And now, for our top story: Channel 9 news has learned that Toolshed has been released from hospital. It is still unknown what caused the superhero's extensive injuries, but investigation is ongoing. Reporting live from the hospital is a midget in a bikini-

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» Downtown South Park - 12:53 AM (one week later) «

Although Toolshed was released from the hospital several days after the attack, and a convenient story had been spun by the hospital administration to explain Stan's disappearance from school, the attack remained fresh in the mind of almost every vigilante that protected South Park. Despite Mysterion's gruff reassurances that it seemed to be an isolated incident, everyone remained on their guard, the threat of a random, unprovoked attack lingering in the back of their minds.

Everyone… except for The Coon, that is.

He had to give himself credit - he'd managed to hold his tongue while that loser Kite was trying to convince Mysterion that Toolshed had been targeted. He wanted nothing more than to mock both him and the lame excuse for a superhero with a power tool fetish, but he was only there to check to see if he'd actually survived getting his ass handed to him.

He would have wanted his stuff if he hadn't.

No, now was his chance to prove that he was really South Park's protector. He was the original, after all - Mysterion was just some idiot who decided to copy The Coon's recognisable brand, and ever since then, he'd been pushed aside, everyone and their dog tripping over themselves to play the hero.

Well, he'd show them.

The heavyset superhero surveyed his city from the rooftop of a condemned apartment building, the block's inhabitants having long ago left for safer accommodations. Though he hardly seemed the type to be able to protect a city, much less climb the side of a six storey building, The Coon was more than capable of holding his own… not that many had seen that side of him.

The portly teen's costume did a somewhat good job of disguising him: clad in a red cape and dressed in a brown top and pants, with a white shirt underneath emblazoned with his logo, his face was concealed with a raccoon mask that, in his opinion, made him seem like a force to be reckoned with. He was equipped with razor-sharp claws, and the yellow belt wrapped around his substantial girth was well-equipped with all manner of tools to help him fight crime.

It was the perfect outfit… one that was worthy of South Park's true protector.

Footsteps alerted him to the presence of someone else on the quiet rooftop… but was it friend or foe? As he turned, his keen eyes spied the presence of someone he'd never seen before - a tall person clad in a dark blue poncho, his face half-obscured by a golden mask.

"So," The Coon asked in a forced, rasping voice as he looked at the newcomer with a derisive sneer. "I take it that yew are the guy called Lightning Bolt?" The superhero couldn't help but chuckle as he stared at the mantled newcomer. "Seriously, yew have to work on your name if yew want people to actually fear yew." His voice dipped down to a dramatic whisper before continuing. "Like, dude, that name's really lame."

"I don't particularly care what you think, Coon," Lightning Bolt replied, his even voice echoing from behind the mask. "Nor do I think the citizens of South Park care, either - you didn't need to spray-paint your thoughts concerning me on the side of the community centre in big red letters, along with a picture of a phallus with my name on it."

"But it got your attention, didn't it?" The Coon laughed before continuing. "Hah! Yew fell for my trap like a fucking idiot!"

"Your trap," Lightning Bolt repeated - if it was at all possible, he sounded even more deadpan than he did before. "This doesn't look like much of a trap."

"Of course it's a fucking trap! Sheesh, get with the fucking program, dildo." The Coon unsheathed his claws in a dramatic, exaggerated gesture as he dropped into a fighting stance. "I am The Coon, South Park's original superhero, and I'm going to kick your fucking ass!"

"Really," Lightning Bolt replied, his one visible eye staring at the bandit-faced thug. "Seeing as you seemed like a complete waste of my time, I was going to leave you be... but since you are so eager to be judged, I suppose I'll have to acquiesce to your demand."

Lightning Bolt's poncho flared up as a circle of crackling azure energy surrounded him, and it gathered in his outstretched hand before he flung it right at the caped superhero, the force of the impact knocking him back with a surprised yelp as he landed in a heap.

"That wasn't even a challenge," Lightning Bolt muttered as he turned around, walking back towards the fire escape through which he'd climbed. Had the childling called him here simply to be a waste of his time..?

As he opened the rusted door, Lightning Bolt suddenly felt a searing pain as he felt metal tear through his back before he was slammed face-first into the door. He hissed under his breath as he struggled to shake off the weight off his back, pushing himself off the door and throwing his aggressor aside, his hateful glare focused on a smug-looking Coon, who was looking at his bloodied claws with a smirk.

"Well, whaddya know… I guess 'gods' bleed red, huh?"

