title: Have none
a/n: its a little slow and had a huge writters block :/ but hope its okay anyway
Dead in the water.
Sam narrow jealous his eyes down at Andrea that kissed Dean's cheek in a way to friendly way. Dean looks surprised and a little embarrassed as he slide into the car and Sam waits until their in the open road before he push him fuming. Dean looks at him confused in a ´what did I do?´ kind of matter and Sam put his arms around his chest sulky.
"She kissed me!" Dean defended like a small brat. Sam didn't reply "it wasn't like I knew she was going to do it… what could I do huh? Push her away?"
"Yeah you could have pushed her away."
"She was thanking me." Dean argued to Sam that looked out. "I'm sorry okay?"
"It's fine."
Phantom Traveller.
Dean breathed in and out trying really hard not to look at Sam, if he had the strength he would wipe Sam's stupid amused smirk off. "C'mon Dean Lets get off the plane, we landed and the we're the only ones left…" Sam said looking around the empty plane. He clasp Dean's hand and kiss it gently "c'mon it's okay now." He promised Dean that looks at him a little lost.
Bloody Mary
"But it is Dean! It's my fault! She died because of me!" Dean shook his head.
"NOT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!"
"Doesn't matter. I'm doing this."
Skin
"You know you broke Dean's heart ya know." Sam felt a stab in his stomach but his face or poster didn't even flinch. "Is it wrong to still be jealous on a dead girl? If I was him I waste her." He said almost hushing way which would in other occasion make Sam shiver but not this time.
"Where is Dean!" Sam demanded. He looked straight into this shift shapers eyes with determination and without any fear, his father would be proud perhaps even Liam. He didn't even flinch as it got closer leaning over him almost whispering into his mouth.
"You know Dean loves you, I mean I love you and you left. I think I will say hello to Beccy."
Asylum
Dean looked up at Sam with anguish eyes. "You always chose the damn hunt before me! You left with your father!" Sam snapped, "Liam he fucking hates you and you still choose him over me! And Jess she died because your stupid hunt! She died because you had to drag me away!"
"So it's my fault? Huh?"
"I had a normal life with her I was happy! And another thing John is my father not yours so don't act like his son! You have a father Liam remember? LIAM NOT JOHN!"
"Okay, let me do it easier for you, go on take it real bullets will work a hell a lot better then rock salt. TAKE IT." Sam aimed the gun at Dean. "You would do it? You'd shoot me?" Dean asked feeling his heart shatter. The sound off clicking was all he could hear.
¤
Sam was biting his thumb glancing at Dean nervous "Dean…"
"I said I just want to sleep." Dean said with gritted teeth while driving.
"I'm sorry." Sam waited for any respond but got none he felt his eyes burn.
Scarecrow.
"Know what? Get out." Sam frowned he got out follow Dean to the trunk. "You want to go to your dad then go! Don't let me of all people stop you." He grabbed Sam's back throwing it in Sam's face that was a little shocked. Dean winced quickly grabbing his chest but backed away as Sam made a movement of getting close.
"You got to be kidding me! You can't just leave me here!"
"Hitchhike. Goodbye Sam." Dean slammed the trunk close and sat down in the car, Sam stood there feeling like a fool as Dean said goodbye he couldn't help but to feel fear as it felt like forever.
Faith
Sam stands up "huh? You mean we're leaving right now?" Dean asked in disbelief, Sam nodded and Dean was about to stand when Sam lifted him up "hell no!" he objected.
"Dean shut up okay, I won't nag on you for two hours." Sam promised with a smile to Dean that was trying to push him away.
"Deal." Honestly, Dean was too weak to struggle he bit back his pride and let Sam cradle him in his arms like an infant. It had been long very long since he been in Sam's embrace he breathed in Sam's smell wanting to stay like this forever.
Shadow
Sam frowned as Dean started to ramble about the girl and he felt a jealousy creep up "you fucked her!" he accused Dean looked offended. "Never mind." Damn the damn uniform itched.
¤
"It's just something about this girl I can't put my finger on."
"Maybe you should just do her." Dean snapped angry.
"What?"
"Meg"
"Dean…"
"Forget it." Dean gestured leaving Sam to sigh heavily.
Dead man's trap
"You got to be kidding me." Dean said looking into the yellow eyes.
"It's a little funny how even I knew about Jess. Don't you ever think it was odd that Sam never even once told you about her?" Dean flinched a little.
¤
"John please." Dean pleaded.
¤
"Sam check on your dad."
"Dean"
"Check on him Sam."
