A/N: I published 2 chapters today in case you're wondering ;) Thank you for reading!

Chapter 4

Mornings

The seemingly endless rain of the last couple of days had finally subsided. Instead of the constant rushing of wind and rain outside the bedroom window, he only heard the constant humming of speeders passing by.

Opening his eyes to the glorious sunshine stealing through the half closed blinds, Poe thought that it would be much quieter in their new home. The spot next to him was empty, though he could still see the imprint of Finn's head on the pillow. Reaching out he found that the sheet was cold. How long had Finn been up? What time was it anyway? Poe had no idea. He turned on his back to look up at the ceiling, wiping his eyes. He could still feel the remnants of tears on his face. Why? Why wouldn't they stop? These nightmares had been tormenting him for years and years. By now he was almost sure that he'd never be rid of them.

This time he had been with Morap, and Finn had walked in on them, apparently not caring about his partner being with another man. On the contrary, he had even made a joke about it, which Poe couldn't even remember now, but the imprint of that dream still made him tremble and his heart pound heavily in his chest. He wiped his sweaty palms on the sheets and sat up. Finn and Morap didn't belong in the same place. Morap was dead and with an aching pain in his gut Poe wished him gone for good. Once and for all! Why did the memory of Morap keep tormenting him? Why did he have to dream about him every night? Feel the loss as strongly as he had felt it the day he had lost him? The moments when Morap turned into his brother were worse than anything else that happened in these dreams. When Morap's features would inadvertently change and become his torturer's and Poe felt like his mind was making fun of his weakness.

Finn's involvement in these dreams was nothing out of the ordinary either. He would either be angry at Poe for cheating on him or, which was even worse, appear completely fine with it. Nonchalant even. Like he didn't belong with Poe. This made the whole thing even more unnerving. It was as if Poe's subconscious wanted to let him know that Finn wasn't supposed to be with him and it made him feel like the worst person in the entire galaxy to doubt Finn's love for him even in his dreams.

The sound of muffled voices coming from the living room caught his attention, though he couldn't quite make out the words. So Finn had turned on the holo? How long had he been up? They had gotten home fairly late. Despite the way Finn's encounter with Rey had gone, Finn's mood had picked up considerably after a few glasses of beer and in the company of his fellow students. Poe couldn't stop smiling at him the entire night, revelling in Finn's grin and laughter.

With a pang of guilt her realized that Finn must have become aware of his nightmare and once again he felt utterly helpless. As if he was drowning and no amount of paddling could keep his head above the water line.

Ordering himself to get a grip and just get on with his life, he threw his legs out of bed and got up, before grabbing his shorts, which were still lying on the floor from last night, and pulling them on. This self pitying had to stop. He had to learn to be happy with what he had and, most of all, to accept this happiness.

Slowly he made his way to the living room door, which was only slightly ajar. The soft clattering of cutlery, combined with the sweet smell of boiled grain with enormous amounts of sugar, made him smile.

Finn's bare back was turned to him, and not for the first time in recent years, was he glad to see that the scar Ren's lightsaber had left there, was only barely visible now. Over the top of Finn's head, Poe saw a reporter talking in front of the picture of a huge ship, which had apparently been lost or stolen in the Outer Rim. Just a small snipped of news of no great importance.

Finn, who must have felt Poe staring at him, turned his head to face him and Poe spotted the bowl and the spoon in Finn's hands.

"You didn't wait for me? I'm crushed." Poe attempted a smile and stepped closer to Finn, who turned his attention back to the holo.

"This keeps happening," he murmured quietly, spoon clutched tightly in his hand.

"I know," answered Poe, tasting the bad joke on his tongue and almost choking on it. "Though that's just because you let me sleep in all the time."

Finn shrugged, but didn't turn around again. He was looking down at the bowl, stirring the substance within. "You need rest," he said and after a short pause he added: "But that's not what I meant."

Sighing Poe stepped a little closer so he was standing behind Finn. The report had moved on from the lost ship to a piece of news about a newly built amusement park on Dantooine. The change in topic seemed a little random to Poe, but told him just enough about how important the network thought the news about the stolen ship was.

"This keeps happening," Finn repeated. "It's weird that no one seems to have noticed. Over the last couple of months ships have been vanishing and no one cares."

"Maybe they just think it's a coincidence?" Poe said shrugging, though he felt goose bumps spread over his arms, making him shiver. Finn's remark made him uneasy. He remembered only too well what had happened shortly after ships had vanished into thin air about fifteen years ago. It had been the start of the First Order showing strength and demonstrating their military capacities. Finn had to remember that as well. He had been a Stormtrooper after all and had followed the First Order's progress closer than most people because of it.

Poe himself hadn't really paid attention to the news these last couple of weeks, maybe even months. So much had been going on. The training of new pilots, the search for a house, trying to support Finn during his final exams as much as possible, all of that had kept him occupied. But of course Finn had always been more observant than he was. "Do you think something is up?", he asked, shifting from one foot to the other.

"I don't know. It's just... a feeling. You know?"

Of course Poe didn't. Not really. But he understood that Finn's strange connection to the Force might have something to do with those premonitions Finn tended to have about events that might or might not happen. "Hm," Poe grunted in response.

