It felt like she waited ages as Mara dozed fitfully. She was grateful when she finally felt Duke sleep. She didn't bother altering her appearance, her hair loose, still wearing the old, old dress as she perched on the edge of Duke's bed. She just studied him for a long time, longing for things she could never have, but she eventually touched his arm.
"Duke? Hey, I said I'd stop by if you wanted to talk. Do you, or should I leave?"
His eyes opened, but he looked confused. "How'd I get here? I was lying on the couch."
"It's a dream, Duke." She tried not to be too obvious as she stared at his bare chest.
"Are you really wearing a dress?"
"I am."
"It's pretty. Old-fashioned."
She had to remind herself that he'd complimented the dress, not her. "It's what I had on hand. It was new when I bought it."
He was still lying down, sheets covering his belly button and he looked at her dryly, almost smiling. "You have more than that. It didn't take long to figure out what you'd done."
"I only took things she doesn't wear. Most of it was Lexie clothes anyway. Those belong to me just as much as her. More, maybe, since it was my body."
It was strange, she was sleeping, but she felt slightly off. Tired. She wanted to lay down, but kept herself sitting up straight.
"And the door?"
"I was in a hurry. She'll just stay with Nathan until it's fixed if she doesn't trust the deadbolt."
"You should come back."
"Duke, I've let myself be taken prisoner before, and I'm tired of it. Gods, I don't know how long I'll be able to stay free, even if I'll be able to. If I get forced back, if she makes a new cage, at least I want to live free for a few days or weeks. No cell, no chains. I stayed because I wanted to. I wanted to be close to you. I know, it sounds stupid. But I trusted you and enjoyed being around you."
"Then come back. No chains, obviously they don't work anyway. Choose to come back."
She turned her head away. "No. I hate what I am there."
Duke sat up, leaning back against his pillows. "What do you mean?"
"A whore, Duke. Some things in my life I couldn't stop, but what happened between us, I chose that. I don't want to go back in there."
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
"Don't." Mara cut him off. "Doesn't matter. You know what I am? I'm the girl the guy comes to when his prom date won't put out. I'm not the date, I'm the convenience. Life is easier when you understand your role." She cocked her head, looking at his nightstand. "The glass Rouge I made for you, is that just the dream or did you really put it on your nightstand?"
"I put it there. Tell me where you are, Mara. I'm worried."
"I told you, I'm close. When Audrey starts getting really sick or you need to release a Trouble, I'll be able to be there in five minutes. I'll heal you both. You have my number."
"You have almost no money and you said you don't have electricity. How do I know you're not freezing in some tent somewhere?"
Poor Duke. He just cared too much. And at all the wrong times.
"If I show you where I am- you can't get to it anyway- will you calm down?"
"Maybe. Couldn't hurt."
Mara actually had to struggle a little to make her cottage appear around them, her body asleep on the mat, turned toward the fire. Odd.
Duke was fully dressed now and walking around, staring at things like a kid in a fascinating museum. "What is this place? It looks old, but I've been in every old building in Haven and I don't recognize this." He smiled and shook his head when he saw the stolen picture on the fireplace mantel.
"Not every old building. Nobody can get here without me. This is where I lived when I first lived in Haven." She pressed her fingers to her temples, rubbing as though it could get rid of her headache.
"But you said it was close. How did you hide a building for 500 years?"
She sat in the rocking chair, gesturing to another chair for Duke. He sat, still looking around. "It's pretty."
Her stomach was queasy and she didn't have the energy to be rude. "Thanks. I built it myself, mostly."
"Really? That's amazing."
They were settling into the way they'd always spoken before in dreams. They were relaxing like it was one of the hundreds of dreams she'd shared with him before.
"I know you don't believe me, but I meant it. I want to fix your condition, Audrey's too. I know you don't trust me, but I won't hurt you like that."
Her eyes started to slip shut and she shook her head, frowning.
"What's wrong?"
"Don't know. Don't really feel right. Usually I don't get tired in dreams."
"Are you sick or something?"
She started to say no when she looked over at her body on the pallet in front of the fire. Standing, Mara went to stand over herself, swallowing hard.
She was pale, shaking and curling the blanket around her. Frustrated, Mara moved to her feet, pulling the blanket back.
"Shit." Her voice was barely a whisper, but Duke heard.
