A/N: i apologize for the wait! this will probably be my last update in 2011 so i shall see you in the new year and we will welcome the deepening romance between lily and sev as 4th years! i hope you enjoy this chapter and as always r&r - xoxo ladyvader99

Lily set down the journal and walked to the window across from Harry's crib. The sun was setting and she closed her eyes as her forehead rested on the cool glass. There was no way she could write these entries and omit her memories with Sev.

What was she going to do?

James certainly wouldn't be pleased she'd mentioned him, but she couldn't lie to her son. Her face firm with determination, Lily stepped away from the window, swallowing hard. If she was going to write down everything, she'd write down everything. It took her several minutes to edit her prior entries, adding in Sev where she'd left him out. It might be a bit embarrassing for Harry to read all of this, but in the end, she'd have to ultimately decide on actually giving it to him.

Frenzied with renewed vigor, Lily turned to a blank page and continued writing. She described her first week of classes, how odd she found all her teachers to be, friends she made, how she'd almost gotten lost getting to Charms, how she hadn't seen Severus for almost two weeks after their Sorting. The first two years at Hogwarts had flown by, dotted by feasts and end of year exams and she didn't have anything extraordinary to write about. Sev and her had ridden the train back home together in their own little word for each break . Lily had ached for those moments to be alone in their compartments, pumpkin pasty wrappers littered about and she grinned each time she made him smile at one of her jokes. They'd traded secrets about their common rooms, whispering like conspirators over some master plan.

It was in one of those secluded compartments that Sev had first kissed her.

It had taken her completely by surprise. She'd been in the middle of going over a potion recipe Professor Slughorn had assigned over the summer holiday and she had stopped talking abruptly, curious at the expression that had fallen across Sev's face. His hair had gotten longer and the front bits had fallen across his eyes as he'd leaned forward, studying her.

"What?" she had asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

Her hand had lifted to her cheek, so as to quickly brush off anything lurking and he'd gently stopped her, his hand covering hers. Sev had closed the distance between them quickly and the seconds ticked by until he pressed his warm lips to hers. Shocked, she had pulled away, her now free hand covering her lips. She had felt the tingle long after they'd parted ways and she had berated herself for days after for not saying anything the rest of the trip. What did it mean? She hadn't kissed anyone before and this was Sev! Her one true friend had done something so alien, so wonderful, and she didn't talk to him after? She had laid in bed, going over that single moment that had felt like hours. The feel of his lips, rougher than her own, gently pressing against hers made her shiver; the gentle suction at her bottom lip right before she pulled away. She resolved to find him the following day so she could apologize for her behavior.

She remembered waking up bright and early, dressed with care and set out to search for Sev. She first went to the playground and found it abandoned. Then to their creek where they had met several times during past breaks and that too was abandoned. She had stood in the shade, resting against a tree for quite a while, gathering the nerve to walk into Spinner's End. The shadows from the trees moved several times before she summoned up all her courage and walked resolutely toward the neighborhood. She'd scarcely turned onto the first street there (Wraithlynde Way) when out of nowhere appeared Sev and his eyes had widened at the sight of her. Quicker than she could blink, he'd pulled her into a grove of trees and looked over their shoulders several times as he kept leading her back toward their creek. She trotted along behind him, wrist still clamped in his hand, and winced as mud caked on her good shoes. Finally they came to a stop and she smoothed her hair, self-conscious that it was messy. She looked at his back, about to ask him about their train ride when he rounded on her, his face red with anger but his voice soft.

"What were you thinking, Lily? How could you put yourself at risk and come to Spinner's End? Surely you know what kind of people live there and if they'd seen you, do you not know what they do to Muggle born? Promise to never come there again!"

He let go of her wrist then, black eyes imploring her silently to heed him. She stared at her shoes, feeling that familiar tingle in the nose when tears are about to make an appearance. What could she say? She felt unsure and then angry the next moment. How dare he chastise her! She jerked her head up and met his gaze, her eyes alight with fury.

"Don't talk to me that way, Sev! I only went there to find YOU. I don't care what they do to me because I just wanted to see YOU!"

She hated herself slightly as her voice shook on the last syllable but his face didn't give away anything if he noticed. She frowned at him as he turned away and sighed.

"I went searching for you because...well...the train, Sev. What..." she licked her lips as her throat suddenly felt dry. Her stomach suddenly knotted itself up and she searched for words that wouldn't come. Severus's head had inclined in her direction, taking her words in but he didn't meet her gaze again. Lily balled up her fists and forced herself to continue.

"When I was going over Professor Slughorn's homework, you...you kissed me. Why?"

This time it was Lily whose head was down and she felt a blush furiously creep across her cheeks. Her face started to heat up as the silence stretched and she covered her face with her hands, her cool palms soothing her. Oh God, why did she say anything, why did she leave her house this morning!

Those seconds stretched into forever it seemed and she finally heard movement and she jerked her head up, half heartedly hoping he'd do it again, half wishing he'd come closer to her. Instead, he brushed his hair out of his face and looked at her, eyes searching her face for something.

"Lily, I shouldn't have done that without asking you first. I apologize deeply. You were just...irresistible."

He paused for several moments, and then sat down on a rock. Relieved he wasn't going anywhere, Lily crossed the few meters between them and stood in front of him. Her heart was beating so loud, she could have sworn he'd hear it and gently touched his hair. He'd called her irresistible. Her. Going on 14 years old Lily Evans. Something ached in Lily's chest and she didn't think she'd ever heard anyone refer to her in that way. It was incredibly adult and she trailed her fingers along his ear, tucking strands away from his eyes.

She couldn't bring herself to form any words other than "Thank you" so she leaned in and whispered it as she didn't trust her voice to not waver again. Before she lost her remaining nerve, Lily bent down and brushed her lips against his. This time she held hers there, savoring the velvety soft feel before breaking away. He had walked her home in silence and to her misery, her family had planned a trip to the beach for the summer and it was September before she saw Sev again.