Trust and Protection: Discovery

Chapter three: Peter and Neal

Peter felt rather than saw Neal look at him anxiously several times on the drive home but he didn't try and talk for which Peter was grateful. Peter for his part also remained silent, his eyes firmly on the road, his emotions turbulent and his cock half-hard both at the thought and the scent of Neal sitting next to him.

Peter finally slid the Taurus into a parking spot outside June's mansion but left the engine running. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment before Neal turned to face him.

'Would you like to come up?'

'I don't think that's a good idea, Neal.' Peter answered, looking out of the window and then at his watch and just about anywhere that wasn't Neal's face.

There was a pause before Neal spoke again in a quiet voice.

'You said today, that you thought I looked happier. And I am Peter, I am happy and in part it's because of you. That thing that I lost? I was thinking of you when I found it.'

'Neal, don't…' Peter pleaded.

'I'm a man too, Peter; a real one, like you. And I have needs and desires just as you do…'

And then he was looking at Neal trying to discover if what he thought he just heard was actually what had been said because it sounded a lot like Neal had just offered him something. In fact it seemed a lot like Neal was offering himself, like maybe he wanted Peter to touch him, but couldn't for some reason make the first move and Peter desperately wanted to know if it was true or whether it was just another one of Neal's cons. Because, why would Neal want him anyway? Neal could have anyone. And why was he even thinking about this, considering this? He was married for God's sake…

But any other reasons and justifications he had been about to list reminding himself why taking Neal up on his offer would be a bad idea suddenly flew out of the window as Neal gently snagged his wrist, drawing Peter's hand towards his face but this time, instead of just licking the tip of Peter's finger, sucked it all the way into his mouth.

'Fuck!' Peter breathed out raggedly.

Blood surged into his groin and within a few seconds he was fully erect, his cock trapped at an awkward angle within his underwear, throbbing against the front of his pants. And he desperately wanted to reach down and release the pressure yet he couldn't move, couldn't stop staring at Neal, whose silver tongue was currently licking and slurping and sucking at his finger, those blue eyes filled with lust and longing and locked onto his.

There could be no mistaking what was being promised to him now as he felt Neal's tongue circling his knuckle before licking up the underside of his finger to suck on the tip of it and it was so erotic, so arousing that it might as well have been his cock thrusting in and out of that wet heat because he was going to come in his pants any moment now unless Neal stopped, unless he told Neal to stop.

There was a wet popping sound as he pulled his finger out of Neal's mouth.

'Get out of the car.' Peter ordered him, his voice desperate and a little uneven.

Neal didn't move. He looked devastated.

'Come on, get out!' Peter said reaching forward to turn off the engine.

Now Neal understood what Peter was suggesting he didn't need to be told twice and was out on the sidewalk before Peter had even got his door open. Peter caught up with him just as he was getting his keys out and surreptitiously adjusted himself, settling his engorged penis into a more comfortable position against the front of his pants before following Neal upstairs.

But now he was up here alone with Neal he was suddenly unsure of how he should go about initiating… whatever he had imagined was going to happen between them. He had never been with a man before, never wanted to, until now. Was it the same as making love to a woman? Did a man want to be kissed by another man or was it all about the sex because Peter didn't want to make a fool out of himself by kissing Neal if that wasn't how things were done plus no woman had ever just grabbed his hand then sucked his finger into their mouth silently promising him that his cock was going to be next.

But then Neal, consummate expert in reading peoples' body language that he was, must have picked up on his nervousness, sensed his hesitancy because suddenly he was standing in front of Peter, reaching up slowly, tilting his head and gently bringing their mouths together in a soft, chaste kiss.

The pressure was negligible, a brush almost. In fact, his touch was so light, it could hardly be considered a kiss at all, yet the sensations it produced in Peter's body told him otherwise. How could one simple, barely there kiss make him so aroused and desperate for more?

Neal's lips were warm, smooth, supple and so soft beneath his own and that gentle, reassuring kiss just served to fuel his arousal until he couldn't help but respond. He reached up and took hold of Neal's jaw with both hands pulling him closer then stuck his tongue out and ran it over Neal's full bottom lip. Neal gasped and Peter pressed up against him, thrusting his tongue between Neal's lips, demanding entrance inside. Neal put up no resistance as Peter explored every intimate detail of his mouth, touching and licking and pushing against his tongue. Neal tasted of a combination of cherry lip balm, the Jack Daniels they'd just drunk and a sweetness that Peter associated uniquely with him. It was a heady sensation and just made him desire Neal even more.