"What, what's wrong?"
"Just infection. It'll pass. In the morning I'll go out and make some medicine."
"Infection? Let me see." Duke brushed past her, kneeling at her body's feet and pulling the blanket back. His gasp sounded sick. "Fuck, Mara. This looks... you at least have pain meds, right?"
She frowned, shaking her head. "Not that easy to get."
"If you won't come back, let me come to you. Then you have the upper hand, I can bring you medication and food. Look at yourself, Mara, you've obviously got a fever. Please."
The headache was making it hard to think.
"Look, I know you understand what the dreams are now, but... do you think we could just go back, for a few minutes? Like it was?"
Duke gave her a long look, finally nodding. "You want to go look at the stars?"
Mara nodded, grabbing an old blanket and leading Duke out. She spread the blanket out in one of the few spaces where plants weren't trying to obscure her walkway and held the skirt of her dress as she reclined. From the corner of her eye, she saw Duke do the same.
They weren't far from town- she really was less than a mile from the station- but the view was lovely from her yard. The tall trees that hid her home on all sides gave it the feel of being miles from civilization, buffering sound and light. They stared up at the stars and she listened to him breathe.
A cricket chirped nearby, deafening in the stillness and Mara jumped, almost laughing as she rested back. She could feel Duke stewing about something, but she just waited him out.
"Mara?"
"Hmm?"
"Did I hear right, did you say you were deaf when you were little?"
"You heard right. I was born deaf."
"Do you know why? How'd it get fixed?"
"It didn't get fixed, I'm still deaf." He shot her an astonished look and she chuckled at the sky, her hands signing as she spoke. "Kidding. Chromosomal disorder. I was born a freak. But my father cured me when I was maybe 6. Probably the same disorder that gave me the original gift."
"What was that?" To her surprise, Duke was using ASL too, and it made her feel a little warmer.
"I can do a little bit of a lot of things. Telekinesis, telepathy- invading your dream is a form of that- I could see things, hear things. I could manipulate the elements."
"You had a chromosome defect that made you a superhero?"
She laughed, the sound ringing off the garden walls. "Hardly. It made me a double misfit. I already didn't fit in because I was deaf, but the abilities scared people."
"So what happened?"
"My father. He created a... medication, I guess. To let me hear, to fix my defects and leave the abilities. I got my hearing, but it made everything else stronger too. The abilities, my emotions, sensation. It was years before just clothes weren't torture."
"What do you mean?"
Something about the dark, outside- close enough to still hear the ocean- it felt like old dreams and she didn't even want to lie.
"My body got very sensitive. Hypersensitive. Even slow touches were difficult, regular activity was painful and someone trying to hurt me was torture."
"Did people... try to hurt you?"
"I think it was the band R.E.M. who said 'Everybody Hurts'."
"How do you even know that song, that wasn't out during one of your free times, was it?"
"It's a trans-dimensional Barn, not the backwoods. I hear things. You can get radio reception in space, Duke. It's the only luxury I'm permitted. Music. Though it's occasionally taken away as punishment."
"Your mother?"
Mara didn't bother speaking, just signing.
'Yes.'
He followed her lead, hands flying as he communicated. 'I'm sorry she hurt you.'
'I'm used to it. I'm sorry I failed you.'
'What do you mean?'
'More than you could imagine or remember. I couldn't save Matthew. The baby I showed you, the first of yours that she took. I tried. I failed them all.'
'No. I saw. You tried. You named him Matthew?'
'And his brother Thaddeus. I named everyone I could. You should never die without a name.'
They were both silent for several minutes, hands and lips still.
Duke broke the stalemate.
"Okay, this probably won't make sense outside my head, but for this discussion, when I say 'you' or 'we' or 'us', I mean since the beginning, since we first met, including all the dream time, okay? I'm not just talking about the last couple months. But if most of the dreams were real, then we've been talking a lot. For a long time. It was every damn week, and I know I talked to you about everything. Hell, if you were a shrink I'd probably owe you millions by now."
"Don't worry, I'll just bill the insurance."
Duke laughed, pointing at Mara even as he stared at the stars. "That, that right there, that's what I always love about this. That even when things start getting deep or unpleasantly heavy, we can just tell a dumb joke to get back on track."
"Speak for yourself. My jokes are never dumb. But it was my choice to talk to you about all of that, so I don't understand."
