"IF I LAY HERE..."
WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING
-This fanfic follows on the next day from Now, That Page Has Turned
Hey guys, thanks for reading and reviewing...so this chapter, well it came out of nowhere but I knew I had to follow up to the previous one...the scene with Adam again came out of nowhere and in my mind and when re-reading it makes sense to me...the way Aaron's feeling, what he's saying. I hope you guys think it does too x
...
Chas was busy washing some dishes in the kitchen, it was just gone half eight and she kept finding herself thinking about the late night conversation she had with Aaron after he walked in drunk. Ed had hurt her son, it wasn't just a few harsh words either; no it was way more than that and the hatred she held for Ed was immense. Her thoughts frustrated her and she sighed loudly as she threw down the t-towel onto the bench and rested against it. She closed her eyes and shook her head then heard footsteps walking through the living room; she turned and smiled when she saw Aaron dressed in his dressing gown, looking exhausted and ill.
He smiled back. "Hi" he said quietly.
"You look shocking love" she commented.
"Yeah well, had loads to drink didn't I?" he said with a sigh. "Listen about last night I-I shouldn't have told you"
Chas frowned. "You what?"
Aaron shrugged as he sat on the sofa. "I shouldn't have mum"
"Er well I'm glad you did. You're my son Aaron, you should be able to talk to me about anything especially after everything we've been through together" she told him as she walked over and sat beside him.
"Yeah alright...right as usual" he told her with a smirk.
"And don't forget it" she told him as there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it, just get some tablets down ya neck and you'll be fine" she told him as she got up and walked off.
...
"Someone looks even worse than my son does" Chas smiled as she let Adam in.
"Yeah, he's a bad influence you know" Adam chuckled.
"Yeah, I can believe that, you go on in I'm gunna go upstairs and get ready"
Adam nodded and walked into the back room, he started to chuckle when he saw Aaron sprawled out on the sofa, not even dressed yet. "Alright mate?" he asked.
"No" Aaron groaned in reply.
"Big night" Adam commented.
"You don't say" Aaron replied monotonously
Adam laughed then calmed down. "Listen we need to talk..."
"Go on then" Aaron said with a frown.
"Alright, alright...last night you said some stuff..."
Aaron sighed. "Will you just get to the point mate my heads banging and I feel angin'"
"Poet and you didn't know it" Adam quipped.
Aaron scowled at him.
"Nevermind" Adam sighed. "You told me about Ed...Whether you were meaning too or not...but you told me..."
Aaron's scowl dissipated and he swallowed hard. "Oh...right...No I didn't mean to tell ya but I did, let's just leave it there"
"Aaron!" Adam raised his voice. "You can't just leave it there; you were raped for god sake"
Aaron shrugged. "And what am I meant to do about it?" he asked.
"Tell the polic-..." it then dawned on Adam and he lowered his head, shaking it slightly.
"Exactly Adam"
"Well you've gotta do something mate"
Aaron sighed and sat up quickly in anger. "Yeah! Like what? Go back and get revenge! I remember what that did last time I tried getting revenge on someone, I'd rather go through the beatings an-and rape over and over again if it meant keeping the people I love safe and healthy!"
"You don't mean that, and nothing will happen to us Aaron come on mate"
"I'm not talking about you, my mum or Paddy..."
"Ed" Adam surmised.
Aaron nodded. "I can't get my own back just because I can't call the police alright an-and the truth is..." Aaron looked around the room. "I love him, but I walked away if he ever felt the same then I've done damage to him by leaving, and to be honest mate I'm struggling right now, Ed, what happened, the police, Jackson, everything"
"I'm sorry mate, it's all my fault"
"No Adam it's not...you made one mistake...I made loads and got away with them all...you wouldn't have, I wanted to do that for you and I did...and there's no reason to think I wouldn't have gone to France even if the fire hadn't have happened...and we were all oblivious to Ed, I had no idea my life would've been like that...and I didn't until he hit me...okay well I gave him that one...one off and all that...but the second time..." Aaron shook his head.
