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Chapter 4 - Jedi Mind Tricks

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"Paul?" Emily asked quietly as she opened the screen door to the front porch.

Paul was sitting on the top step, holding his head in his hands.

He didn't move.

He heard her close the wooden door as well as the screen, he assumed it was to give them a little more privacy from the werewolves in the house. But even with supernatural hearing, it would probably be difficult to hear anything over the rowdy music that Embry had put on the mp3 player. He, Quil, Jared and Sam were cleaning up the kitchen… which naturally included just as much horsing around.

Paul had been excused since he hadn't eaten anything. And because…

He grimaced. It was going to be hell when they all phased tonight for the evening Pack run. To have to hear the pity party that was obviously being thrown behind every pair of eyes – except one - was going to be torture. Goddamn fucking torture.

His only hope was that Jacob would kill him first.

The entire Pack had gone into hysterics when he had imprinted on Bella Swan - right there in the middle of the fucking Pack mind when they arrived in that meadow that night over a week ago, every single one of them phased. (What kind of shitty luck is that?)

All of them, that is, except Jacob.

Jacob, predictably, had gone ballistic.

After Paul had single-handedly dismembered the dreadlocked leech, Jacob had tried his very best to do the same to Paul himeslef. He might have been successful too - since Paul's wolf was whimpering and crawling like a fucking wuss after Bella who was stumbling home – except that, of course, Sam had stepped in. But Paul had seen Jacob's face at dinner, and it told him tonight might just be his lucky night after all.

"This is bullshit," he ground out, watching spit spray over his lap with his vehemence.

Emily sat down beside him with a long sigh. "How was it tonight…did it make it worse?"

Paul squeezed his eyes closed with a curt nod, and leaned his forearms on his knees, every muscle in his body tense. He didn't want her to see his face so he angled it carefully away from her.

"Fuck."

"I thought it might," she said softly. "The more time Sam and I spent together before I accepted the bonding, the harder it got for him."

"Just him?" Paul ground out through gritted teeth, still keeping his eyes on the paint spot spilled on the side of the stairs.

"Oh, I definitely felt it too, but it was nothing like the connection after I accepted him and we…ah…" Paul could feel the uncomfortable smile in her voice.

"After you fucked," Paul growled.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence and Paul let his head flop down in chagrin. He had always treated her like the lady she was. What was wrong with him?

"I'm sorry Em," he mumbled to his lap.

He felt her hand soothe a circle on her back. "It's okay. I was going to say 'after we made love,' because that's really what it was," she said softly, continuing her gentle strokes.

"Yeah I know. That's the only memory like that he's ever let slip," Paul said gently.

"Really?" She sounded pleased. "Thank God!"

He nodded.

Her hand stilled on his back. "Paul, you guys know I think you should tell her. And I told Sam he should try to convince you too. I don't think it's fair this way – to either of you."

"And you know that option's got about a snowflake's chance in hell!" Agitation breached his tenuous floodgates and he sprang lightly down the eight steps to pace restlessly back and forth in front of her. "I don't even like her! What the fuck was my wolf thinking? C'mon…Bella fucking Swan? I thought the wolf was supposed to be all-knowing or something. I mean, it fucking figures I would have a defective wolf; everything else in my life's been shit. Hey, why not make this freaky supernatural curse - that's not even supposed to be physically possible - even more fucked up too?! Fucking shit."

He stopped, panting slightly with the release, and then looked up at her. She had that little knowing smile on her lips. Damn it. Emily was the only one who could ever break him down.

"Are you through?" She asked with a humorous lift of an eyebrow. That girl was as solid as a rock, no wonder she was Sam's imprint. As the first to phase, he had desperately needed that calm, level head.

He smirked, "for now."

With a nod she said, "how do you know you don't like her if you don't even know her."

"Believe me, Jake's mind is one big fucking Bell-a-thon." He rolled his eyes. "I know her."

"But you don't know her," she paused, making sure that sunk in. "You see things very differently from Jacob. And you see better… and more."

Paul jerked his head up and scowled at her.

Emily smiled. "I know you keep that mind of yours churning so your brothers can't read things you don't want to share. But your sister…" She placed her hand on her chest and said grandly, "your sister doesn't need to read minds. She watches her boys carefully."

Paul blinked.

She let her hand drop and leaned on her forearms and added flippantly, "plus I've known you a long time. And better than most, I'd say."

Paul paced a lap at the foot of the stairs. "But she's fuck- uh, dated a leech, Em. For months!"