Season 2
In my time of dying
Sam looked around the room with a frown he felt Dean around but it couldn't be, "Dean?" he asked the thin air. "I must be going crazy." Sam pulled the chair closer to Dean's bed where Dean laid lifeless. His palm stroked Dean's cheek with love "please Dean wake up. Please don't leave me, don't leave us not like this. I just… I miss you Dean I miss us I know I just fuck things up but… I love you. Please wake up for me." Sam looked around as he felt a wind against his skin. "Dean?"
¤
"I swear to god Dean if you use this against me I will kick your ass." Sam pulled out the board.
¤
"So we agree?" Sam asked his father that nodded. He honestly hadn't expected this. His father was willing to trade the gun and bullet for Dean's life. Not that his father was cold bastard like Liam but that gun was the only way to kill the demon as they knew it.
"Yes Sam what do you expect? You think I would just let him die?" John half snapped. "I will…"
"We both will dad." Sam cut off.
¤
Sam leaned over Dean's body kissing his forehead before pulling the board out, he quickly turned around as he saw Liam standing there. "Oh god what are you doing here?" Sam asked grimly. Right there stood Liam with his dark blond hair and cold brown eyes.
"If you forgotten he's my son."
"Since when?" Sam asked angry feeling his anger flame up, he really needed to try to control his anger. He was a calm guy but ya piss Sam off he couldn't stop his anger. John called it the Winchester fury.
"I don't need to explain myself at least…you." Liam said bitterly looking down at Dean "I got a call from Bobby, funny I hear it from Bobby. Is it so hard to for you to pick up the phone? Or is your intelligence not…" suddenly the glass on the table flew straight at him. Liam looked accusingly at Sam.
"What? It wasn't me." Sam said cocky looking at the monitors as it beeped and then evened out.
¤
"Are you so foolish John! You can't make a deal with the demon!" Liam roared to John that pushed himself up on his bed. Sam looked at John that roared at Liam that he was a fool, and asked if he even had a heart.
"Do you even care about Dean?" John asked suddenly looking straight into Liam's eyes there should be something but there was nothing.
"Sam you can contact Dean, I couldn't. I need him to tell me more about the reaper." John grabbed Liam's arm.
"Your not even here for your son. You're here for a hunt!"
"So what!"
"He's your son! Your only child! Your legacy, the only thing you have from Rebecca!" Liam didn't flinch he just stood put.
"He's a disappointment! He shouldn't even been born!" John frowned he saw from the corner from his eye how Sam's body arched up before grabbing Liam's arm forcing him to turn towards him. "Fuck you dad!" Sam punched Liam hard in the face, "cool." Sam looked at his hands before gasping almost falling to the floor.
"Sam!"
"Dean" Sam gasped their eyes averted to the door as doctors started to ran, Sam pushed himself off the floor running after the doctors.
¤
"You did a whole Patrick Sweasy on me." Dean lifted his brows in amusement "Yeah I could feel you inside, it was… intense and I could smell you on me" he scratched his head uncomfortable as he heard John hide his face from laughing and Dean's wiggling eyebrows "I mean that you possessed me for a second there."
"Really?"
"Yeah" Sam said, "are you feeling alright?" Dean nodded "Dean…"
"Just my chest ache a little."
"Should I call for a doctor?" John asked quickly to Dean to admit pain was like a man without legs to run.
"Naw don't be so worried, I'm fine so what else fun happened while I was out of it?" Dean asked reaching for his glass to drink. Dean chuckled listing to Sam talk about his little walking around the hospital as a ghosty thingy. Dean smile flattered as Liam entered the room "what the fuck are you doing here." It wasn't a question but Dean demanded it.
"Nice seeing you to." Liam said sarcastically ignoring Johns warning eyes and Sam's hatred. "I need you to tell me exactly what you remember." Liam said grimly Dean laughed bitterly.
"Nothing."
"Dean it's not a joke, you meet the reaper. This hospital has more death rating then any other hospital I need you to tell me if it's the reaper is evil or not."
"I don't remember. Sam said I was hunting it but to say it was just their time."
"So your time was up." Liam said coldly Dean narrowed down his eyes.
"Sorry to disappoint you." Dean said bitterly. Dean stared into his fathers cold eyes, he felt his heart sick he still had hope that his father could maybe just maybe love him a little or care about him but there was nothing. His father wouldn't even care if he was dead, he felt a cold stone in his chest, for a moment he wished he was dead.
"You have to try to remember." Liam almost spat out walking closer and Dean felt a little smaller.