He was worried for a moment that kissing may not have been what Neal had in mind but then he heard him sigh and felt him relax against his chest. Kissing Neal was everything he'd ever imagined and with his eyes closed it was no different than making out with a woman, except that he could feel Neal's stubble rubbing against his own face as he kissed him, feel Neal's lithe, muscled body rocking gently against his, feel something hot and hard pressing insistently into his upper thigh, feel that he was with a man.

And that thought was very exciting and liberating because if he was with another man, there would be no need to hold back, to restrain himself physically when the urge to just take engulfed him. He wouldn't have to worry about the damage his superior strength would do to a small female frame when he lost control of his body, of his mind in the heat of sexual passion and the blessed release of orgasm.

He tangled his fingers in Neal's hair and tugged his head back causing his mouth to open even wider allowing him to deepen the kiss, to probe and explore him, to caress him with his tongue. He felt Neal twitch beneath him and then heard a strangled little gasp.

Peter pulled away letting go of Neal's head and looked at him quizzically. Neal blinked several times and appeared both surprised and confused.

'Are you okay?' Peter asked, breathing heavily and still very aroused.

Neal's gaze focused on Peter and for a second he looked like he was somewhere else entirely.

'Yeah, just…'

He shivered, running his hands through his hair several times then he seemed to make a conscious decision to relax before looking up at Peter again and giving him the blinding white smile.

'Yeah, I'm good…'

Neal took hold of Peter's head this time and kissed him openly and deeply, his tongue pushing and thrusting against Peter's. Peter moaned and closed his eyes enjoying the sensations of Neal taking charge, revelling in the heat and hardness of his body, growing increasingly aroused and desperate for more contact between them. He put his arms around Neal's back and slid his hands down to grab his ass and pull him closer.

Neal flinched and then jerked in his arms. The pressure on his lips, the tongue in his mouth all faltered, then ceased. A small whimper escaped Neal's mouth and then he was pushing frantically at Peter's chest, stumbling backwards out of his reach.

Confused by the loss of sensation at Neal's withdrawal, his body still humming with arousal and frustrated by yet another interruption, he took a deep breath in and let it out in what was supposed to be a calming sigh through his nose. He was desperate to continue as his hard-on would testify to but from Neal's reaction it seemed as though he had crossed some invisible line. He looked over at Neal who was staring at him, wide-eyed and pale, his body frozen to the spot.

'I'm sorry. Do you want to stop?' Peter asked raggedly, his breathing and throbbing cock making it very clear that that was not an option he wanted to pursue.

Neal jumped then blinked several times as though he couldn't understand the question and was trying to make sense of it.

'Are you okay?' Peter asked for the second time in as many minutes.

Neal nodded his head, but he clearly wasn't; he was shaking, his mouth was open and his breathing had suddenly become rapid and laboured.

'Neal…?'

'I'm sorry, Peter…Would you excuse me…? I need to go and freshen up…'

He didn't wait for an answer and all but bolted towards the bathroom where Peter heard the unmistakable sounds of vomiting a few seconds later.

The mist clouding Peter's mind caused by sexual desire and arousal cleared almost immediately leaving him horrified at what was happening with Neal and the fact that it must have been his fault, because it had all been going so well until he had grabbed his ass and it didn't take a genius to work out that Neal hadn't liked it to the extent he was now puking his guts up. And he'd thought that being with a man was going to be easier because men weren't supposed to be sensitive about which body parts you could touch or in what order you needed to do certain things; he hadn't thought that he'd need to ask permission or discuss what Neal wanted or liked before they started because on the whole men seemed to like anything you did to them, speaking from personal experience of course, as long as in the end, they got off.

And comparing Neal's behaviour to that of a woman suddenly reminded him of his wife and the fact that he was a happily married man, yet the thought that he had been about to cheat while he was standing there making the decision whether or not he should kiss Neal, had never even crossed his mind. But he had done it and if he hadn't messed things up with Neal he might have been doing a hell of a lot more that just making out. God! He couldn't believe it. He had just cheated on El. And for what? Because Neal probably hated him right at this moment and even if he didn't, he wouldn't want a repeat performance with someone who was so useless at sex that they made their partner puke.

He could tell that Neal had thrown up everything that was in his stomach because he was now down to that painful dry heaving. Peter felt guilty and scared both for Neal and his marriage. He couldn't face the thought of talking to Neal at the moment and was desperate to get home to confess to El and beg her forgiveness. He didn't want to lose Neal, but El was his rock; he didn't know how he could go on if he lost her. He let himself quietly out of Neal's apartment and fled back home.