"Want some?" Finn lifted up the bowl he was holding and Poe glanced down at the grain boiled in blue milk. He didn't really fancy that dish. Especially not in the morning, but he knew how much Finn loved it and never complained and ate it without commenting on it. The sweet scent wafting at him from the kitchen unit was somehow calming however.

"Thanks..." Taking the bowl Finn had put down next to the pot in which another huge portion of the grain was still simmering. With the bowl filled halfway he returned to Finn and sat down next to him on the narrow couch with his legs crossed. Their knees were touching and for the fraction of a second Poe considered scooting away from Finn, but then stayed where he was. Moving away from Finn might arouse questions or bring up the subject of his nightmares and he couldn't face that.

Poe put the first spoonful of grain into his mouth, swallowing without really tasting it and let his eyes wander across the room. At the moving boxes and the bare walls. They didn't have much time left in this apartment. Of course they had slept in the same room whenever they could when they had still been with the Resistance, but after the war had ended Poe had rejoined the Republic's navy and everything had changed. They hadn't been stationed on the same planet anymore. Not all the time anyway and for the first year Poe had spent every night pining for Finn's cold feet between his lower thighs. After a couple of months, he had requested to be stationed on Chandrila, where Finn had already started studying in Hanna City and things had gotten better. They had moved in together and Poe had not regretted that decision for even one moment.

From the corner of his eye Poe saw Beebee-Ate slowly making his way towards them, steering clear from the boxes. "Hey buddy, what's up?"

A quiet chirping noise told him that the droid was having some difficulties focusing his sensors on anything in particular. Beebee-Ate wasn't particularly happy about that as far as Poe could tell.

"Something wrong?", Finn asked, who had never really managed to fully grasp Binary. It might have something to do with the way Poe interacted with the droid when they were more or less joined together by their X-Wing. Poe had no difficulties in understanding his droid, while Finn had never even seen Beebee-Ate's curses translated into Basic onto the screen in the cockpit and therefore had no direct reference points for the beeping and chirping noises.

"Not sure..." With a frown Poe bent over his long time companion and put the bowl of hot grain on the floor. "How come, Beebee? They look clean enough."

Beebee-Ate's whistling noises sounded like the wails of a newborn baby and they made Poe smile despite himself.

"Okay, okay, I'm gonna check your sensors later on. I promise. Just power down, till then."

The sounds Beebee-Ate issued now told him that the astromech wasn't satisfied with his answer at all, but Poe didn't comment on the droid's tone of voice which was next to insulting. "Calm down, okay? I'll do it, I just have to go looking for the tools. They're in one of those boxes. Power down and I'll get to you as soon as I've got them."

With a couple of aggravated chirping noises, Beebee-Ate turned around and manoeuvred his way through the labyrinth of boxes on the floor to his usual spot. Poe watched the droid until he had powered down, wondering if he should have taken better care of the him. He had been Morap's after all and after his former owner's death Beebee-Ate and Poe had somehow found each other. Poe still remembered that moment vividly. The grief which had almost driven him insane and the droid somehow, inexplicably dragging him away from the abyss just by being there and reminding him that he wasn't alone in this whole mess.

"I can't wait for us to move into that house, you know?"

"Hm?" Poe forced himself to smile at Finn despite his gloomy thoughts. They had talked about this so often, but at the moment this comment felt out of place. He adapted quickly, however, trying to appear like he hadn't thought of anything else himself. "Big plans, Doctor Finn?"

He saw Finn smiling at the mention of his new title. It meant so much to him to be someone who wasn't part of any military. To be free and to be able to help people at the same time. Finn shrugged. "Let's visit your Dad first, before we start talking about unrealistic plans."

Unrealistic plans? What could Finn possibly mean by that? Poe raised an eyebrow, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Finn might be planning ahead, when he himself was still working on coping with his past. Was he too slow for Finn? Did he have to try harder? Somehow it didn't seem right. Unfair even.

"Did you sleep ok?"

Finn's question startled Poe and he needed a moment to focus on his boyfriend again. Slowly he picked up his bowl and stirring the bluish substance. Of course Finn knew that Poe hadn't slept well, but it didn't happen often that Finn addressed the topic of his nightmares. "Yeah," Poe lied quickly. "Fine."

They fell silent. Only the voice of the reporter talking about the upcoming weather on Chandrila. Poe didn't even listen. What did he care about the weather? He didn't have to fly with the new pilots for the two weeks and he was glad to be able to get off planet. For a moment however he wished that he cared. He wished he cared about something other than cutting Finn out of this aspect of his life. It wasn't even that he was keeping secrets from Finn, who knew about his problems anyway. Poe just couldn't talk about it. If that made matters worse or better however, Poe couldn't say. At the moment he felt like it made things so much worse. "Sorry..." he added clumsily, still stirring the grain which was cooling down rapidly now.

"It's okay," Finn whispered, though his tone of voice indicated that it wasn't. Not really. Poe guessed that he was just trying to be supportive. After another moment's silence Finn heaved a sigh. "When are we leaving?"

Poe looked at the holo again, focusing on the clock in one of the corners. "An hour or so? My Dad's not really expecting us at a specific time..." he trailed off when Finn got up abruptly and headed off into the direction of the bathroom, leaving his half emptied bowl of grain on the kitchen counter. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach Poe stared at the holo without taking anything in.