"I'd like to remember how I punched you now that would be a fun reconciliation." Dean grinned wide and made a chocking sound as Liam yanked his t-shirt. "Okay that's it." Dean kicked the cover off standing up wincing Sam was gestured by John to not meddle. "You want to hit me HIT ME!" Dean gripped Liam's arm angry. Liam clenched his hand and punched Dean right in the face hard.
Bloodlust
"He is not your father Dean! I know you want a fucking father but he is not the answer! Ya hear me? Gordon is not the answer." Dean turned his back at him "your father is Liam a cold hearted fuck and how much you try to deny it he is your father!"
"Don't you think I know that? But this is not about my father this is about you helping evil!" Sam looked dumb folded.
"No I'm not! Dean you're really scaring me your turning just like him! You're turning into your father!" Sam roared he stumbled back as Dean punched him hard in the face.
¤
Dean turned the radio to tune out Sam's pleading. Sam tugged his arm and Dean shot him an angry glance and Sam looked at him with anguish but Dean didn't care. And like a fucking cosmos joke Wicked game started to play. He half-expected Dean to change or put one of his tapes in but he didn't he just stared at the road a hunting expression in his eyes. Sam felt a stab in his heart, Dean was hurting over him… again.
Sam sniffed he looked out the window, he tried to change the radio but Dean slapped his hand away. He squeezed his eyes shut he didn't want to her Chris Issac bear his soul on this song…he hated that Dean the fact that Dean felt familiar to this song. Sam wanted to cry out but didn't instead he looked straight at Dean. "I'm sorry."
"You know what, I'm really sick of hearing that come out your mouth." Sam looked at Dean.
"But I am I am sorry." Sam persisted trying to catch Dean's expression he was silent a long time as the music stopped Dean turned his head at Sam looking him straight in the eye.
"You said it so many times it lost meaning to me." Dean said callously.
Simon says
Sam just passed Jo feeling a sting of jealousy in him, he hated that girl hated the way she threw herself at Dean. He glanced back seeing Jo talking to Dean he angry banged on the door.
¤
Sam saw how guilty Dean was of leaving Andy but he had their numbers and they would check up on him. Sam felt like a fool he should be worrying about Andy or reassure Dean, but he couldn't Jo was on his mind.
Before he could think his mouth opened, "you like her?" Sam asked with a trembling voice the pain clear in his voice even if he tried to shield it "Jo do you like her?" Sam asked again looking into Dean's eyes, which brow furred and shook his head.
"Yeah like her," Dean saw that Sam was about to break into tears "but not like that… unlike you I still love you." Sam was taken back of the statement unresponsive he saw the flash of anguish tears in Dean's eyes as he reached for his jacket and left him alone in the motel room with a bleeding heart.
¤
Sam sat with his legs crossed waiting for Dean on his bed. Dean walked into the motel room a little surprised seeing him on his bed. "Sam?" Sam stood up tilting down his head his hand around Dean's neck and pressed their lips together it had been months and months.
"I do still love you Dean." He whispered into Dean's mouth looking into Dean's eyes that snapped up fear hope and pain in his eyes all in once and Sam hated himself for putting it there.
"Don't" Dean ordered but his body was pleading Sam.
"I love you, I hate myself for hurting you. I was to blind with the guilt over Jess that I couldn't se that I was hurting you." Dean backed away as Jess name spilled out of his lips. "But your not all innocent either, I mean you never once told me about Cassie." Sam wanted to strangle himself.
Dean backed as if he been slapped shaking his head as if he thought he heard it all wrong and Sam hopped to god he did. "Don't turn this on me! You knew that me and Cassie where just friends from military school."
"You never came back after meeting her." Oh my god whats wrong with me! Sam's brain screamed.
"I fell asleep on the couch. Do not try to pin this on me! Cassie is different from Jess I never loved Cassie. I never whished a life with her!" Sam was about to speak and Dean just held his hand up, "just stop this. We have been good so far why do you need…"
"Good? Good! You're hurting I'm hurting. I'm sorry Dean I really…" he gestured wildly with his arms.
"Just shut the fuck up!" Dean screamed desperate and Sam backed down.
No Exit
Sam looked as Jo talked to Dean he tuned out and said he would get coffee. He saw Jo lean over the table showing some of her rack to Dean that was busy researching. But still…
¤
He glanced up as Dean tried to talk to Ellen.
¤
Dean sat down in the car glancing at Sam "Liam is the reason why her father died." He said and Sam frowned. Sam frowned at Dean "I'm fine." Dean looked at Sam "you never liked her anyway now we have to stay away." Sam looked away "it was never something like that." Dean explained but Sam never uttered a word.
