The Softest Star, Chapter four

Her hands clasped behind her back, Saavik walked slowly alongside T'Pir and kicked up a small amount of spray when the ocean washed over her feet. She was amused to notice that T'Pir did the same.

"Forgive me for pointing it out," Saavik said, "but you are very relaxed about walking in the water. Spock has always had an aversion to getting wet, which I understand is typical for a Vulcan."

"Since my first encounter with the ocean at the age of ten, I have been fascinated by the water. I would have been very content to live in a setting much like yours, but my bondmate did not wish to leave Vulcan. Our compromise was to take an annual trip to Earth, during which we would split our time between the beach and other destinations that were more pleasing to him."

"Fascinating. I, also, became enamored of the beach when I made my first trip to Earth as a child. Spock and I went to Hawaii for the wedding of a friend. After that, I was determined to spend as much time as possible at the beach."

"I have been to Hawaii. I understand why you would have become so fond of oceanside locales."

Saavik nodded. "Sometimes I believe that I was destined to marry Michael and live in his family's home on the beach. That is, if one were to ascribe to destiny, which is a fanciful notion at best."

"Perhaps it is not so fanciful."

Saavik looked sharply at the woman walking next to her. "I am surprised to hear you say that."

T'Pir took a deep breath. "Saavik, I have pondered the concept of destiny a great deal over the years, and I have concluded that it is the easiest—and perhaps the only—way to view certain events. I would never have chosen to be abducted, assaulted, and left with what I thought was no hope of ever regaining my prior life."

"Of course you would not have chosen that."

"I must confess that at first I was quite bitter. Random chance had operated strongly against me, and I questioned why such a thing would happen to me. When you were born, I began to understand that sometimes good may come from even the worst circumstances, but it was not until many years after I had returned to Vulcan and I still could not put the incident to rest that I began to search for the deeper meaning. I did not discover it until I discovered you: Destiny. It was destiny that took me from the weakness of despair to the strength of conviction that the universe was a better place for my experience, because it had produced you."

Saavik's steps trailed to a halt as she searched for the words that would express how moved she was by this. Finally, she said softly, "I cursed Hellguard, and I cursed the Romulans who had put me there. I always thought that they had molded me into their image, a feral being who would not hesitate to commit the worst act of brutality if it meant she would survive. I hated them. I still do, and I always will, and I am ashamed that such hatred would burn forever in my heart."

"But it was the hatred that gave you strength. Your situation was horrible, and no child should ever be subjected to what happened to you, but there was a reason you survived and others did not. It was your inner strength and your determination, and if it was hatred that fueled the fire within you, you should proudly accept it as part of who you are."

"You are Vulcan. How can you say that?"

A softness stole across T'Pir's face. "Because I have come to the conclusion that I, also, found strength in hatred. The other Vulcans accepted their fates, but I fought to survive. I drew on all the resources that were available to me, and if that included such negative emotions as hatred, so be it."

"And you have accepted that?"

"I have, but the oddest thing happened when I did: I found that I was no longer consumed by it. Perhaps with time, you will be able to embrace that facet of your soul, and it will lose its control on you."

"That is contradictory."

"It seems that it would be, but it is true."

Nodding, Saavik resumed her leisurely walk down the beach. T'Pir fell into step beside her, and they continued in easy silence.

...

"Spock, could you please pass the potatoes? Thanks."

Uhura put a spoonful of mashed potatoes on her plate and reached for the salt. She had made these herself, but she had been mindful of the fact that no one else liked as much salt as she did. As a result, they were horribly bland. Even Spock was reaching for the seasonings.

Michael, seated on her right, said, "So, Spock, what are you and Nyota going to do tomorrow?"

"We are going shopping," replied Spock stoically.

"I swear," said Uhura, "you'd think that I was asking him to get a tooth pulled! I just need to run to one, maybe two shops." She turned to Saavik. "I promised I'd bring something back for my friend Sue. You remember Sue, don't you? She works in the Terran embassy? She doesn't get back to Earth very often, so I promised I'd bring her something from home."

"I remember Sue. Please give her my regards."

"I will. Anyway, I thought I'd get something hand-made, or maybe some food. Do either of you have any suggestions?"

"Perhaps you could take her some fruit," said Saavik. "Yesterday, T'Pir and I had some pink grapefruit that was especially good."

Uhura shook her head. "That would be too hard to transport."

"I was going to suggest some orange blossom honey," said Michael, "but I guess that's out, too."

"How about a quilt?" asked Saavik.

"Now you're thinking. That would be a great gift."

"A store in Charleston had some beautiful quilts in the window. It was next door to the restaurant where I had lunch on Monday with—"

"I know, I know. With T'Pir," grumbled Nyota.

