Stigma
By theanonymouslibrarians
Disclaimer: I do not own the Librarians or Arthurian mythology.
It isn't until he's fifteen that Galahad finds out the circumstances of his conception. His father had been there on and off until Galahad was three and then he'd just left. Galahad had been raised by his mother and grandfather, and later an aunt and some nuns. Whenever they spoke of Elaine it was always as a good and virtuous woman whose heart had been broken after Lancelot had left. So, when Galahad is reunited with his father 12 years after the man had abandoned them, said he loved Galahad and then walked out of his life, Galahad is carrying 12 years of anger and hurt (and, regardless of wishing it wasn't there, love) directed at an absent father. Twelve years of blaming Lancelot for his mother's death and twelve years of hearing about how Sir Lancelot has time to save everyone but his own son.
No one, not his grandfather, not his aunt, not the nuns know that Galahad doesn't want to be a knight for entirely pure reasons. A bastard is treated poorly enough, but if one shows the world that he is harboring anger, no matter that the anger is justifiable, one is viewed as corrupt. Maybe even evil. Galahad had learned long ago to keep his darker thoughts hidden. Yes, Galahad wants to serve the king and protect the innocent. He wants to make sure no woman is left unprotected because her husband walked out on her. He wants to make sure the fatherless are never beaten and ridiculed for the crime of having only one parent. But Galahad also wants revenge. He wants to show Lancelot that his son is worth something. That, no thanks to Lancelot, his son has become a knight. Galahad will work as hard as it takes to surpass his father and show everyone at Camelot that Galahad matters. And that Lancelot traded his son for fame.
Of course nothing is ever that simple. When Galahad is knighted and arrives at Camelot, he receives an overwhelming wave of attention. Some because of his lineage, some because of his beauty, and some because he's achieved the Siege Perilous. But not all the attention is positive. The Queen looks at him as if she can't make up her mind whether she admires or hates him. Lancelot's family seems divided over how they feel about him. And whispers follow him everywhere. It doesn't take long for Galahad to put together enough of the story. Of how his mother, with the encouragement of his grandfather and his mother's maid, had enchanted Lancelot so that he thought he was with Guinevere and sleep with her. And of how, when Galahad was only a baby, Elaine had come with him to Camelot and raped Lancelot again, leading to his father going temporarily insane.
Had Galahad believed it, he would have broached the subject with a bit more tact. Or not at all. But Galahad had known nothing but kindness from his mother and everyone outside of Camelot sings of her virtues. His father on the other hand had left Galahad when he was three. Despite some effort in the week or so since Galahad has arrived in Camelot, the man remains a stranger to his son. Galahad assumes this is some lie. Maybe even generated by Lancelot to justify his abandonment of Elaine and Galahad. Galahad goes straight to his father's quarters. Lancelot's servants know him by sight and let him in. It's nearly a half hour before Lancelot walks in, startled, but clearly glad to see his son.
"I heard something today." Galahad states before Lancelot can even finish greeting him. "The servants talk. They say that my mother enchanted you to-"
The ashen look that comes over his father's face is enough to shake Galahad to the core. And the way Lancelot staggers, having to lean against a nearby table to remain standing convinces Galahad that the rumors are true. Galahad and his father's manservant need to help the world's greatest night into a chair and bring him wine before Lancelot can even stammer out anything resembling a reply.
"I never wanted you to know." Galahad's father tells him, after he's composed himself. "I knew I couldn't keep it from you forever. But I'd hoped-"
"Why…why didn't anyone…my grandfather…the nuns…"
Lancelot gives a bitter laugh. "Your grandfather was the one who…" He shakes his head and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. The nuns probably knew nothing but what the abbess told them, and the abbess nothing but what King Pelles told her. I'd imagine it wasn't much."
"I don't…I can't…" Galahad didn't know what he was trying to say. His mind simply couldn't process the revelation that everything he'd thought about his life…about his parents…
"You don't need to say or do or feel anything." His father says vehemently. He leans forward, eyes intense. "It wasn't your fault. It's not your burden to bear."
But it is. Right or wrong, what his mother and grandfather did is always with Galahad. He's always striving to throw it off, but he can't. For everyone who looks at him admiringly, there's another who looks at him with pity or disgust. No matter how many tournaments he wins, no matter how many peasants he saves, Galahad is always the bastard son of Sir Lancelot, born of deceit and magic.