Unusual suspects
Sam laughed at Dean's lame joke shaking his head as they walked, Dean flashed him a wide smile and Sam felt his heart beat faster. He took a chance a bold one he gripped Dean's arm and crashed their mouths together. He half-expected Dean to push him away but Dean clung on him in a way he never done before. Like he was clinging on the moment afraid that is would disappear.
As they broke apart Dean had a happy grin on his face "c'mon we have to get my baby."
And now the continue of the story.
"I never was in love with Jess. Yes I did love her as a friend as the illusion of being normal. To not be in love with my best friend which was a hunter. I was just afraid. You love the road you love the hunt the thrill. I never fitted into the whole story. I was just afraid that you would leave me so I left first." Sam breathed in shaky, "I just… couldn't stand you leaving me again, I died last time I couldn't breathe I just… started to ran. I started to feel alive when you came back."
Sam licked his dry lips stroking gently Dean's clammy forehead. "I'm so god damn in love with you. You have no idea you would probably have my balls saying I'm a god damn woman. So I say it now, I'm so in love with you. I love you. I wish you would forgive me, I can't blame you for not wanting me. Can't you just tell me what you want? Just… god Dean I want to fight for you so bad but I don't want you to force you either. Just… tell me can't you just tell me? I just… don't want to lose you please don't let me loose you." Sam begged.
He dried his tears "fuck I'm crying how pathetic isn't that?"
"Its not pathetic." A very hoarse Dean said his eyes slowly fluttering open he looked up at Sam that looked a little surprised then ashamed. "Its not. Wasn't it your father that said a real man allows himself a cry now and then?" Sam chuckled shaking his head.
"How much have you heard?"
"Mmmmm everything."
"Dean!" Sam scowled not really mad just really nervous. He offered Dean water that sipped it while wincing a little.
"Hey couldn't wake up. Fuck how much did they take from me?" Dean whined almost and Sam's lips tugged up into a smile.
"They took your spleen and appendix, next time your sick just tell me rather then passing out." Sam lectured Dean just looked at him with a wide goofy grin "wha?"
"You love me." Dean pointed out with a grin, he saw how Sam's cheeks became very similar to tomatoes and Dean felt his lips tug into the hugest goofiest grin in the entire world even if he felt like shit he never felt happier.
"Maybe." Sam shrugged with a grin his dimple deep in his cheek he hesitated giving plenty of time for Dean to say no as he leaned forward. Their lips meet and Sam sighed with bliss he kissed Dean with short small kisses before going into the kill, his tong sneaked into Dean's mouth that was responding eager. A kiss hadn't felt nicer.
"Hello mr… Swchiskchy" the doctor said with difficulty and Dean grinned at Sam that winked.
¤
Sam carefully put the two coffee cups on the nightstand he kicked off his shoes and put the box on the night table. He peeled his hoody off with his jeans, he sniffed and feeling a little under the weather. With a hoarse voice he started "happy birthday to you, happy birthday… Dean happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu," he sang with a grin as Dean stretched his body lazy with a smirk "twenty five how does it feel?" Sam asked straddling Dean with the cake between them. Dean leaned against his elbows and smiled tired his eyes swollen his spiky hair messy.
"Like I'm growing really really old." Dean breathed out like he was in serious anxiety.
"Aww wait… is that… it is… dude you have crowfeet!" Sam narrowed down his eyes gasping wide eyed. Dean's eyes wided and Sam burst into laughter his head thrown back.
"Dude not funny." Dean said his finger leaving his face, he narrowed his eyes at Sam in mock anger that was smiling broadly.
"I think it was. Don't worry your still a pretty boy," Sam answered cheekily with a wink would make Marilyn Monroe blush. He offered a fork to Dean that didn't take it Sam grinned and dipped the fork into the cake and fed Dean that grinned. "I can se myself doing this very soon, you being old and everything. Teeth falling…" he laughed as Dean poked his ribs.
"Yeah two years really is a huge difference." Sam nodded laughing. He felt ridiculous happy he scowled at Dean's cell phone that went off. Dean grabbed the phone answering while dragging down Sam's elastic band of his boxers, Sam wiggled his eyebrows at him playfully. "Oh hi…" Dean sat up quickly pulling away his hand and pushed Sam off him afraid that he might se them.
"Dean, don't say my name."
"Uhm sure."
"I'm really feel bad telling you this on your birthday and all…"
"Spit it out." Dean said feeling nervous as hell. He wasn't disrespectful the worry was in his voice, John sounded way to off.