Neal finally finished retching and slumped back against the bathroom wall exhausted. He had heard the door to his apartment close which could only mean that Peter had left. And Neal didn't blame him for leaving after all why would a good-looking, sophisticated man like Peter want to stay and waste his time trying to have sex with someone who was so damaged and broken they couldn't even stand to be touched?

Neal felt the tears start to prick behind his eyelids again. God! He thought he was over this. He hadn't had any flashbacks in months and he'd been so happy and proud of himself that he had finally managed to get it up and bring himself off this morning that he knew he was ready to have sex again. And Peter had seemed really keen once he had got over that initial awkwardness when they were both finally alone together.

And it had all gone so well at the start; kissing Peter was amazing and he had obviously liked it as he had started kissing Neal back. But then Peter had touched his hair and suddenly he'd got a flashback of another man's face, but then when he blinked it had gone, but the sensations and emotions it had evoked lingered and he felt upset and on edge and then Peter had asked him if he was okay and he wasn't, not really but it had been so good with Peter and he wanted to continue, to give Peter what he had come for and to get a repeat performance of this morning's wonderful conclusion…

But then Peter had touched his ass and he got another flashback, but this one was worse and he felt hands on his body and any minute now he just knew that his pants were going to be pushed down… And then Peter was talking to him again and logically he knew it was Peter and that Peter wouldn't hurt him yet he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he was going to be restrained and forced and then the shakes started and his breathing went out of control and he could feel the panic rising and finally came the urge to vomit.

Neal swiped angrily at the tears that insisted on welling up from his eyes despite him trying his utmost to stop them before wrapping his arms around his legs and dropping his head onto his knees in despair. How was he going to get past this latest setback? How was he going to persuade Peter that he wasn't some little prick tease by first coming onto him then pulling away like a startled and affronted virgin? How was he going to make Peter understand that he wanted him, that he was serious about him, after the way he had behaved tonight? And how on Earth was he going to manage to let Peter touch him if by some miracle he did want to try again because right now, just the thought of taking his clothes off in front of anyone, was making him feel sick, let alone having someone touch his cock or his ass.

The next morning Peter sat behind his desk trying to get some paperwork done but found himself reading the same two lines repeatedly as he thought about everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. After running out on Neal, he had driven home, his mind in turmoil over what he had done, both to Neal and his wife. He didn't know how he was going to broach the subject with El, but he needn't have worried because she took one look at him as he walked in the door and immediately asked him what had happened. And he just looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights and tried to speak but his mouth was all dry and he was having difficulty swallowing and then had she had asked gently whether it had anything to do with Neal and then he had broken down and confessed everything.

He told her that he had been fascinated by Neal and his schemes even before he had ever set eyes on the man and since meeting him, he had just become more and more enamoured by Neal's charm and brilliance. He told her about how conflicted he had felt when he had finally caught Neal (elation and professional satisfaction) and when he was sentenced to four years in maximum security (a sense of loss and worry about the kid's well-being). He confessed to his growing feelings for the young man, to how much more there was to Neal than just his cons and his fake smile and his use as a case solver for the bureau. He told her that he wasn't sure just what his emotions were regarding Neal, but that they were more than an FBI handler should feel for an asset in his charge and that he would do anything he could to keep Neal out of prison and finally he told her that they had kissed.

He waited in trepidation, not daring to look up, not daring to breathe, for El's response to the confession of his infidelity and then couldn't believe his ears when she said that it had taken him long enough to realize what she had known seven years ago. She said that he must be blind not to have noticed Neal's attraction towards him but that he must careful not to hurt Neal as the young man was so smitten with him that he would do just about anything Peter asked.

Peter remembered blinking and feeling like Alice who had just fallen down the rabbit hole.

'I don't understand…' He uttered frowning, confusion evident in his voice.

And El had smiled and hugged him and told him that she had known that this time was going to come, that she had shared him for more than seven years now, had watched as Peter studied Neal's FBI files and how his eyes would light up when he talked about his latest exploits and escapes, how their best sex always came the night after he had secured a new lead on locating Neal and that he now had her permission to get to know Neal better if that was what Neal also wanted but that he had to remember that she was still his wife.