"We also promised Dr. McCoy that we would visit," said Spock. "I thought that we could go early and purchase Sue's gift on the way home."

Uhura frowned at him, making it clear that she knew he'd changed the subject, but she added, "We'll keep the visit quick, since we only have two more days here."

"Actually," said Saavik, "that works out quite well for me. T'Pir had suggested that we attend a morning recital, but I told her no since you will be leaving so soon. I will let her know that I can do it after all."

"Why don't you go with us?" asked Uhura.

"Perhaps some other time."

"Dr. McCoy would love to see you."

"I attended a medical conference with Michael two months ago, and we saw him there. We had a nice visit then."

"C'mon. Go with us," Uhura insisted.

"Nyota," said Spock. "Saavik has other plans."

"It was just a suggestion." Uhura pushed her potatoes around on her plate. "So, Saavik, when are you and T'Pir going to get tested to see if she's really your mother?"

"There is no need for that."

"Don't you want to be sure? I would."

"Actually," said Michael, "I think that Nyota has a point. It would be good to make it official. Why don't the two of you come down to my office tomorrow? It won't take ten minutes for me to run the tests."

"Tomorrow is not a good day. The recital is at 0900 hours, and after that T'Pir is planning to work. Her company has an office in Boston, and she wishes to make up for some of the time she has missed."

"I'll do it before office hours. That will still give you plenty of time to make it to the recital."

"Saavikam, I agree with Nyota and Michael," said Spock. "This is something you must do."

Saavik looked up at the ceiling before exhaling loudly. "Very well! I will make the arrangements. We will do it then."

Uhura nodded and took a bite of potatoes. If possible, they tasted even worse now than they had before. Oh, well. She hadn't been very hungry, anyway.

...

"Computer, off."

Spock pushed his chair away from Saavik's desk and left her office. Normally he would have spent the evening sitting outside with the others, listening to the subsonic hum of the mosquito repeller and the ever-present rumble of the ocean, and trying his best to stay warm as the night breeze grew ever cooler. Tonight, though, Saavik and Michael had retired early, and Nyota had said that she also was too tired to sit outside. So, he had decided to take care of some correspondence. He had not lasted long at his task, however. He had insisted that Saavik and T'Pir be tested, but he could not ignore the possibility that he should have stayed out of the debate and allowed Saavik to reach her own conclusion.

As he climbed the steps, he deduced from the small sliver of light under the door that Nyota was still awake. He found her sitting on the bed, holding one of the holographs that Saavik kept on the high dresser against the wall.

She looked up and smiled as he sat beside her. "I've always loved this holo."

"Ah, yes. Our wedding day." He studied the image of Nyota, Saavik, and himself, all standing shoulder to shoulder in dress uniform on the Enterprise. "It is a good likeness."

"Saavik was so excited. Look, she's glowing."

"So are you. You were beautiful that day. As always."

She leaned against his shoulder. "And you were handsome. As always."

"It was a good day."

"Yes, it was." She took a heavy breath. "It seems so long ago."

"To be precise, it was fifty-one years, two months, and ten days ago."

"We've had a wonderful life, haven't we?"

"The best."

She held his eyes for a long moment, then put the holo on the nightstand.

"I've been sitting up here thinking about Saavik," she said.

"I have been thinking about her, too. I fear that I might have been wrong to insist that she and T'Pir take the test. Some things are best left unknown, and this might be one of them."

She smiled gently. "I can't believe I'm hearing you say that."

"Many years ago, I would not have said it. Now I know it to be true."

"Maybe you're right. I couldn't understand why she resisted taking that test, but I think I figured it out. She's not afraid that T'Pir is her mother. She's afraid that she isn't." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "You've probably known that all along."

"I have."

"I don't know why I didn't figure it out sooner. I suppose I was so intent on protecting her that it didn't occur to me that something else might be going on."

"Are you certain that it was really Saavik you were protecting?"

Her eyes troubled, she did not reply at first. Finally, she murmured, "You're right, of course. I truly was trying to protect her, but I was trying to protect myself, too. I can't believe I was that selfish."

"It will not be your fault if things do not work out as she hopes."

"Well, it won't be for lack of wishing on my part. Now I genuinely hope that they will. Really, even if I'm a little threatened or jealous or whatever, I'll be so sorry if she's disappointed."

"I know. You have always had Saavik's best interests at heart. That is what makes you the best mother she could possibly have had."

Looking up at him, she finally smiled and nodded.

"Yes," she said. "I guess so."

He brushed his fingers along the side of her face. "It is time for us to go to bed."

End chapter four