When it was clear that they weren't any closer to a breakthrough in the Red John case, Richard Castle announced that he and his family would go back to New York. Lisbon assured they would inform him of any development, but Jane had a feeling that the writer already knew that as likely as not there wouldn't be any for quite a long time.
It was at moments like this that he came to doubt he would ever manage to outsmart the serial killer; Red John was always ten steps ahead of him, and there was no reason to think that was going to change anytime soon. Close on ten years had got behind and yet, they were right where they had started; the elusive serial killer was probably laughing at their clumsy attempts to bring him down.
Jane only raised a questioning eyebrow when Castle asked to have a word with him in private. "I hope you're not here to plead your fiancée's cause."
"That means Kate has already talked to you. I wasn't really sure of that."
"Yes, she has. Don't waste your time on a lost cause, Mr. Castle. You'd better look after your family instead. I think that Lisbon has told you about the connection between me and Meredith; you'd better take Alexis as far from here as you can, before something bad happens to her as well."
"You know, you remind me of myself somehow. My mother has heard about you, you were a sort of celebrity once; you had everything you could wish for, then it has been taken away from you."
"So what?" Jane shot back quite bluntly, a bit annoyed at the fact that for once he wasn't the one pulling tricks on his interlocutor.
"I liked Meredith, and it saddens me to know that she's dead; however, that is nothing if compared to the loss of a child. If I were in your shoes, if I lost Alexis – then I would probably be after revenge myself. Though I expect that her ghost would haunt me until my dying day, if I ever did anything that stupid; she's very mature, as you may have noticed."
"I have," he murmured wistfully; he would give anything in the world to get to know the young woman Charlotte could have developed into had she been given the chance.
Castle lowered his voice, his eyes deadly serious now. "I was the one who prompted Kate to investigate her mother's murder again, but in the end it turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. She became so engrossed in her quest for revenge that I almost lost her, and I couldn't permit it."
"Well, it seems that she's given it up for your sake. You should be proud of this."
"Look, you may have guessed how things stand between me and Kate, but I can do the same about you and your beautiful boss. You care for her, and she cares for you; you should think better than to waste your life in bitterness, and break her heart as a consequence."
"I'm not sure why this should be any of your business," Jane shot back coldly. "Anyway, Lisbon and I are just good friends – that's all."
"Give me more credit. I'm a writer, I know a thing or two about human nature."
"I still can't see your point."
Richard Castle eventually took a seat on a nearby bench, and invited Jane to do as much.
"What I mean is – you're putting your happiness on hold for a future that may never come. The truth is that we should make the best of the time that is given to us, for we have no way to know how long it's going to last. You know, when Kate was shot the only thing I could think about was that I would never get the chance to tell her I loved her, and that was something I would have regretted to my dying day."
He paused, but only for a moment. "Kate told me that was exactly the same thought that crossed her mind as she was dangling from the rooftop of a building. The point is, you can't discern what fate may have in store; now is the time to start living. Together, you and your friend have a sporting chance to win; nobody is better off alone, as you should know by now."
'Unless you have a serial killer breathing down your neck,' Jane was about to argue, but in the end he just stayed silent. The other man had a point there, both he and Lisbon could end up dead regardless of how careful he was in keeping her at arm's length; he wasn't sure he had the right to deny her the chance to be happy, no matter how long it was going to last.
Deep down he knew that his feelings for Lisbon were entirely mutual, had been for years now; however, she still had a target painted on her back because of him, and he couldn't bring himself to put her in further danger for a few stolen moments that they could later regret.
"Meredith was a bit of a scatterbrain sometimes," Castle added after a silence, "and yet she always lived her life to the fullest. I'm sure she would have no regrets now."
As much as he hated the habit of fiddling with his wedding ring, there were moments when he couldn't help but do it. Angela and Charlotte had never got that chance, and it was all his fault.
"Regrets are my life, Mr. Castle. I'm well used to them by now."
With that he stood up and made to leave. He'd only taken a couple of steps when the other called after him.
"Alexis wants to say goodbye before we leave. I think it's important to her."
Jane spun around, struggling to hide his guilt behind his best poker face. "I can't see why she would want to do that."
"She probably wants to thank you, or something. Would you be so kind to come and see her?"
His first impulse was to just say no, but the word died on his lips. Since he was responsible for the death of the girl's mother, he should at least do whatever was in his power to help her feel better; no matter how much it was going to cost him.
"All right. I'll come."
The writer offered him a grateful smile, then hastened to stop a cab. Jane let out a weary sigh and resigned himself to follow him.