"There has been killing in New Mexico and you're the closest I would…"
"I understand. Its fine. Will you…"
"Yeah, I will send you the information to Sam's address… you understand why…"
"Yeah he would probably just scream rather then listen." Dean chuckled a little amused Sam was frowning at him clearly wanting to know what he was talking with. John chuckled agreeing. "Be careful sir."
"You to take care of Sam Dean." It wasn't a request but an order.
"With my life. Bye." He hung up looking at Sam offering a stiff smile. "Get ready we have to get moving."
"What!" Sam burst out. He booked the room for the weekend they just started to get closer again sharing the same bed again nothing more then that yet but Sam had planned it for the weekend those planes where crushed. Dean kicked of the covers exposing his naked form Sam licked his lips looking at Dean.
"We are leaving. There is a job in New Mexico hand me the computer." Dean requested gently knowing pretty well that Sam was upset. They had time for themselves licking old wound healing each other. Starting to complete each other being happy but it was still so new so fragile it could so easily break.
"No it's…" Sam started to protest standing up.
"Sammy." Dean pleaded, Sam hung his head low sighed and nodded he gently reached for Dean. Dean allowed himself being pulled closer to Sam burring his face in Sam's neck his eyes fluttering close, he felt a wave of calmness wash over him as Sam stroked his back.
"Dad must have send it to my email right?" Sam felt Dean nod "okay, we still have to research so we can still enjoy the cake… and leave later today okay? It that okay?" he asked almost whispering to Dean that seemed be in daze Sam smiled gently holding him a little closer. This was nice this was normal this was home.
Sam laughed as he stuffed a big piece of cake in Dean's mouth, he looked at the screen there was five missing all females all white all blond. Sam rolled his eyes mentally serial killers ghost's demons whatever was dragged to blond girls if he was a girl he died it black. Dean's chin popped on his shoulder while hugging from behind reading what Sam showed.
Dean tapped the wheel happy as singing old 80's rock tune Sam smiled his head leaning on his palm while watching Dean with utter awe and love. "My little rock star." Sam murmured sliding closer his tong flickered over Dean's earlobe that shivered his eyes fluttering "hey, watch the road." Sam chided putting an arm around Dean it felt damn good to be so close to Dean again. Sam was a very touchy guy he liked to touch feel that's how he knew he was alive and he was alive again more then ever.
"Sammy I know I'm hot but try to restrain yourself." Dean grinned cocky, Sam rolled his eyes but didn't move away. His other hand ever so innocent rested on Dean's thigh and started to stroke he heard a noise from Dean and took pity on him and pulled away his hand. Sam was sexual frustrated it was no kidding matter he missed being with Dean. When Dean got him it was worse then collage. Because in collage there was the phone but when all the drama was there Dean was right there but he couldn't touch.
Now he could touch and dammit he want to touch him. "Dean…" he breathed out "I miss you." He breathed out husky really husky Dean shivered against him.
"I'm right here." Dean choked out.
"No I mean I miss you." Dean made a oh face and his cheek flushed red. "Pull over."
"Hell no."
"Why not?" Sam whined.
"Because." Dean objected. Sam sighed but stayed put he pulled away his arm hugging Dean's arm and rested his cheek against Dean's shoulder. He felt a kiss against his head and smiled gently.
¤
Sam panted loud as he ran the two girls thrown on each of his shoulder he winced as he breathed the blow had hurt like hell. Dean was off to kill the ghost bitch, a revengeful powerful ghost that took girls taking their beauty leaving him hideous. Something to do that she lost being a prom queen or something like that Sam would never understand girl drama.
"Take it you son of a bitch." Dean aimed the gun the ghost that sneered at him the rock salt was fired. A cocky crooked grin was pasted on his face as the ghost faded he lighted the bones up standing watching the flame dance into the night sky. He bushed off the dirt from his jeans and leather jacket. He picked up the gun and gasoline tank walking back to the car.
¤
Sam grinned goofy feeling giddy as he stirred in the bed, Dean was still asleep on top of him. He weighed but it was fine, Sam stroked Dean's back waking him slowly up. Dean peeked one eye open and smirked crooked. "Hi" he breathed out wiggling closer as if it was even possible Sam couldn't help but to laugh out.
"Hi slept well?"
"Mmmm like a baby." He said with a smirk he pushed himself up stretching his body before allowing himself dropping on Sam that made a sound as the air was pushed out his lungs. Sam slapped Dean's ass that grinned "hey! Still sore here." Sam rolled his eyes, last night was a wow factor put what ya expect after having no sex in almost a year? "Ya know we are so not leaving this bed today." Sam crooked an eyebrow in amusement. "Ya know to take back what we missed ya know." Dean said hugging Sam that shook his head.