"It must have been horrible"
Aaron nodded. "Yeah it was but I'm here now..."
"For how long though?" Adam asked seriously.
"Anyone's guess mate" Aaron told him.
...
Aaron walked into Smithy cottage quietly, he'd missed this place so much, as he entered the kitchen no one was around except Leo crying in a moses basket. He walked over quickly and lifted him out and held him close. "Godfather to the rescue ay?" he smiled at him which stopped him from crying.
"It's alright Leo I'm coming!" Paddy shouted as he made his way down the stairs. Paddy stopped in his tracks at the bottom of the stairs as he looked into the kitchen.
"Alright Paddy?" Aaron smiled.
Paddy laughed. "Er...wh-?"
"What's he like eh? You'd think I'd been gone years...silly daddy...or is it daddy number one or two...suppose Rhona can decide that eh?" he teased then pulled a face at Leo which made him laugh.
"It feels like it...come here you!" Paddy told him and rushed to him and gave him a hug. "What brings you back?" he asked.
"Visiting" Aaron replied.
"I see...well I'm glad you are, I've missed ya mate"
"Me too..." Aaron said with a smile.
...
Aaron walked along the graveyard, Jackson's grave was a few metres away, and he smiled and started to talk. "Alright mate?" Aaron said as he let out a breath.
"Yeah...you?" a voice replied.
Aaron frowned and looked around, the voice seemed distorted. He reached Jackson's headstone and looked around some more. He smiled again. "I must be hearing things" he chuckled. "How you doing then eh? Missing me still? I hope so"
"Everyday" the voice was clearer now.
Aaron lifted his head and looked around again and he stepped back in shock. He swallowed hard, and a puzzled frown deepened along his forehead. "Jackson" he said as tears filled his eyes instantly.
"As my old normal self" he smiled lovingly at Aaron.
Aaron noted that Jackson was standing. "I can see that...but why are you here? I'm not really talking to you am I? You're just in my head...and the last thing I need is to be sectioned..."
Jackson chuckled. "You won't be...no one's around...and I'll shut up if anyone comes, so just chill alright" he smiled and stepped closer to him.
Aaron smirked and nodded. "Alright then..." he wiped away his tears.
"To answer your question Aaron, I'm here because I've heard you...you cry out for me even when you don't realise you're doing it and I hear you, I hear you all the time..." he sighed. "I-I don't regret this but I do wish the accident never happened..."
Aaron nodded. "So do I...I wish I could go back you know, I wish I never rang you, you'd still be in one piece...yeah we wouldn't be together but I'd have been able to try again, because I think I realised then what I was losing when you drove away"
Jackson nodded. "I know you're in pain" he said softly.
"Don't Jackson" he breathed.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm ashamed and I know where this conversation is going to go"
"You shouldn't be ashamed...he took advantage of you, he hurt you, and you didn't deserve that"
"Didn't I?"
Jackson sighed and shook his head. "No you didn't."
"Okay" Aaron said with a nod, letting it go. "Can I touch you?"
"You can try but err...it'll just be fresh air..."
Aaron rolled his eyes. "I wish I could"
"I know you wish Aaron...I came here to tell you that what you've been thinking is not normal and that you can't I won't let you...your whole life is ahead of you, I love you so, so much words cannot even explain how much but I do Aaron, I always will but I won't let you, those thoughts in your head are wrong."
"But Jackson..."
"No, Aaron I can't let you..."
"But I miss you"
"I know..." Jackson stepped closer, right up to him. "I have to go...I love you so much"
Aaron started to cry as he acknowledged what Jackson had said, second's later Jackson was gone then another familiar voice caught his attention.
"Who you talking too?" Ed asked.
Aaron spun round and swallowed hard.
"I'm with you everyday" Jackson's voice echoed in Aaron's ears and it comforted him despite seeing the vile animal in front of him.
"Ed?" Aaron asked in shock.
Ed's look was stern. "Me and you need to have a chat don't you think?" he asked.
Aaron sighed and lowered his head. "Alright..."
TBC...