"Yes, I don't understand that either, you'd have to ask her about that one." Emily's mouth hitched up on the mobile side. "But do you want to know something I do know about this Bella Swan? I met her for the first time today – and you know how that usually goes." She pointed to her face.

Paul blinked and then realized she meant her scarring. He always just saw 'Emily.'

"Well of course there was the usual awkwardness. Discomfort. But once we started talking and getting to know each other a little, she didn't give these scars a second look. There's only one other person who's gotten used to them so fast – other than Sam." She raised a brow sagely.

Paul, himself.

He let out a breath and started pacing again.

"What does that mean?" he grumbled. He knew what it meant, and she knew it.

She told him anyway. "It means that she sees past appearances. She accepts people. And maybe she did that for the leech too, I don't know." Emily sighed impatiently.. "But I do know you do that too. Give her a chance."

Paul snorted. "Like she gave me one? When in Quileute history has an imprint fucking decked her wolf when they first met? I'm fucked up! Even she could see that."

"Actually I think that might have been part of your connection. She doesn't strike me as the slapping type," Emily mused sounding like she had answered her own questions.

"But I do?" Paul spat.

Emily raised a humorous reproving brow. "Besides you're both not in the best space right now. Maybe that's why it happened like this. Maybe you can help each other."

Paul started pacing again, but faster.

Emily continued unperturbed, "she's been in a coma for the last year with a broken heart (or that's what Sam said) and you… you're having a hard time too. It wasn't easy for Sam and me either – you know that."

Paul spun around on her with a low reflexive growl. There was a choking unnamable rage that was rising in him.

"Look Em, your damned Jedi mind tricks don't change the fact that it's already decided. By me. And believe me deciding to fucking fight this thing is a real no-brainer. The Pack agreed," Paul laughed maniacally. "Hell, even Sam agreed."

Emily tipped her head peacefully. "Minds can be changed."

"No." Paul's heartbeat was racing, his stomach was roiling, his breath coming harsh and uneven. "No! I wouldn't even wish myself on a leech lover like Bella Swan! I mean, fucking look at me! Look at me!" he hit his chest with his fist just as Sam opened the door and stepped out on the porch with assessing concern. Fucking Alpha. He could go fuck himself.

"I live in a shit-hole shack at the edge of the Rez. I have an equally shitty construction job. I have a temper like Satan and rep to match. I'm fucked up! I don't want a wife! You know what kind of family I had. I just want a good fuck when I need one, no complications. I have nothing to offer anyone! But especially her! Especially Bella! She deserves way better, Em. Oh, I want her…God, I want her." Paul shook his head violently. " No, I want her to have so much better than me!"

Paul choked and staggered back. There. His subconscious had finally spit it out: that dark, twisted place and his inner turmoil laid bare for the world to see.

He hung his head in shame, shoulders heaving.

"I should just let Jacob kill me," he rasped fiercely. "'Put me out of everyone's misery."

Emily sprang up and took a step forward, wisely still keeping a safe distance.

"Don't say that. Ever," she hissed severely.

Paul looked up with his signature smirk. "Like anyone'd miss me?" He barked a harsh laugh. "Yeah right. Fuck."

Sam sighed heavily. His voice was apologetic and gentle like he was talking to a wounded animal. Perhaps he was. "Paul, man… I wanted to meet before Jake got back. He'll be here any minute-"

Paul interrupted "Nope, Chief. Won't do it. No fucking way in hell. Sick Jake on me if you have to, I don't fucking care." He met Sam's gaze intensely with a vehement baring of teeth. Paul might be an asshole, but he had never disrespected his Alpha like this. He was at his breaking point.

Instead of calling him on it, Sam simply nodded. "Is it better as the wolf?"

As pointedly unruffled and tranquil as Sam and Emily were trying to be, Paul was as turbulent and troubled. A maniacal laugh burst from his sneer. "Shit, anything's better than this."

Sam took the steps down to Emily and glanced at her. She nodded minutely, her face a mask of worry. Sam spoke efficiently, "go. Run for a few days"

With an exhale of relief, Paul instantly started stripping his shorts (Emily was used to seeing her brothers strip at random by now).

"Stay in Pack range - it's a bad time with this leech - and I'll keep Jake from phasing as much as I can. I'll call C&C and get you the week off and we can talk again Friday."

"Paul, I'll leave food at your place." Emily called after the wolf who was already loping through the trees.