Merry's POV
Dear Diary,
Pippin and I got a pet cat. His name is Fluffy. He really likes Pippin and me, but he hates everyone else. Me and practical joke accomplice decided to use Fluffy in next practical joke. Har har har!
Practical joke big success. Frodo and Sam were in for a whole day of pain. First, aftershave in tea. Was difficult, as Elrond had his eye on us and Frodo and Sam were sitting across table. Morning tea was about to be served. I ran in kitchen and claimed I wanted a pepperoni pizza. Very confused elfin maid with tea tray asked me what pepperoni pizza was. I told her to just ask the chef if they had pepperoni pizza. She put down the tray, walked away, and I had my chance.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a bottle of rubbing alcohol. So this wasn't aftershave after all. Oh, well. So I put rubbing alcohol into Sam and Frodo's drinks. Thankfully, Sam and Frodo insisted their drinks be served in special cups, so I could tell which was which. Stupid Frodo. Stupid Sam. Stupid waitress for believing me. Stupid Gimli for just being stupid. Love all stupid people.
Well, then Aragorn appeared. He rammed headfirst into wall and fell backwards twitching. OK, maybe I don't love all stupid people. Especially if they are male.
So, I ran out of the kitchen, threw out the rubbing alcohol in a nearby trashcan, sat back down and said loudly to Pippin,
"Well, Pip, they don't have that pepperoni pizza, so we might as well just give up on breakfast."
Pippin took a hint and we both left. Smart Pippin. Love all smart people.
Legolas came to us. He lectured us on the periodic table of elements for FIFTEEN MINUTES until I finally threatened to set Fluffy on him. Legolas confused, so Pippin and I could slip by. OK, maybe I don't love all smart people. We both ran into my room and collapsed with laughter. As for Frodo and Sam and rubbing alcohol, I swear I could hear the gagging noises from upstairs.
Then Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn burst into my room. Gimli had ax. Legolas had bow and arrows. Aragorn had sword.
"You little vermin!", they said and raised their weapons.
Cue Fluffy.
There was a streak of brownish-gray fur that even Legolas's elfin eyes couldn't catch and Fluffy barreled right into Gimli. Gimli fell with scratch marks all over his face. Legolas held an arrow to Fluffy's head and was about to shoot when Fluffy latched his mouth onto shaft of arrow. Arrow snapped in two. Then he bit through string on Legolas's bow. Brave Fluffy. Aragorn came to elf's aid with sword. Fluffy ignored sword entirely and made for the crotch. There was a furious yell, the clang of a dropped sword, and that will forever be remembered as the day Aragorn was almost castrated.
From,
Merry