"Ya know that would take day and nights."
"Really?"
"Mmmm"
"So… what are you waiting for?" Dean rolled on his back and Sam laughed. But he didn't take his time rolling on top of Dean that wiggled his eyebrows his legs already locking around closely around Sam. He threw back his head into the pillow moaning loud as Sam wiggled into a better position.
"Damn you're easy." Sam said husky reaching for the lube under the pillow.
¤
John rubbed his eyes tired he cracked his tired bones. He felt at easy something was wrong he just felt it and he knew better then to ignore his instinct. He looked at his cell phone it had been quiet for the last week. It didn't help that Liam thought he had the right bark orders at him time to time. He really didn't understand that man.
Liam had called saying which hunt he should take and not take John didn't take bullshit at least from Liam. They fought more then they agreed. But Liam was a great hunter there was no question about that and John was a amazing hunter together they could accomplish a lot but they didn't like each other enough to work together they would probably just end up killing each other.
He reached quickly for the phone as it went off. "I'm so sorry, soo sorry. I bring him back I promise." John froze as he heard Dean's raspy voice in pain in physical pain as in heartache.
"Dean?"
"I bring him back." John heard the promise but he didn't want promises he wanted action when it came to his son he stood up feeling his heart beat hard in his chest.
"Tell me where you are!" he ordered angry.
" Montana…" then he hurt a grunt of pain Dean was hurt before he had a chance demanding where he was exactly and where he could found him he heard a loud growl then a shout of pain before the phone went dead.
In Montana there was a John Doe that fitted Sam's description. He sat in the hospital room holding his sons hand that was lifeless. The tube in Sam's mouth cut like a knife in John. His son was dying. Dean was not around all he heard from the doctors was that a bleeding man had carried Sam into the hospital then disappearing. Sam was not a little guy he was 6´3 he was heavy with his body muscular.
Dean hurt and carrying Sam must had taken a lot will power. John was pissed at Dean for not staying with Sam what if Sam had died? There was many what if's but Dean… he could be dead to.
¤
John rested in the motel room the doctors had finally given him the boot he was not allowed to visit Sam until the next morning it was already eleven pm and John sighed. There was heavy knocking on the door. He opened the door with the gun ready. What he saw was something he didn't expect a very bleeding Dean.
Blood dripping down. "For fuck sake!" John called yanking Dean into the motel room.
"Is he okay? Is he?" Dean asked desperate as John angry ripped off Dean's cloths checking the wounds. It looked like a bear had clawed his face, open wounds some already infected. His chest was ripped up once again John wanted to strangle Dean.
"You would know if you stayed!" John barked angry.
"I had to…" John shot him a look and Dean looked away in shame then dared looking at john that clenched his fist and started to patch Dean up. he really would go to the hospital but Dean wanted John to patch him up before they left to the hospital.
John wanted to shake Dean roughly scream how could you allow this to happen! I trusted you to keep him safe I trusted you! He looked into Dean's tearful eyes visible with pain, he didn't need to say it because Dean heard it anyway "I'm so sorry." He choked out. John looked away Dean didn't cry but he was now. Tears falling from his eyes he looked away in shame. John knew he had to say something because Sam would have his head if he didn't.
"Let's go to se Sam." Dean nodded wiping quickly his tears and John couldn't help to fear that one day Dean would stop. To one day turn into the man Liam wanted if he kept repress his feelings John didn't want to be the reason to draw the final stray but he couldn't utter a word.
¤
"Hey stranger." Sam's whispering voice said looking straight at Dean that had his back at him looking out the window. Sam looked with dazed eyes as Dean twirled around quickly, tears threatening to fall from Dean's eyes. "Hey I'm fine." Sam promised he hurted like hell but he didn't want Dean to feel guilt.
"I'm sooo sorry, I…" he choked on his words he sat beside Sam wanting desperately to hold him tight Sam looked at him pained. "I…" he closed his eyes he remembered his fathers mantra, never show fear, never show doubt, never show pain, never show hurt. He squeezed shut his eyes his mantra died as quick Sam's hand rested on his cheek.
"No mantra Dean. I'm fine. Its not your fault you told me not to leave…" Sam said trying to catch Dean's eyes that darted them around and he stood up.
"I should call your father."
"Dean…"
"Sam don't you almost died because of me. Because I got reckless. I… I couldn't stand the thought of you dying because of me."