"Are you still doing the dream thing even since Audrey and then everything since the split?"
"Yeah. Only time I'm treated like I matter. I'm too selfish to give that up." She straightened her dress, trying to get comfortable. She generally disliked lying in their dreams, and it would have to be something serious to make her consider lying to Duke here. Here she could tell the truth and let it hurt a little less.
"So we've been discussing everything. Like, everything in life this whole time."
"Yes. That's general conversation, Duke. I ask you how you are, you tell me. That's how it works."
"When I was really angry, the times where I was ready to just be done with Audrey and Nate, we talked about that."
A warm breeze tickled across her face, an owl hooting in the distance. "Yes, we did."
"You always urged me to forgive them. Not to give up. You always tried to make up for them. Wouldn't it be easier for you if I didn't? Divide and conquer, you know?"
"If that were my intention, yes."
"Then why? Why try to keep us together?"
Mara was very quiet for a moment, and suddenly fireflies were there, doing fantastic dances for them.
"A couple reasons. I didn't want you to be unhappy, but it was a very long time before I had any way to say so. I didn't want you to be alone. I can feel Nathan through the Aether, and I know how much he loves you. He hates it, it scares him to let anyone have that kind of power over him... unless they're supernaturally linked to this town and absolutely unable to leave." She chuckled. "He's an emotionally stunted train wreck, but he loves you completely.
"I can't feel Audrey- I guess I have something else in common with Nathan- because she has no real Aether in her. The little bit that helped accomplish the split is already overtaxed holding her together. But I lived with her, and I know how she feels about you. Are they idiots? Absolutely. But they're not bad people and although it may not seem it, they aren't trying to be callous. I know that when you're in trouble, they will care for you. It would be wrong to try and put a wedge between you when you need them."
Duke folded his hands over his chest and for a moment she could feel the faded denim of his shirt, the weave of the white undershirt when she had grabbed at him. She felt him inside her and her heart stuttered. Dear gods, he had touched her body. Not just her dream self.
"You said there were a couple of reasons."
She wondered if his mouth tasted of bourbon still. "The other is selfish. If you told them off and refused to work with them, I wouldn't get to see you."
His laugh rolled over Mara like the breeze, and she got goosebumps. "So what if I were to ask you right now, since you've got your own body? Would you still tell me to forgive them?"
Oh, she could see where this was going. "What happened, Duke?"
"It was stupid. I knew he wouldn't listen to me. I tried to talk to Nate about Audrey and you. Told him what you said about her getting sick and suggested maybe we talk to you about it."
"And he gave you hell. I'm sorry, Duke. I don't want you to be unhappy. He's just scared. He'd much rather listen to the old diaries than the person who actually lived it, because he sees my face and only thinks, 'Save Audrey'. Doesn't matter that it was my face first. When she starts having symptoms from the withdrawal, he'll get desperate enough to talk to me. But if you guys had a fight, I suggest either hiding or tying yourself up or something, or he'll think you let me escape."
"Oh yeah. Good point."
Her voice was dreamy as she looked between the fireflies and the stars, having trouble focusing.
"What do you think of my house? The outside is a mess, I'll start fixing that tomorrow. But what do you think?"
"I like it. It feels hidden."
"It is hidden. Hidden and protected. How do you think it got through all this time undamaged and unfound? Even before I knew about the Barn, I was a little overboard about security."
Mara shivered hard, hard enough for Duke to notice.
"What's wrong?"
"Just a chill. I'm fine."
"We both saw your body. You look sick, Mara. You need medical care."
"I can make any medication a person could need. I'll gather what I need from around the house in the morning."
"If you won't come to me, and that's probably a good idea; I don't know how pissy Nate's going to be about this, maybe you'll let me come to you? I could bring you medicine, food, make sure you're okay and you can hide me from Nate until he calms down from our talk."
"Oh shit."
He sat up a little, looking around. "What, what's wrong?"
"He's not going to calm down soon. Maybe you should hide out for a few days." When they found out the Aether was missing, they'd know it was her, and they'd accuse Duke of helping her.
Duke's voice went very low. "Mara, what did you do?"
"I was morally in the right. They stole my Aether, I stole it back."
"Are you- seriously? I thought that was the whole point of your toe!"
