A/N: Sorry for the wait. Thank you to everyone who added this to alerts/favorites or reviewed...it means a GREAT deal to me :) Anyone else still smiling like a fool over last night's episode? :)
Disclaimer: I do not own GG or any of its characters.
The days leading up to her lunch date with Dan are filled with meetings with designers, annoyed phone conversations with Serena ("I didn't tell you Dan was in town? I could've sworn I did!"), and about fifteen more coffee runs for Tabitha. Even this morning had been crazy busy, and if it weren't for Greer pulling her out of a meeting—with ample time to hit the wardrobe and makeup department for quick touch-ups—she would have never made it on time for lunch.
Just after noon, Dan is already standing outside the restaurant, with Ray-Bans covering his eyes and his cell phone in-hand. His fingers are moving quickly across the screen typing a message of some sort, but once he hears her heels walk up to him, he slips it in his back pocket. He looks utterly handsome in a button down and jeans, and she can't believe she's thinking this, but she actually misses Penny in his arms.
He grins at the sight of her. She's wearing a colorful outfit, making her entire body glow with happiness, and her makeup is subtly feminine. Her hair was pulled back the other day when he saw her, and he notices now that her hair is slightly different from what it was three years ago. It still falls in loose curls, but her bangs fall bluntly across her forehead just above her brows. She looks older—but not aged—professional, and absolutely stunning.
"Hey."
"Hey."
Blair quietly sighs at the uncomfortable air between them; she doesn't think she'll ever get used to it. She notices Dan lean into her and without thinking, automatically leans in to kiss him. He averts her mouth, though, but she catches on too late. Her lips brush his cheek awkwardly.
"Oh. I...uh..." Dan stutters, "was going in for the hug."
Blair sucks in a breath and shakes her head. "That was my fault." She notices a smudge of coral on his skin and her lips twist into a smile. "Sorry, but I got some lipstick on your cheek." She reaches up to thumb it away.
"It's okay." He forces a smile and gestures to an empty table. "Want to sit down?"
"Sure." Out of the corner of her eye she notices his hand come up to the small of her back, ready to lead. He drops it just as quickly before he touches her.
"I have to apologize in advance...I have a last-minute meeting that was just scheduled for this afternoon, so I can't stay long."
"Oh, it's okay," she replies, masking her disappointment. "Do you just want to turn this into coffee instead of lunch?"
This time, his smile is unforced and genuine. "Sure. We can always have lunch again."
After they order their drinks, they stare at each other. Out of habit, and for simply something to do, Blair twists the bangles around her wrist. "So...how are you?"
He relaxes, visibly relieved that she started the conversation. "I'm good. My job is busy, but it's been really rewarding so far."
"That's great," she says, briefly placing her hand over his, before pulling away. "You work for The New Yorker, right?"
He nods. "Yeah, I'm their Senior Fiction Editor. I write short pieces, as well as edit and approve works that other writers turn in."
She smiles wide. "That sounds perfect for you."
"Yeah, it is," he says, before taking a sip of his coffee. "Definitely worth coming back for."
She stiffens at that. "So...you were in California?"
He takes a breath and nods. "Yes, I lived in Santa Monica for a few years after I graduated. Finished my second book, toured around, wrote some random small articles..."
"Did you like it there?" she asks carefully.
He smiles. "I loved it. The weather was beautiful every day, the people there are so nice, and it was just the..." he pauses for a moment, his smile fading, and then finishes, "the break I needed."
She swallows, hoping to soothe the knot in her throat, and looks down at her hands. "About that—"
He cuts in, "Can we not talk about it?"
Her eyes meet his. "Why not?"
"Because it took me three fucking years to blur it from my mind Blair."
His tone forces her eyes to close for a moment. "Dan—"
He sighs, angry with himself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize," she says quietly.
He brushes off her reply. "Yeah I do. I didn't mean to lash out." He lightly kicks her under the table so she looks back at him. "But...can we not talk about it today?"
She nods.
For the next minute, they are both silent, unsure of how to move on to a new topic.
He breaks it. "So how's your job? You've landed yourself quite a position, Waldorf." He smirks at her, and when it reaches his eyes she lets herself relax again.
She smiles back. "I know. It's an amazing opportunity and I love it to pieces—maybe too much some days. I feel like I live, breathe, and eat work," she says, laughing.
"That'll be me soon, I'm sure. It's amazing I can even get home during the day to take Penny out."
"How is Pen?" she asks wryly.
Dan rolls his eyes. "She's a troublemaker. She's totally wild during the day, pouncing on everything in sight. She wears herself out so much that she usually falls asleep by eight, curled up in my lap."