"Fuck you don't even think of leaving me!" Sam could already se it in his head, he saw it clear as day another out come of this event. Of Dean walking out, leaving him to his father. Leaving him forever and stop being Dean and becoming a soldier and not Dean. "I'm warning you Dean!" Dean stood up trying to flee but the door slammed shut and locked. He heard a choking sob from Dean.
"You almost died."
"Yeah well it happens in our line of business." Wrong answer because Dean stiffed "I didn't mean it like that. Dean, c'mere." Sam said ever so gently "you can't leave now. We're doing this." Sam said with determination not allowing Dean to disagree, now you come here and hug me dammit!" he saw that the corner of Dean's lips tugged into a weak smile. "And you kiss me dammit!" Dean looked at Sam with a smile that smiled back he open his palm for Dean that grabbed it.
"Your not making it easy for me to walk away." Dean said with an unrecognized voice and Sam blinked slowly like in a duh factor. "Sammy" he breathed out kneeling down on the floor "marry me."
"Sure we go to Toronto and get a Volvo and two dogs." Sam said jokingly but blinked as Dean stared at him vulnerable with his hazel eyes glazing at him "your serious." Sam said in a realisation.
"We can't get married."
"Why not?" Dean demanded to know. still on his knees and Sam winced as he moved to face him better.
"Oh let me think for one last time I checked we both have dicks, I'm not religious neither are you so church… hmm fake id's what they will match?" Sam asked cynical. Dean sighed falling on his ass. "Dean we're just not meant to get married. Doesn't mean we wont try to grow old together. Fight for growing old together stuff…" Sam said. He saw the disappointment in Dean.
"Your right, must have hit my head harder then I thought." Sam shook his head as Dean stood up. "Really stupid." He chuckled bitterly looking out the window "I should call my father. Don't worry I won't leave." Dean promised breathing a little heavier then normal and Sam just knew Dean was hurting.
"We can get matching rings, or necklace or wristband… like promise or something like that. That would be nice."
"Sam…"
"No I'm serious. It would be real for us. If you want it to." Dean grinned.
"Your such a girl."
"Ah says the one that went down on his knees."
"Must I remind you that you do that to?" Dean asked with a wiggle of his eyebrow. Sam scowled.
"GO and call my dad before I kick your cute butt."
"It's not cute! It's… handsome."
"Okay before I kick your handsome ass sweetie." Sam chuckled mischievous and Dean flashed him a bright smile. As Dean walked out Sam breathed out wincing peeking down bandage rapt tight around him. His leg was broken perhaps he could convince Dean to offer a sponge bath, who was he kidding Dean would jump at the chance.
"Dad" he greeted as his father walked in embracing him, "I'm fine dad." He responded the tight hug it had been a while since he seen him, last time was after he helped Dean fixing up the Impala while mocking him for not knowing which was a wrench hammer and what was a crow bow. He had felt a little jealous as Dean and his father had talked while working the Impale he had gotten bored watching and walked into Bobby's house studying his books.
"Well it was a close call Sam." From the corner from his eyes he saw Dean flinch and look down. "I've been thinking Sam… Dean would you excuse me?" Dean nodded.
"Yes sir." John waited until the door was close before smiling tightly at Sam that was looked at him anxious.
"I want you to go back to school."
"Dad." Sam started to protest.
"No listen to me, you and me talked those years ago. I want you to have a normal life Sam, with the demon out free its not safe for you on the hunt. Their drawn to you Sam because of who you are. The demon wants you for some reason…" John breathed in worried. "Dean…"
"No dad." Sam snapped "its not my fault! He warned me I didn't listen."
"No Sam… Dean he's a great hunter Sam, but with you he gets unfocused he focus on you Sam not on the hunt and that's dangerous both for you and Dean. I need to know your safe I need to know that you will be okay. And Stanford is the answer Sam, you always wanted to be a lawyer…"
"Well dad hate to burst you bubble but, there is a warden…"
"Don't lie its on Dean not on you. There is nothing on you." John interrupted "you are going to go to school Sam and that's final don't want to be a lawyer? Be something else but you're going back." John said with authority and Sam was about to protest "no Sam no! Your going back, I already called as soon as you get discharged your going back."
"I can't!"
"YES YOU CAN!" John roared and Sam backed into the bed a little afraid "you're going, I know you're grown up in the laws but you're still my son and you are going to listen to me!" he saw the anguish tears in Sam's eyes. "What Dean decide is none of my business."
"He can't come with me there because there he's a killer." Sam said with a hollow voice. Looking anywhere but at his father. He heard his father's intake of breathing, "it was a shape shifter." He explained. "I will go back to school… but not that one." Sam said looking straight into his fathers eyes. "Even if Dean's not coming with me I can't stay there knowing Jess died there because of me." John nodded.
