both of them.

Their relationship was anything but perfect, too broken to not see the cracks and scratches. They didn't talk as much as they used to, but that was because they avoiding certain topics now that they didn't back then. But they loved each other regardless, and in time they grew stronger after each 'attack' blew over. It was similar to being constantly burned, it hurts in the beginning and the ghost of the feeling is still there, you shy away at first and maybe you're just a bit too careful, but slowly you grow ,ore daring again and you venture out to new places, stronger than before, and wiser still. But it still hurts, and there is still a small voice in your hear ever growing each time it happens, not to draw too close again.

Sometimes Skylar would hear something though, through the door, a name that sent an ache in his chest. "-colai." Then the apartment would fall silent and Jay would no longer be crying, he wouldn't be screaming, and he fell back into a dreamless sleep. Truthfully it hurt, to know that there was somebody out there that could touch Jay and calm him while he couldn't even be in the same room. It stung, in a bone numbing chill that felt like an irritated sore in him heart. Jay could normally tell when it came up, Skylar would stop talking, stop smiling, stop trying. These times were different from the normal 'attacks', he knew something had happened, it happened rarely and it was something in the air. Like some sort of elephant in the room he wasn't aware of but could sense, a secret that Skylar was keeping from him but he already knew. That hurt him too.

Jay would hear things too, rarely Skylar would experience nightmares. These were different from his 'attacks' . . . they were only simply nightmares. He somehow always seemed to sleep lighter on the nights Skylar had nightmares, he would stay with him, Skylar knew that. Something he couldn't do with Jay.

Jay would sometimes fall asleep half on the bed, sitting in a chair behind him., and sometimes he would simply be curled up on the floor or the end of his bed like a faithful pet.

"Nicolai."

Hey, so sorry for the short filler chapter, but this stuff is going to be referenced a lot in future chapters. I've been feeling a lot better lately and I think it's time for me to move on. I'll still offer an explaination by New Year's if I don't update at least four more times after this one. Thank you all so much for your lovely support for me and my story.

~ Crymson Contradiction