Blair bites her lip, failing at stopping a smile. "That's a pretty adorable image."
"Yeah, she's cute. I'm glad I got her." He blushes and rubs his face. "God, I sound like a dad talking about his kid."
Laughing, Blair nods. "Not far off."
They chat for another few minutes, discussing only safe and practically meaningless topics, before he announces he has to go.
"Thanks for meeting me," Blair says when they're standing outside, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Yeah, no problem. I'm glad we could catch up."
After another moment of silent lingering, he finally waves and says goodbye.
She waits until he's out of sight before hopping in a cab and calling out an address.
.
.
.
Once the door swings open, she wastes no time. "I don't know what to do!"
Serena raises her brow. "Uh...hello to you too. Won't you come—" Before she even finishes the sentence, Blair is already in the living room and on her couch. "...in," she concludes lamely.
"Fine, hi!" Blair says in an annoyed tone, throwing her hands in the air. "Now can we move past greetings and onto the real problem?"
Serena laughs. "Sure. But would you like anything to eat or drink?"
"No thanks." She rakes her fingers through her hair and watches an amused Serena sit beside her.
"What's wrong B?"
At her friend's loving and soothing voice, and the hand she places upon her knee, she crumbles. "I miss him so much Serena. I just..." She takes a breath and wills away her tears. Sitting up straight, she continues, "The past three years, I've thought about what I did, and I know I was wrong. But I just wish he could forgive me. I wish he would listen to what I need to tell him. I need to talk to him about that night."
"And he won't let you?"
"No! He refuses to talk about what happened. He said it's too hard to think about."
As she's thinking, Serena tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Delicately, she says, "B, that's understandable. I mean...you broke his heart. If it were you, would you want to rehash it?"
"Of course not! But he doesn't know all the details!"
"Are they really important? I don't think anything will change the way he feels about what happened."
Blair sighs and rests her face in her hands. Shaking her head, she gets off the couch. "No. I need to talk to him." She looks at Serena. "What's his address?"
.
.
.
After Serena had reluctantly given her his address, Blair had realized with annoyance that it was still in the middle of the workday, and she had about five hours before Dan would be home.
The afternoon thankfully flied by and she finds herself in the lobby of a recently renovated building in SoHo. After smiling at the doorman, she presses the button and patiently waits for the elevator to descend to his floor. Once she steps out, she smoothes her skirt and brushes through her hair with her fingers. Taking a deep breath, she knocks.
A muffled voice yells, "Come in, it's open!"
She slowly opens the door and walks into the entryway. From her viewpoint she can see right into the living room, where Dan is sitting on the couch, his arms wrapped around a woman. The woman is leaning into his chest, and they're both under a blanket.
"Oh," Blair says, backing away slowly. In between fast breaths, she says, "I'm sorry...I...I didn't mean to interrupt...I'm just going to..."
Without finishing her sentence, she turns and shuts his door, entering the elevator and ignoring the calls through the walls. She feels the tears streak down her face once she gets into the cab and swallows the need to scream. Her mind races back to that night three years ago.
It had been the night before her and Dan's four-month anniversary, and Dan revealed he had elaborate plans for celebrating. He was still excited that they were in a committed relationship with each other—long past I love yous, but still filled with nights of endless sex—and he wanted to celebrate. She teased him about it each month, but inwardly loved it. He always planned sweet dates that made her fall for him all over again.
On this particular night, Dan had traveled to visit his mom in Hudson, promising he would be back the following morning to pick her up for a day of activities. After pouting over his upcoming absence, they exchanged I love yous and kissed goodbye, leaving Blair to a night of movies and leftovers.
Until:
.
.
.
"To what do I owe the pleasure..." Blair drawled, voice dripping in sarcasm.
"Believe me, Waldorf, the pleasure's all mine."
Even hearing his voice made her cringe.
"Seriously, Chuck. What do you want?" she asked, too tired for his antics.
After a long pause, he finally spoke. "I...I need a favor."
Even though he couldn't see her, she still let her jaw drop. "A favor? What makes you think you deserve a favor from me?"
He sighed audibly. "I know, I know. I know I don't deserve it. I know, Blair. But you're the only person I can ask."
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Give me details."
"Do you remember Stephen Ames and Walter Moore?"
She sat up straight; she hadn't heard those names in...well, since she dated Chuck. "Of course. They work for Simmons, right?"
He cracked a smile; she remembered. "Right. Well they just called and said they're on their way to New York now and they asked me if I would join them for dinner. More specifically, me and...my girlfriend Blair."
She shut her eyes, now knowing what he wanted. "Bass..." she said warningly.