"Then its settled. I will let you talk with Dean."
¤
"Dean come back here!" Sam cried out as Dean slammed the door shut, Sam feel on his motel rooms bed.
"He needs to cool off." John said. Sam was about to speak as they heard the car pull out the parking lot.
"Well… you wanted me safe you got me safe and alone." Sam said tearful limping into the bathroom slamming the door.
¤
"Dean" John said as he got closer to Dean that was sitting on the hood staring at the horizon.
"John if you're here to…"
"Talk some sense into you?"
"Yeah don't bother." Dean said. "We both know that I don't fit in that world, we both know that back in your head it was more then just Sam being safe. It was Sam being not with me. Because you think I can't protect him… well your right I can't I proved it right?" John just looked at Dean that was so empty no feeling no anger his voice flat. "We both know he deserve the best and I ain't it. I know he deserve the whole American dream. He can be safe in school. And I will hunt down that son of a bitch and find a way to waste it to keep him safe."
"Dean its not…"
"You think he's not pissed enough to allow me to drive him there?"
"I think…"
"Yeah… your right." John wondered with what.
¤
Sam seemed to stare his reflection but he wasn't really staring at him he was looking at his father and Dean he felt tears burn in his eyes. His father was wrong Dean was wrong. Sam shook his head.
¤
"Do you remember when I was ten? And I kissed you?" Sam asked Dean that looked at him with a smile.
"Yeah…" Sam smiled scooting closer and kissed Dean a wet loud kiss "ah just like that one." Dean said with a wide smile "I remember hot wanting to wash my face for days… well until Liam threw me into the shower but still." Dean grinned.
"Really?" Dean chuckled "anyway I remember just thinking if I kissed you, you would perhaps like me."
"I always liked you Sam since day one." Dean said softly lowering the radio. Sam smiled brightly "you where sitting drawing you where five, drawing a air plane with a crayon on the floor and you looked up with this big smile and I remember feeling this butterfly in my stomach like someone tickled me. And I remember thinking what you smelled like."
"What I smelled like?" Sam chuckled.
"Yeah… you're saying?"
"No I wanna hear more." Dean shot him a look and Sam smiled. "Anyway that you liked me as I liked you. Then you pushed me off and I remember…"
"You cried like a baby." Dean chuckled and that earned a slap from Sam that scowled angry at him, as if the betrayed still stung. "I was shocked! You just kissed me when I was training!" Sam but his arms around himself petulant. "It was self defence I though you attacked me!" he defended.
"Remember feeling like the world had crashed on me. But then you kneeled down dried my tears and kissed me back," Sam smirked "then when I hugged you, you brushed me off."
"You where a little clingy." Sam chose to ignore that.
"And I got mad at you and left then the next day I made sure you saw me kiss some girl…"
"Joanna Kripe" Dean said bitterly "why the hell did you kiss her? She wasn't even cute!"
"Well it worked, sure she was cute! And you know it!" Sam argued "you got jealous and took my hand and dragged me away. And you kissed me again. And I said you could kiss me again if you promised me not to leave me. And you kissed me." Dean's smile flattered. "I saw it Dean. I saw you talking to dad."
"Uhm… how?"
"Mirror."
"Okay…" Dean tired to playoff as if Sam was crazy but Sam didn't care.
"You will stay with me right? Your not going to hunt for the demon Dean, I have reasons why you shouldn't"
"Yeah"
"Yeah, like you asked me to marry me, how can you expect being with me if your leaving me? And we are not breaking up that's not a option. So you have to come with me, and protect me or whatever just for the record I've saved your ass just as much as you saved my, thank you very much. And I have gifts to protect myself you don't so really I should be protecting you now shouldn't I."
"Want me to play domestic boyfriend?"
"No, or yes just be you your capable to find a job… a real job Dean." Sam added bored "and you can still hunt inside the state."
"Oh your allowing me to do that how sweet." Dean said sarcastically.
"Yeah real sweet that I wont tie you down keep you in the basement until you come to your senses."
"Kinky."
"Dean."
"Sam." Dean sighed "I try I promise you I will try and if it don't work out…"
"We find ways." Dean kissed Sam a wet loud kiss just like Sam given him. "You're a dork you do know that."
"And you're a even bigger goof because you love me for it."
THE END
A/N: Ha! I'm done! Yey!!!! Started it wouldn't work got a writes block and everything. Sucks but hey I finished it! yey!!!!!! So proud!!!!!!!
Days I wrote it! yey for me.
29 october
20 nov
25 nov