Mara shrugged. "The toe only yielded one orb. I need more than that to fix you and Audrey. I used it to get things I needed."
"So are you gonna hide me or do I need to leave port? I do not want both Dwight and Nathan coming down on me."
She thought it through. The space was defensible and full of her things, somewhere she'd be safe. She'd never been hurt on this land. "Fine, but bring battery backup for whatever you need. There's no electricity. I can give you a list of things to bring if you can get them. But Duke?"
"Yeah?"
"You can't try to hurt me here. No shocking, no drugging, no hitting. Nothing. I need you to swear."
"Why? I mean, yes, I promise not to hurt you but why?"
Mara considered how to answer that. Finally she just whispered, "Because it's the only place that's ever been safe."
They went back to the cottage and sat together as Duke tried to memorize the list Mara was writing. She would occasionally give him an amused look, but kept writing with an old quill and ink.
"Okay, listen. The very top part of the list, that's doctor stuff. If you can get it, great, but if it'll cause a problem, skip it. The rest is just stuff from your boat, things you'll want. This is not the kind of life you're used to."
"I'm more worried I'm going to forget the stuff." He kept looking over at her sleeping body with worried eyes. Occasionally her body would stir, thrashing or moaning.
"What you're wearing now, is it what you're wearing where you're sleeping?"
Duke looked down to be sure. "Yes, this was what I fell asleep in."
Mara flipped the list, drawing a map and basic directions to her gate before sliding it into his shirt pocket and patting the spot. "I'll open the gate as soon as I'm up. We'll close it when you get here. You can drive through the gate straight up to the house, just try to avoid the garden. Hook around the edge of the fence to the left and follow it. That way maybe you can bring an ice chest. No refrigeration here. Bring bottled water if you're uncomfortable with well water, but it's perfectly safe."
"Wait, Mara. Is there... is there anything you want for yourself?"
The slow, quiet question caught her off guard, and there really was something she wanted. She didn't look at him when she asked, "Do you have any more of that mushroom soup?"
He smiled like she'd given him some kind of gift, nodding. "Absolutely. Do you have enough wood and pots?"
"Plenty of pots and I cut my own wood. But if you find some kind of battery operated charger, I wouldn't say no, and I'd like to have access to music. That's just a luxury, though."
"And the chocolate isn't?"
"It's been awhile since you stayed with a woman, huh?"
After a beat they both laughed, and Duke touched Mara's arm. "Thanks."
"Yeah, anytime you want to hide from Nathan, I'll help you out. What are friends for?"
"I'll remember when I wake up?"
"I'll make sure."
Duke nodded, and they were back on his boat in his bedroom. Normally, leaving him in a dream she'd kiss his lips or his head, but they were in uncharted territory. She hated to just disappear though, so she hesitated, kissing her fingers and holding out her hand. He could rebuff her if he wanted, but it wouldn't hurt as much as him actually jerking away from her.
He looked at her hand with a sad smile, reaching out to press her fingers against his cheek. She had to smile. It was a start.
She waved, pulling herself back to her cottage and giving herself a few minutes to wake up.
The moment she did, she wanted to go back to sleep.
She was sick, though she couldn't imagine how she'd gotten so ill so quickly. Shock could only account for some of her symptoms. What the hell infection had she picked up? They were a hearty species, illness was fairly rare.
It took a couple of tries to scramble for her phone, calling Duke.
"Hey." She must have woken him up.
"Duke, you might want to hurry. I'm feeling a little worse than I expected."
"What's wrong? Should I come now?"
"No, I'm okay. Try to get the medications though, the antibiotics will be necessary if I can't find the right plants. If you can, try to get a tetanus inoculation for me. I didn't check for rust."
"I'll be there soon."
"I'll go open the gate so you can get in. The list is in your pocket. Be safe." She hung up and pushed herself up, feeling cold and sore and miserable. The room tipped and spun unpleasantly, and her joints were stiff and aching. She'd slept with her weapons and sash on, and she pocketed the phone.
This was ridiculous.
If she were a child back home and woke feeling like this, what would be expected of her?
She straightened her spine and patted her skirts down, going out to prime the pump for freshwater before picking up her basket and walking barefoot down the path to the gate. She took notes of the plants that were still growing, already planning how to get the garden back in shape as she walked. She used her dagger to cut up pieces of Eyebright, Feverfew and Goldenseal, chewing them and pulling some bark from the white willow that she used to read under. She piled parts of medicinal plants in her basket, knowing she absolutely had to get some medication into herself. She pulled the last rosehips before she wiped and sheathed the dagger, reaching for the lock on her gate.