"I know you're not my girlfriend—"
"No shit I'm not your girlfriend! And I haven't been in about two years Chuck," she snapped. "Don't they read the newspaper? Surely they saw the coverage of my marriage to Louis last year—"
"Yes, they did. But they stupidly assumed we got back together after your annulment." He took a deep breath. "When I began to tell them that I didn't think you would be able to make it, they became instantly wary and hesitant to even have dinner anymore. Blair...you knowhow much their business means to Bass Industries. I have to secure this deal. I have to continue to uphold this image I've given them."
She scoffed. "Which is?"
"Which is..." he scrambled for words, "which is a CEO who is no longer a bachelor or womanizer. A CEO that has settled down and is someone they can trust."
"Chuck, I am someone else's girlfriend—Dan's! I cannot have dinner with you and pretend you be yours." She was stunned that he was even requesting it.
"Please Blair. We don't need to kiss each other, touch each other—nothing. Maybe hold hands when we walk into the restaurant, but that's it! I'll even call Dan and promise—"
"No!" she cut him off. "Don't call Dan. Just...let me think for a second." She stood and paced in a circle, going through everything in her head.
She didn't have anything to do that night, and he promised there would be no PDA. It wasn't technically cheating if they didn't do anything...right? It would just be a friend helping another friend out. And over these past few months, he...has become somewhat of a friend; emphasis on 'somewhat.'
After a few moments of silence, Chuck added in, "I swear; besides your hand, I won't touch any inch of your body. We'll just have a quick dinner, charm our way through drinks and then you can leave."
She knew she shouldn't do it, but if nothing was going to happen...there was no harm.
"Fine."
He let out a sigh in relief. "It's in an hour at 1Oak. Should I pick you up?"
Quickly, she replied, "No. I'll meet you there."
"Okay, that's fine," he said. "Blair...thank you."
She shook her head at herself, already regretting saying yes. "I mean it Bass—you pull any funny business and I'll ruin you." And with that, she slapped her phone shut and sat back in her chair. Now all she had to figure out was how to tell Dan.
Or...maybe she didn't need to tell him. He was in Hudson, far from the city, and she had already decided it was a harmless dinner; therefore, he didn't need to know.
Walking into her closet, she scanned the dresses hanging across the back wall and smiled. After selecting one, as well as matching shoes, she called for Dorota to help with hair and makeup and texted with Dan. She felt guilty not telling him where she was going, but he didn't need to know.
Nothing was going to happen.
.
Sing with me: The Brooklyn Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down, my fair...Upper East Siders. Or so that's what it looks like. What do we have here, you ask? Well it looks like an old flame has rekindled themselves tonight. As you can see, my sources have spotted a certain B & C hooking up in 1Oak's alleyway. Last time I checked, B was happily in love with (not-so) Lonely Boy. It looks like B has some explaining to do... You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.
.
Fuck she muttered to herself, slamming her phone shut and flagging the first cab she saw. Her voice wobbled as she told the driver his address and by the time she arrived she was practically sobbing. Once in front of the door, she pulled herself together before she hesitantly opened it.
The loft was silent and dark, until the sound of her heels broke it. She felt a knife pierce through her heart at the sight of packed suitcases, and it was only in that moment that she started to really panic.
The sight of him made her choke back a sob.
He was sitting on the couch, hunched over with his elbows on his knees, looking utterly devastated.
When she stopped a few feet away from him, he finally spoke.
"I came home early to surprise you." He shrugged and didn't take his eyes off the floor. "I can deal with a lot of things that you do, Blair. But this?" He fell silent again. "I thought I knew you. I thought you were better than this." He stood up and walked over to his suitcases. She finally registered what was happening when he tugged on his jacket.
"Wait! Dan, please don't go," she cried, rushing over to him. "Please, please..." Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears and her throat was thick with emotion. "Please stay," she begged, grabbing the lapels of his coat. "Please let me explain. Please don't go!"
"Stop," he said, his voice cracking. The fact that he was crying made Blair hate herself more. "Please don't break my heart any more than it already is."
"Please Dan," she whispered.
For the first time since she walked in, he looked right into her eyes. "Goodbye Blair."
He left her in his loft—his home, the place she now considered home—and raced down the stairs before he could hear her cry.
.
.
.
They aren't dating—they've been apart for three years—and yet the sight of Dan and another woman makes her want to crawl under her bed and never come out. They aren't even in a relationship and she still feels like he's cheating.
Cheating.
Her blood runs cold at what must have gone through Dan's mind three years ago...when they were in love and he saw she cheated.
Because if this is what she's feeling now—when they aren't committed to one another—she can't imagine what it must have felt like then.
.
.
.
tbc
A/N: Don't hate me? Keep the faith.