Once again, just wanted to let everyone know that the links for unedited chapters of this story are available on my profile. This one, sadly, has not been edited, however, so this is the full version. Thanks for the reviews so far, everybody! I really, really appreciate getting feeback on my writing, since I enjoy doing it, and it makes it even more fun when I get other people's opinions on the storyline, whether it be just some words of encouragement, or constructive criticism, it is all greatly appreciated! :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!

A Desire Is Not A Wish

Chapter 4 - The Antonym of Confidence

Every time. Every time he had awoken in the last week; every time he had attempted meditation; every time he had been alone for more than five minutes - the idea came back.

It came back, and each time more vivid. Each time he came closer to reaching out and tasting the forbidden fruit. It was horrible, how much he had grown to hate being left alone to his thoughts. Goku's dreams had become visions. And during them, it seemed those visions were slowly becoming reality. They came to threaten his sanity, and they were doing a fine job of it.

They were visions of a lustful prince, and a fearful pauper. Every time his mind's eye pushed the idea to front and center, it was as if it were screaming at him, "I'm what you've always wanted, and never dared to dream. I'm what you want; what you need. I'm the question, and the answer. I'm your all and your everything."

And each time, Goku spat the same answer. "No, no, no, no, no!" Like machine gun bullets firing at an unseen enemy. He couldn't. And he wouldn't. And this he solemnly swore to himself each time throughout every day that he fought the same battle.

He strolled back into the house after completing his latest attempt at training. The sky was turning dark through all the windows, and the house was quiet but for the sound of boiling water. The scent of Chi Chi's cooking sent a genuine wave of pleasure over his face, which when the cook herself entered the room quickly turned into a forced smile.

"Hey, Chi Chi. I brought home some fish again," he offered.

She smiled back. "Wonderful, dear. Could you go tell Gohan and Goten that dinner is ready?"

"Sure. I…love you Chi Chi," he managed. This wasn't a lie. He loved her with all his heart. What made him hesitate in saying so were his robotic movements as he forced his arms around her waist. Even if he didn't want to, he still felt like Chi Chi deserved to be given the attention a normal husband should give.

Normal. He sighed as the concept entered his mind, and released her, exiting the room before she had a chance to reciprocate his actions.

"Gohan! Goten! Dinner's ready!" Goku shouted to his sons in their respective positions around the house. His mind weighted down heavily, and stomach turning in angst, he almost considered skipping out on dinner that night. Almost.

After dinner, Goku sent his wife to their room, offering to clean up. A very confused Chi Chi wandered off to bed, while her husband cleaned the kitchen. Goku wanted her to believe it was because she deserved pampering. Really, he just wanted some more time alone, and because of his guilty conscience, he felt he owed her some time off.

After placing the last of the clean dishes in the cupboard, Goku turned to head to bed. As he left the room, he passed the phone hanging on the wall.

He turned back. Perhaps…

No. He would not allow himself to think like that. Vegeta could never be the kind of man from his dreams. He would never feel the way…Goku might feel.

So that was it. This was the moment. Goku sat down in a chair, facing the phone as if it were the only thing that mattered in the world.

He had finally let it come to a head, and now he had to come to terms with it. Goku knew it was true. He just didn't know why it was true. For a very long time, now, he hadn't been able to get his fellow saiyan out of his head. At first it had just been wondering what he was up to, and sort of missing his presence. Then it became a longing, almost a need to see him, but Goku had been too afraid to go over for fear of angering Vegeta. It was no secret that Vegeta didn't exactly seem to enjoy his company, and if Goku were to come over to Capsule Corp. unannounced, it would probably only add to the prince's distaste for him.

But now…well, it was more than a longing to see an old friend. It was a primal urge. It was a series of pervasive thoughts that clouded his mind each and every day. It was…an unstoppable force in his head, that he had finally let out. And now? What was he to do? If he acted on it, he was sure to be rejected. And if, by some amazing chance, Vegeta didn't hate him as much as he thought, and by a miracle, he accepted him (which Goku continued to remind himself was only a figment of his imagination, and could never actually happen) then what would it matter? He still had a wife and children. He was supposed to be an honorable hero. If he abandoned his home, what would he be but selfish, heartless, and evil?

Goku stopped, and shook his head, realizing that he had been sitting in the chair grinding the possibilities over and over in his head for more than a half hour. And Chi Chi would be wondering where he was. And anyway, he shouldn't be doing this to himself. There was no possibility that Vegeta would ever feel the same way.

…was there?

There was only one way to find out. Goku's trembling hand reached out to grasp the phone. He picked it up, bringing it slowly to his ear. He had to find out. No matter what. He just had to know.

He dialed the number, and just as it was about to ring once…

"Goku! Where are you! I'm going to bed. Aren't you done with the dishes by now?"

He slammed the phone back onto the receiver, letting out the huge breath of air he had been holding in. "Yeah, Hun, I'll be there in a minute!" he yelled back.

He sighed and slumped back into the chair. After a moment, he pushed himself up, switching off the light, and leaving the room to join his wife in bed.

*click* Maybe not.

He switched the light back on, and reached his head around the wall to lock his sights on the phone. He reentered the room, and let his hand hover over it. He had to know. And to know, he had to be brave.

He had to be brave. Had to be…

Oooh. I know. Mean of me :P. But hey, I'll try and have the next chapter up within a few days, so no one's going through serious pains caused by not knowing how this turns out. Once again, I hope everyone's having a lovely holiday season, and please let me know what you think of this chapter! ^^