She hit the buttons through muscle memory, focusing on standing straight, eyes narrowed in concentration. As the gate started to slide open, she pushed the hair out of her face, feeling her body shaking against imagined chill. She needed to put more wood on the fire and get these plants simmering. It would take time to cook down and if Duke couldn't get the drugs... but Duke could get anything if he wanted it bad enough. And it seemed like such a long way to the house.
But honestly, what was she going to do, sit here and wait for Duke? Have him carry her to the house like a spoiled girl? Mara didn't need anyone. She slogged back up the path, picking a few hops for her basket and rinsing the plants with clean water from the pump before sitting on the porch swing to cut them into the heavy pot that she would hang over the fire. Gritting her teeth, she filled the rest of the pot with fresh water and hung it, adding wood to the fire.
That done, she let herself sink to the bearskin in front of the fire. The oh so very Mara piece of her wanted to call Nathan or Audrey, to throw stones at the hornet's nest since she was safe and hidden. But not until Duke was safe from the fallout. She didn't want to have to fix his face if Nathan got all punchy again. She grabbed Garland's leather journal instead, holding it to her chest and smelling the memories that clung to it.
The times when she watched through her Lucy-prison, curious and fascinated as she realized they were looking for information on her. On Mara, the original underneath all the personalities that kept coming back. She had been interested and excited, having been forgotten so long. After they'd found what they needed, after Garland hand summoned Mara, given her Aether and begged her to help his son, she hadn't bargained or sniped or fought. She had been so happy to be wanted that she immediately helped little Nathan, and yeah, she'd cried when he'd said his first words to her.
Garland had been an angel to her.
The voice from the rocking chair made her move her eyes, rolling her head to look up. Speak of the devil- there was Garland, in the jeans and grey button-up he'd been wearing that day so long ago, but he looked like he had before he died, a cigarette in his mouth.
"All that fuss, I didn't expect to see you on a floor. Nice place though, they don't make 'em like this anymore."
Mara blinked up at him. "I don't let people smoke in my house."
"Yeah, well, that's the beauty of being dead. No stupid rules. Smoking relaxes me. I'm not afraid of lung cancer. So, you're free and apart from the body? Not like with Lucy?"
"Uh, no. Not like Lucy. Duke kind of... made Audrey another body, using bits of mine. It's like that story about Adam's rib. He and Nathan split her from me. Just as well because she's hot to trot for Nathan and I know I don't have to tell you how much I don't want to be around for that, you know? I have too much history with Nathan because of James and then when Nathan was little."
Garland made a thoughtful face as he spoke around the cigarette. "In'it weird how it went that way for you but the opposite for the rest of us? For you, it was baby-daddy and then little boy. Everyone else, he was little boy first. It was a terrible thing when James died, hurting over my grandson, hurting for you, hurting for Nathan, but not being able to do anything for him. I bought him that damn baseball glove he never did like. Just wanted to make it better, but without Mellie, I was just lost with the emotional crap."
"You did your best, Garland. You got him my ring. I can't tell you how I appreciate that. Even if he never knows, it's enough. But I was thinking earlier when I was talking to Duke that you were right. I do wish I'd let you tell them about me. I wouldn't risk my time with James for anything, James was my everything, but I didn't expect everything to be such an uphill battle when I got loose."
Garland rasped a loud, growly laugh. "That boy never did a single thing the easy way. Half the reason I told him to stay away from Parker was so he'd get closer. Never met a more contrary boy in my life."
Mara coughed, laughing tiredly from where she was curled with the journal in front of the fire. "And in true Wuornos style, he grew into the most contrary man on earth. Nature has nothing on nurture, Garland. Nathan is your son through and through."
She felt the lump in her throat and the stinging in her eyes, but the sick, weak Mara reminiscing with Garland while she lied on the floor, she knew what the feeling was and it had nothing to do with dust. Her body wanted to cry.
"You think so? I wonder a lot if he still hates me. Hard to bond with a kid who can't feel when I couldn't damn well talk. When Mellie was alive, she could translate. Losing her, it was worse than losing a limb. It was like I lost my voice. All those damn feelings I couldn't get out, gumming up the works."