And then he was staring at the object of his fascination and desire as Neal entered his office. And superficially, he appeared the same as he always did; impeccably dressed, his hat set at a jaunty angle on top of perfectly styled hair, blue eyes wide and questioning, a smug smile on his chiselled features. But Peter had known Neal long enough to realize that something was off; a blink too many, the smile too bright, his movements a little too controlled. Neal, by the looks of things was anxious but was trying very hard not to reveal that fact to Peter.

Peter thought back to what El had said to him last night; that although Neal seemed worldly-wise and laissez-faire about life, he was in his own way incredibly naïve about some things; he felt that he deserved whatever he took because he both wanted it and was clever enough to get it, but he didn't worry about the future and its possible repercussions. He was young and idealistic and an incurable romantic and while he desperately wanted to find Kate, he also needed someone in his life now that he could trust to love and be loved by in return. There weren't many people that could impress Neal Caffrey, but Peter was one of them, which made Neal desperate to please and impress him and also made him incredibly sensitive to Peter's moods, needs and desires.

So basically what El was saying was that Neal was vulnerable when it came to any interactions with him and that Peter could hurt him very easily with an angry or thoughtless comment. Neal obviously wanted some sort of physical relationship as was evident by his invitation to accompany him up to his apartment last night but Peter was unsure just what Neal expected of him. As far as he was aware, all men wanted sex and he had no reason to suspect that Neal was any different in that respect, yet Peter hadn't even gotten to second base with him last night; Neal had shied away from any contact more sexual than a deep and open kiss. Was he trying to tell Peter that he wanted to take things slowly; that there was a way of doing things with a guy that Peter wasn't aware of or was he actually trying to let Peter down gently because once he had got up close and personal he realized that he didn't fancy Peter as much as he once thought he had.

And while Peter desperately wanted Neal, now even more so after tasting him yesterday, he couldn't bear it if the reason Neal was looking so anxious was because he was trying to find a way to tell Peter that he had reconsidered and that he did actually prefer girls thank you very much.

'What do you want, Neal?' He asked gruffly.

And it came out much more abruptly and harshly than he had intended and he saw Neal blink and flinch and swallow before nervously telling him that he was due to meet Logan Michaels soon and were there any last minute instructions or plan changes that he needed to know about. Peter told him there weren't but did tell him that he was expected to report back to his office after the meet to discuss what he had learnt. Neal nodded submissively and quietly left the room.

He was back three hours later and Peter saw Hughes summon him almost as soon as he got out of the elevator. It was an hour after that when he finally appeared in Peter's office, silent and watching him carefully.

'Well? How'd it go? Did you learn anything useful?'

'Yes and no.' Neal replied enigmatically.

Peer leant back in his chair and crossed his arms impatiently.

'I'm not in the mood for games, Neal.' He warned.

'Yes, I learnt lots of things but none of them particularly useful to the Wade investigation. I did, however secure another meeting tomorrow. It seems that Logan isn't a very trusting sort of man and it's going to take me a little time to gain his confidence.'

'That's three meetings in a week, Neal. Could it be that you're losing your touch or do you just enjoy having expensive lunches out with rich young men?'

There was a pause as Peter belatedly realized how bitchy and jealous he had just sounded. What was the matter with him? He should be thanking Neal that he had managed to secure a meeting with one of Wade's employees.

Neal for his part just looked shocked at Peter's outburst then he took a deep breath in and swallowed nervously.

'Peter…I wanted to apologize for my behaviour last night. I think I must have eaten something that disagreed with me. I don't make a habit of inviting people up to my rooms just to throw up all over them. I really enjoyed what we did together yesterday and was wondering whether you'd like to carry on where we left off? Not now, I mean…' He said suddenly rather flustered. 'But later tonight. I mean come up tonight and carry on…'

And Peter did want that very much indeed but he wasn't certain that he wanted to be responsible for possibly hurting Neal, because El had been sure that Neal would do anything, say anything to please him, whether or not that was what he really wanted.

'I know what you mean, Neal, but are you sure that's what you'd like, because, don't get me wrong, it was great but it just seemed like you didn't really want to…'

'No! I mean, yes! I am really sure that I want you. I mean, that I want you to come up…'

Peter smiled. He suddenly felt absurdly happy both at the fact that Neal really did want him and at the fact that Neal had been so flustered and anxious that he had actually admitted that fact to him. It wasn't very often that the great Neal Caffrey lost his cool.

'Well in that case Neal, I would very much be interested in taking you up on your offer. In fact, I've had just about enough of this paperwork as I can handle for today so why don't I drive you home and see if we can't continue where we left off yesterday, hmm?'

Neal beamed at him.

'You won't be sorry, Peter, I promise!'