"An astute observation." While Lightning Bolt didn't want to admit it, he'd clearly underestimated his opponent - how did he manage to withstand his attack? That same attack made easy work of Toolshed, but judging from how he was carrying himself, The Coon hardly seemed affected. Moreover, he seemed quite capable of going on the offensive, which he hadn't expected…

Had his weakness all been an act?

"Not so tough now, huh?!" The Coon laughed as he saw Lightning Bolt's hesitation, and he took the opportunity to go all out; pulling a handful of tubes from his utility belt, he flung them at the so-called god as he rushed in; Lightning Bolt winced as the flash caps exploded in his face, and all he could do was block the superhero's claws as he attacked wildly, throwing a concentrated lightning blast as soon as the glare subsided. The Coon grunted as he was thrown back by the energy, but he seemed to shake it off as if it'd been a simple static shock, and he rushed in again with unnatural speed, screeching as he aimed his claws right at his face, which were barely stopped by his mask.

Lightning Bolt broke away, then, dashing across the rooftop as his mind raced; he'd never fought toe-to-toe with one of the vigilantes before, and it was thanks to the element of surprise that he'd managed to defeat Toolshed. The lack of fighting experience was clearly proving to be his weak point… How was he supposed to take out The Coon in light of that?

He could always run, but doing so would prove to the superheroes that one of their weakest members could defeat him…

No… he wasn't going to allow it!

"Ey! Get back here so I can kick your ass!" The Coon chased after Lightning Bolt, claws extended; once more he pulled several tubes from his belt, lobbing them at the supervillain as he escaped. Lightning Bolt evaded them easily enough as he pointed behind him, conjuring mines of electrical energy directly in his path in the hopes of slowing him down. The Coon yelped as he ran into the first one, but it hardly stopped him; though they'd been placed in a way that made it difficult for anyone to evade them, Lightning Bolt was surprised to see the vigilante dodge them with superhuman agility that seemed uncharacteristic of his girth.

So that was it! He seemed, on the surface, an inoffensive weakling, but he had superhuman resilience and agility… just like the raccoon persona he'd taken on.

Lightning Bolt glanced at the building across from the one they were fighting on, a plan slowly forming in his mind as he conjured a protective shield around him; as The Coon caught up to him, he winced as he felt the shield buckle as soon as his claws connected, a fleeting expression of pain crossing the vigilante's face as electricity streamed through his hands. With a cry of rage, The Coon broke through the shield, grappling the god-like supervillain and spinning him around before throwing him off the edge of the roof with a triumphant cry.

"Hah! Take that, yew motherfucker!" The Coon called out from the edge of the roof as Lightning Bolt fell straight down. The godling gathered every ounce of energy he had, channelling it into the soles of his feet as he forced electrical energy to propel him upwards; the result wasn't entirely graceful as he struggled to hover, but it was enough to stop his fall.

The Coon laughed at Lightning Bolt's flailing, but it left him unprepared for what happened next - after a sharp, downward gesture on Lightning Bolt's part, a streak of concentrated lightning came crashing down right at the edge of the rooftop. The attack completely missed the vigilante, but as soon as the edge of the rooftop began to crumble down into the street below, it became clear that he wasn't the intended target.

"Are yew seriously?!" The Coon cried out as he became caught in the avalanche of falling debris, and the struggled to cling onto the crumbling edifice. "Do yew really think that's gonna stop me?! I'm just gonna kick your ass as soon as I get back up here!"

"No… that clearly will not stop you…" Lightning Bolt's breathing was laboured as he held up his hand again, and another bolt came crashing down on the edge of the adjoining building; as the rooftop began to crumble, he pointed a finger right at the superhero, the electrical charge directed at him just enough to make him lose his tenuous grip on the edge of the rooftop.

"... but this will."

Lightning Bolt watched as The Coon went down with the rooftop, his desperate cries covered up by the sounds of falling debris. While it was clear he could withstand the fall, the side of the second building came crashing down into the alley into which he fell, burying the vigilante under the brick and mortar.

As the rumbling subsided, Lightning Bolt suddenly lurched in midair, and he barely managed to land on top of the debris that entombed The Coon before his power gave out entirely. His breathing was shallow as he stared at the mountain of rubble, his expression unreadable as he climbed down the side, his movements uncoordinated as he struggled to stay upright.

He'd managed to defeat him, yes… but he felt disgust welling up in the pit of his stomach as he looked at all of the damage he'd caused. One of the criticisms he'd had against the so-called superheroes was the excessive amount of destruction they caused to the town…

… yet here he was, standing next to the remains of two buildings to which he'd just caused substantial damage.

The sounds of approaching sirens told him that the police were near, which meant that the vigilantes were even closer. He would have to reflect on what he'd done elsewhere…

… and figure out how to become stronger so that this would never happen again.