"You know better than that, Garland. Nathan grew up just like you. Stubborn and pigheaded and emotionally stunted, but good and loyal and trustworthy. He buried you in a cooler, Garland. He understood you better than you think."
"Give him time, angel. He's stubborn, but I know you. I was one of the privileged few. My boy is stubborn, not stupid. He'll learn to see you. I remember when you helped him, his first words weren't for me or his mama, they were for you. The damn fools have their noses stuck in those stupid Teagues books. Damn things never helped before, but those two are more stubborn than Nathan. He's gotta get back to real police work, not all this tinfoil hat madness they keep spreading."
"I don't know this time, Garland. I think his love for Audrey is going to keep him too edgy to listen. He always looks like I somehow stole Audrey's face. He's so scared that he's resisting the plain fact that it's my body. I was born in it, the scars belong to me. That fact doesn't make me an automatic danger to Audrey. I love him still, Garland, but sometimes I just... wish I could smack him one. That's what I really mean when I talk about wishing you'd told them about me. I was certain it was right at the time, but they aren't interested in listening. I scare them too much. Too different."
"Hell, it's your differences that saved those boys. It took me time to learn. Following all those stupid books and hints. 'M sorry I couldn't help you stay free."
She chuckled, eyes slipping closed for a moment.
"Up and at 'em, soldier. Don't close your eyes just yet. Come on. Conversation on this side is crap. Entertain an old man."
"Old my ass, Wuornos. I'm older than you by far. I told you smoking was bad for your health. You never listened."
"Never complained about my other vices."
"I had no reason to. You've got good taste in booze. And you shared. Damn I wish I had a drink right now."
Garland rocked back in the chair, appraising her. "You probably should have talked to Duke before you took the toe. He's not entirely unreasonable. That boy brought me the best of everything. Cigars, booze, old books. Always pretended it was some bribe to keep me from arresting him, but putting him behind bars is something a dumbass would do. I'm no dumbass. Kid's good for this town, always has been. Been good for Nathan, too."
"I know he is, I know how good he is. But I don't see how he'll ever see me as more than this... thing. A monster. Garbage. I hate myself for how I feel about him. Hate knowing he loves her even though she's just a part- a tiny, very young part- of me. People forgetting me, taking my name out of the books and distorting the stories, whatever. I don't care. But it would be nice if they would just listen."
She had to stir the pot, but her body wasn't following orders. "What the hell did he do, infect that towel with smallpox or tetanus before he gave it to me? I was careful, sterilized everything with fire and booze, cauterized the wound. I wrapped it in strips of towel before I ran and I've been taking care of it." She stretched her mind, making the large spoon move to stir the pot, plenty of water still needed to reduce.
Garland's lazy drawl was amused. "You ran over four miles last night after you cut that piggy off with bolt cutters, and you obviously haven't eaten enough. 'Course you got sick. You told me yourself, you don't age, but you can get sick or hurt."
"You're insufferable when you're reasonable. I'll get well. Once that medicine finishes the extraction I'll have a large bottle on hand."
"You need to be more careful. But I notice you got my book."
Mara's face brushed the dark fur of the bear skin under her cheek. Her head was throbbing.
"I killed this bear myself. I was out gathering, getting food and plants to make medicine, and there it was. I tried talking to her, but nothing worked. She'd lost a cub and she just wanted someone to make everything stop. I killed her with this dagger. Skinned and cleaned her myself, tanned the hide, made beads and tools from the bones and gave all the meat to hungry locals. But I respected her too much to let any part of her go to waste, and now she's always here. I have these presents I want to give people, but it always has to wait because they're not ready.
"Yes, I have your book. This is the only possible way to get them to listen to me. Dave and Vince have lied so much I'm wondering if they believe their stories now. Aside from you, Mellie and Gloria, they're the ones who were there. They should know better. I think the memory pulse might have honestly gotten them. I was so sure they were just keeping our secrets, but nothing changes- the hold, the chains and threats and electricity and blades. If they remembered, I can't imagine they'd just leave me to twist like this."
"Could be, angel. But we'll show 'em."
"Can I ask you something, Wuornos?"
"Course you can."
"Do you think I'm wrong to love him the way I do?"
"Who, Duke or Nathan?"
"Both in their ways, but I mean Duke. I can't shake the feelings, Garland. Doesn't matter how mad I am or how drunk I get, I still want him to love me. But I've been in his life since he was a child. Longer. Constantly interfering. If he didn't so clearly despise me, I'd worry that I somehow brainwashed him, Maybe his hate is the gods way of telling me he's off limits, since I clearly didn't listen the first time."
"The gods don't decide that Mara, you do. And he's damned lucky. There was many a night when I thought maybe I could move on again after Mellie, but I was afraid to even try unless we knew how to keep you around. But I'm not goin' anywhere. Harps and halos just aren't my thing. I'm sticking around, and you can start practicing your ghost-talk. We'll help you with your mother and we can help find your baby."
Her eyes fluttered. "I would love that so much. Not being constantly on edge, having a chance to raise Delilah. Duke might hate me, but some part of him didn't reject me completely. I miss her every minute. Don't get me wrong, I think of all of those babies I couldn't save and it hurts. Some more than others. Much as I love Duke and Nathan, I have trouble imagining raising Max or Simon's kids. It's not that I blame them, they're innocent. But some of the others that I couldn't save haunt me. Thaddeus and Garland and Matthew should have lived.
"I don't even have a plan to deal with Momma. I can't stay free while she lives. She'll never just stop. She'll go after Audrey if she can't get me, certainly once Audrey is well. I hate not knowing when she'll come. Poor Audrey. Just a baby and people already want to use her. She's so scared of me. I wish I was the scariest thing in her life."
When she opened her eyes, Duke was inches from her face, and he'd obviously been trying to talk to her. How long had he been there? He got her to swallow two Tylenol, hiking her skirt up where she lay, wiping a cold swab of alcohol over her ass before giving her a shot. But from the burning, she'd guess it was an antibiotic. She groaned, trying to roll over, but her body wasn't following directions. She managed to force out whispered words through dry, cracked lips.
"Hey. Will you stir the pot on the fire? I don't want it to scorch or run out of water. I think I need it."
Duke checked the pot, stirring. "Do you want me to put more water in this? It's barely covering the plants."
"Did you bring the vodka?"
"You wrote it on the list three times, Mara. I remembered."
"Use the hook to take the pot off the fire, let it sit on the hearth. Add about two cups of vodka- just eyeball it- and put the rest of the trimmed plants in the pot while it's still warm. Please. Was there pain medication in that shot?"
"Yeah. I got a bunch of stuff just in case, but I knew you had to be hurting. Not that you'd tell me."
She rolled her eyes to the rocking chair. "You see? I told you."
Garland just chuckled and shook his head, relaxed. "Stubborn, you know that. Just be yourself. You're at home. Try to stop hiding yourself."
Duke finished with the vodka and came to kneel by Mara. "Who are you talking to?"
Her eyes fluttered again. "Garland. Duke, if you don't mind too much, will you put your shoes by the door? I don't like shoes in the house."
His eyes crinkled up in worry, but he took his shoes off and set them by the door. "Mara, how long have you been seeing Garland?"
"Since I laid down after I got the medicine on the fire. He thinks I should practice talking to ghosts. He's always so funny. Hasn't changed at all."
Duke came back in bare feet, sitting on the bearskin with her and feeling her face for fever. "Mara, did you see ghosts before you got sick?"
"Not for a long, long time. When I was very small, but I stopped when other things got stronger. But Garland says conversation is crap on his side so he wants to stay. Thank you for the medicine. The pain is less."
Duke looked up, thinking. "You think Garland would show himself to me?"
He thought she was hallucinating. It made her chuckle. "You're not a hallucination, are you, Garland? You'd tell me, right?"
"Sweetheart, if you were having hallucinations, I think we both know they wouldn't be me and they'd prob'ly be naked."
Mara laughed, managing to lift her arm, reaching to touch Duke's bare skin "Sorry, only works if I'm touching you. I need skin contact to adjust you. 'M not the big, bad wolf."
Duke moved his hand closer so she could get a better grip and she did her best to concentrate. "Just watch the chair. I won't have the energy to make it last, but maybe when I'm well."
Duke's eyes went very wide as Garland lazily saluted Duke. "Appreciate the things you've left on my grave. Sure wish I could smoke that Cuban and have a drink."
"Holy shit, Chief?" He gripped Mara's hand, winding their fingers together.
"Ain't the chief anymore. Nathan was smart enough to pass it to the only other prospect who's not a complete dumbass. Just call me Garland, Duke."
"How do you know Mara?" His tone was full of shocked surprise.
Garland looked at Mara fondly. "She saved my son. I'll let her tell you, but she's got my journal. She's not lying to ya. Stop listening to everything else and let her tell you what you wanna know. You don't get your facts from ancient diaries if you have the actual witness with you. Told Nathan that a hundred times, he still doesn't listen for a damn."
Mara's eyes slid closed and her grip on Duke's fingers loosened. Garland nodded for Duke to check Mara, disappearing from view. Duke had to shake his head and blink several times, trying to understand what was happening. He scooted closer to Mara, checking her fever as he brushed her hair away. It seemed to be going down, but he dug out the ear thermometer and checked. 102.5. Better, but not good enough.
"Mara? Open your eyes, come on. I know you're sick, but we need to get your fever down."
Mara blinked slowly, focusing on Duke's eyes. "Right. Sorry. I need to finish the medicine. I need cheesecloth, did you find it at the store?"
"Yeah, I got several packages."
She pushed up onto her hands and knees, leaving Garland's journal on the rug as she took out an amber bottle the size of a soda bottle. She covered a glass bowl with the cheesecloth and Duke helped hold it as she started pouring the warm tincture into the new bowl, all the plant material caught in the cheesecloth. When the large pot was empty, Mara gathered up the cloth and squeezed the liquid from the spent plant material. She put the bundle into the empty pot and used an old funnel to pour the tincture into the bottle, leaving it on the hearth to cool. She took the smallest orb she could find and dropped it into the bottle.
She leaned back on the rug again. "Still too hot to drink any, it has to sit. My head aches."
Just like their old dreams, Duke didn't need to be asked. He moved and pulled until Mara's head was resting on his lap and began to massage her scalp, chasing away the throbbing.
"I know it's bad that I put you in a position like this, but I'm glad you're here."
"Me too. I was worried. Oh, that reminds me, I can't figure out how to close the gate myself."
"Oh, right." She rolled to her front again, trying to push herself up. Duke stood in a single, graceful movement and bent to pick Mara up.
"We'll save time if I carry you."
She dropped her head. "Fine. Just for now."
Duke just shook his head, following the path back to the gate. He put Mara down when she asked, holding her steady when she swayed.
She blinked repeatedly, letting her fingers trace over the hidden control, enjoying the look on Duke's face as the roots and branches closed together again. "Safe now. What did you bring?"
He lifted her and brought her to the Land Rover next to the cottage, putting her down to grab the portable generator and extra fuel, letting Mara take the canvas sack of extra groceries. "We don't have to use it all the time, but if we need to charge the phones or my Ipod, since you asked for music, I thought this would help."
"That's perfect. Thanks for thinking ahead." She adjusted the straps on her shoulder, balanced the bag on her hip and led the way back into her house, doing her best to walk normally. She honestly didn't care about the toe itself, but she hadn't even considered getting sick.
"Mara?"
She didn't turn, focused on walking. "Yes?"
"I already know you're hurt, you don't have to try and hide it."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
He shook his head, smiling.
Inside, Mara settled into the rocker with her bottle of medicine, corking it and mixing, twisting the bottle back and forth while Duke unpacked. A dufflebag of his own necessities, the few grocery items she could use here packed onto a kitchen shelf and the ice chest set against the wall.
Her voice was normal, no masks or deflective tone. "You know, I can call then and say I kidnapped you or took you hostage. Then you don't have to worry about them blaming you. There's enough physical evidence in the boat to make it believable. You don't have to... choose sides."
"I think I'd rather they thought I was on the lam than that I got taken down by a 5'4 girl. It's an ego thing."
"So... did you happen to bring any of that soup?" Mara tried not to sound hopeful.
"I brought a whole pot, and bread. Hungry?"
"Yeah. Let me clean the smaller cooking pot so-"
"Just tell me where it is, I can do it."
She rested her head back against the chair. "Cabinet next to the fireplace. The pump is already primed. It hangs on the fire just like the others."
As she closed her eyes and relaxed, Duke dug the pot out, grinning.
She was letting him help her.